Applebloom sighed "Where did you even get this?"

Diamond looked up "Internet"

Applebloom struggled, her limbs held at her side "Isn't this the last epis-"

"SHH!" Diamond hisses, munching on her salad

Applebloom watched the screen with mild boredom, end credits rolling "Okay! Now it's done! Can ah go now?!"

Diamond shrugs and pulls a key from her pocket "You act as if you've never been strapped to a table before"

Rubbing her wrists, Applebloom glares "Ah haven't. Why do you even have that?"

Wheeling the table away into her closet, Diamond smiles "To hold down a submissive lover just in case they had that type of kink. I've also got Mexican rectal fireworks too"

Applebloom shivers "That does not sound pleasant... or safe"

"Different strokes for different dykes* I guess. Wanna go out and exercise?"

Applebloom stares "This ain't a plan to get into my pants is it?"

Diamond shakes her head, then grins seductively "Not unless you want it to be~"

Applebloom blushes, scratching the back of her head "Nah... ah'm good"

She shrugs "Okay then. So, you need to get home to get some new clothes, because as much as I love~ the smell of sex and shame on you... no one else will"

Applebloom sniffs her shirt, recoiling "Nah... just might have to burn these..."

Starting on the path to the gate, both girls hear pained grunting "C'mon... I can't be stuck..."

Applebloom follows the voice, rubbing her eyes at the spectacle before her "Scootaloo?"

The trapped girl looks up, her butt and torso save for her feet and arms stuck in a trashcan, her face red from exertion "Hi guys... I'm stuck... and I think my camera's broken"

Applebloom sighs "How did you even get stuck in here?"

"I was up in the tree, recording you guys go at it, high quality shit by the way, and then I saw you two turn into power rangers! So I jumped down to go show Rainbow Dash and... I forgot about gravity again"

Diamond picks up the camera and puts it in her bag "What were you going to tell her?"

Scootaloo snorts "I was going to tell her that you two are power rangers! And I have the proof on my camera!"

Applebloom smiles "Ah don't see a camera anywhere"

"What do you mean?" she asks, scuttling on her toes and fingers like a crab "My camera should be right here! Where did it go?!"

Diamond pulls out the camera "You mean this?"

Scootaloo turns, grinning "Yeah! Give it back!"

Diamond sighs "I can't do that Scuttleloo**"

Scootaloo blinks "Why not?"

"Because it's a secret ya moron!" Applebloom yells kicking the can onto its side

Ow! Hey! I can't get up! Help!"

"Then you need 'Viagra Alert'©®" Diamond says, rolling the captive girl onto the path off the property

"Why are we rolling? Guys? Where are we going?! I'm getting dizzy!!" Scootaloo yells, her face turning green

Applebloom laughs "Yeah! Let's roll her to Sweetie's place! That'll be fun!"

Scootaloo swallows her vomit "But... don't we have to go down like 5 hills to get there? And then the widow maker?"

Applebloom grins "Yup, have fun Skullovich"

Diamond beams "Oh my gosh! you actually made a reference! I'm so proud of you!" she hops and pulls Applebloom into a hug, her captive blushing "Ah guess ah did... can ya let go? Ah can't breath"

Diamond does, smiling wide "How about we go take our pet to Sweetie's before we celebrate?"

"I have a name you know!"

Applebloom shrugs "Why not?"

"Don't I get a say in this?!"

Both girls laugh "Nope!"

"Urgh... blegh... urp!" Scootaloo groans, digested food and spit all over her face and shirt

Diamond waves a hand over her nose "Couldn't you hold it in? You look like trash"

Applebloom laughs "Good thing she's already in the trash can!"

Scootaloo moans something incomprehensible, her eyes caked with vomit

Diamond rolls her eyes "I am not a whore, you take that back!"

Applebloom sighs "You can understand her?"

"Nope, I just wanted to say it because she's thinking it" Diamond replies, rolling the girl up to the doorstep of Carousel Boutique. after making sure Scootaloo is securely in place, she rings the door bell

"Coming~!" A melodic voice says, the door opening the chiming of a bell and Sweetie steps out, smiling at her friends "Good morning!" she envelopes Diamond in a hug, the girl returning it awkwardly

"Sweetie... ah'm sure the hug has lasted long enough... Applebloom says, freeing Diamond

Sweetie smiles and looks at the trash can, gasping "Scootaloo! What happened to you?!"

