Chapters Ponyville was quiet and serene as Twilight got off the train. She was happy to have spent time with her teacher, something special that rarely happened since she'd begun her studies on the magic of friendship. Her day had gone splendidly, and she replayed it over and over in her mind as she walked through the station and out the door. As she stepped outside, she saw everypony admiring the beautiful night sky. She looked up and noticed what a pretty shade of purple the sky was that night, and how wonderfully sharp its claws and fangs looked- whoa whoa, what?!
Twilight ran to the edge of town as fast as her hooves could take her. It didn't help that she had to push through ponies fleeing in the opposite direction. She reached the town limits to see an all-too-familiar blue mare standing next to the Ursa's gargantuan claw, holding a chain that seemed to reach into the heavens.
"Trixie! What are you doing?!" yelled Twilight.
"That's The * Great** and Powerful Trixie* to you, Sparkle!" said The Great and Powerful Trixie with a stone-cold expression. "Don't think I've forgotten what you did to me! After you put on a show for everypony with that bear, I couldn't show my face anywhere without ponies calling me a fake and a fraud! I had to perform at children's birthday parties just to get enough money to eat! Do you know how long it took me to get to where I was before I came to this stupid, backwater town?! And then you ruined me! I had to start all over again with a tarnished reputation! When I wasn't begging for bits, I was stealing! But now...now everyone will see that The Great and Powerful Trixie truly is the greatest magician in all of Equestria! No pony can match my magical skill, not even Princess Celestia's renowned student Twilight Sparkle."
"How did you even...is that a Dragon Binding Chain?!" Twilight said, horrified. "Trixie, they're called Dragon Binding Chains for a reason! You need to get it out of here before your hold on it wears off!"
Trixie merely scoffed as if Twilight had no idea what she was talking about. "Poor, clueless Twilight Sparkle. Don't worry, my unrivaled skill in sorcery and mastery of magic gives me complete dominion over this beast, something I'll bet you wouldn't be able to do in a thousand ye-"
Trixie was cut short by a loud crash that made the ground beneath them tremble. Trixie's chain fell to the ground, leading directly to where the sound had come from. The long, slow sound of each of the chain's links hitting the ground was a testament to how long the thing actually was, and how high the fall was from the Ursa's neck to the bottom. Twilight looked up at the Ursa Major as it surveyed its surroundings; first calmly, then hurriedly. It looked directly at Ponyville and opened its huge maw, and its ear-shattering roar took a second to reach the ground.
Twilight felt every bone in her body rattle as the earth beneath her shook. She looked up to see hundreds of ponies rush out of their houses and away from the Ursa. Trixie was staring up at the Ursa too, and she looked at Twilight for a brief second before she ran off.
Out of the corner of her eye, Twilight saw a yellow pegasus fly up to the Ursa. She hoped Fluttershy's expertise with animals was enough to calm the beast down. Her hopes were dashed as the Ursa roared at Fluttershy, causing her to spiral away from its face. She landed next to Twilight, shaking.
"Fluttershy! What happened?!" asked Twilight.
"R-r-r-ruuuun! " shouted Fluttershy as she ran past her.
The Ursa roared again, even louder than before. Twilight was at a loss for what to do; no matter how fast the ponies fled, the Ursa would just reach out and crush them with little effort. As the beast swung a paw down to crush Ponyville, Twilight did the only thing she could think to do; as she shot her brother's shield spell into the air, it was immediately shattered when it met the Ursa's blow and Twilight fell to the ground with a cry. She hadn't even been expecting any pain, her brother never winced once while the changelings battered his shield! And here she felt like an anvil had been dropped on her head.
She was dazed and stunned, but she gathered her strength and got back up. The spell could work if she did it right, and if she couldn't save Ponyville, the least she could do was buy everypony some time. She hoped to Celestia that she could hold out just long enough for everypony to get away safely. With a heart full of determination, she released another shield spell into the air. The Ursa was enraged, and it let its fury loose on Twilight's shield.
