Twilight stalked towards the two. She looked like she was full of rage, and Spike had no idea why. He had been out helping other ponies like he usually did, while trying to find a way to make himself feel better. With Big Mac’s advice, he could only get even better now, letting the real him slowly come out. So why would she look like this?

“Spike, we’re leaving.”

Spike began to open his mouth, but Big Mac craned his neck to Spike and shook his head. “I’ve heard that tone before. Don’t argue with her.”

“B-But Mac—”

“Just go. Everythin’ will be fine.”

Big Mac smiled and walked away, probably back to the plow to get back to work, leaving him to a wolf named Twilight.

Spike watched him leave, as the trees did one final dance, before he turned to the enraged princess and nodded. “Okay.”

And the flames slowly turned to a smoldering mess, something that Spike knew was still a sign of bad news, a calm before the next wave of death.

The walk home had been quiet. Not a word was said by either party. Spike was too busy walking a bit ahead of Twilight in hopes of avoiding her. He was worried that she’d blow another fuse and make a scene. All that he felt were her eyes glaring daggers at him. She probably was wanting him to turn around in hopes of getting a good glimpse of his discomfort, but all she got to see was that green spine on his head, and his purple scales glisten in the moonlight.

But when they arrived at the castle, Spike knew there was a disturbance in the force. The doors weren’t open, and it was up to Twilight to raise her voice just to get inside.

“Guards! Open up!”

The huge double doors swung open, revealing two guardsponies with very happy yet forced grins. “Welcome back, your highness.”

The two bowed at her as she progressed through the door. She didn’t dismiss them for bowing. She just walked past. Why? She’d always tell them to not bow for her. She wasn’t a Princess like Celestia, she was just the same old Twilight.

So what changed?

Spike didn’t know, but he was worried about finding out, so he slowly proceeded in behind, much to the guards’ confusion.

Inside, Twilight had turned and watched him enter. Her face still wore an expression of unhappiness, but she didn’t look like she was about to bust out her royal voice again. Besides, he remembered the first time she used it, all the windows in the castle broke. That was a pretty expensive fix.

Twilight sighed. “Let’s go upstairs and talk about this.”

“O-Okay,” Spike said nervously. “Am I…?”

Twilight shook her head. “No, you’re not. I’m just… a bit irritated and—”

“Whoa, what turbulence caused Twilight’s hair to do that?”

The new voice made Twilight nearly jump out of her regalia. “Starlight?”

Spike’s second best friend jumped into the hallway, smiling. “Just kidding,” she said with a giggle. “I had to throw you two off because you both looked like you’ve been through hell and back, and I wasn’t going to bust out one of Twilight’s old albums tonight to prove that.”

Cringing wasn’t something that Spike was favoring, but he certainly did after hearing her mention Twilight’s old music albums. Hell and Back was certainly not a good track from her.

Meanwhile, Twilight rolled her eyes. “Let’s just say I got extremely irritated not knowing where Spike was.”

Starlight’s smile slowly washed away as she approached her friends. “Spike knows how to take care of himself. He’s always helping everypony with stuff that needs to be done. And that includes helping you!” She nudged Twilight. “I mean, if you didn’t have Spike around, trying to organize your shelving units would take up most of the day!”

Twilight frowned. “You’re not wrong… even if you are trying to joke about it. And I know Spike can take care of himself.” She looked over at Spike with a weak smile. “I just get worried sometimes, you know?”

“Hey Big Mac?”

“Eeyup?”

“Why am I so worried?”

He heard the echo again, making the poor dragon shiver in place.

“Yeah, you’re a very unhealthy worrywort, much like how I tend to be very unhealthy with my choices of food.”

Spike laughed. “All’s fair in love and gluten.”

Twilight flicked a few stray hairs of her mane from her face. “Look, I know I worry, but I’m serious! I just…” Her voice trailed off, looking at Spike with the most downtrodden look he had ever seen. Her ears had fallen against her skull, matching her already upset gaze and lip-curled downcast. “I just hate when you’re not around, Spike. It worries me!”

His laugh fell silent. His heart drummed to a calm metronome, but his smile became blank as a fresh new canvas. “Yeah…”

“Yeah?”

