Diamond Tiara is on cloud nine, humming and skipping as she enters town, a goofy smile on her face

The mail girl swoops in on her jetpack, her hair messed up by the wind "Morning Diamond!"

Diamond turns and walks over to her, the moderately shorter girl looking up "Morning Derpy!"

The woman stares at Diamond, her left eye wandering up to follow a passing bird "You didn't call me any names..." with surprising speed and strength, Derpy lifts Diamond off the ground "Who are you and where are you hiding the real Diamond Tiara?"

Her eyes narrow, a frown on her face "I know of your kind... you are obviously a Zygon. But there is nothing here for you space octopus..." she pulls Diamond closer "Nothing but the oncoming storm... and me, the warrior queen of Earth"

Dropping Diamond, Derpy takes off before accidentally hitting a tree "I'm okay!"

Diamond shakes her head "There sure are a bunch of strange people in this town..."

Diamond enters a dark alley, quickly unlocking a concealed port-a-potty-turned-dressing-room

Dun dun duun! dundundundundun! dundundun-DUN! dundunnadundun! Diamond sings in her head as she changes, grinning like a fool

Jumping out, her usually braided hair hidden under a seamless black and red wig, brown color contacts, bottle glasses, her fashionable ensemble now a ragged letterman jacket 5 sizes too big, plaid button-down, dull boots, and an unflattering skirt.

Simply put, she looked like a nerdy girl straight from a comic

"I am Star Sapphire, Queen of the nerds!" she announces under her breath, climbing up a chain link fence after locking the changing-room

Walking out of the alley, she approaches her favorite haunt, "OA comics"

"Hey Star! How's life?" A tall, lanky teenager calls

"Go away Flash" Star mutters, shoving the handsy teenager away

Flash Script wipes his greasy bangs out of his face, a playful grin on his zitty face "So that's how you treat the guy that has your Kryptonite? Well DT?"

Star slaps her hand over his mouth "You speak of that again, and I will go all Bane on your sorry, skinny ass. You won't have the chance to cry out in pain"

He nods, fear in his eyes "Sheesh, can't take a joke can you?"

"When it concerns my AE, I don't have a shred of humor. Now, do you have the goods?"

He snorts "'Do you have the goods?' she asks, who are you, Roman Sionis? Yeah, I got 'em. You got the green?"

Star smiles "Not that I don't trust you, I just need to see them"

Flash shrugs "Sure, I understand" he goes into his backpack and pulls a silver brief case out. Quickly inputting a code, the case pops open, several glowing comics held in plastic sleeves set inside

Star suppresses a moan of pleasure "They're... marvelous... once again you deliver" reaching into her pocket, she pulls out a stack of bills "$1500 like we agreed"

Flash grins and takes the money, slipping plastic gloves on, carefully removing the comics from the case before pulling out a bigger sleeve and carefully sliding them in, a small strip of tape sealing it closed "Nice doing business with you Star"

Diamond takes the package, shivering in excitement "I am SO turned on right now, you don't even know"

Flash laughs "I'd offer to help but my Gynophobia prevents me from doing so. Go inside, Ganthet will be happy to see you"

Entering the store, Star takes a long inhale of the smell of paper, sweat, stale marijuana, and face cream. The smell of the unwashed geeks, nerds, and trolls

Her people, subjects, and minions

"Well! Here comes the queen!" someone says, everyone in the store bowing for a second, grins on their faces

"And don't forget it! I am your leader! I demand the ambrosia of the gods!" Star announces , posing regally

"Orange soda? You like that right?" a large man says, faded He-man shirt barely hiding his muscles

"I do I do I do!" Star replies, eliciting laughs from everyone

The man puts her in a headlock "So, I see you put Ambrose in his place"

Star escapes "If he's Ambrose, then who's Pinocchio and Boy Blue?"

"I guess that'd be us" A short, angry looking child-man says, arms crossed. Standing beside him is a clean-shaven teen wearing all blue, a trumpet case in one hand, a stack of cards in his other

"I know, I just wanted the chance to see Stumps and Blues before I go shopping" Star says, ruffling the shorter man's hair

"My name isn't 'Stumps'! It's Oak Forest!" he yells, his friend sighing "You know she's going to keep on calling you that until it no longer annoys you"

"Quiet Blues, I know what her plan is but I can't stand it when people make fun of my condition!"

Ganthet shrugs "You can't help you've got Dwarfism"

"I AM NOT A DWARF!"

