"Okay, set her down here" A harsh voice says, Applebloom's body set on a hard surface

"Let me go! Ah'll kick your butts so hard, you'll be coughin' up leather for the next week!" Applebloom yells, the sack pulled off her head

"Try it Cuz" A familiar voice says, Applebloom's vision clearing to see a grinning face looking down at her

"Babs?"

"Ding ding ding! We 'ave a winner! Tell 'er what she won!" Babs announces, clapping

"The people's palm!" Scootaloo yells, slapping Applebloom

"Hey! Ah'll get you for that!"

"You'll have to catch me first Hayseed!" Scootaloo mocks, slapping her butt

Applebloom sighs "Babs, untie me"

She ponders this for a few seconds "Nah, I got some questions for ya first. You been gettin' busy wit Diamond?"

"Doin' what?"

"Ya know, layin' 'er on the floor, havin' your way wit her body. Makin' her squeal in pleasure an' junk?"

Applebloom struggles to contain her blush "Yeah, so?"

Babs grins "Was dat so hard? Next question, what makes her hot under the collar?"

"Ah'm not tellin' ya that! That's personal!"

"Well then, I guess ya ain't gonna get out of dose ropes any time soon"

"... Fine, ah'll just sit here an' wait for her to come"

Babs snorts "Fat chance Cuz. We're in dat forest near town, she won't come 'ere for nothin'"

Scootaloo smiles "And we have an assistant to help us. Somebody smart, clever, and trust worthy..."

Sweetie Belle chases a butterfly, giggling adorably as she does

"... I wonder why Applebloom isn't answering her phone..."

"I guess she's a bit tied up at the moment" someone says from behind her

Diamond whips her head around and gasps "Silvy! You're here!"

Silver Spoon nods, spreading her arms for a hug, one that Diamond accepts instantly "How's it going with Bloom?"

Diamond smiles "Perfect! Who knew that you were right!"

Silver blinks "What? What do you mean by that?"

"Well as it turns out, I am in love with her! Whenever I'm around her I'm so excited and bubbly and happy! And best of all, She got me to go to OA and apologize! And then-"

There are three rules to being a ranger: Never use your powers for personal gain. Never escalate a battle unless forced to, and never reveal your secret identity. A familiar baritone says in the back of her head

"And?"

"And they gave us jobs! I'm going to work in a comics shop!" She squeals Smooth recovery!

"That's great! And have you two gone on a date yet?"

Diamond nods "Yeah! That was yesterday and it ended with a power rangers marathon!"

Silver stares at her "Applebloom liked that?"

"She got bored after a while, but by that time, we were nearly done"

Sweetie skips over and hugs Silver Spoon, the thinner girl easily squeezing the life out of Silver

"Nice... to see you... too... Sweetie... I can't... BREATH!"

Sweetie releases her, smiling her trademark heartmelter "I'm so happy to see you Silver! I've missed you so much!"

Adjusting her shirt, Silver smiles "Why? We face-timed last night"

"But that's different than actually being able to hug you! How's Babs by the way?"

Diamond nods "Yeah, how is she?"

Silver rolls her eyes "She hasn't come home with gun shot wounds lately if that's what you're asking. I may be an EMT but sometimes I feel like... who's Batman's butler?"

"Alfred Pennysworth"

"Yeah, him. All I need her to do is put on a costume and go around at night fighting people. Or become Spiderman and hide it from me like he does his grandmother"

"She's his great aunt May" Diamond corrects

"Whatever. Anyways, enough about her, how are you two doing?"

"I'm good! I could go for a fruit smoothie though" Sweetie replies

"I'm cool too. Just wondering why Applebloom isn't answering her phone..."

Silver shrugs "Dunno, how about we go get lunch? You can tell me about what I've missed"

Sweetie squeals and skips away before another butterfly catches her attention

"... Are you sure she isn't-"

"I have no idea. I think it might just be an act though" Diamond replies, following Sweetie

"... Got any twos?" Scootaloo asks

"Nah, go fish"

Applebloom sighs "Are you two really playin' 'Go fish'? In the middle of the forest, with me tied up?"

"Yup"

"Don' see why not, we're waitin' for our agent to contact us so that we can bring ya back wrapped up all nice-like"

"... An ah thought my accent was thick" Applebloom says, earning a slap from her cousin "Any fives?"

