Avengers EMH: The Lost Seasons

Chapter 1: Crystal Chaos Part 1

Shining Armor stood upon the edge of the highest peak of the Crystal Mountains, the flat plateau large enough to build a mansion on with a considerable front and backyard. The wind rustled his predominantly navy blue mane as well as his lone streak of baby blue as he looked out over the rolling green plains and towards Crystal City, the lone city of the Crystal Empire.

He breathed in the chilling, yet crisp, mountain air and sighed, content.

He was a happily married stallion. Indeed, he couldn’t think of a stallion that wouldn’t be happy marrying a princess bride, becoming a prince, and then ruling over a crystalline kingdom once lost to the annals of history with said princess bride at his side. He further thought that the very idea of a stallion being unhappy with such a bride when it was considered that she was also a legendary alicorn goddess was an unintelligible concept. Like a square circle or, to poke fun at his younger sister, a Twily that wasn’t overly obsessive about exams.

After having his fill of the air, Shining Armor’s eyebrow knitted together and he licked his lips, both in anticipation and to keep them from chapping. Chap stick wasn’t something he liked to apply because it made him feel all girly, for obvious reasons, and if his lips became dry, his spouse wouldn’t let him hear the end of it until he ponied up.

A look of grim determination graced his features. “Release!” he commanded.

“Sir yes sir!” said Lieutenant Flash Sentry.

Shining Armor liked Flash. Aside from Shining himself and Cadence, he was one of the few other ‘fleshies,’ as the colloquialism went, in the entirety of the empire. All of the other, regular, blood and bone ponies of the EUP (Earth Pony, Unicorn, Pegasus) guard contingent assigned to protect him and his wife had been scheduled back to Canterlot a few months ago.

Though he questioned the term ‘fleshy’ as it applied to Cadence, considering she could probably turn a crystal pony to pebbles with her bare hooves if she really wanted to with her earth pony strength, there was no denying the kinship he shared with Flash if for no other reason than, if both of them were cut, they’d both bleed. A kinship he had shared with none of the other guards assigned to protect him, as friendly, well mannered, and professional as they were.

The two of them were ‘bros,’ as it were.

With a small whoosh of air, the clay pigeon was airborne and entered Shining’s field of vision, heading towards the Crystal City over the wild blue yonder. He broke his serious look and snickered when he saw a mugshot of Prince Blueblood smiling taped to the front of it.

Yep. He and Flash Sentry were bros, alright.

As soon as it hit the peak of its arc, which is to say, as soon as it was nothing but a barely recognizable dot on the horizon, Shining yelled out, “EAT THIS JERKFACE!” before obliterating the pigeon and ‘Prince Bluebood’ to dust with a casual burst of navy blue energy from his horn.

“Whoa! Nice shot dude!” said Flash.

Shining Armor turned around to be greeted by the sounds of Flash, the ten Crystal Pony guards standing by the road that lead down the plateau, and his lovely wife clapping their hooves together at his display of martial accuracy. Despite himself, he made a grand, sweeping flourish with his hoof, like a conductor having just finished a most excellent concerto, and took a bow.

“And that’s why Celestia made me the Captain of the Canterlot Castle guard,” Shining Armor said with the smuggest grin he could muster.

“Really now?” Cadence asked, raising a brow as a small smirk graced her beautiful, pink face. “I thought it was because I had put in a good word about you.”

Shining Armor blushed and rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. “Well, there’s that too.”

Cadence giggled.

Shining, despite how many times he had heard her giggle, felt his heart skip a few beats to flutter away from him a bit.

“So, what happened yesterday?” Cadence asked.

Shining’s heart immediately started to beat normally again, though at an accelerated and angry rate.

He glanced towards Flash, who was grinning nervously and rubbing a foreleg with his other one.

Yep. He and Flash Sentry were bros.

“You caved again, didn’t you?” Shining asked, slapping his face and groaning. “Dude! How many times do I have to tell you to run away and hide when she comes around and asks questions!”

“But I did Shiny—errr—Sir! Honest!” Flash said, before pointing a hoof towards Cadence. “But she found me hiding in the library behind all two hundred volumes of The Steadfast Sky! And how could I have said no to that face!?”

