"Zzzzzzzzz... Eh? The hell?" Anon woke up laying on a white table, he looked around and saw the entire room was white except for the transparent blue wall to his right which had a humanoid figure behind it. She was levitating off of the ground and was wearing a lab-coat by the looks of it, her face was hidden from his view.

"Bring up Holo-recorder, file C, Subject 45309." A Holographic touch-screen digi-structed in front of the humanoid, it's newly discovered voice sounded feminine. "Begin voice recording, Upon further study of this misplaced creature I've discovered it's true species lies in the northern part of the universe, it's from a little planet called Earth that lies within in an empty solar system. Of course, I haven't the slightest clue as to how it appeared on the planet Equiss from the western quadrant, but hopefully I will find out when our passenger awakens. End of voice recording." The screen beeped and teleported to an unknown location, the alien turned around and saw Anon was wide awake. "Ah, you've finally awakened, human." the alien said with a welcoming tone. "Allow me to welcome you to my ship, I am Rah." She further announced.

"Are... Are you taking me back to Earth?"

"Earth? Oh, I'm afraid not, your little disappearing act caused quite a stir over the heads of the galaxies so your going to see the GFA, or the Galactic Federal Association, for whatever reason that they deem fit." The alien explained.

"So from what your telling me, technically I'm being arrested?"

"Hmmm... As a regulation guide I'm suppose to tell you that's not true but in a nutshell your right for the most part." Anon sighed in annoyance. "Hey, don't worry, Human. The worst thing they can do is wipe your memory clean and send you back to the planet I found you on. Besides, the GFA have more urgent matters to go through, like the space pirate raids on their cargo ships." That certainly took Anon by surprise, Space Pirates of all things?

"So you guys have trouble with Space Pirates?"

"Sadly, yes. The bastards keep attacking cargo drops and supply beacons in an attempt to steal high-tech weaponry, why do you ask?"

"Your probably not gonna understand this, but isn't that a bit cliche'd?"

"Well thanks to your human's modern media it would seem that way to you, but they are no laughing matter... Oh, that reminds me-" Rah pressed a button and the transparent wall dissipated, now clearly revealing Anon's captor. Not much was new besides her short, purple hair and her abnormal eyes. The sclera was coal black instead of white and she had hazel irises with the normal black pupil... Oh, and she had an additional eye on her forehead with the same color scheme as the other two. The last detail was she had four fingers instead of five like Anon had, her species had a lot of similarities to Anon's own but she wasn't quite there. "-The GFA HQ is surrounded by a special barrier that disintegrates any intruders lacking the barrier bypass injection, since you lack this injection I'm going to have to give it to you so you don't corrode all over my floor when you pass the barrier."

"Injection? Like, a shot?"

"Not exactly, just stand still and open your feeding hole." Anon complied knowing full well that stuff was about to get weird. Rah planted her lips onto Anon's and then he felt slip down his throat and wriggle around. Anon's psyche right now was frightened but slightly aroused for some odd reason, he tried to struggle away but the room started spinning and he lost all feeling to his entire body. Once Rah retracted her elongated tongue from Anon's mouth he fell back with a thud. Anon's hearing started to fail him now and his peripheral vision blurred, Rah just smiled. "Sleep now, human, it will all be over soon..."

"Fuh... F-fuck..." Anon passed out...

"Zzzzzzz... Mnh, what the?" Anon woke up in his white room like he did before, he tried to get up but a pain shot through his spine causing him to fall back down. "Ah sonova bitch! Why does my ass hurt?"

"Ah, human, your awake! I'm happy to announce that the injection was a complete success!"

"You... You probed me, didn't you!?"

"I'm sorry, human, but if I told you the injection was a suppository you wouldn't be as cooperative." Rah explained.

"Well, what in the name of ass-play did you shove up there!?"

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with. "Rah said in monotone.

"NOW ENTERING GFA DOCKING BAY, ACTIVATING LANDING GEAR." A robotic voice announced.

"Thank you, Wilhelm, initiate landing protocol and lower bridge."