Spike nodded. “I know you’re serious. I just don’t know when you’ll act on that feeling.”

“Act on that feeling?” Spike could hear Twilight’s teeth grind that word to death. “I’ve been trying to, but you don’t let me!”

He didn’t let her. No, he couldn’t let her, for her sake—she wouldn’t understand. She’s a Princess of Friendship. That’s all. She’ll pity him and not let him get a word in, like always.

“Because you don’t understand.”

The Princess held her head with her forehooves. They were shaking, and shaking, and shaking, while time ticked, and ticked, and ticked. It felt like hours when she finally veered out of her frustration, and said those words that made Spike’s gut twist and turn:

“Then let me understand, because not knowing where you were after hearing you were having trouble with yourself made me… wonder if you were still alive and—”

“Wait, why haven’t I heard of any of this?” Starlight butted in.

Spike wanted to say something to her before, but there just wasn’t any time, or, rather, there wasn’t the right time to do it. Twilight was a hoofstep away, always, and Starlight latched herself to that mare’s path, a path that led to reformation and progress that didn’t help understand who he was.

A path that he didn’t want to be blindly following anymore.

Spike knew two expectant gazes were upon him now, waiting for him to answer, but he wasn’t the type of dragon to tell mares like these two all about his problems. It was already a huge deal that he opened up to Big Mac and Rainbow Dash, two ponies who he valued in his life. Big Mac was just the best pony he could have ever met: wise when he needed to be, supportive in the background the next. Meanwhile Dash was a whole different case. Although she was a mare, she just… acted like a stallion. Spike considered her being a dude who looked like a lady, so it was just easier to say to her.

Unlike Big Mac and Rainbow Dash, these two mares, the bestest friends that had ever graced his life, couldn’t know about his problems. He didn’t want to throw his friendship away because they pitied his existence, wallowed in his misery, and forced his hand when he had nothing to fold in the first place. He was stuck playing a deadly game, and the only way to continue was to contribute to the pot of greed. But all Spike had was a nearly blank script that was scribbled on by misfortune, a little glimpse he called his life.

Misfortune was good company. Or, well, so Spike thought. It kept him falling back to it, loving its company for so long, that he even missed it when it was gone, because he kept hating himself, hating who he was and—

The blurred world sharpened into focus again. Twilight and Starlight still wore expressions of worry. They grew closer to him, and all he did was stand there, staring off into the realm behind them.

He coughed, and sheepishly smiled at them. “Sorry, got spaced out there. I…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “C-Can we go somewhere else to talk about this? I don’t want to have anyone interrupting us.”

Twilight nodded. “Of course. How about my study? The guards know not to enter there, so it’ll be a nice place to chat.”

“Okay,” Spike said, nodding. Starlight followed suit.

And together, the three began their journey, embarking on a trip to Twilight’s study. Unfortunately for Spike, it was extremely nerve-wracking. Each step felt like he was walking on hot coals, something that only happened when the dragon knew he was going to get a lecture. And Spike was not a fan of lectures.

He was used to the fire and the flames of her words. After all, he was a dragon, and an assistant to one of the most powerful beings in all of Equestria. What he wasn’t used to was the pain of a lifetime lost in the echo, something that he would have to carry on through each lecture he had the pleasure to witness.

The three entered the study. Spike was last to enter, hobbling into the small room. Once they were in, the door was smacked shut against its frame. Spike jolted at the noise, but what made him stumble towards a nearby table was the sound of Twilight’s horn birthing a spell of silence. It always made his ears pop, since magic had a slightly different effect on him, which always turned him to hiding, cowering behind a bookshelf or, in this case, under a nearby table.

He could feel Starlight’s gaze, her eyes trembling in the light. But what began to overwhelm Starlight’s emotions was Twilight, whose intense glare burned his heart. Why was she like this?

Spike could only ponder this for a few seconds, before the spell burst to life. The bubble ensnared the three in its grasp, leaving no choice for Spike to hold his position and stay put.

And so he did, as the lecture began—

“Spike, please… tell me what’s wrong.”

The curled dragon, whose knees were clicking and clacking together, poked his head out from his hiding place. “Nothing. I’ve just been feeling a bit under the weather, that’s all.”

