The Clopspiracy

She said she was going to that new store, might as well check there first. Twilight thought.

As she walked out of the library, she knew she would be experiencing some problems. Twilight was well aware that talking to each of her friends about that topic won't prove to be easy per say. The reproductive process was long, and hard for some ponies to understand. Considering her friends weren't exactly rooted in the teachings of science, it would be even more difficult for her to-

"Are you gonna keep staring at me like that? Or are you just rating me in your mind?"

Twilight was shocked. She hadn't been absorbed in thought for quite sometime.

"Yes sorry. I'm looking for a pink earth pony, poofy hair, eccentric personality, have you seen her?" The thoughtful mare asked.

"Yes. She said she was interested in buying some products so she went back home to get some bits. Are you two marefriends? If so I have a toy that would just work wonders for your relationship."

"No," She blushed at the thought of Pinkie Pie being her partner. "She's just a very good friend of mine."

A relationship with Pinkie Pie? How odd.

"Well if you need anything, or want anything, I'll be here."

"Right, well thank you Sirachi I'll keep that in mind."

As Twilight walked out of the oddly shaped building, she couldn't help but wonder how she managed to enter the store so mechanically, only thinking about how she was going to talk to her friends.

But of course. Her compassion ruled out all of her senses, causing the dreamlike state. Couple that with the stones throw distance of the new building and it was easy for anypony to get that distracted will doing a simple task.

Now where am I going again? Pinkie Pie right.

“Oh hey Twilight! Any news from Princess Celestia?”

Pinkie Pie’s cheery voice greeted Twilight, and the scent of Sugar Cube Corner's treats introduced themselves to Twilight's senses.

“Yes actually. She wanted me to uh, talk to you.” Twilight said sheepishly.

“About what? It’s about the store isn’t it?”

“Well,” Twilight grinned nervously. “It’s about sex.”

“Sex? Well, what do you wanna know about it? I am the expert you know.” Pinkie Pie smiled.

This is going to be harder then I thought.

“No Pinkie. I, the Princess told me to talk to each of my friends about sex and such and to help you avoid corruption. It’s not turning out to be as easy as I thought it would be when I got her letter about it.” Twilight said.

“Ya know Twilight, I’m all ears. Want do you want to do to make sure I’m 100% corruption proof!” Pinkie Pie said with a large grin.

“Ok um, do you know how to be safe? When you have sex and such?”

“Yup! Do you want me to show you?” She asked.

“I don’t think that's necessary Pin-”

Twilight had barely finished her sentence when Pinkie Pie came back with a cucumber on her back, a Trojan in her mouth, and a wooden folding table in her hooves. She tossed the cucumber up in the air, and set up the table, just in time for the cucumber to land on it. It all seemed like a circus act to Twilight.

“Ta da!” Pinkie Pie said, her near hyper extended arms exceeded the length of the dull table.

“That was certainly something I suppose.” Twilight said.

“And for the finishing touch.”

She spat out the condom into her hooves, and gingerly covered the cucumber with it.

“Well, guess you really do know what to do.” Twilight said. She was slightly impressed by the mare’s show of knowledge.

“Whoops, I almost forgot something!”

“What do you me-ah!”

Twilight froze as Pinkie Pie shoved the freshly protected cucumber up her anus. To Twilight, it was quite the surprise; even though it was short lived. With a blast of magic, she propelled the cucumber right at her mischievous friend’s stomach, knocking the pink mare into the table; and into the floor. Celestia help her if the Cakes were around.

"Pinkie Pie what's wrong with you!"

Twilight now stood enraged over the actions of her friend. She was flabbergasted to see Pinkie Pie commit such a lewd act.

"You enjoyed that didn't you Twilight." Pinkie Pie spoke ever so slyly.

"What? No! Not in the least."

She was gradually becoming more baffled then angry; and her self control was starting to sink in.

"Not even a teensy bit?" Pinkie Pie squinted playfully.

"No. Not even a teensy bit." Twilight rolled her eyes.

"Well considering how much you're drooling down there," She pointed a lone hoof at the floor. "It sure seems like you do. The ground is almost as wet as you."

Twilight sighed. "I'll get some towels."

"Twilight, when was the last time you fucked with somepony?"

Twilight reeled her head back.

"What!? I don't know; but what is with you today?" Twilight asked.

"What's with me? What's with you! Your happy hole is probably a sad one right now." Pinkie Pie folded her arms together.

"Happy hole? Are you saying I'm sad because I haven't had sex?"

"Yes! Come, let Kinkie Pie fix that."

She grabbed the cucumber, (which was slightly bruised) and lunged at Twilight.

"Oh no, not this time." Twilight smirked.

With a simple telekinesis spell, Twilight managed to stop Pinkie and her cucumber in midair. Pinkie Pie attempted to struggle against the unicorn's magic, but even the cucumber knew it was futile.

"You want to get kinky? I'll show you kinky!"

Twilight grit her teeth, and rubbed her hooves together menacingly. "Kinkie" Pie's legs spread unwillingly, and exposed her happy hole. The borderline insane mare was in complete control over the situation. Just from her pure will, the still protected cucumber slid inside Pinkie Pie.

"Ohh! That felt pretty good Twilight! Do it faster! Oh and harder too!" Pinkie Pie smiled.

Twilight's eye twitched ever so slightly. How that mare could be so happy all the time was something nopony could solve.

"Alright then." Using her magic, the cucumber completely disappeared inside Pinkie Pie as she let out an almost pig-like squeal.

"Wow! Not even I thought it could go that deep inside me! Nice job Twilight." Pinkie Pie winked toward her friend.

Twilight dropped Pinkie Pie on the ground and sighed.

"I give up. I really, really give up. I try to talk to you and you turn into this!" Twilight said as she pointed to mess of bodily fluids that were started to line the floor; but put quite a shine on the wooden floors of the Cake household.

"Well yeah. You have to have fun sometimes. Even if it gets messy."

Twilight collapsed on the floor, and stared blankly at the ground. After a few moments of silence and smiling, Twilight turned to Pinkie Pie.

"Do you have anything to drink." She grumbled.

"Sure! What do you want?" She said cheerfully.

"I read a book once, about the effects of alcohol on ponies. Apparently vodka is the strongest drink. I'll take a bottle."

"Uhm, okie dokey lokey then. You sure you want to drink?"

Now she asks me first.

"I'm not having it now, I'll drink it later. Do you need help cleaning up?"

"Nope. I'll get you your drink. Mr. and Mrs. Cake won't be here until a few hours anyway. I would like your help taking out that cucumber though." She said with a grin.

At that point, Twilight let out a small laugh as she recalled the past 15 minutes that she had spent over reacting. Pinkie did only mean it as joke, in that odd way she did her jokes. Plus, she did relieve quite a bit of stress on her friend. Maybe she would even do it again sometime.

"Hey Twilight. That mission must have been tough, you look pretty tiresome." Spike said.

"You have no idea." Twilight said.

Her mane was still messy, and if Rarity saw it the poor fashionista would faint on the spot.

As Twilight walked inside and shut the library door she remembered the unopened bottle of vodka in her saddle bag. She was lucky Pinkie Pie happened to have an extra bottle lying around.

"Care to join me for a drink Spike?" Twilight asked.

"Drink of what?"

"Anything." Twilight said.

"Why not. I need a break after defending the library all day long."

Spike walked to the refrigerator, as Twilight gathered two glasses from one of Rarity's china sets.

"Do you want orange juice or apple juice?"

"It's alright, I have my own drink."

Twilight was indeed very lucky that Pinkie Pie had that extra bottle lying around, and even luckier it came in a ten gallon size.