With each hit, the shield flickered and faded but Twilight stood her ground. She felt each blow recoil onto her skull as she gritted her teeth and took the Ursa's brutal punishment. All around her ponies ran, screaming and running for their lives. She heard Pinkie Pie call out to her and turned around to see her friends, all ready to help in any way they could.
"JUST GET EVERYPONY TO SAFETY!" screamed Twilight before the beast struck the shield again, causing it to fade while Twilight was distracted. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw her friends follow her orders and hoped they would be safe as well. She felt her body giving out with each passing minute as the Ursa roared and battered her now-flimsy shield. Twilight felt it could break any minute, and she charged magic into her horn to repair the shield. Apparently, the Ursa noticed the shield was about to break as well. It reared up on its hind legs and brought its paw down on the shield like a guillotine. Twilight was caught off-guard, and the massive recoil of the Ursa's weighted hit was too much for Twilight. The last thing she heard before her hearing left her was the combined sounds of the shield crashing down, the Ursa's roar, and an explosion.
Twilight fell to the ground as her body shook uncontrollably. The sounds around her were muffled and barely audible over the ringing in her ears. She felt blood drip from her nostrils as it clogged her breathing with its iron-like smell, forcing her to try and breathe through her mouth. Twilight saw Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie come to her aid as they laid her on Pinkie's back and carried her away from the Ursa.
"Pinkie...," croaked Twilight, her nosebleed making her sound like she had a serious cold. "I can't breathe..."
"Just hang on Twilight, we're almost at the hospital!" urged Pinkie Pie.
As they got to the hospital, the medical staff were already waiting for any patients to be rushed in. They placed her on a gurney and wheeled her inside, clearing her sinuses and applying pressure to her forehead. Twilight saw the lights in the hallway pass by overhead and heard the doctor ordering the rest of the staff to get different CC's of a variety of medicines. She felt her energy, her magic, draining as her hooves got colder. She could taste blood as her vision began to blur with each long, hoarse breath she took. Twilight felt herself slipping away as the last of her strength faded, and she drew her last conscious breath hoping she'd done enough to help her friends. As her world faded to black, she heard the Ursa Major roar one last time in the distance.
Life isn't always fair.
Some ponies are gifted with talents more special than our own. Others go their whole lives wearing a frown because of the hand they were dealt.
Some ponies are born into rich, loving families who eat together every evening. Others are born into broken homes, forced to hear their families argue day and night.
Some ponies live in mansions, while others live in cardboard boxes in alleys.
Life isn't always fair, not to everypony. But death does not discriminate.
Death does not care whether you were rich or poor, a success or a failure, lived the good life or the bad.
Death welcomes all ponies into its cold embrace, a release from the cruel world that once held them.
When one pony dies, another is born. That is one of the many ways this universe stays in balance.
But what if a pony refuses to die?
Some have returned from the precipice of death to tell tales of the incredible distances they had to travel to return to their friends and family. On the edge of a knife, where one slip could end their journey right then and there, these ponies have returned from a place that goes by many names: Limbo, Purgatory, the Dreamscape, or the Nightmare Realm.
This place that mirrors the pony who travels along it, is where we find...
"...Twilight Sparkle."
A sliver of light in Twilight's darkness opened up to reveal the giant face of a certain draconequus.
"Discord!" gasped Twilight. Though she was confused, she knew Discord's appearance only meant one thing: chaos .
"What are you up to this time?!" she demanded.
Discord lifted up a finger, the universal sign for "hold on a sec." Twilight noticed he was wearing reading glasses and his eyes were scanning the floor under her hooves. She looked down and realized she was standing in a huge book, which itself was lying on an enormous table.
"Hmm?" hummed Discord, now done with the sentence he was reading.
"W-where am I? What's going on?!" Twilight asked hurriedly.
"Well, you've just rudely interrupted me reading this book. Are you happy?" snarled Discord.
"Uh...no?" said Twilight. She was so confused! "What are you doing reading a book? What's going on?!"
"What? The Spirit of Chaos can't enjoy a good book?" asked Discord as he took a sip of his coffee mug. "Aah, coffee. It's terribly delicious, it's like they had me in mind while they were making it!" Discord chortled to himself.