"Go fish Scout" Scootaloo replies

Babs rolls her eyes "Never heard that one before"

"Hey, I can't help that whenever we play, I'm a better Spy. 'You died as you lived, a virgin' And my favorite one 'Well! Off to see your mother!'" Scootaloo says, sounding like a Frenchman

"Spies... always messin' wit my plans..."

Applebloom groans "Ah have no idea what you two are talkin' about"

"Video games" both girls reply

"Got any threes?"

Pinkie Pie walks over, her top missing and her beyond-cartoonishly-large breasts covered only by a steel-grey bra "Here are your smoothies!"

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" Silver asks, covering her eyes

"Laundry day" she replies, setting the glasses down with a flourish before waving to someone who was whistling

"... What color of the spectrum is she on?" Sweetie asks, drinking her smoothie

Your one to talk! both girls think to themselves

Silver sighs "How's Scootaloo? Still stealing panties?"

"No, she's gone from stealing panties to video-taping people having sex" Diamond replies

"Wait, really?"

"Yup! She also takes pictures of me when I'm in the shower for her blog! I don't know how me being naked helps her blog, but she says that I'm one of the biggest attractions!" Sweetie says, smiling

Diamond face-palms "Sweetie... her blog is for candid shots of people who are having sex or in the nude. She's a peeping tom!"

"That's the name of her site! 'Peeping tom'!"

Silver groans "I have to ask, why on earth are you this oblivious?"

"I spend a lot of time reading" Sweetie replies

Diamond smiles weakly "I just think it's best to let her be... Sweetie, what is that?"

"A rewinder! Watch!" she steps back and fires it, her smoothie refilling like magic "I rewound an event that happened without affecting my own person!"

Silver taps Diamond "You're the Sci-fi freak here, translation?"

"She basically undid the event of the smoothie being drunk without removing it from her body. Like pressing rewind on a video"

"Exactly! Now I just need to find a way to pause things..." Sweetie puts the gun back in her purse and begins to drink her smoothie again

"Hey! You've got to pay for that!" Pinkie yells, a plain white wife beater on

"I already did!" Sweetie says, glaring at Pinkie

"I saw you reverse the event of it being drank! you may have gotten infinite refills on a linear timeline but I won't stand for such abuse of space time without a permit!"

"But I do have a permit! See?!" Sweetie says, pulling out a piece of paper

"... This is psychic paper. You can't fool me Sweetie Belle. I'm afraid I have to make a citizen's arrest"

Sweetie smiles "Of course you have to, just let me put this back and- SMOKEBOMB!"

Dragging both girls away, Sweetie giggles "This is fun!"

"Get back here!" Pinkie yells, chasing them

"What's going on?!" Silver yells

"I don't know!" Diamond replies, Sweetie pulling another device out of her bag " Hold on!"

All three girls are enveloped in light before just escaping Pinkie's grasp

Slowly Diamond comes to, her whole body aching "What happened?"

"We teleported silly!" Sweetie says, helping her up

Silver Spoon straightens her shirt "I don't know why I'm surprised by anything in this town anymore"

"... Are we in the everfree forest?"

"Nope! We're in the south Amareican rain forest! In... 1532 AD"

"Wait, did we travel through space and time?" Diamond asks

Sweetie nods "Yup! I wonder if we'll meet any amazons or Incans! Oh no! We're all white!"

Silver cocks her head "Why would- Oh crap, that's right before Pizarro conquered Peru! Quick! Get us back to our own time!"

Sweetie types and once again all three girls are enveloped in light when Diamond spots something "Hey... isn't that our mail girl?"

All three girls look up and indeed flying around with her jet pack is Ditzy Doo, a golden object in her hands

Before they are able to say anything, they are gone

"Does it fit in a mailbox?" Scootaloo asks

"Yeah" Babs replies, scratching her nose

"Is it a mongoose?" Applebloom asks, bored

"Dang it Applebloom! How are ya so good at dis?!" Babs asks

"Ah've played that game with my brother for years when ah'm bored and he ain't readin' a book"

Scootaloo shrugs "Sounds legit. So, wanna play hangman?"

