Bad Stories For Bad People

0420 hours.

Scootaloo stood tall for a short horse, on a mountain which was quite a bit taller than her I guess. I dunno, do I look like a fucking scientist to you? The mountain was snowy and it was cold and dark, but Scootaloo had been specially trained in all fifty of her fucking military groups to withstand and endure such pain. The wind struck the young horse, but she kept moving on up the mountain. She was on a very important mission.

Anyway, she pulled out her pair of DMM Apex Axe Ice Picks, like the ones in that one mission in Black Ops, from her Free Knight Military Style 3 Day MOLLE Backpack, and she climbed the snowy mountain. She knew the enemy was inside. She was wearing her Yukon 1x24 NV Tracker Night Vision Goggles, but only just now activated them, because it was dark.

“Where are you, you reptilians?” she said to herself.

She was certain that the reptilian scum who run Ameri-shit I mean Equestria lived in here. A cold-blooded creature would live in a cold place. These communists were destroying the American way of life, by trying to introduce gun control. Gun control doesn’t work. Everyone knows that. Come on, name the fucking countries where it fucking works? Apart from Australia, England, a majority of other European countries, pretty much everywhere fucking else in the world apart from the US apparently. But we are SMART people, unlike everyone else, so we don’t NEED gun control! After all, without guns, people are just gonna use knives, which are much less dangerous, much easier to survive, and much harder to kill multiple people with, unlike a gun. But you dumbass commies miss the point!

She kept using her DMM Apex Axe Ice Picks to ascend the mountain. She was sure the reptilians were hiding somewhere nearby. Suddenly, her left DMM Apex Axe Ice Pick struck solid metal.

“Ha! I’ve found you now, you muslim sympathising scum!”

Scootaloo pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster. She looked at her Rolex Cosmograph Daytona Oyster 40 mm steel and yellow gold wrist-watch, which was partially scratched from last time she had it on. It read 4:20 AM. Perfect timing.

She rubbed the snow from the door with her hoof. It read;

ILLUMINATI REPTILE COMMUNIST HEADQUARTERS

DONT COME IN UNLESS YOU HATE AME-EQUESTRIA SHIT WHY DO I ALWAYS FORGET FUCKING HELL

Shit, caps. Sorry

She smirked, holding her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol in one hoof, while holding the handle to the door in the other.

Alright, I gotta take a shit. I’ll be back in a second.

She pulled open the door, and climbed in.

Several reptilian guards, who were wearing turbans like their sandhead brothers in the first one, turned their Izhmash AK-47 7.62x39mm Caliber Fully Automatic Assault Rifles towards Scootaloo, making her stop.

“Ah hah hah! We were… expecting you missus Scootaloo!” the cold-blooded fuck said, “You killed our brethren in Iraq or wherever the fuck it was in the first one.”

“I will kill you, as I killed them!”

“Not if we kill you first, you bitch.”

7.62 bullets started flying from all over. Scootaloo slid across the ground to behind some boxes. She hastily pulled out her FN P90 9×19mm Parabellum Caliber Fully Automatic Personal Defense Weapon from her Free Knight Military Style 3 Day MOLLE Backpack.

“Eat lead, you Am-Equestria hating fuckers!”

She shot a lot of bullets and a lot of people fucking died. She was hit in the chest by the gunfire of a now-dead reptilian. She wheezed, as she was protected by her DuPont Fiber KM2 Kevlar Bulletproof Vest, and wasn’t hit.

She stood in the room full of dead reptilians, and smiled.

“If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying,” she said.

She went to ru- shit, mom called me. We have dinner. What a ridiculous social construct. Obviously made by Jewish anti-Americans. We go to bed later, and I usually order a dozen McDonalds Big Macs with a side of fries and a jumbo cola at midnight anyway. Fucking jews ruin everything. FUCK, SHUT UP MOM! Right, gotta go.

She wandered down a hallway, and saw Hillary Clinton, the anti-American candidate!

“It was you!”

“You’ll never get me, you little shit,” she screamed at Scootaloo, before running away.

She followed after, but as she turned a corner, another lot of muslim reptilians found her!

She raised her FN P90 9×19mm Parabellum Caliber Fully Automatic Personal Defense Weapon and shot them. They died.

She kept running after Hillary Clinton. She found a locked door, which had a note written on it;

TOP SECRET ANTI AMERICAN fuck I mean fucking EQUESTRIAN COMMUNIST GAY AGENDA PLANNING ROOM

She was fuming. She pulled out her GWA Auto Assault 12 Gauge Fully Automatic Shotgun to bust through that fucking door, just like that FPS Russia video. Come on, you little dickheads have to have seen it. FUCKING WATCH IT!

She kicked the door open. Hillary Clinton was huddled in a corner. Suddenly, she noticed…

Her face was lying on the ground! It was a PLASTIC MASK!

SHE WAS A REPTILIAN MUSLIM ANTI EQUESTRIAN SHIT FUCK YES FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME I GOT IT RIGHT YES ILLUMINATI GAY LOVING SHIT!

“My god! Just as I suspected!”

“NOW YOU KNOW, YOU MUST DIE!”

“Not today!”

She pulled her Mark XIX IMI Desert Eagle .50 Cal Action Express Pistol from her Magnum Research Nylon Tactical Thigh Holster, and shot her in the fucking face. She died.

Scootaloo walked out, but soon noticed an army of reptilians following her. She killed their leader, and since they were mindless muslim sheep, they had no cognitive thought.

Scootaloo ran out and jumped into the Lockheed AC-130 Spectre Air-To-Ground Heavily Armoured Airship. She sighed happily, as the guns started pointing towards the mountain. A lot of fucking bullets blew the fucking shit out of the mountain.

“Today was a huge success, but the only easy day was yesterday!”