Shining looked towards his wife to find her performing the oldest manipulative trick in the equine book. A trick so old that it preceded Celestia’s and Luna’s age put together.

The puppy-dog face.

Oh, Shining new this face well. Twily had unleashed its immediate sadness inducing powers on him many a time when they were younger. Though such frequency of usage had inoculated him quite well to its effects, if Cadence ever used it against him, he knew that even he would crack eventually.

He sighed and shook his head.

Cadence’s face returned to normal and she giggled once more. “Yeah, Shiny, how could he have said no to me?” She reached into the basket to her right on the picnic blanket she was laying on. “So, what happened exactly? Flash didn’t really spill any juicy details when I cornered him yesterday.”

Shining Armor took one angered look at Flash, who withered under his gaze, before turning back to Cadence and saying, “Let’s just say that I’m glad you and your ‘cuz’ aren’t actually related by blood.”

“That bad, huh?” Cadence asked as she pulled out a daisy and apple jam sandwich from the basket.

“He made Donut Joe cry, close his chain here, and head back to Canterlot!” Flash suddenly shouted. “Nopony takes away a slice of home like that!” He slammed his hoof down for emphasis. Unfortunately, it came down upon the lever of the clay pigeon launcher. “Whoops!”

As this second clay-pigeon with Blueblood’s ugly mug taped to it became a hard to spot dot on the horizon, Shining shouted out, “EAT IT AGAIN YOU HIGHBORN PIG!” before making it join its brother in wherever it was clay-pigeons bearing the visages of annoying in-laws went to.

The guards began clapping again, their eyes closed, and Shining Armor dramatically bowed repeatedly.

“Another fantastic shot. Truly your species has more than disgusting, saccharine adorability going for it.”

“Thank you, thank you, you’re too—” As Shining took his fifth bow, his brow furrowed, the insult in those words and the unfamiliar voice finally hitting him. He heard the shuffling of crystal hooves, the clanging of spears, and a gasp from Cadence. He raised his head back up and opened his eyes. There, ten feet away and surrounded by all his Crystal guards and their diamond tipped points, was something he honestly didn’t expect to see when had woken up that morning.

A minotaur in regal gold and medium blue armor from the neck down sat on a throne that floated three feet off the ground thanks to some unseen force. Two horns, the largest he had ever seen on a minotaur, protruded from either side of a helmet the same colors as the armor and curved sharply upwards. From its exposed face, Shining could see that it’s fur was somewhere between a dark purple and blue and that its chin was frilled, a feature he had never seen a minotaur possess even in the advanced biology books he had glanced at back when Twily was a filly and into the ‘City States of Minos’ phase. In its arms, cradled like a lover, was a tall back statue of some strange figure.

“Who—who are you?” Shining asked, more surprised than angry or frightened.

The Minotaur placed the statue upright on the ground next to him. Next, it placed its two massive hands, each large enough, Shining noticed, to completely wrap around his head on its equally massive kneecaps and leaned in at the edge of its seat.

The Minotaur flashed Shining a toothy, canine filled grim that made the plateau drop to the same freezing temperatures of winter according to his body.

A grin that would haunt Shining’s nightmares for years to come.

“The name’s Thanos.”

*****

In the blink of an eye, the mastermind behind all of earth’s woes was gone, leaving behind ten surprised Avengers, who were just getting over the shock of seeing a completely different world before them.

It didn’t take long for Hawkeye to become rather irate. “Good going guys! You let the man behind the curtain get away!” he said to Hulk and Thor.

“Last I checked, you were gawking at that new planet there same as the rest of us, Cupid,” said Hulk.

“Oh yeah!? Well at least I wasn’t within spitting distance of the guy!”

“Pardon, but are you not an archer, and did you not come prepared with a quiver of quantum arrows?” asked Thor.

Hawkeye was about to make another angry retort, when the voices of Captain America and Iron Man cut into his plans.

“That’s enough!” they shouted in stereo.

The two of them looked at each other for a moment before Captain America made a gesture of deference with his hand.

Nodding, Iron Man turned his armored head forward and said, “Look, I know what just happened wasn’t exactly our finest moment, but this is the closest we’ve ever been to bringing this guy to justice, so if you’re going to argue over mistakes, do it on your own time!” When no one challenged him on that, Iron Man turned towards Krypto, who was still floating in the air. “Krypto! Please tell me you got that guy’s scent.”