Twilight surveyed her surroundings. It looked like she was in a library, but the floor, the walls, and the ceiling were all pure white. It seemed to be just a white room with bookshelves, and the books floated between the shelves as if gravity had no effect on them. A million thoughts ran through her head, the first being that Discord had somehow escaped his stone prison again and she was caught in one of his illusions. Still, she knew he wouldn't be wasting his time reading books when he could be wreaking havoc across Equestria. She couldn't wrap her head around it!
"'She couldn't wrap her head around it!'" repeated Discord from behind his book. "Twilight, I thought you were smarter than this. You must be able to see that what's going on isn't real."
Twilight's confusion only grew as Discord flipped to another page in his book and pointed a finger at a sentence.
"Ahem, 'What happens when a unicorn breaks their horn?'" read Discord.
Twilight froze. She looked down and let her eyes swivel back and forth as thoughts ran through her head. When a unicorn's horn breaks, her connection to the world's magic is cut off and the magic inside her becomes unstable. With no way of exiting the body, the magic starts causing damage to its host until it's eventually released in waves of heat. During that time, the unicorn in question is essentially radioactive to her surroundings and must be quarantined until she either stabilizes or...dies. And that doesn't take long...
"'Twilight...broke her horn.'" continued Discord, pausing for dramatic effect.
"So I'm...dead?" Twilight almost squeaked the last word fighting off a tear as the realization struck her.
"No." answered Discord. "Well, not yet at least. It says here you're in a coma. That's not so bad now, is it?"
"A coma?" sniffled Twilight. If she wasn't dead, that meant she could still return to her friends and family. But to do that, first she had to know where she was. "Discord, where am I?"
"In a hospital." he answered promptly. Twilight looked at him incredulously. "Oh , you meant here ? Didn't you hear the whole spiel on your way down? '...a place that goes by many names: Limbo, Purgatory, the Dreamscape...' et cetera,"
"So...I'm in between? Then I can go back..." Twilight thought about it for a moment. "But where do I start?" She looked around hoping for some kind of door or something, when Discord picked her up from her tail and dangled her over his coffee mug.
"WHA-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" yelled Twilight, panicking.
"Don't worry my dear, I'll be watching over you." As Discord let her go, she saw the back of the book he was reading with the author's photo on it. It was a very smug-looking brown pony with an ordinary black mane, wearing a tacky ruby-encrusted hat. Before Twilight landed in the coffee she saw his pen name, and wondered how anypony would publish something written by a ...psychopath?
SPLASH
...
"AAAH!" Twilight gasped as she came up for air. It was much harder to swim in coffee than it was to swim in water. Twilight could barely stay afloat, coughing and spitting out coffee as she swam to the edge of Discord's mug. What she reached, however, didn't feel like ceramic. She picked herself up out of the coffee and shook herself off, pulling her wet mane away from her eyes to reveal a sight that practically gave her diabetes.
Pastries and sweets as far as the eye could see. Everything in this world seemed edible. Twilight was standing on a graham cracker bridge overlooking the stream of coffee she'd just emerged from, and the road ahead was paved with hard candy and lined with candy canes on both sides. She could see a castle in the distance and figured that had to be her destination. As she approached the candy road she heard what seemed to be a loud buzzing in the distance, getting closer little by little. She figured she didn't want to be present when the source of the noise caught up with her, so she headed down the road at a brisk pace heading for the castle.
The road arched over a hill, and when she reached the top she saw how far the castle actually was. With no mode of transportation and the buzzing noise approaching behind her, Twilight wasted no time and set off.
The grass on the side of the roads smelled of delicious mint, and each tree she passed by grew a different type of candy. Some grew gummy candy, others grew noticeably sour candy. One tree she passed by grew apples, then secreted caramel or chocolate from the stem! The rocks that decorated the road looked like different pastries as well, some swirled with chocolate and others were covered in sprinkles. Then, further down the road, she saw a beautiful, velvet rosebush and had to see if everything in this land really was edible.
The rose petals were soft and cool on her lips, the velvety red chocolate melting on her tongue caused her eyes to roll backwards.
