CODE ORCHID

I sat on the beach with Eureka on my lap. "So...you'll do it?"

I sighed heavily. "Look, I'll send some notes out, make some fake journals and send them to someone stupid. You'll have someone thinking they need to come save you, and you can send them back to bring more people. Okay?"

Eureka groaned and popped a bit of fire from her horn. "It's not my fault I'm like this! It's your fault!"

"How the pissing hell is it my fault!?" I held my arms out. "Fuck off with that ya damned cunt!" I put my hands down on her back and rubbed her coat. "Don't even blame your social problems on me...."

Eureka glared out into the distance. "...Pissy little--"

"Don't get mad at me cause you're bloody butt hurt now! My daughter fuckin' took to the ocean and never came out!" I shifted my leg in the sand. "I smell like rotting whale, it's night, and I just want to go home and shower, so don't you start with me."

Eureka snorted steam. "My butt ain't hurt lad--"

"Your butt is about as sore as a bad schoolfilly!" I scratched her soft body, focusing on the spine and strong muscles of her back. "Bloody tired...." I scratched my head. "Orchid's gone...and I show up without her I'm gonna get yelled at."

Eureka grunted. "I got a bed. It's made out of stone, but it's covered in old furs and stuff the old ponies left behind."

I looked down at the mare on my lap. "Do you want me to drop a pillow and blanket by if I get a chance?"

Eureka looked up at me, her lips trembled slightly. "Yes...I would like that...very much."

I nodded. "Just gotta wait for--"

The sea rose up a bit as Orchid dragged herself out of the sea. "Ugh... I fell asleep, sorry." She coughed a few times and sighed. "I fell asleep and was floating around the sea floor...sorry, sorry."

I shifted out from under Eureka. "Well, did you do it?"

Orchid smiled dumbly and started to blush. "I felt really tired after, sorry I didn't--"

I held my hand up. "Yeah, yeah spare me the details." I walked towards the subs with my tools packed away inside. I glared up at her as Eureka started walking away. "You left me with that wreck for two hours!" I held my hands up at her in a strangling motion. "Don't do that!"

Orchid jerked her head back. "I didn't mean to...I just started--"

"No!" I pointed at her and climbed up onto the sub. "Don't." I dropped down inside and sat down. "Into the water, we're going home."

Orchid walked around and looked into the port on my sub. "...Dad...are you mad--"

"A little." I crossed my arms. "That mare is so sad...she just started talking about how much Vanhoover sucked, and how she bet ponies hadn't changed at all." I shook my head. "That's why I said I'd raise you! That mare has no social skills, and you do!" I pointed to her eye. "I mean...that's mean to her, I'm sure she'll get better, but damn she's weird."

Orchid grunted and rubbed her nose. "Okay.... Thanks for today by the way...talking to me about that junk...and the plates."

"Grab them by the way." I felt Orchid slowly shove the sub back into the water. "I'm sure they can use them somehow back home." I put the sub back and sputtered back through the water.

Orchid groaned loudly and popped back into the water with a hoof full of discarded plates. She gurgled loudly and blew a huff into the water, sending me bounding to the side. "Orchid?"

She saw ahead into the murky dark then popped back up just before my port. "Do other ponies look like that? Down there? With the squishy bit?"

I stared at her. "...Tell you what, I'll go back to Van Hoover...Fetlock, somewhere, and I'll pick you up a magazine, okay?"

Orchid's eye closed up slightly. "Of what?"

I pursed my lips as she looked into my sub. "Porn. I'll buy you porn."

"Oh." Orchid stayed floating before me. "So...if I hurry, I'll have porn sooner?"

"Do you even know what porn is?" I asked calmly.

Orchid nodded, sending bubbles into the water. "You were looking at porn when I was as big as the sub--"

I put my hands out against the window. "Hey, hey! Don't!" I sat back and slapped my hands against my lap. "Our little secret, okay?"

Orchid churled loudly and swam around. "Okay...but we're going fast." I felt the hull of the sub shake as a foreleg wrapped around it. "Go time."