DMX and Applejack, the Annotated Series!

"You know something, Sunset?" asked Trixie, sitting in the driver seat of the Batmobile, levitating an apple to her mouth to take a bite, her glowing magical aura enveloping the red fruit.

"What is it, master Bruce?" Trixie could feel the source of the voice struggling in the larger pocket of her utility belt, and out popped tiny Sunset Shimmer, addressing her as to her question.

"Well, when Twilight defeated me the second time, I simply gave up and said 'You know what? Forget magic!', and I was right." She paused her story momentarily to take a bite from the apple floating in front of her. She chewed for a few seconds and continued her explanation of how the last few years of her life had even been possible.

"Anyways, I'm really glad I made that decision, now I don't have to take crap from Twilight Sparkle, or anypony, for that matter. Because, I'm Batman." Trixie swallowed a handsome chunk of her apple. There was a sudden noise, and Trixie looked forward to find a red car zooming past them at roughly 35 miles per hour. Trixie immediately threw the rest of the apple out the window, putting her hoof on the acceleration and flooring it.

"Huh, another illegal driver. Shall I prep the miniature sniper rifle, master Bruce?" Sunset asked, climbing out of Trixie's comfy pocket and crawling into the glove compartment.

"Yes. This guy's gonna get it." Trixie went full speed, catching up to the illegal driver. Sunset Shimmer climbed onto her shoulder and held a small, laser powered rifle with a forensic level long range thermal detection scope, jumping onto the mirror of the Batmobile, and lying prone on it's smooth metallic surface, her vision funneled through the iron sight.

"Ready?" asked Trixie.

"Ready." With the reply from Sunset, Trixie picked up a microphone in her hoof and put it up to her own face to speak.

"Okay, listen up! You can either pull over or my small friend will easily splatter a sizable proportion of your frontal lobe allover your wind shield!" Trixie yelled into the mic, the sound booming through speakers on top of the Batmobile. The red car began to slow, and pulled over to the side of the road next to town hall. Trixie stepped out of the Batmobile with her little companion sitting on her shoulder, lying on her back and gazing at the clouds. Trixie approached the other vehicle...

Trixie bashed the hood of the red car, the innards of the vehicle audibly shattering. Dan was helpless as he watched Trixie ruin his new car because of a law that she clearly made up.

"No vehicles of any kind in Ponyville my ass..." he mumbled to himself begrudgingly. Although one of the few innocents that managed to escape, this crazed guardian of the night was one man whose eyes were as scarlet as beetles and breath was rank with the aroma fresh of cheetos and smoke. This man, Daniel Hardcastle, took one look at the Batmobile and couldn’t decipher if it was real or not, being that Trixie claimed that vehicles were illegal in Ponyville. What he did know, however,  was that he only left the house with one purpose in mind, and now he'd have to walk there.

He got up and began to walk away while Trixie wasn't looking, in fear of his ass being capped by tiny Sunset Shimmer. He was eventually far enough away that he could walk normal again, and began to approach the Sweet Apple Acres, not knowing where else to go.

So Daniel summoned his courage, and the spirit of Bob Marley that he was sure was mixed in together with whatever else was mixed in that green gunk he got from that DJ pony, and walked up to a pony he had been meaning to get to for quite some time, who was, strangely enough, playing with Apple Bloom near the farmhouse. Oh how he longed to profess his feelings but roadblock after roadblock after one irate apple farmer trying to keep him from totally wailing on a chicken with nefarious intentions kept him from what could very well be his one true love.

“Oi, Fluttershy?” he asked one particular pony. “Listen, I know we got off to a shit start, but I spent an entire bloody day once upon a time searching for you. Now, I know you can’t resist the magnificence that I am, so there is no reason for you to hide your feelings, girl. So what you say?"

She looked up from Apple Bloom, covering the fillies ears at the vulgarity escaping Dan's mouth, and looked to the strange man above her, who said something she didn't quite understand for a moment. The pony pointed her eyes in a single, rather confused, direction aimed squarely at the nerd. “Ey-nope.”

“Nope?” He started wigging out at this point, like as if he just saw a momma duck get attacked by its children over a handful of breadcrumbs (Duck Matricide is a bigger problem then you can ever guess) and he was sweating. Hard. “Come on, you're mad sick hot! I mean, you remember when I let you stay at your house, right? That’s gotta count for something!”