"AT ONCE, RAH." the room rumbled and the left wall opened up.

"Geez, I try to get one night of sleep and I'm being arrested for pissing off the heads of the freakin' universe." Anon said to himself, before he could move Rah stopped him and equipped two rings onto Anon's wrists. When they were secured they connected themselves with a blue plasma tether and bound Anon's hands together. "Sorry, human, custody protocol specifically says that the escort must arrive wearing cuffs."

"Fine, let's just get this over with as quickly as possible." Anon said as he walked down the ship's bridge, where he was met by a few dozen guards wielding plasma rifles. "Halt... Human?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"What the hell are you doing here, Earthling?"

"Um, they told me that I needed to see the head of this place... Something about me causing a stir in the galaxies?"

"That? The commander dismissed that file two days ago!"

"Than why the hell am I here?"

Anon heard a click and noticed a strange gun prodding his abdomen, the holder being Rah. "Nobody move, or I blow this human to oblivion along with the rest o' you lot!"

"Oh shit, she's got a detonator!"

"Stop your squabbling! Now, I've implanted a high-powered nuclear bomb in this human's rectum, so you bunch o' ninnies are loading all your cargo shipments onto my ship or I destroy this entire station!"

"Fuck you!" Anon shouted as he elbowed her gut, causing her to drop the detonator. Anon kicked it over to the troopers and they picked it up, breaking it in half. "Hey assholes, are you just gonna sit there and make me do all the work or are you gonna help me!?" The troops were staring at Anon, or rather, at something near him. That's when he heard the sound of engines behind him.

"They sent for reinforcements... Ah, Fuck me with a rake!"

Anon rushed to the nearest wall and took cover, a huge bang sounded and Anon fell on his ass from the splash effect of the explosion. A soldier flew onto his lap with a few dents on his armor. " cough... H-Help... me..."

Anon dragged him back into a hidden corridor and set him against the wall. "Shit, medic!... Medic!... Dammit, where the hell is the Medic!?"

"Hang on, I'm comin'!" The soldier rushed through the oncoming plasma shots with no injuries and quickly took of the injured soldier's helmet. "Shit, we're losing him!"

"Anon! What the hell is going on!?"

"Long story Nightmare, can't talk, being shot at!" A stray plasma shot flew by Anon's head, scaring the piss outta him. "Sonova Whore!"

"Shit, we lost him!"

"Dammit Private Haircut, give me some good news!... Wait a friggin' minute, I got an idea." Anon broke off his cuffs by banging them repeatedly on the wall and then ripped off the dead soldiers armor and equipped it to himself; first the chest plating, then the pants, boots, back armor, then finally the helmet. Lastly he grabbed the soldiers and the medic's plasma rifles and dual wielded them. "Alright, who wants a piece of the champ!?"

"Hey, that's my gun!"

"Sorry, nurse, but I need this more than you do at the moment." Before the medic could speak Anon ran into the fray, bobbing and weaving passed bullets on pure instinct, skill, and adrenaline.

"Anonymous, what in name of the flaming pits of hell are you doing!?"

"Quiet! I'm in an adrenaline rush and your pissing me off!"

"Anon!"

Sorry, that's the adrenaline talking and FUCK YOU!" Anon shot a pirate in the back and he was sent spiraling across the room. "Holy hell this thing's awesome!" Anon was blasting pirate after pirate with his guns, when he ran out of ammo he just grabbed another gun from a corpse and started shooting again. He grabbed all sorts of different guns from RPGs to SMGs and even a shotgun or two, Anon murdered pirate after pirate while in his rampage and survived long enough to fight off the wave of pirates as the final ship landed. "Is that all you got!? I've seen storm-troopers with better aim than you porch monkeys!"

'Thump'

Anon stopped his mocking as a large creature exited the ship, a hulking beast of a space pirate slowly stomping up to Anon with a face that was all kinds of pissed off. "So, your the little wetch that's been killing my troops?"

"Ehehe, you know it, Pork-Drippin's!"