Scootaloo's eyes focus on the girl "Apple... mond... rangers... roll me..."

Sweetie giggles, the sweet notes of laughter settling Scootaloo's stomach "Applebloom and Daimond aren't power rangers! I'm not that gullible"

"Ya let her fondle your tits for half an hour last week because she said that if she did, they'd shrink"

Sweetie shrugs "I know she was lying to me, but if you asked to fondle me, I would've let you. all you need to do is ask nicely"

Diamond rubs her head "How could she have been the high school valedictorian?"

"Books smarts. Lotsa book smarts. An' no one 'cept you tried anythin' knowin' that me an' Scoots would beat 'em black and blue and every other color" Applebloom says, cracking her knuckles

Sweetie picks up the trash can and takes it around the back of the boutique, easily lifting it with one hand

"An' as it turns out, her understandin' of physics and junk makes her stronger than us. Do you know why Tough Nails left after a month at school? He got to close to Sweetie an' she gave 'em a whole knuckle buffet. Me an' Scoots got there in time to see him hobble away, Sweetie yawning like she had just woken up from a nap... luckily she's too obliv... oblivy..."

"'Oblivious'?"

"Yeah, that. To know when someone is insultin' or comin' onto her. And she's a pasi... Pacifier fist"

"'Pacifist'?" Diamond offers

Applebloom nods, the sound of a shriek breaking the relative silence

Both girls run around the store to see Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle soaking wet

"What th' hay happened?!"

Sweetie squeaks "I was trying to clean Scoots off but I forgot about the pressure nozzle and it got away from me..."

"I'm awake! I'm awake! Why am I wet and not in a good way?!" Scootaloo yells, spitting water out

Applebloom sighs "See what ah have to put up with?"

Diamond nods, helping Sweetie up "Why aren't you wearing a bra?"

"I never sleep with one! Rarity says I should but I don't want to hinder my growth" she replies

Diamond shrugs "I don't either, but that's usually because I masturbate a few times before I'm able to fall asleep"

Applebloom shakes her head "What? You've been fallin' asleep just fine"

Diamond blushes and leans over, kissing Applebloom's cheek "That's because I've had you close by the past few nights"

Scootaloo whimpers "Help me out of here, I'm sore, sick, cold, and wet..."

Sweetie smiles and picks up the can again, carrying it into the boutique

"Hot!" Scootaloo yells, wiggling in vain to escape Sweetie's hairdryer

"I'm almost done! My sister took the only hairdryer with her to Canterlot for that expo and I have to use Spike's heat gun!" Sweetie says, Scootaloo's skin reddening

"A HEAT GUN?! THAT"S FOR SEALING PLASTIC! DO I LOOK LIKE SIDING?!"

Sweetie cuts it off "There! All dry and clean!"

Scootaloo mutters something under her breath

"Now I can go get my paints!" She chirps, skipping away

"Paints?" Scootaloo whispers, trying to flip onto her side

Sweetie returns with a streak-covered smock, a large box of paints, brushes, a palate, and a burlap roll of cloth "Duh, you're trying to look like a hermit crab for Silver Spoon and Babs right?"

All three girls stare at Sweetie "Why would I do that?"

She blinks "Because they're coming here? They said that they texted you last night"

Scootaloo sighs "Sweetie, I can't reach my phone. It's probably in pieces right now anyways"

Applebloom stares at her watch "... Do ya have my pen?"

Diamond nods and passes it to Applebloom, both girls quickly drawing 'X's on their screens, the watches turning back into phones

"Hey, they did and-" Applebloom's phone rings "Uh oh, that's Applejack... hello?"

"WHAT THE HAY HAVE YOU BEEN DOIN'?! WHY THE HELL HAVEN'T YA BEEN ANSWERIN' YOUR PHONE?!" Applejack yells, All four girls staring at the phone

"... Would you believe ah was asleep?"

"No. You run off yesterday, not tellin' me where you were going, and after calling you to come home 10 times, I had to call around, until ah got Mr. Gold and he says that ya'll've been hangin' with your girlfriend! Ah don't care where you are, but you need to get here in 10 minutes on the dot. If not, you'll have chores everyday for the next month! Now get back here!"