"Mmmmm..." she moaned. It was delicious, but it felt odd. The sensation reminded her that this was all a dream, no matter how real anything felt. She tried to levitate the rose with her magic but found that only caused her a severe burning sensation under her horn. She clenched her teeth and rubbed at it, trying to soothe it.
Twilight looked up and noticed that the sun in this world was beginning to set, and her view of the castle disappeared behind a dense, pink forest. With her horn unable to produce or absorb magic, she wouldn't be able to produce any light once the Sun set.
Twilight hurried into the forest. The setting sun shone through the trees, creating a beautiful orange glow across the forest floor. All around her, the trees and plants filled her nostrils with the sultry, intoxicating smells of fresh-baked breads. The scents of ginger and warm, melty chocolate clouded her judgement as she lost her bearings in the sweet forest.
"Argh...where am I?!" Twilight said to herself. She looked up through the pink leaves and saw the sun fading behind the mountains. She had to get out of this forest immediately. She started running in one direction, but made sure she ran in a straight line so she wouldn't get lost. As the Sun disappeared, Twilight reached a clearing in the forest and realized she could still see.
All around her, the plants glowed softly. Twilight felt at peace just staring at all the different-colored plants. She moved into a different part of the clearing, where the moon shone bright on a field of glowing dandelions. The moon itself was a cheese wheel, missing a slice. The dandelions were pink and blue, and smelled of cotton candy. Twilight ran through the dandelions and watched as its seeds flew into the air, filling it with their sweet smell and colors. She was hypnotized, and didn't notice the small group of gingerbread men watching her prance through the cotton candy-lions.
"Uh...hi?" said Twilight.
The gingerbread men approached her cautiously. Twilight wasn't sure how to greet them. Were they hostile? Her question was promptly answered when they threw a ball of cinnamon in her face.
"AAAAAAH!" she yelled as she turned and started running. Twilight didn't get far, the gingerbread men lassoed her with licorice rope and beat her with lollipops before tying her to a candy cane and carrying her away. The gingerbread men were as short as Twilight, so she had to lift her head up to keep it from dragging on the ground. Once her eyesight returned, she saw they were dragging her back into the forest. It might have been a dream world, but the pain certainly felt real.
Twilight struggled until the gingerbread men reached their destination, a small village in the middle of the forest. As she expected, they all lived in gingerbread houses in the treetops. They dropped her heavily onto the ground and prepared a fire, and Twilight saw as they crushed fruits and berries and decorated their faces with different markings. They set up a stand over the fire, as if they were going to roast something, but she didn't see anything they could be roasting. Maybe they had it in their houses?
Twilight should have figured out sooner that gingerbread men wouldn't want to eat candy. She struggled in vain as they positioned her over the fire. They slowly spun her, chanting and dancing around her as the flames licked at her body. Was this how her journey was supposed to end? Eaten by cookies?! And the dreadful buzzing noise from before was here to bother her as well! It roared like a beast as it tore through the trees, finally revealing itself.
"AIEEEEAIAIAIAIAAIAAAA!" screeched a dark figure as it jumped in from the shadows and kicked her away from the fire.
Twilight landed hard on the ground, and the thing that had saved her landed directly over her. Before whoever saved her jumped away, she managed to see a peg leg and assumed she'd been saved by a pirate. She watched as her savior charged the gingerbread men, destroying them with a large sharpened candy cane. Once he had cleared away the gingerbread men around him, the fierce warrior threw a small package at his feet, releasing a smokescreen of sugary dust that glittered blue, green and red. Even though she couldn't see anything, Twilight could still hear the noises of her hero's noble, sugary weapon ending the lives of her captors. When one gingerbread man came into view, Twilight tried to summon her magic and was met with the same burning sensation from before. The gingerbread man charged at Twilight, but didn't get far as his head was knocked off his body by a lollipop mace. The fierce warrior emerged from his smokescreen with a red candy knife in his...hoof?! He started to cut Twilight free, but Twilight couldn't get a good look at him through the sugary smoke.