"Hmph, smug little bastard ain't ya?...Fine then, all the more reason to skin your hide and wear it as a coat, monkey!"

"You wanna bet on it, you pot-bellied mutant!? Then come at me!"

Anon bolted for cover and grabbed a grenade from his chest belt, he pulled the pin and let it cook in his hand. "You can't hide from the inevitable, you bald simian!"

Anon barreled away from his cover in the nick of time, as the behemoth crushed it with his RPG blast.

"Here's a peasant, for ya!" Anon threw the grenade and shielded his eyes, a bang sounded as a bright flash enveloped the room. The Juggernaut pirate screamed loudly and recoiled. "MY EYES, I CAN'T SEE! AAH, IT BURNS!!"

"Gotcha!" Anon rushed the large pirate and grabbed his shotgun by the neck, he swung and slammed the brute in the stomach with the gun's stock. The brute bent down as the wind and ribs were knocked out of him, giving Anon the opportunity to drop kick the side of his head, knocking the pirate onto the ground with a slight concussion. Anon climbed onto his back and pulled out his switchblade, a crooked grin hidden behind the helmet and visor. Anon ripped off his helmet and stabbed him in the side of the neck causing purple blood to splash from the pirate's reptilian neck, staining Anon's armor with the blood of the fallen. The juggernaut gurgled and struggled to get back up on his feet, but it was too late, he'd already drown from his own blood. However, Anon wasn't done yet, he slid down the monster's back and grabbed it's head, then with a few mighty jerks , ripped the head right off of it's neck, dragging the spine along with it.

"I! Am! Awesome!!" Anon shouted, holding the decapitated lizard head above his own to show off his glorious trophy. He threw it on the ground and pointed at a frightened trooper. "You! I want that head skinned and meat free by the time I wake up! And if you even think about removing the spine from my trophy I will eat your next of kin!" Anon then jumped down from the body and walked a short distance, then passed out mid-step. His adrenaline rush had finally subdued and the surviving troopers were either dead silent or helping their injured comrades.

"Alright, what the damn diddly squat is going on!?"

"G-General! This... this human just single-handedly killed that Executioner!"

"Well, color me impressed... So, where's the jack-hole's head?"

"The human ripped it off and told Private Collins to skin it for his trophy... and that if Collins removed the spine the human would eat Collin's next of kin...?"

"Ah, reminds me of my first adrenaline high, did I ever tell you that story, Private?"

"Y-yes, Ge-"

"Yep, bludgeoned a commando to death with his own bloody arm... Sad though, he bled out before I could finish him off myself... Ah well, Private Collins, skin that Executioner's severed head and I'll present it as a trophy for our little psycho, and that's an order!"

"Y-Yes, sir!"

(Anon's dream-scape)

"What in the name of the seventh moon was that!?"

"I... I don't know... I just lost myself in the heat of battle..."

"And ponies call ME a monster, I've never seen a battle so... bloody." Nightmare shuttered that last part, trying to suppress her need to vomit.

"Well, that's the power of human insanity. But yeah, I'm definitely never doing that again." Anon said as he drew four cards from a deck, he tossed the first one to the side and laid the rest face-up side-by-side. He then tossed in a few chips onto the growing pile between the two. "I bet five hundred."

Nightmare tossed in the same amount ."Call."

Anon junked another card and placed a new card next to the three. "I raise to fifteen hundred." Anon announced, tossing in a handful of chips. Nightmare matched his bet.

"Still, are all humans like you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know; insane, funny, cocky, humorously unlucky?"

"Nah, human's aren't just copy-and-paste replicas of each other, we're all different, both mentally and physically." Anon junked a card and laid a new card down next to the last one he drew, then he threw another handful of chips into the pile. "We have our own separate talents, weaknesses, personalities, even races... Kinda like the ponies."

"Huh, so your one of a kind." Nightmare matched Anon's bet and they both flipped their cards, Anon had a straight while Nightmare had three of a kind.

"Crap, thought I had that round." Anon said in defeat.