The line disconnects, Applebloom stunned

"Gotta go. Watch Scootaloo... an' should ah never see you again, Sweetie, you are a genius and a good friend. Diamond, ah love you with all my heart. And Scootaloo... Go die in a hole"

She runs out the door, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust in her wake

"... If she dies, can I have you?" Scootaloo asks, winking at Diamond

"If she dies, I'm going to let you out of the trashcan and dump you in a well"

Scootaloo grins "Okay then! So! Can I have my camera back?"

"Broken, I'm going to see what I can scavenge from it and the memory card. I'll try and get you a new one"

"Awesome. So, now that Applebloom's gone, we can finally get to talking about important stuff! How long have you been a ranger?"

Diamond sighs "I am not a power ranger. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Until you prove you aren't. Now Sweetie, pull me out of this please"

Sweetie shakes her head "No! You want Applebloom to die so that you get free! I'm going to make you look pretty and the n we go make sure she's okay!"

Scootaloo grumbles "Fine... My butt hurts"

Applebloom jumps through the door, panting "Ah'm... back..."

Applejack crosses her arms "Welcome back, you still had 2 minutes to spare"

Applebloom stares at the clock "Really? Wow, they were... right... it does make ya... better"

Ignoring her sister's words, Applejack pulls her into a chair "Now tell me what happened"

"Ya... wouldn't believe me... if ah told ya..." she pants

"Try me"

"Well, after takin' Diamond... to a comic store... one where she was hated for somethin' in the past... she apologized and-"

There are three rules to being a ranger: Never use your powers for personal gain. Never escalate a battle unless forced to, and never reveal your secret identity. a deep voice bellows in the back of her head

"We hung out there and before they closed, they asked if me an' Diamond wanted to work there" She pulls out the folded packet

Applejack puts it under her shoulder "Ah'll have Big Mac read it... He's the one with th' degree an' all... an never lets me forget it..."

Applebloom smiles "An' ah'm all sweaty from runnin' here, can ah go take a shower?"

Applejack nods and pauses "By th' way, Babs is comin'. Said she couldn't get'ya on the phone last night"

Applebloom shrugs "Sweetie told me that already sis"

After washing all the shame and sweat off, Applebloom walks out of the bathroom and past her brother "Mornin' Big Mac"

"Mornin'" he stops her and leans down "If ya'll're gonna sleep over at the Rich's mansion, call first"

Applebloom nods "My phone was dead and ah thought ya would be asleep"

He nods and walks past, when Applebloom stops him "Can ah borrow that book about the unconscious whale thingy?"

"Leviathan'? Why do ya'll want to read that?"

"My boss said it's good to know that kinda stuff if ya work in a bookstore" she half-lies, tightening her towel

"... Sure, just bring it back when ya'll're done"

She smiles and hugs her brother "Thanks big brother!"

"Eeyup"

"... Ah need Sweetie Belle for this..." Applebloom mutters, rubbing her head in pain

Not even ten pages in an' ah'm already callin' it quits. Maybe Sweetie an' Diamond could teach me... or maybe Twi

Hopping out of bed, she picks up the thick book and heads to the local library

Opening the door to the library, Applebloom finds Spike being carried by Rarity and Twilight down to the basement "Uh... am ah interruptin' anythin'?"

Twilight shakes her head "No, Spike just gave a lot of blood and he keeps moaning. So we're taking him someplace where he won't bother us while we work" she looks down at the moaning man "We just took 3 pints! Get over it you baby!"

Applebloom's mind slows "Don't people only have about 3 pints of blood?"

"Yeah! but we were in need of RH- and he's the only one in town who can give it. Berry is working, Vinyl is out of town, and Cadence is busy with her cycle"

Applebloom covers her face "Ah didn't need to know that last one..."

Twilight shrugs "Anyways, what can I do for you?" she drops Spike's head, the man groaning louder in pain

"Ah was lookin' for Sparklenotes©®on this book"

Twilight looks at the cover and nods "Yeah, let me just get them for you"

Applebloom walks over to Spike and Rarity "Why does she need Spike's blood?"

"For a way to synthesize more of it. Apparently it's rare and while I have it too, and so does Sweetie, she said that Spike's was probably the purest seeing as how he doesn't drink and Sweetie has hemophilia. So he said that he would help"

Spike moans and opens one eye "'Sup?"