"Oh thank you! I can't thank you enough for saving me. My name is Twilight Sparkle and I'm trying to get back home, is there any way you could tell me-mmmffff! " the warrior silenced Twilight with a hoof-ful of taffy before cutting her loose from her bonds.
"Let's go before more of them show up." said the mysterious mare. Twilight inquired from this pony's voice that it was a mare, but she was wearing a mask and Twilight still couldn't figure out who her heroine was. She also realized that the buzzing noise she had heard in the distance was her new friend's mode of transportation, a colorful red locomotive with small front wheels and huge hind wheels, decorated with candies of every sort. Scrawled onto its side in white was what Twilight guessed was its name: "Cavity" . And even though it was covered in sugar, it looked like a war machine that could have toppled the entire forest if she had commanded it to. Twilight tried to re-introduce herself as she boarded the machine next to her mysterious new friend.
"Well, like I was saying earlier, my name is Twilight. What's yours?"
The mystery mare removed her mask to reveal a scarred, milky eye. The rest of her features, however, were instantly recognizable.
"Pinkie Pie."
"Pinkie?! " gawked Twilight. "What are you doing here?! W-where are we?!"
Pinkie Pie only stood there silently looking at her. She didn't move at all, as if she was frozen.
"That's because she is frozen." said a male voice behind Twilight. She turned around to see Discord closing his book with a smug look on his face.
"Discord! What did you do to her?!" snarled Twilight. She felt her anger ready to explode. Even with no magic at her disposal, she would still unleash her fury on the draconequus.
"Hey, hey. Easy! Let me explain a few things," said Discord as he snaked around her and wrapped himself around Pinkie Pie. "This Pinkie isn't the same Pinkie that you know. She's never seen you before and she has no idea who your friends are." He mischievously ran a finger through Pinkie's mane. "She's a product of your imagination."
Twilight looked at Pinkie's features. Though it was clearly Pinkie Pie, her hair was completely straight and she was wearing some sort of ragged red robe. The scarred, milky eye and the peg leg were her most notable differences. A belt of grenades was slung over her shoulder, and another belt strapped around her waist held an assortment of baggies along with the holster for her spiked lollipop mace and candy dagger. Her huge candy cane sickle seemed to have its own scabbard on her back. Did Twilight imagine her like this?
"You might have imagined her like this subconsciously. Don't feel bad about it. Just remember, she's a strangerrrr...." whispered Discord as he evaporated. The life slowly seeped back into the space around her, and Pinkie turned away from Twilight to put on an eye patch.
"We need to move. More will be on the way," said Pinkie as her monstrous car roared to life, taking them away from the forest.
Twilight was sitting in the passenger seat, admiring Pinkie's machine. The front had a locomotive pilot to mow down anything that stood in its path, and the parts of the car that covered the wheels had spikes on them. Twilight looked over the front of the car and noticed Pinkie had painted very mean-looking eyes on it. Behind the seats were several barrels labeled differently -pop rocks, root beer, syrup- and behind the barrels was what seemed to be an elevation on the car for storing something inside; something big .
"So Twilight," started Pinkie, "where did you come from? It's obvious you're not from around here. Plus I haven't seen a pony in ages, let alone a unicorn."
"Uhh...you're right, I'm from pretty far away." Twilight admitted.
"I won't ask where, I'm just glad I'm not the last one" said Pinkie with no emotion in her voice. "It's obvious such a naive pony comes from a place lacking in danger." Twilight didn't take the comment personally; this Pinkie had obviously been through more than her share of grief and sadness.
Pinkie drove the Cavity for a while before they arrived at an oasis. There was a pile of logs ready to turn into a campfire, it looked like she had stayed there only a few days before. Pinkie promptly unpacked her equipment, lit the fire, and sat down. She sighed and hung her head, letting her mane fall from her shoulders. Twilight wondered how long Pinkie had been living like this. She looked so tired...
"Twilight..." said Pinkie, catching Twilight by surprise.
"Yes?" she replied.
"...Are there many ponies where you're from?"
"Yeah," said Twilight, remembering her friends and family back home. "Tons of them, all over."
