Clock Is Ticking

Apple Bloom jumped up and down on her sleeping sister like a psychotic basketball.

"Applejack, wake up, wake up! It's Hearts and Hooves Day. Come downstairs!"

Applejack snored rather conspicuously, but seeing that it wasn't working, grunted and rolled over.

Apple Bloom, however, was persistent. "Get up, big sis. The Crusaders and I have something to show you."

Applejack sighed, but did not open her eyes. "What's that?"

"It's a surprise."

The orange apple farmer could see, even with her eyes closed, that she was not going to worm her way out of this apple. Slowly, gradually, she sat up, seeming to wear a permanent yawn upon her face.

"Fetch me my morning hat."

* * *

Apple Bloom bounded downstairs; her sister merely trundled. When they entered the dining room, Applejack discovered the surprise: sitting at the breakfast table, with a piece of toast set ever-so-cutely between his flappy horse lips, was one damn fine hunk of stallion meat.

"Us Crusaders pooled our allowance and rented you a man-whore! Happy Hearts and Hooves Day, ya freaky-ass pervert!"

Applejack raised a single eyebrow. "You little numbskunks. Dontcha know by now? I ain't into stallions."

With that, Applejack went back to bed.