Rainbow woke between the brush she became so familiar with. And each day she'd visit, It'd make her yearn for her old life. To be care free. To be taken care of. She could only laze about as her hunger pains started and tore through her tough girl attitude. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. Get up, she whispered, unable to do so. Rainbow needed to get back to her old life. To the people she knew for that short time away, Rainbow Dash crawled. Her belly cut about on tiny thorns and wild, gnarled vines invading Fluttershy's property. The sun felt hot against her back, irritating every fiber of her coat. The mare struggled to stay conscious. Stay up, she cursed. Stay awake, she rasped, feeling her pupils shrink and rattle about.

It was no use. Hunger, dehydration and gradual muscular atrophy struck in one, deadly assault. Her eyelids collapsed, forcing her blind and dumb to the dangers surrounding. Rainbow couldn't even fight as she felt herself lifted from the grassy earth. Along came an angel, she swore, feeling rough-kissed fingers beneath her stomach fur.

Her eyes sprung open and she gasped awake. A voice called her from the black. As she rubbed tired from her heavy, groggy lids, she discerned a humanoid figure with their back toward her, stoking a fireplace. Her cottage smelled like it always did, except with more pine and vanilla. Lilith spoke in her trademark hush, only turning her head to indicate attention. They didn't make eye-contact.

"I heard about you and Big Mac."

"Wh... what about him?"

Lilith crossed her arms and lowered her head.

"Yes. What about him. Did you have fun leaving and never coming back. Because I didn't." The incubus spat, cold and quiet as they smoked cancer.

Rainbow gripped her sheets. Even though she was so weak from the depression, her body has no right to deny her. She wanted to dash over and slap her. To grab her by the throat and never have to hear her stupid, little murmur ever again.

"I was fucked up when Pinkie tried to kill herself! I didn't want anything to do with my old life anymore and you know that! You think it's easy to take?! You think I felt good knowing I picked my lover over my friends...? I-I died hearing she tried to exhaust herself to death. Pinkie went through all that pain and all I could do w-was sit here and forget her. That's-"

Lilith cut her off by striking the fireplace with her palm, actually chipping some of the stone. Strangely, her hand didn't do more than peel off dead skin.

"That's a big deal, I know. I understand you felt horrible your friend tried to die. I've gone through it too. Only thing different was me not leaving. I blamed myself for her attempt just as much as you. You didn't see me bailing on someone who needed me. We did all that in a few days. We fell in love for a few days and all you could do was run."

"Stop, okay-!" Rainbow cried, hoarse and scratchy from her prior dehydration.

Her eyes wavered for the girl who wasn't even facing her.

"You had all those other girls... You could have gone to anyone but you didn't. You took Fluttershy. And now you're trying to guilt me about leaving you? Why?! I had a reason to leave... I couldn't take it anymore. So I ran, okay. That's all I can do. I -It's all I've ever done." She growled, taking to a high-pitched, straining whine.

The incubus blew some smoke from her mouth and replied, her tone barely changing from blank to disgusted.

"I never stopped having feelings for you, genius. I tried to move on because I couldn't take the fact that someone I gave the world to skipped out on me. She sold me short and left me in a minefield. I begged her to be reasonable, and then she spread her wings for someone else... The other girls aren't fucking capable of loving me. And Fluttershy... has been gone for ten days. I'm sure you could tell me all about how I have someone to love. But I'm not talking because I'm salty. I'm addressing you so you don't do this shit again."

A moment of quiet spread over Rainbow. Her eyes stopped shaking. A pain struck her chest and kept the mare from breathing well. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't her fault.

"I wasn't trying to break your heart, okay? I didn't try to hurt you. I-I'm just trying to forget how much it hurt. I never got to be with Big Mac, even though I had feelings before. Now I do and... and I thought you were with Fluttershy because we... were over." Rainbow whispered, gritting her teeth while listening.