Applebloom groans

"WHY ARE THEY CHASING US?!" Silver asks, jewelry dangling from her neck

"You insulted them!" Sweetie says, dressed like a pirate

"What did she say?!" Diamond asks, a whalebone dress with a leather corset on

"'Whatever' is the equivalent of 'Screw you and your entire family' in their language! I may have a time and space machine, but it doesn't have a long range translator!" Sweetie says, all three girls disappearing again as a clatter of swords marks their departure

"Are we... home yet?" Silver asks

Sweetie shakes some dirt out of her hair "Right place, day, and month... wrong year"

"That's good, right?" Diamond asks, brushing her dress off

"Uhhhh... no. We're about 50 years in the past... so..."

All three girls are surrounded by burly policemen "What are you three doing out here so late at night?"

Silver face-palms "Prohibition... of fucking course. They think we're whores or something"

Sweetie grins "Don't worry guys, I know somebody in this time, just stay silent and I'll get us out of here"

She clears her throat "I will have you men know that I am the niece of Mr. Gold Bags and these two are my friends. We were on our way to my dear uncle's house when we were accosted by some unsavoury types. We promptly dealt with them but they got away before we could properly detain them. They went towards... I believe it is called Grift's street?"

All the officers stare at their clothing "And why are you dressed like this?"

Sweetie sighs "My uncle had sent us to a costumed ball of sorts at the bakery? It is Friday is it not? We were going to walk home but I just got word from my uncle via his butler, Mr. Key, who left to go hail us a car so that we wouldn't have to sully our costumes too much whilst traveling"

The officers nod and run towards the aforementioned street as a Rolls-Royce approaches, a man with streaked blonde hair stepping out "Mistress Belle! How wonderful it is to see you again!"

Sweetie curtsies "I was not gone for but a week in both our timelines. I knew that bequeathing you with the tracking module would help us greatly. You are such a dear friend Bronze, I do hope that I will someday be able to repay your immense loyalty"

The elder man blushes "I am still a married man Mistress Belle, I cannot take such-"

Sweetie giggles "I meant not that, I meant only that I may be able to assist you in a magnitude equal to my debt. I suppose uncle is aware I am here?"

Bronze nods and opens one of the car's doors "He has been expecting you. I trust these other two are your friends?"

Sweetie nods and walks into the car, but not before wiping her shoes clean of dirt with a handkerchief "Yes, the young lady in the baroque dress is Miss Diamond Dazzle Tiara, and her very old and mutual friend, Miss Silver Finery Spoon"

Both girls curtsy and step into the car, wiping their shoes as well

Bronze closes the door and walks around to the driver's side and drives towards an all too familiar mansion

All three girls sit in a lavish library, a crackling fire in great contrast to the gloomy weather outside, the flame's light casting shadows over a multitude of books, one of which is being read by Sweetie as she drinks heavenly smelling tea

Diamond breaks the silence "What... just happened?"

Sweetie looks up and smiles at her friends "It's quite simple, I have came to this time before. In fact, I spent about 4 years here the first time"

Both girls stare at her "What?"

"When I first started to travel, it was purely by accident. I was trying to simulate the theoretical Higgs-Boson particle and accidently created a warp in space-time. I traveled through time, sometimes appearing for only a second, just long enough to be seen then gone to another. I finally grabbed hold of something and unfortunately, it was a tree branch and I was upside down.

"After that I found myself with amnesia and a broken arm, my simulator still clutched in my hand. Two passing people saw me hobble out of the woods and took me in. they tried to find out where I came from and after a few months, they formally adopted me. I was visiting my uncle Gold Bags whom I had heard so much about. As I was driven here, I found the scenery very familiar and upon seeing the mansion, my memories returned slowly, almost like the trickle of water on one's skin.

"Though when I came into the house, I saw something that I knew. The painting at the top of the main stairs, the one of the founder of the family, Maximillion Fauntleroy*.

"Then I remembered everything. They told me I clutched my head and fainted, muttering about things they couldn't understand. When I came to, I was under the care of the family doctor and I told her who I was and when I was from. Of course, they thought that I'd lost my mind but after a few days, Gold came up to me and said that he would help me in any way he could.