The Superdog nodded and barked.

“Good boy,” Iron Man said. “Alright team, here’s the—”

“—self destruct sequence initiated,” said the voice of what was undoubtedly the ship’s AI.

“—Plan.” Beneath his helmet, Tony sighed. Call it jadedness or complacency, but he didn’t bother to let his eyes widen or his pupils shrink. After all, he was more peeved at the prospect of having to make a great escape than fearful.

“Ten—” said the AI.

“Well that’s not good,” said Wasp.

Before Tony could even issue the order, Thor twirled mjolnir around and fired off a blue bolt of lightning that stopped halfway between him and Hulk and the other Avengers and turned into an equally blue warp in the fabric of space. “A portal to yond planet below! Quickly!”

“Let us hope that atmosphere is breathable!” said Black Panther.

“Of course it’ll be. Reality loves us,” said Yellow Jacket.

All ten of The Avengers shuffled into the portal before the countdown had reached three.

*****

Going through one of Thor’s mystic portals was usually smooth sailing no longer than five seconds of zooming through the space between spaces. Though other magic users could make instantaneous portals, his fellow Avengers tended not to give him much flak for that considering Asgardians were a warrior culture that, aside from certain individuals, saw little use in magic that did not increase physical attributes, destroy things via projection, or enchant objects to increase one’s physical attributes and/or allow one to destroy things via projection.

Besides, despite the often time sensitive nature of their profession, they had never gotten into a situation with Thor’s portals where that five seconds of travel time would have made difference, as incredible as that sounds.

Something even more incredible happened as they went through the space between spaces that time, though. Or rather, something painful to the extreme. Against their will, all of The Avengers save for Thor, Vision, and Krypto, felt something happen to their bodies. Their fingers and toes retreated into their palms and feet. Their eyes and the cavities they inhabited in their craniums grew wider. Their limbs and spinal columns grew shorter. It was as if some grand, cosmic force had looked them all over and decided that their body plans had to conform to an acceptable one before allowing them entrance onto whatever world awaited them.

In their minds, the five seconds stretched on for hours, but to the other three, time’s flow seemed quite normal, though Thor senses that something wasn’t quite right.

*****

His suspicions were well founded. Being the first into the portal, upon his boots crunched down upon snow, he flew up into the air and scanned around. He discovered several things, the three most important being that they had arrived in a cold, mountainous, and unforgiving area that the frost giants would be right at home in, the second being that they were under no immediate threat save hypothermia for the less durable of the roster, and last, but most certainly not least, what had happened to the majority of the team.

“Odd’s blood,” he muttered to himself. He descended from on high on one side of the unconscious group of Iron Man, Captain America, Yellow Jacket, Wasp, Black Panther, Ms. Marvel, Hawkeye, and Hulk. On the other side, The Vision knelt down and inspected the transformed face of Captain America while Krypto sniffed at it. “They’re… they’re—”

“—Equines,” said Vision.

“I was going to say ponies.”

“Yes. They are roughly the same size and biomass of that particular kind of equine. Though the colors of some of their body hair is far too exotic,” Vision said in a clinical fashion. “I am more concerned with the unusual body parts some of them possess, however.”

“Unusual body parts?” Thor took a closer look at his equinized companions, and sure enough, Vision was right. Though the Captain, Hulk, and Panther were normal ponies, the oddly colored fur he could see on the former two and suspected lied beneath the equinized suit of the latter one aside, the others were not. Ms. Marvel and Hawkeye possessed a pair of wings, on either side of their bodies, and Wasp, Yellow Jacket, and Iron Man each brandished a horn on their foreheads, gold colored metal covering up the horn of the latter. “Odin’s beard, you’re right! Some of them posses the forms of Pegasi or Unicorns! But how!?”

“I am uncertain. I detect no mutagens in their bodies that could have done this, at least, not without killing them, and I highly doubt that any mutagen could make their apparel contort to their new body plans in such a fashion.”

Before Thor could respond, Krypto’s ears perked up and he turned towards the south, his snout wildly sniffing the air.

“Trouble?” Vision asked, petting the Kryptonian canine.

Krypto barked and nodded, and then barked three more times.

