DMX and Applejack, the Annotated Series!

In a sterile room in some unconcerned city of the United States, famed musician Phil Collins sat with only a table keeping him away from a man in a black suit dabbing at sweat forming on his brow. The man read his file, and bit at his lip from time to time as his eyes glanced at the horrors that this man was capable of.

“So, uh, Mister Collins.” He said in a coarse voice. He poured himself a drink of water from a pitcher on the table and sipped at it cautiously. He was well hydrated, sure, but something about Phil Collins frightened his body so very much that he kept drying as drops of fear continued to pour from him. “It says here you hospitalized a dozen prisoners, all of which were on the brink of death but with no visible signs of trauma. That, um, certainly is something special.”

Phil Collins merely sat and watched as the man poured himself another glass.

“L-Look, I know you probably can’t hear me. Yeah, because you got problems with your ears or something like that, but please try and understand what I’m saying. You understand me, right?”

Collins gave no response, and continued to stare at the man with frightening intensity.

The man whimpered, believing each word he spoke to be another pile of dirt to be poured on his grave. “We want to offer you a chance to get out. We’ll drop all charges against you if you just do one thing.”

This time, Collins tilted his head to the side a bit. This, certainly, was a good sign.

“Good, I mean great! All you have to do, is, uh, you see, we have a bit of a problem in some foreign country that we need you to, um, deal with. This’ll be your target.” The man slid an album cover titled ‘Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood’ which prominently featured a figure drenched in scarlet ichor that covered the ebony skin of a man far darker than anything Detroit ever could have produced.

Phil Collins took one look at the page and frowned.

“You see, this DMX character, whoever he is, has been wreaking chaos in some foreign country that we were hoping to establish relations with. We need you to stop him by any means necessary. Please, Mister Collins, can you do this?”

Phil Collins sat back in his chair and went back to staring at the man.

“P-Please Phil! You,” The man coughed briefly and felt choked up. His face began to turn purple and he struggled from his chair to the floor, trying desperately to breathe.

Collins got out of his own seat and gingerly walked over to the man on the floor and leaned down to him. “Sir, I can do this. But not only can I do this, I shall do this. You are welcome.”

Phil Collins then looked away and the man felt the immense pressure lifted away from him and he returned to being able to breathe, first taking in labored, painful breaths before returning to normal.

“Sir, I know of this foreign land that you speak of. It shall take me quite some time to get there. When I return, I expect to see my sentence, eliminated, shall we say?”

The man got to his knees and clasped his hands together. “Yes, yes, anything Mister Collins, anything!”

Phil then looked over his shoulder briefly at the man to show a grin growing in the corner of his face that showed off his ugly British teeth. “Lovely.”

Set nearest the grand majesty that was the castle of the royal monarch, Canterlot was the hub of civility that was synonymous with higher living for Equestrians. Indeed, the city of Canterlot boasted many claims, and lived up to said claims well. From some of the most fabulous designs comparable to Manehatten standards of fashion to the legitimately best coffee in the world, Canterlot had it all. They also had one of the only genuine superheroes of Equestria, which comes with the territory of the city being destroyed every now and again. Because of this, Canterlot also is home to a booming repair business.

Far atop the cobble streets and standing on a roof, was the towering figure of this grand superheroine of Equestria. Canterlot was her city to protect, and she would do it, no matter how many protests were held against her. She was the protector the city has, but not the one it deserves, and certainly not the one it wants.

“Ah yes, these ponies may not appreciate our good intentions, but nevertheless shall we continue in our crusade against all evil!” Shouted Machinegun Mare in the traditional Canterlot speaking voice. “We shall never fret nor show any signs of fear in the face of danger!”

Just then, the dangerous Trixie landed beside her. “Hello.” She said, sounding like she just had a sandpaper martini.

“Ah!” Machinegun Mare began to flip out and immediately took the safety off and let her machinegun fire randomly wherever it could and only made the slightest gestures to aim it at Trixie. Trixie, however, was trained in the great art of dodging tomatoes as per her time spent on the S.S. Showboat, and so she had little trouble of managing away from danger. All she had to do was pretend the well armed Alicorn was shooting tomatoes at her. Tomatoes that went at the speed of sound and destroyed bricks.

Before Trixie could be turned into pony flavored swiss cheese, she tackled the greatest, and only, heroine Equestria has ever known and restrained her, though the gun continued to fire. “The great and powerful Batman needs to talk with you!”

Following Trixie’s command was a firm “I would suggest listening to her.” Said a miniature version of Sunset Shimmer hanging out in Trixie’s utility belt.

Machinegun Mare got one look at the itsy bitsy pony and was like “Awwww,” and stopped shooting. Because, hey, would you keep shooting if you saw something as adorable as a teeny tiny Sunset Shimmer?

With the danger over, Trixie got off of Machinegun Mare and the two of them dusted themselves off. “It is good to see you’ll finally listen to reason.”

“We, Machinegun Mare, are very busy this time of night and demand to know your reason for intruding upon our hard work!” Demanded the Alicorn vigilante. She found Trixie staring at her, dead in the eyes. She was not playing around.

"We would like to talk to you about Earl Simmons, A.K.A. DMX."

“We have never heard of this pony before, why should they concern us?”

“We’re not discussing a pony here, we’re discussing a strange creature. Everywhere he goes, he is the cause for certain destruction and misery. I only know so much about him, but it’s still not enough. We need to all the hooves we can get to stop this monster!”

“Bah!” Machinegun Mare gave a dismissal wave of her hoof. “If this matter was truly serious, then my sister, I mean, Princess Luna’s sister would order the Elements of Harmony to deal with it.”

“One of the Elements of Harmony is allied with DMX! That’s the entire reason why I can’t deal with this on my own.”

“Hmm,” Machinegun Mare mused to herself on the matter silently and scratched at her scalp with her titular weapon in befuddlement. “This is certainly a predicament that requires as much help as you may muster. However, we are far too preoccupied with matters of a greater importance.”

“There’s a huge crack epidemic spreading across our nation, they found a pit full of dogs with their faces welded to one another, and they stopped making peanut butter crackers! He must be responsible for all of this! What is more important than this?”

“There is a villain in our midst that is terrorizing the humble city of Canterlot,” Machinegun Mare approached the edge of the rooftop and looked over it. “Before we may do anything else, it is vital for all of Equestria that we put a stop to this menace once and for all.”

“Gee willikers!” Exclaimed the tiny Sunset. “Who ever could this awful pony be?”

“They have not posted their name just yet, and they are rarely seen. But knowing sist- Princess Celestia, it is without a doubt that they would be of a greater concern than this DMX thou speakest of.”

“This sound serious. I won’t get in your way, but finish this soon. I can’t strike against DMX until I have enough of a force to take on whatever he has to throw at me.”

“Do not fret, citizen,” Machinegun Mare then turned around to see an empty rooftop. “Oh, well goodbye then.” She then went back to her beginning position prior to Trixie’s intrusion to focus on a very serious matter.

“I swear on my sister’s name, I shall get you Cake Crook! Your reign of pastry-based terror shall come to an end! On my watch, not a single cake will be stolen ever again!” She shouted to the night, in a very very serious way.