Bad Stories For Bad People

An alarm buzzed loudly.

Rainbow Dash reached over and slammed the alarm clock in frustration.

“Ugh… I have to get up.”

Rainbow Dash threw the sheets off from her thin body, and she stood up on her hind legs for a stretch.

She walked down the staircase to see her housemate, Pinkie Pie, eating breakfast, and reading holiday brochures. She noticed the mountain of sugar on the pink pony’s cereal.

“Oh Pinkie Pie, you’re so random!”

Rainbow pulled up a seat at the table.

“You got any cereal?”

“Yeah!” she said as she shoved the box towards Rainbow.

Rainbow poured herself some, and started eating.

“Whatcha readin’?”

“Oh, just some holiday stuff! I wanna go for an adventure!”

“Meh, we don’t need a holiday for an adventure.”

“HEY!” Pinkie said, “Check this place out! It’s called TERRORIST ISLAND™!”

“TERRORIST ISLAND™? That’s a lame, yet exciting name!”

“We should go!”

“Okay then, let’s get packing!”

And with that, the two headed upstairs and started packing their bags.

“This is going to be so, awesome,” the pony with rainbow hair said, squeezing her face like in that one episode. You know the one, right?

“Our dialogue is so heavy handed and shitty!” Pinkie said, totally breaking the fourth wall. Oh how random she is.

“That’s because the writer is fucking terrible!” Rainbow Dash sa- hey, shut the fuck up you Rainbow-haired bitch!

Several hours later, they were at the docks, waiting for a boat to pick them up.

“I can’t wait to go to this TERRORIST ISLAND™!” Pinkie said as she bounced excitedly.

“Yeah! It sounds so rad!”

“Tickets please!” the tour guide announced.

Rainbow fumbled through the saddlebags, and handed him the tickets.

“Thank you ma’am!” he said, stepping into the boat. “Y’all can come in too, now.”

Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie stepped inside the boat, and they powered towards their destination, TERRORIST ISLAND™.

After several hours of travel, they saw land approaching.

“Can you see that island there, Pinkie?”

“Yes I can Rainbow Dash, yes I can.”

“Is that TERRORIST ISLAND™?”

“Sausage, Apple Pie, and a banana,” the pink pony said.

“Oh Pinkie Pie, you are so random.”

Suddenly, they noticed a huge explosion from TERRORIST ISLAND™. They gasped.

“Don’t mind them,” the tour guide said casually, “they’re just suicide bombers.”

They relaxed.

“This is as far as I can take ya,” he said, dropped the two off at a pier.

“Thanks, Mr. Tour Guide!” they said, waving as he left.

“Wow! This place is awesome!” the pink pony said.

“Ehh, it needs to be about 20% cooler,” Rainbow said.

Suddenly, a man with a bomb strapped to his chest ran towards them!

“Oh my God Pinkie!” the rainbow-haired pony yelled in shock.

“Not to worry, Dashie!” Pinkie said.

And with that, peculiarly, Pinkie pulled two pistols from the pink pelt perched upon her pate. She threw one to Rainbow Dash.

“You won’t stop us today, terrorist scum!” Rainbow said, shooting the terrorist in the head.

“C’mon Dash, we gotta go!” the strange pink horse said, pulling the athletic, rainbow haired horse along.

“Holy horseapples, Pinkie! They’re just blowing themselves up!”

The two started running. Suddenly, they found themselves cornered by suicide bombers.

“Allahu akbar!” they said.

“I am not going to die today,” Rainbow Dash said.

Then, they started firing their pistols at the terrorists and they died.

“Yes! We killed them!” Rainbow Dash said.

“We can not celebrate now, when there is more terrorists to be killed.”

The two of them rushed off, and found themselves facing more terrorists.

“Oh my God.”

They started shooting, when suddenly, one got too close.

The explosion blew Pinkie’s leg off.

“Oh no, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash said.

“Rainbow, my friend, you must go on without me,” the pink horse said.

“But how?”

“Carry on, my Rainbow Dash son…” Pinkie said, before dying.

“Nooooooooooooooooo,” Rainbow Dash said.

She started running from the terrorists.

She noticed a rowboat.

She.

Jumped.

Into.

The.

Rowboat.

She started rowing as fast as she could. She looked down and noticed her stomach was bleeding.

“Oh no,” she said, “TERRORIST ISLAND™ has taken another life, but this time it is mine.”

And then...  she sailed into the white light.

And then she woke up, because it was all a dream.

And she woke up again, finding out she dreamt it was all a dream, and it really happened.

“I’m going to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”

The reason why there are so many e’s is because she died while typing. That’s the joke.