Lilith blew smoke, staying statue-esque as the cancerous fog lingered all around. Her hair was long when they first met. And though she could've been Hercules, the ordeal her heart endured made her Achilles. She spoke again with her heels exposed, not turning back to face Rainbow Dash.

The incubus tilted her head up and stared into nothing.

"I didn't have a choice. You left without talking it through. And I wanted to die. Since my wife... you were the first girl I loved since. We didn't fight often, you and I. We didn't fight much at all. We got along. And I took care of you. Why wouldn't I feel this way. It wasn't a break-up. It was betrayal. It's not the fact that we were over. I knew me and Fluttershy were suffering. So I went to her. And I fell in her arms. Because I thought the mare of my dreams abandoned me forever." Lilith murmured, taking another drag and savoring it, before exhaling nice and slow.

"... I love her. I do. I wish she was here. I can't stand being away from her. She means the world to me. It's just that she's been leaving more often. Without talking. Without being affectionate. I know that sometimes, she doubts her capability in a relationship and it clouds her judgement. But it's been getting worse and worse; to the point where she's stopped talking to me and disappeared constantly. I know it's not fair for her, because she's always neck-high in shit. But both of you haven't been your best. And I ask... Why the fuck not. Is it hard to be here when I take care of you so extensively. Is it just that easy to forget what we've felt and been through."

A crack of thunder struck the house, rumbling harshly in Rainbow's ears. The mare shook and curled into herself. The sheets became a distant, phantom comfort as she clung to them. Lilith stepped over, turning around and approaching. When Dashie caught a glimpse of her face, she saw raw, red cheeks, the glisten and film of water still struggling to evaporate.

Lilith held her and clenched her fists, wishing she could rip her throat out. And Rainbow held too, wishing she could rip her throat out, too.

"I... I'm sorry, Lily..." Rainbow cracked, shuddering as sobs erupted out her frail pipe.

"I... I just can't be with you. I can't be more than friends. I kn-know you don't wanna hear it, but I-I never got my feelings back for you...!" Rainbow whispered, choking on her own, discordant rhythm of hiccups.

"Don't hate me- please don't hate me Lily- I'm-mm-m sorry; I'm s-s-so-rry...!"

"Stop..." Lilith whispered, kissing her scalp, never letting go.

"I'd never hate you. But you should realize one thing. About us supposedly being friends. If we were just friends, we wouldn't need each other like this. And you wouldn't be able to cry here... against me. Friends are friends. Friends don't feel this way after what we went through."

The curtain closed on them. For now. Resting there, in the same bed, as different people altogether, they stayed closer than ever and never met. A swirling emptiness took their minds as they tried to feel safe in each other's company, resting battered and bloody from all their memories crashing down in reckless floods. Lilith held her long-lost happily ever after while she waited for her better half, not capable of loving anyone else. Everyone else was in the water, swimming away. Fluttershy was there somewhere, among the rolling waves and sea monsters deep below . She wanted to swim. But how could anyone swim... when they were scared of water in the first place.

"What about Fluttershy..." Rainbow whispered.

"I love her. Make no mistake. I'm just tired of waiting for someone who's too scared to need me. That's bullshit. Because life is too short for being afraid. When you're so close to happiness, you can't let it slip by. I learned that loving someone isn't about how exciting it is. Or how many new things you can see... Loving someone is fighting for them, till you can't stand and you wobble over from the pain. But you pick yourself up and remember they're more important than the pain... A relationship... is you two versus the world."

She felt a hoof against her hair, brushing along oily, workout-drenched hair fibers. Her cyan coat stuck to Lilith's bare skin and felt right. They might've felt happy if things could ever be the way they used to be. But, for now, they just cherished being alive. Rainbow buried her muzzle into their naked chest.

"... Lilly?"

"Hn...?"

"I'm sorry I ran away. I'm sorry for everything."

"Don't be, hn... I wouldn't be here without you. I wouldn't have her. And I wouldn't have you."

Author's Note

Sigh.