"Good." Pinkie smiled softly. "You should get some rest. Wherever you're from, I'm taking you back. And maybe I'll be able to start a new life too..."
Twilight's heart sank, she didn't have it in her to tell Pinkie that she couldn't come back with her, or that the real Pinkie was already there waiting for Twilight to return. She watched Pinkie's head dip and suddenly spring back up as she nodded off while standing guard. Even though she wasn't tired at all, Twilight felt a strange sensation come over her as she fell asleep.
-
"...anny Pie...me...delicio...ingerbread...fountai...ery flavor!..ndy cane...awbreakers the size of...NONBALLS!...ugar cane fields... FOREVER! **"
-
Twilight awoke with a start, breathing heavily. She looked around to find she was still in the candy world and Pinkie was bathing in the oasis.
"Bad dream?" she asked nonchalantly.
"Uh...yeah. Say, you weren't talking while I was asleep, were you?" said Twilight.
"No, why?"
"Well...it's nothing, never mind." Twilight could swear she'd heard Pinkie talking about something.
"Whatever. Come on, let's hunt down some breakfast." said Pinkie as she dried off and geared up.
"Huh? Why would we need to hunt?" asked Twilight.
"...Because all the vegetation is candy?" said Pinkie, genuinely confused at Twilight.
"What?"
"Haven't you heard of what happened to Ponyville?"
"What?! What happened?!"
"...come on, I'll tell you on the way." said Pinkie.
"Years ago, I moved into the loft above this confectionery shop. The owners treated me like a daughter and taught me everything they knew. After a long time, Mr. Cake let me in on some secret things he and his wife were doing. They'd been dabbling in botany and genetics and researching the genetic makeup of sugar cane, the plant that produces sugar, to see if they could find a way to make plants and trees that produced different candies. In the end they succeeded, the plants they engineered grew the candy you see growing around us."
Twilight had been eyeing the trees to see if anything was healthy-looking enough to eat. It was all candy!
"I wouldn't eat any of that if I were you. The candy vegetation developed a powerful virus that spread to all other plants through pollination, killing them and turning their seeds into future candy plants. Anypony who ate the plants also got sick and died. Fearing for themselves and their twins, the Cakes went into hiding and tried to develop an immunity serum from the modified sugar cane. They were trying to save their kids so they injected them first, but the serum...wasn't quite ready."
"...What happened?" asked Twilight, hypnotized by the story. Pinkie stopped with a solemn look on her face.
"...Let's just say Pumpkin got off lucky," said Pinkie. "Rest her little soul..."
Pinkie continued walking while Twilight was absorbing the history of this twisted world.
"Once they subdued Pound Cake, they came up to me with what they were saying was a 'working' serum. They were already sick and dying from the candy virus, but after a life of eating sugary sweets I was still hanging in there. So we injected ourselves."
"...and what happened?" asked Twilight.
Pinkie stopped next to a tree and looked back at Twilight before punching a hole through it, the impact shaking its branches.
"It worked." said Pinkie as she pulled her hoof out of the tree and caught one of its falling fruits. It looked like a chocolate bowling ball, and Twilight watched as Pinkie crushed it between her hooves and spread its juices on her neck and behind her ears. "Here, cover your scent. These tracks are fresh." she said, inspecting the ground.
Twilight did as she was told, and even covered her face.
"Is this good?" she asked.
"...Hehe" snickered Pinkie Pie. That was the first time Twilight had heard this Pinkie laugh, and it made her feel especially good to hear the familiar sound. "Quit goofin' around and come here..."
The two hid behind a fallen log, which curiously had an old, decayed hole in the shape of Pinkie's hoof.
"Shh... see that?" whispered Pinkie, pointing to a deer drinking from a stream.
"Yes...what's wrong with his eyes?" asked Twilight, noting the deer's white eyes.
"He's just another mindless vegetable." said Pinkie with no mercy for the deer in her voice.
"'Vegetable?'" asked Twilight.
"You'll see. How far away do you think it is? I have bad depth perception." said Pinkie.