"I was overjoyed that he let me stay to work for him and so I went to work, 3 years spent gathering, making, and testing parts for my simulator-turned-time-and-space-machine. In that time I was taught by the greatest engineers, philosophers, and scientists of the time. I learned so much from the very people we read about in school. I even had a bit of a crush on Dr. Turing" she blushes a little "But alas, I knew that no matter how much I wanted to be in this time, It wasn't mine to be in. So after leaving detailed instructions for my dear, dear uncle on how to survive the oncoming disasters both natural and monetary, I left for home, tearful farewells left unsaid in my heart"

Silver claps, tears streaming down her eyes "Bravo! That was beautiful Sweetie!"

Diamond claps too then stops "Wait, if you were adopted by them... then that makes you my long-lost great great great aunt!"

Sweetie grins "I guess I am. Is that weird?"

Diamond nods "Pretty much. I mean, I can barely wrap my head around time and space travel..."

Wait, I just became a power ranger and went into space yesterday... Okay, now I can wrap my head around it she thinks to herself "But the fact that you are my ancestor of sorts is pretty... I don't think there's a word for this"

"Wumbo?"

"Yeah, that works" Silver says, fingering the pearls around her neck "Wait! I still have all the jewelry! Even the ones you two stole!"

Sweetie grins innocently "I have no idea what you're talking about. What space pirate treasure?"

Silver groans and rubs her face "I knew I should've listened to my horoscope... 'You will travel far today with the aid of a friend. Do not forget to pick up some loose bits today, they me worth something'..."

Diamond grins "Well, I got my wish! I got to travel through space and time! Oh! Can I be Sarah Jane Smith?"

Sweetie shrugs "Whatever floats your boat I guess. Unfortunately, I kinda ran out the battery on the machine so we need to wait a few hours before we can go home... I mean, I built this thing! I should be able to use it! Wait... I had it on shuffle"

Silver stares at Sweetie "'Shuffle'?"

Sweetie smiles weakly "I used some of the parts from my Pear phone micro to build it... I keep forgetting to turn shuffle off... whoopsies"

"Did you leave the brakes on?"

"No... wait, no, they're off" Sweetie replies, placing the device back in her pocket

A tall, mustachioed man walks in, an ironed suit giving definition to each muscle, his hair slicked back into what would be known as a pompadour "Sweetie! How's my favorite Little Welles doing?"

Sweetie jumps and embraces the man, the giant returning it in a similar manner

"Diamond... he looks like a cross between Big Mac and your dad..." Silver whispers

Diamond just nods

The hug ends and he turns his attention to the two other girls "I'm guessing you are my descendant? Nothing can hide those sparkling blues of my family"

Diamond nods "H-hello Great grandfather Gold Bags..."

"Come now! I'm just Gold! You make me sound like I'm a yogi or something" he says, chuckling

Silver bows "Hello Gold, I am Silver Spoon, I do believe I am a descendant of your good friend Fine Silk?"

Gold bows "Yes, I see his blood is strong in you as well. Tell me, did his textiles ever truly recover from that fire?"

Silver stands and shakes her head "I'm afraid that must be my secret. I think it unwise to speak of the future"

Gold nods "Understandable. Now, would you three please follow me to the dinning hall? I'd like you meet my son, Gold Stone"

"Wonder what's keeping them..." Scootaloo says, grinding on a tree

"Dude... jus' stop dat shit right dere, seriously, no one needs ta see dat" Babs says, covering her eyes

Scootaloo shrugs "The sap feels nice on my cunt. keeps it nice and tight too... and it makes me smell like pinesol so nobody can smell the used undies and skid marks"

Babs looks down at Applebloom "She always like dis?"

"Unfortunately. Hey, give me some more crackers, ah'm hungry"

Babs pulls out a sleeve of crackers "It ain't what de higher class-types eat, but it's cheap, fillin', and ya don't have'ta work 'em off too much"

Sitting at a large table, everyone talks amicably over food prepared for their own palates

Diamond blinks and looks up and down the table "The staff eat with you?"

Sweetie nods "Yeah, they make the food and clean the mansion with help from us so we always invite them to dine with us. But I think Fine China is giving me the evil eye again"

Gold snorts "She is just jealous that the talking isn't about her and you pop in from time to time and she just doesn't like what you consider good fare"

Sweetie looks down at her thin tea and biscuits, a side of steamed potatoes and sardines in oil and a small plate of cakes and wafers "What? I'm frugal with my food. And I can never find good sardines in the future, all of it is too... gamey"

Diamond stares at her "So... you like cheap food? I thought Rarity would have caviar or something luxuriant every day"

Sweetie giggles "No, She may act like it but more often than not before Spike got her heart, it was usually instant noodles and energy teas before crashing face-down at her desk. And caviar is just... ew!"