Thor’s eyes narrowed and he knelt down to Krypto’s eye level. “Is the mastermind down that way?”

Krypto barked and nodded, and Thor’s expression grew even grimmer. He got back to his feet and regarded Vision. “Vision, remain here with the others and find some fuel for a fire. I will follow Krypto and scout to see what our foe is doing.”

“I trust scouting is all you will do,” said Vision.

“All that I intend, though, if a situation arises where I feel I must take action, I will send Krypto back to inform you at my earliest convenience. Hopefully, if it comes to that, the others will have awakened ad accepted their new… circumstances.” Thor let out a sharp whistle, getting Krytp’s attention. “Come, Krypto. Lead me to the mastermind.”

Krypto nodded, his tongue wagging out of his mouth happily, and took off into the air like a cannon.

Thor twirled his hammer as fast as he could.

“Take care, thunderer,” Vision said.

“Fret not, Vision, for it is you whom I worry for.”

“Really?” Vision asked, quirking a mechanical brow. “Why?”

“Because: if I know the others, as Janet would say—” Thor turned his head back towards Vision. “They’re going to ‘freak’.” With a wink, Thor turned back around and shot off into the sky towards Krypto, Vision watching him with both his eyebrows furrowed.

The android’s eyes widened as realization struck him when he heard the other Avengers start to murmur and stir themselves awake.

Were he a biological entity, the urge to let out his breath and sigh would have been too much for him to suppress.

*****

“And, to answer the veritable tidal wave of questions I suspect you’re going to ask: I saw you all from a neighboring mountain top, I teleported, my hover-throne uses advanced technology eons ahead what your race’s finest thinkers can comprehend due to their stagnant cultural mind rot, and my profession will only concern if you fail to answer MY questions.” The Minotaur, ‘Thanos,’ gave a gesture with a hand, one Shining recognized as an indication that it was his turn to speak.

He sat in a very un-prince like manner on his haunches just before the picnic blanket, crossed his fore-legs together, and sent a bemused glare at the Minotaur. “Actually, I was going to ask if you dyed your fur and why you’re acting like a rude jerk, but thanks for getting all that other stuff out of the way, ‘Thanos’,” Shining said with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

“My prince—” said one of the Crystal guard, one of Thanos’s eyebrows quirking at that. “—I wouldn’t recommend antagonizing him. This guy looks like he could deadlift a Crystal house.”

Thanos smirked. “Yes good ‘prince.’ You’d do well to listen to your guardsmen. He recognizes power when he sees it.”

“Guards… man?” Cadence asked Shining from his side.

Shining shrugged at his wife and his look hardened as he looked at Thanos again. “And you’d do well to treat me, my guard, and my wife with respect. Now, I may be a pretty mellow and relaxed dude as far as ruling is concerned, but I demand that others at least give me a teaspoon of common courtesy.” Shining got to his hooves and pointed one accusatorily at Thanos. “If you had just acted with some decency, I would have been more than happy to answer any of your questions, but now, unless you apologize, I think it’s time you stopped bothering us, Thanos.”

“Please. Apologizing to a wretched, techni-colored quadruped like yourself would be an indication that I see you as an equal or, perish the thought, a superior, which I obviously do not think you are and which you are evidentially not.”

Everypony save Shining gasped at those words of blatant disrespect.

“Now, question one—”

“—Sir, I think it’s time for you to—” The Crystal guard who had previously spoken made to grab one of Thanos’s legs, but his hoof and voice stopped when the former hit against an invisible barrier he was not expecting to be there.

“—Do you care for your guardsmen, oh Prince?”

Ignoring his mounting curiosity at just what ‘men’ meant, Shining looked at Thanos as though he had just asked something with an answer so obvious he had to be joshing him. “Of course. What self respecting Prince, especially one who used to be a guard, wouldn’t?”

“Ah, then it would give you much sorrow to have to write letters to the wives, lovers, and family of the ten surrounding me informing them of their passing.”

This time, everypony, Shining included, gasped.

“Are you threatening to… to… murder them?” Shining asked, saying ‘murder’ as though the very concept made his insides churn with disgust.

“My good Prince, if you fail to answer my second question, it’ll be no threat, but a guarantee,” Thanos said with a casualness that sickened Shining.