Over in the bookshelves, Diamond searches with the precision of a robot, screening titles, volumes, additions, and merchandise "have it, have it, have it..." she smiles "Do not have that!"

Slowly, she pulls the thin DVD case out, a picture of a group of people wearing brightly colored costumes on the front "Super Changin' Force Fighters: Special Saturday morning edition! With special ultra-rare foil card sets inside!" She jumps and dashes over to the counter, a wide grin on her face

Ganthet looks down at her "I see you found it"

"When. Did. This. Come. In? I have been looking for this for months!"

"Just came in, I had to remove the cards so that no one would steal them*. $35" he says, pulling out a wrapped deck of cards

Star reaches into her wallet and places the money on the counter, scooping up the cards and case eagerly before shooting back to the shelves "Where is something else? There's gotta be-" she gasps

"Oh. My. Zordon... Ganthet! Are thes what I think they are?!"

The large man walks over smiling "Yup, I finally got that guy to cave. Cost me a pretty penny too, but knowing how much nostalgia these things evoke, I thought it a sound investment. And no, You can't buy them"

Star looks up pleadingly "Bu- these are the original Fighter changers! Even Olive's!"

Ganthet nods "I know, that's why I can't sell them. These are too strong, even for you, one of the most overbearing and overemotional humans I have ever met"

Star sighs "Fine..." Ganthet reaches into his pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper, "However... you can have this"

Star opens the paper "'All FF memorabilia items of your choice FREE, Redeemable only after any of these events: The Death of Ganthet, Rita Repulsa returning, store shuts down, or your wedding day- Ganthet' You mean..."

"I'm pretty sure that the only thing that's going to happen is your wedding and knowing how much you love comics, that might not be too soon"

If only you knew I was dating. If only you knew Star thought to herself, walking away from the case, her arm reaching out weakly "One day... one day..."

After a rousing game of cards, Star stretches and yawns, "I'm gonna head home to have some fun pwning N00BZ0RZ, maybe lock myself in the bathroom, I dunno"

Making one last look through the books, restraining herself from smashing the glass case, and finally leaving, she looks up at the setting sun "Good day today. Time to go and get my heiress on... Or go and treat myself to some well-earned desert... decisions decisions..."

"WATCH OUT FOUR-EYES!!" someone yells, a skateboard sailing over her head

"What the Frig?!" Star yells, Scootaloo stopping in front of her "That was awesome! I went right over you! Let's see if I can do it again!"

Scootaloo, of course, out of all the dumb jocks, it had to be the Perv wonder "You need to watch where you're going you hirsute troglodyte!"

Scootaloo pauses "Who are you calling a hairy suit?!"

Star groans "'Hirsute'... Did you not even go to school?"

"Of course! I did my time! Passed too! Luckily that bubble-butt Dinky Hooves let me write cheat sheets on her underwear, soaked them in cheap perume, and let me sniff them so that I could have an associative memory" she smiles "And it also helped that her dad is bad at fixing their furnace so she wore near nothing when I came over... she is STACKED, just like her mother"

Star just stares at Scootaloo "You are also the most base person I have ever had the unfortunate displeasure to ever meet"

"I know! I'm so awesome, I'm base! Anyways, gotta go, see ya later dork!" Scootaloo jumps on her skateboard and shoots away, leaving dust in her wake

Coughing for a few seconds, Star crosses her arms "I place upon you, the curse of the farmer's daughter!"

Above her, thunder roars, lightning streaking through the sky

"Ominous... ah well, time to go home!"

After resealing the changing box, Diamond walks back towards her mansion, clutching her bag like it's a life preserver

A loud crash emanates from behind her, a familiar groan following it "Owww... Major wipe-out..."

"Are you okay Scootaloo?!" Diamond asks, still clutching the bag

"Yeah... for some reason my Poontang finder is malfunctioning"

"'Poontang finder'?"

Scootaloo grins "Yeah, the name for my skateboard, because it sniffs out poontang like a bloodhound! Or at least it should, Sweetie might've shorted out the enchantment or my gaydar... I haven't had the time to have Rainbow fix it"

Diamond slowly backs away "Okay... see you later"

"Okay! Wait! I put your copy of last night in the usual spot!" Scootaloo calls, waving

Diamond removes a brick from a wall outside her mansion, a plastic wrapped memory card hidden in the hollowed out brick, the money she placed in it gone "She may be a pervert, but she shoots great videos"

Author's Note

*I hate it when people do that