Nightmare took the pile of chips and added it to her own, then dealed the next hand. "But Anon, since we've finally been given this downtime I'd like to ask about that other human that fauns over you."

"You mean Shizuki? That girl's been after my junk for a long time, but I can't give in to her." Anon said as he payed the small blinds.

"Well, what do you have against her?"

"She's simply too young for me, she's still a teenager and I've been an adult for a few years now. Under-aged relationships are strictly illegal and is a taboo for my race, and I still follow human customs to an extent. She's a sweet girl but I simply can't do that to her, it'd be wrong on so many levels." Anon explained to Nightmare, she understood him perfectly.

"Well why hasn't she just forced you yet?"

"You assume she hasn't? She's tried sexual assault on multiple occasions but it always ends up with the police arresting her, then her father bails her out and erases all records of her arrest, and finally rinse and repeat." Anon said as Nightmare paid the big blinds and tossed a few chips.

"How are you still in one piece?"

"Nightmare, I still ask myself that to this day, and I honestly have no idea how I do it." Anon looked at his cards and folded, Nightmare took the chips.

"Well Anon, you do know that there are no law enforcers in Ponyville besides the elements of harmony, correct?"

"... Your kidding...Right?"

"With this knowledge in mind, who will protect you from this human girl's wrath, hm?"

"... Nightmare, I don't wanna go home." Anon said.

"Well, suck it up, maybe she doesn't know yet?"

"Rather cold-hearted, but I guess your right... So, should I be waking up yet?"

"Hmm... Yeah, right about now." Anon passed out and re-awoke in a medical bed, a strange reptilian skull with spine was next to his bed with a note attached.

Dear Psychopathic Earthling

We were successful in removing the bomb in your rectal cavity and are sending you back to the planet you were found on, planet Equiss, along with your trophy skull, and as a bonus, the blood-stained armor that protected the brave trooper currently reading this note. Please note that you are in an escape pod set to crash land on the planet, so brace yourself!

Head General of the GFA

Anon was tossed from his bed by the sudden impact of his crash landing, the sound proofing was a nice touch as it muffled the sounds of light screaming coming from outside. "Ah, sonova... Oh, he even left my armor on me." Anon took a few minutes to clean-up his suit and approached the door, which was ripped from it's hinges by an unknown force.

(Outside)

"Miss Shizuki, would you please stop trying to rip the door off of it's hinges?" Twilight asked, but her request fell on deaf ears.

"I know my little Anon is in here... I can feel it!"

Shizuki finally forced the doors open and saw a humanoid figure clad in a thick armor, which was light blue with purple splotches on it.

"Um... T-That's not Anonymous!"

The figure took off it's helmet and revealed itself to be Anonymous the Human, leaving Twilight flabbergasted and Shizuki drooling. "Welp, I'm back from annihilating space pirates!"

"Anonymous!? Where have you been all this time!?"

"Weeeell, I got abducted last night by aliens, then they took me to the Galactic Federal Association HQ, after that I killed a LOOOOT of space pirates, decapitated the pirate Executioner and kept his skull and spinal cord as a trophy, and then I wake up in a space pod wearing the blood-stained armor that I used during my killing spree, and here we are." Anon then went to retrieve his skull while Twilight was trying to process all of this information, he slung it over his shoulder and walked off, not giving a shit that he was toting around a huge alien skull.

"Mmm... I always loved a man in uniform.~" Shizuki said to herself, following behind Anon the space warrior. Twilight just started her walk back to the house. "Celestia's gonna flip her lid when she hears about where Anon's been for the last twenty-four hours."

Author's Note

Hey all you people, I'm back! So here's the short and sweet version of why I've been dead, my laptop charger died so I had to order a new one, a few weeks later I get it but as it turns out that wasn't the problem at all! Nope, it was the laptop battery that went belly up! So then I fall into a spiraling void of face-palm, then Skyrim comes along and eats up another week of my free-time, and here I am now using my sibling's computer like I should have done in the first place! So yeah, I'm not dead... well, I hope you like the chapter, tootles!