"I'd say about 30 feet, but what do you mean he's a veg-"
THOCK
"Pinkie! " screamed Twilight in horror as the deer collapsed, Pinkie's hatchet sticking out of its skull. "You killed it!"
"Of course I did, we can't eat it alive." said Pinkie with no remorse.
"W-w-where did you get a hatchet?!" stammered Twilight.
"I have weapons stashed all over this forest," said Pinkie, "in case of a weapons emergency."
Twilight's jaw dropped to the ground at Pinkie's smug smile, this rugged survivor resembling the crazy maniac back home even more with each passing minute.
-
"So why exactly is this deer a vegetable?" asked Twilight as she peeled another lettuce leaf out of its rib cage. She had stopped fighting the fact that Pinkie did strange things everyday, but this Pinkie seemed to know the science behind this world's chaos.
"It's the violent effect of the virus on animals, infecting their bodies and taking their minds. Fortunately for us, we can eat it. It's still nutritious, so get your fill."
"Okay," said Twilight, figuring she wouldn't worry about what she ate in her dreams. "So, whatever happened to the Cakes?"
Pinkie stopped chewing on the deer's leg and looked solemnly at the ground.
"Well, the guilt of killing thousands of ponies along with their own daughter, and the virus inside them caused them a lot of pain. The immunity serum changed the color of their coats and manes and made them lose their minds. When the guards came to incarcerate them, they killed the guards and ran. They changed their names to 'the Kanes', built a candy army...," Pinkie Pie looked at the castle in the distance "and set up a big, totalitarian candy shop."
"That's...terrible!" said Twilight.
"They wanted me to join them but I refused, so they set Pound loose on me and...well he left me with this." said Pinkie, pointing at her eye patch.
"Oh...so how did you get that ?" asked Twilight, nodding to Pinkie's peg leg.
"This? I was mining for pop rocks. Struck the exposed pop instead of the rock around it and boom !" Pinkie colorfully illustrated with her hooves. "Almost died, true story."
"I can see that." said Twilight. "So...how big is the explosion in those barrels?"
"The ones in the Cavity?" asked Pinkie.
"Yes!"
"...you wanna see?" she asked with a devilish grin.
-
"Heehee, heeheeheehee!" giggled both Pinkie and Twilight as they ran for cover from the small pile of explosive pop-rock barrels and jumped into the Cavity.
"Are you sure we're not too far away, Pinkie?" asked Twilight.
"Don't worry, Twilight. We're gonna have a blast!" said Pinkie excitedly, doing a rimshot on the Cavity's door. "Check this out." she said as she put her peg leg on the door and pointed it at the barrels. "Oh, and cover your ears."
Twilight did as she was told, and with her peripheral vision saw Pinkie push something on her peg leg. A small fire snapped out of the tip of Pinkie's leg with a loud bang, followed by the immediate destruction of the pop-rock barrels and everything around them. The explosion completely filled Twilight's vision and its force blew her mane back, and even when she turned away she saw the trees around them bend away from the blast.
Once the explosion subsided and all that was left was the echo, Twilight looked up and saw Pinkie's outstretched mane and tail bounce into their familiar frizzy style from the real world. She couldn't stop herself from laughing out loud, and Pinkie quickly followed her example as they laughed themselves to tears.
"Twililght...," snickered Pinkie between fits of giggles, "I'm liking this mane-cut, I think I'll keep it this way! And I've never had that much fun blowing things up before!"
"Me neither!" chortled Twilight. "Can we do it again?"
"...Actually, no." said Pinkie, stifling her laughter. "We have company."
Pinkie immediately grabbed Twilight and threw her into the Cavity on her way to the driver's side. She brought the colorful death machine to life and drove straight through the forest, mowing down every tree in the way.
Once they exited the forest, Twilight looked behind them to see a large group of gingerbread men chasing them on animal crackers.
"They're slow, we can outrun them!" Twilight sighed with relief.
"Them, yes. But not them ." said Pinkie, pointing to the forest. A tall, brown skeletal monster leaped out of the shadows and screeched as it got down on all fours and chased them. Three others joined it from other directions.