Gold nods "Yes, the idea of eating raw fish eggs, no matter how expensive it is a bit... out there, and I'm sitting at dinner with a trio of time travelers, one of which will be my great granddaughter"

Silver shrugs "Strangely, this is the second strangest thing to happen to me today... or so far in my life I guess... Sweetie, we need words for this kind of thing"

Sweetie nods "I've been trying to get my fellow members to side with me but they just want to rule and be smarter than everyone else. What's the point of being in MENSA and the illuminati if you can't make the world better?"

Diamond shivers "The...Illuminati?"

"Yeah, I mean, secret society aside, they're just a bunch of mean old guys and women that haven't had a good time without harming others. Well, besides me and the VP"

Silver chokes "The... vice president is an Illuminati?"

Gold shrugs "So? Masons are better at being constructive... or so Silk tells me"

"Oh yeah, I forgot my family are masons..." Silver mutters

Diamond just stares at all of them "Well, this has gone from weird to just plain scary..."

"Don't go!" Sweetie says, holding onto Diamond's sleeve

Diamond sighs "Fine... so... can I borrow the machine so that I can have a date spanning space and time? you know, so that it will be the most epic date ever?"

Sweetie shakes her head "Sorry, only I can pilot it and make it work. I could take you places and times and leave you two alone... but that's it"

Diamond shrugs "That's cool with me. So, is our being here messing with the fabric of reality or something?"

"Nope! Well, so long as we don't cause an important event to not happen or accidentally kill or maim someone who isn't important to our existence"

Silver holds up her hand "Don't go any farther, anymore talk of time travel and paradoxes and I will slap you both back to the present"

Gold grins "Ha! That's definitely Silk's blood! Hard to anger but very volatile as well"

Silver blushes "S-sorry..."

Sweetie shrugs and Diamond brushes it off "It's cool. So when will the machine be charged? Not to be rude, but I want to get back to the present"

Gold shrugs "I know what you mean, homesickness is always there, and though this may be your home in your time, it isn't in this one. Just make sure to come back and visit before I'm an old man"

They all smile and something beeps in Sweetie's purse "Done charging! How about a toast? To family and friendships that survive all of time? To the unknowable future and the glorious past? To life, riches, and wenches? To hope, and for a better tomorrow? To us and those will come and will have come before and after us?"

Silver wipes a tear from her eye "That was beautiful..."

Everyone at the table lifts their cups, even the leering Fine China

"To all that stuff she said! And to the ingenuity of man!" Diamond says, grinning wide**

Babs hiccups "A toasht... ta booshz... life an... oth'r junk..."

"Amen shishter! An' ta hoes... nevr ferget th' hoes... n'matter what... Mlike da hoes..." Scootaloo mutters, naked against her grinding tree

"yeah... Hoes're good... ya... ya guys ever wonder... why Applejack... booty looks... like a... like a... like two chabby kids tryin' to get out've 'er pantsh? I mean, they're just... THERE! Beggin' to be- Urp! beggin' ta be... squeezed?" Rainbow Dash slurs, gropping invisible buttocks

"... ya ever notice how AH'M STILL TIED UP?!?! LET ME THE HAY GO!!!" Applebloom yells, struggling to escape her ropes

Babs waves her hand at her "Shut it cuz... yer ruinin... mah buzz..."

Scootaloo moans "Ah... ya ever jusht... shit in yer own shame? OR! OR! We should try to lick our cunts like cats an' dogsh do! Or even better! We could grow cocksh and shuck on them all day! Thash like th' ultimate shing that man hash wanted fer like... EVER!"

Rainbow laughs "Yeah! Horsecocks! We could shtuff 'em in our shocks and jusht whip 'em out to shuck on! Like po'sicles!"

"... Ah'm surrounded by drunk idiots..."

Author's Note

* the name my host's father wanted to name him, so that when he had his initials read, it would be MF
** If anyone ever drew these scenes, I would be so full of joy to see my words turn to art... because I can't draw worth shit
For the record, I have no idea where most of this came from and I don't regret it. this is freaking awesome!
and for those of you who want some ScootaBelle... you'll have to wait!