“Nope.”

“Alrighty then, I see how it is.” he said as he turned away. “Smell ya later, racist!” and he just bailed, leaving Apple Bloom and Fluttershy Big Macintosh in his dust.

So the tall red stallion continued with his quizzical look and contemplated the existence of such a bizarre creature before dismissing it as an illusion or a case of mistaken identity but nevertheless accepted that he had best get to the farm before supper time.

"Hey, Big Mac, what was that he said about you being 'mad sick hot'?" Asked Apple Bloom, looking up to her big brother with an expression of confused curiosity.

"Oh, nothin'. Come on, little sis. Back inside." he ordered her, to which she obeyed, but as she trotted back inside, tonight was fajita night, after all. As she hit the doorstep, she looked back to her brother with one more question.

"Do you think he meant what he said?" She asked. His little sister's question bounced through Big Mac's skull for a little moment, until he found an educated guess that he hoped to Celestia wasn't true.

“Eeyup.”

Applejack continued her pulling of the wagon as she saw the white stick figure float above her, taunting her aimlessly.

"As I was saying, mortal, you get that I will never stoop to such a level. Anyways, what are you even supposed to be? 'Element of whatever'? What kind of power is that? Sounds useless, and I'm sure it is incapable destroying worlds." Lolzor told her, genuinely irritating her. Applejack sighed and continued pulling, attempting to not let the irritatingly superior god-like being get on her nerves.

"I'm an Element of Harmony, the Element of Honesty, to be more exact. And, it's not supposed to 'destroy worlds', it supposed to spread and maintain, well... harmony, and friendship." She replied, attempting to enlighten Lolzor of what kind of power it was.

"Pfft. Sounds like something you puny mortals would call 'true power'." He snapped back in his usual snooty and ignorant tone. Applejack sighed, her patience was really losing hold. She lightened up when she looked up and saw her homie approaching them.

"Hey, DMX! Can you do me a favor and tell this guy to quit buggin'?" AJ asked of him, waving and and gesturing to the annoyingly ever present Meme Lord floating above her.

"A’ight my nigga, I got you." He walked up to her leaned on the wagon as it stopped. The sobriety began to take hold so the fierce DMX had to let out a barking cough to clear his throat. "Nigga, you best be backing off.”

The Meme Lord shivered at the darkness that seemed to emanate from Dog Master Extreme and almost immediately grew a pop-tart to envelope his body, enabling him to fly away, leaving the two at the end of his pixelated rainbow trail.

“Man, that nigga’s gay, you heard?”

"Which one?" asked AJ, confused if he was talking about Lolzor or someone else.

"Nerdcubed. dat nigga's been weird lately." Replied DMX.

“Well, he’s always been a bit ‘off’, but thank ya kindly.” Applejack said and continued along with her route. “So ignoring the occasional varmints like that, how’s Ponyville to your liking?”

“Nigga, ‘liking’ is something a bitch or some punk ass nigga in pumps does. But I’m a’ight with this shit right here.”

“Well that’s mighty fine. It’s also good that you haven’t raised too much of a ruckus after that whole Rarity incident. She’s still wondering why she gets those odd looks from Mrs. Cake.”

“Man, forget that bitch nigga! She be trippin’ over some childish shit. You better handle that shit or she gon’ try and roll up on you, you feel me?”

“You’re probably right. Rarity knows just as well herself to be honest to her friends. On the other side, I am the element of honesty, so I suppose it’s only right I should be honest with her.”

“Damn right, nigga!” DMX said and gave Applejack a friendly jostle. “By the way, the ol’ nigga’s gonna be done with dinner, so we best get heading back.”

“Alright, seeya in the house.”

And with that, DMX stepped in the shade of a nearby tree and used his miraculous powers of the dark to travel from shadow to shadow back to the farmhouse, as Dark Man X is wont to do. While Applejack was not too familiar nor too fond of the idea of such powers belonging to anypony -much less whatever DMX was- her appreciation for him dispelled any notions that he may be evil. Plus, among the multitude of things that he doesn't like, Rarity is one of those things, and that's pretty neat as far as Applejack is concerned.