“That’s it! I can take personal insults till the cows come home, but I will NOT tolerate anyone threatening my subjects with unjust death! Guards, take this guy to the dungeons and charge him with—”

“—How do I corrupt the Crystal Heart?”

Again, everypony gasped.

“Come… come again?” Cadence asked, getting to her feet.

“Yes, please do,” Shining said, looking at Thanos like he had just grown an extra head like every pony on the plateau.”

“You heard correct. Though I’ll spare you the sordid details, know that I desire to bend the Crystal Heart to my will, and will kill all ten of your crystalline guards if you do not tell me how to accomplish my goal. You have three seconds to comply.” Thanos leaned back in his ‘hover-throne’. “Three.”

Shining stood there frozen stiff for a moment.

Thanos raised his right fist until the knuckles were at eye-level a few inches away from the side of his head. “Two.”

Shining shook his head clear, and a look of pity and genuine concern for the obviously insane Minotaur appeared. “Guys, forget what I said. Send Thanos to a mental hospital—”

“One,” Thanos opened his palm, a bright light somewhere between white and gold engulfing him and the area around him for a good seven feet with a blinding intensity. The wind kicked up beyond this radius was so great that Shing felt himself sliding backwards towards the edge of the plateau, but was fortunately caught by Flash Sentry, pressing his fore-hooves against Shining’s flank.

Yep. He and Flash were definitely bros.

When the light died down and the dust settled, Shining opened his eyes to a sight that stabbed at his heart like an adamantium arrow. For now, all around the unharmed forms of Thanos, his chair and his statue, where all ten of the crystal guards that had accompanied him up here on what was supposed to be another beautiful day in paradise, were now nothing but piles of crystalline fragments, the majority of their remains undoubtedly scattered to the four winds and beyond hope of recovery.

“Sweet Celestia,” muttered Flash.

Too overcome with emotion to do anything else but feel his eyes get puffy and twin trails of tears fall freely down his cheeks, Shining was beaten to saying what was on his mind by an equally distraught Cadence.

“You… you… murdered our subjects,” she sniffed out.

Thanos rolled his eyes. “I told your husband what would happen if he denied me.”

Shining felt a rage bubble inside of him at the uncaring detachment that permeated Thanos’s words. He meant to speak, but once again, his wife was faster.

“You murdered our subjects!” Cadence yelled with a very unprincess like scowl of raw rage and flaring teeth while slipping into the royal Canterlot accent she had picked up from Luna.

“And I stated quite clearly to your husband what would happen if he acted like a foolish—”

“Ahhh!”

With a cry that was now fully steeped in the royal Canterlot accent, Cadence aimed her regally long horn at Thanos and unleashed the largest offensive beam spell Shining had ever personallt witnessed with a preliminary charging time that was unreal, the kind of thing that if he blinked, he knew he would have missed it. The noise from both Cadence’s royal Canterlot yelling and the proximity to such a powerful beam made Shining’s ears pop and for a while, he was deaf to all but the loudest of noises.

Finally, after ten whole seconds of projecting magically generated concussive and heat energy, Cadence’s beam dissipated and her posture become wobbly. She would have fallen chin first into the ground if Shining’s hoove’s and Flash’s were not there to hold her up.

“Cadence! Are you alright!?” Shining Armor asked, unknowingly screaming.

Shining Armor couldn’t hear Cadence’s response. “I’m sorry, honey, but could you please speak up!?”

Once more, Cadence’s mouth opened, but he could hear no words leaving it.

“What!?” Shining asked.

Cadence however could not answer, as she had fainted.

“Cadence!? Cadence!?”

Shining and Flash gently placed her on the ground.

As Shining was furiously trying to shake his beloved awake, shouting her name all the while and completely focused on her, he felt a hoof furiously tap him in the withers. When he felt two hooves, Shining turned from his wife to glare at the panicked form of Flash. “What!?”

The lieutenant furiously pointed a hoof in the direction where Cadence’s beam had struck. If Shining’s jaw had dropped any lower, he’d need to get some crazy glue to reattach it. For even through the haze of half settled dust and ozone, he could see Thanos sitting unmoved upon his throne. Not even a scratch was on the statue net to him either.

Thanos tapped a button on his armrest and his voice boomed loud enough for Shining to hear.

“Well that most certainly was… amusing.”