“That’s not what you told me this morning,” Twilight replied with a raised brow. “You told me that someone was telling you to kill yourself.”

"I’m pretty close to snapping.”

Spike shook his head. “No, that was just spur of the moment. You know, like one of those things you say when you have a massive headache, and you say it’s killing you.”

“Then… what’s really bothering you?”

The dragon paused, before letting out a shaky sigh. “Just feeling down. Apparently Rainbow Dash decided to let it rain on my parade.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. “I’ve had that experience once. It was a torrential downpour that day, and I wanted to make sure none of my notes got wet.” The memory of the drenched notes made Starlight frown. “I will miss those notes. All the ink just faded to yellow.”

“Are you sure that’s not just piss—”

“Twilight! I said it was rain! Wasn’t that a clue?” Starlight said through the mist of the situation.

Twilight sighed. “No, those little inferences go over my head.” She shook her head. “Regardless, if you’re feeling down, you should tell me about it. I told you I’m willing to lend you an ear.”

“But I have been talking about it, but all I’ve gotten was static!” Spike shouted. “I… I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

“Then tell me about it,” Twilight snarled. “If we keep dancing around in circles about this, we’re never going to be able to help you!”

“I told you I don’t want to talk about it!”

Twilight frowned. “Why don’t you want to?”

“Because, it’s not something I can tell you!”

“But aren’t we family? Family helps each other through thick and thin, and I’m done letting this fall to the wayside. I’m not going to push this aside anymore, not while you’re hurting alone!”

She had done it. She had thrown down the family card, and now he was left to scramble for a solution in hopes of salvaging a friendship, something that Spike was not a fan of. But what choice did he have? If he just slid a different excuse under that rug, it’ll be compound interest on a loan that he would not be able to pay back in time.

He looked to Starlight for something, an inkling, but her gaze fell short, sealing his fate. Slowly, his gaze lifted to the Princess of Friendship, who looked like she was on the edge of eternity with tears running down her cheeks, and a single word left his lips, one that he never thought of saying until now:

“No.”

“P-Pardon?”

Spike shook his head and got up on his feet. “We’re not family by blood, but you’re my best friend Twilight, next to Starlight, Big Mac, Rainbow Dash…” He twiddled with his claws. “The list goes on. I… couldn’t tell you because I didn’t want to be pitied for what I got going on in my head. I don’t want to be seen as a burden—”

Twilight looked absolutely furious, but downtrodden in her gaze. Her teeth were clenched, and her eyes were burning flames—but as the tears fell, Spike thought: how could it have been possible? How could she be mad at him for what he admitted? It was the truth: they weren’t family by blood. Maybe by fortune, by destiny. She was his best friend, and he was her number one assistant. There was no room for error with that.

So why was the room heating up?

Why were the thoughts in his head telling him to die?

Why were there two Twilights and two Starlights?

Why was the floor getting closer to his face?

“Spike! Spike! Starlight get… hospital while I… Celestia!”

The words were lost on Spike as the world crumbled around him, swallowing him whole.

Spike woke up.

He looked to his right, and to his left using just his eyes. The room he was in was pure white. The walls had nothing on them, not even a picture that would clue him in on where he was. Nope, just white like a void, like a bright light that would keep him blind to his whereabouts. However, when he looked down…

He gasped. The dragon was chained upright against the wall. He couldn’t move his head to see the room in full. He couldn’t move his arms or legs—the cold chains kept him tightly restrained, frozen in place. And the harness around his body made the blood in his body turn cold, including his poor tail, wedged between discomfort and disharmony.

Spike could only wonder what had happened to him to get himself into this situation.

“Oh my gosh!”

The excited voice made Spike’s shock grind to a halt. He heard hooves shuffle into the room. Whoever it was probably was looking at him in amusement or something. But what she said clued him in as to where he was.

“I need to get Doctor Hooves and the other nurses!”

He was in the hospital in chains, and he was about to be told why. Spike couldn’t wait to hear how he screwed up this time.

Author's Note

And we have ended the first arc. Moving onto the more serious stuff.

Thanks to TheWraithWriter for helping me make this story less shitfic-y. We're about to fucking tackle some hardcore stuff.

inb4 someone says I'm taking from Blonde Moments [BloodyLastWords].