Applebloom waves "Nothin' much. Babs is comin' today so now you two can talk about me an' Diamond's sex life in person" slugging Spike, she smiles "Told ya ah'd get ya when ya weren't expectin' it"

Spike groans, Rarity rubbing his face while glaring at Applebloom "Why now? He hasn't much blood in him!"

Applebloom shrugs and Twilight offers her a book "Here you go. Tell Big Mac that his copy of 'Advanced paradimensional physics and how to manipulate them to warp space-time and make profit' is in please"

Applebloom nods, not understanding a word

Sitting un the shade of a tree, Applebloom reads the book without enthusiasm, checking the thinner Sparklenotes©® books for definitions and translations of "Genius" to "Bumpkin"

"Hello Applebloom" someone says, coming closer

Looking up, she recognizes the local crazy-woman, Lyra Heartstrings and her best friend, Bonbon

"Heya Crazy horse" Applebloom greets, drawing a scowl from the woman "I am not crazy that I believe in mythical creatures!"

Bonbon rolls her eyes "You need to work on developing a sense of humor hun, she's just trying to get a reaction from you"

Lyra sighs "Fine.... So what are you reading?'War and peace'?"

"Nah, 'Leviathan'... even though it talks about a whale, it's pretty dry" Applebloom says, Lyra chuckling "That it is. So, have you seen any strange things going on in town?"

Well, I was in space yesterday, turned into a power range, andwatched every single episode of power rangers ever "Ah saw Scootaloo with her butt stuck in a trashcan scuttling around like a hermit crab this morning"

Lyra sighs "Dang, nothing worth looking into. So do you want to sample some of my newest melodies?"

Applebloom shrugs and Lyra pulls her signature instrument out, plucking chords slowly, the sound lulling her mind to rest

"... Too slow, got it" Lyra mutters, starting over with a faster tempo, the chords rousing Applebloom from her stupor

"That better?" Lyra asks, still playing her song

Applebloom nods, refocusing on the pages when an annoying humming interrupts the musical notes "What the hay is that noise?"

Lyra looks up and squints "Looks like a... BASS PISTOL!" she pushes Applebloom down and pulls out a tuning fork

Suddenly a loud explosion decks all three woman, Lyra's tuning fork vibrating on the ground at her feet

"DAMN! I missed!" someone yells, running over to them, a drone with a pair of sunglasses attached to them flying by

Bonbon sits up "VINYL! Why are you blasting us with your pistol?!"

The tall, pale woman stops in front of them, a blue and white laser-gun looking thing in one hand "Damn... drone... stole... my shades... can't... see... too bright..."

Lyra moans, rubbing her butt "I keep forgetting that you can't stand bright light... but did you need to blast it?"

"I've tried throwing rocks and junk at it, it kept dodging them so I thought an EMP would work... but because I can't see worth a shit I keep missing"

Bonbon sighs "Let us get it. Lyra, get to it"

Lyra salutes and pulls out a handgun "My jackal should kill that thing dead in the air... if it were actually alive..." She crosses her arms and fires a shot, the fleeing machine breaking apart mid-air

"Man, I should be a merc instead of a musician. Nah, I'm not crazy enough to do that"

Vinyl runs over to the wreckage and pulls a pair of violet shades out, placing them on her face "I can see! Finally! Thanks for that Lyra, you too Bonbon... wait, where did you even get that?"

Lyra puffs out her chest "I built it. Even have blessed bullets too but I just used legal types. Weighs a lot but worth it in power" she tosses it in the air and catches it "Bonbon nixed my plans to build a Harkonnan and apparently you can't build incendiary shells or depleted uranium ones... I mean, I have all trhe parts but I can't use them! What the hell am I supposed to do with like 20 metric tonnes of depleted uranium and thermite to send my house to Saturn and back?! Wait. I just answered my own question... Bonbon! Let's-"

Bonbon shakes her head "We aren't going to leave the planet. And no, you can't leave me behind. I may own the house but that doesn't mean you can turn it into a rocket"

Lyra frowns "Awww.... but... but... aliens... adventure..."

Vinyl shrugs "Same sitch' with me and Octi. I can't go sending my dubstepalites into space to rain supersonic havoc on my enemies and hack into the world economy to turn the international currency into a non-monetary system of honorable promises and exchanges or a hybrid socialist-capitalist economy based on a base value of 1-10. Seriously, she lost all of her money when she was disowned and I have a way to make it so that everyone has the same monetary standing as everyone else!"

Bonbon sits down next to Applebloom, whom had glazed eyes "Life is difficult with idiotic geniuses for friends. I know that you have experience in that too"

Applebloom wipes the drool of her mouth "Yeah, Sweetie is a complete ditz one minute, pulling out a portable yogurt machine the size of a purse that dispenses any flavor you can think of using air and milk... were they like that?"

Bonbon rolls her eyes "Yeah, Lyra came to class one day and she had a freeze-ray. Sure, she froze all the teachers and called it a snow day, but she also said that it used my entire refrigerator and she gave all my food to Derpy, who had a second one and froze the cafeteria so that she could steal all the biscuits" she laughs "And one day a few weeks ago, I come home to a dark house and standing there, clad in nothing but her bathrobe, was Lyra with a cold-burning candle she made and dinner. After that she brought out hand-churned ice cream and in the scoop was a precipitate 20 carat pink and blue diamond with shards of cobalt and opal grown inside of it and said that it had taken 5 years to culture and grow and proposed..."

Applebloom blushes, feeling honored to be told the story

"I turned her down the moment she opened her mouth" Bonbon says bluntly

Applebloom's mind shuts down "What?"

"Well I can barely keep my sanity just living with her, why would I want to be married to her?"

"That's a selfish reason. So what if she drives you crazy? You love her right?" Applebloom asks

"Well of course, why else would I live with her? She's been my best friend since preschool... and she's also the one who made me get into chemistry and confectionery in the first place... but she's also capable of blowing up the whole world!"

"Then you need to stop her from doin' that, and how better than to share your heart with her?"

Bonbon blinks "Oh dear... Lyra!"

She turns around "Yeah Bonbo- whoa!"

Bonbon kisses Lyra "Yes, I will..."

Lyra grins "Best birthday present ever! WOO!!!"

Bonbon and Vinyl both stare at her "It's your-"

"Yeah, My 24th, I didn't want to make a big deal about it and isn't Octavia's 50th tomorrow?"

"No, It's her 26th tomorrow" Vinyl replies "OH SHIT! HER 30TH IS TOMORROW! I need to go!" she runs off, her shoes glowing for a second before she leaps, easily clearing a light pole

Applebloom pats Lyra on the back "Congratulations Crazy Horse. Send me an invite?"

"Yeah! Come on Bonbon! We have a planet to colonize!"

"I said we weren't going off planet!" Bonbon yells, running after her

"... There are a lot of weird people in this town..." Applebloom remarks when a sack is thrown over her head "Of course"

Author's Note

*is this okay to say? I call some of my friends that and they seem fine with it
** just made that up
And here are the answers to the reference hunt in the chapter before last:

Pinkie in her basement cooking up some kind of witchy stuff, she told me that you had been by and after she made me sample her brew

Friendship is witchcraft

the Clampets

Beverly hillbillies

"We're blasting off again!!!!" they yell, disappearing into the horizon

Pokémon

Okay, I'm not Doctor X,

X-men (Marvel comics)

Crow, Tom, and Mike

Mystery science theatre 3000

I'm worried her husband will wonder if by the time she's done, he'll be too old to care"

Lewis Grizzard

and find Triassic gems that will lead to an adventure

Power rangers Dino Thunder

Or a ancient symbionic machine that will give you super powers

Blue Beetle (DC comics)

Or be chosen by an aging wizard to become a champion of magic

Captain Marvel (DC comics)

Or be teleported to another planet by a stray beam and have adventures saving that world, and being a hero!

Adam Strange (DC comics)

No, I time and space machine! That would be so fricken' awesome! Can we go to the museum to find a time machine?!"

Doctor Who (BBC television)

...GREAT MAKER

Babylon 5

Milia Jenius

Macross (Please tell me someone knows what this is... Please...)

Maxi

Soul Caliber (Video game franchise)

taun-taun

Star wars (Disney)

you sounded like Regina a bit

Once Upon A Time (Disney)

turning it into a hug like someone who ran a country*

John Fitzgerald Kennedy (President)

Yup, the 700 miles high club

The 700 club and The mile-high club