"What are those things, Pinkie?!" yelled Twilight.
"Cinnamon Demons, fast and durable! Can you drive?" asked Pinkie.
Twilight knew Pinkie wouldn't be asking her to drive if it wasn't important. She'd seen Pinkie driving it, and it didn't seem too hard. When they quickly switched places, Twilight realized the wheel was a lot stiffer than Pinkie made it look. Then again, Pinkie could punch holes in trees.
Pinkie threw several barrels over the sides of the Cavity, the soda making the cookies soggy and allowing them to fall apart, and the syrup to catch the ones who got through. Twilight's heart sank when she saw the skeletal Cinnamon Demons avoid Pinkie's traps effortlessly with their frighteningly long limbs.
"There's really only one way to deal with those mangy monsters! Keep going, I've got some shootin ' to do!" smirked Pinkie.
"Pinkie, your leg gun won't even scratch them!" pleaded Twilight. Pinkie raised an eyebrow at her.
"Not with this , silly!" she said as she pulled a lever between the seats. "THIS ".
Twilight heard the Cavity open up its hidden compartment and turned to see a large silver contraption rise up out of the car's elevation. She was even more surprised when the contraption loudly extended itself multiple times, revealing itself to be a very, very big gun. Pinkie jumped behind it as it loaded itself with a loud clang.
"Those things are some of the Kane's deadliest!" Pinkie yelled. "You know what this calls for?!"
Twilight couldn't believe her ears.
"A PARTYYYY!!! "
Pinkie fondly remembered when she'd first built the party cannon. It was a small little thing that she had packed with self-inflating balloons and confetti, wrapped up in a table cloth. It allowed her to get parties ready in minutes. In those days, parties were all that mattered. Just having fun with family and friends, without a care in the world. These thoughts went through her head as she set the party cannon's sights on a Cinnamon Demon.
"Die, you monsters! " she roared as a jawbreaker cannonball ripped the head off her target. "Keep going Twilight! I'll keep them occupied!"
Twilight put the pedal to the metal, and the Cavity roared gleefully as it sped up. The purple unicorn found herself reflecting upon her situation. She was driving a war machine through a world made of candy while her crazy pirate-looking friend fired giant jawbreakers out of a cannon. The more she thought about it, the less sense it made. It had all felt completely real, and now she was realizing how ridiculous her situation was. It was obviously all a dream, but she didn't want to give the monsters chasing them a chance to prove her wrong. Twilight was too lost in thought to notice a winged beast swoop down on her.
"AAAAAAH! Pinkie! Help!" screamed Twilight as she was carried away.
"Dammit! Don't worry, Twilight! I'll come for you!" yelled Pinkie as she got behind the wheel again.
Twilight struggled against the bird that had captured her, but stopped when she realized how high up she was. She looked ahead and saw that she was being taken to the castle in the distance. Could the way back to the real world be there? If they decided to execute her, would she really die? Or what if they kept her as a prisoner there forever? Would she ever see her friends and family again? Twilight was left to imagine the worst as the castle loomed ever closer.
~
The sun was high when they finally reached the castle. The bird released Twilight with a thud, and a group of gingerbread soldiers dragged her inside. The interior of the castle had been painted a creamy yellow and decorated with a candy theme throughout its halls. The soldiers dragged her to the castle's main hall, where a pair of thrones awaited her at the far end. Sitting on the left was a tall, lanky, ghostly white stallion with a green mane, dressed in a purple suit with a fur coat that made him seem bigger than he probably was. On the right was a short, stout, grayish-pink mare with a red and black mane, wearing a snug red and black bodysuit.
"Well, a healthy pony. And a unicorn, no less! This truly is a magnificent catch, wouldn't you agree, honey bun?" said the stallion with a tone in his voice that made it obvious he felt superior to Twilight.
"Oh yes dear, I've just been dying for more volunteers. Those soldiers from the last siege didn't last two days!" said the mare. It was then that Twilight finally recognized these ponies' voices and realized just who they were.
"Mr. and Mrs. Cake! What happened to you?!" Twilight couldn't believe how different they looked. Had she imagined them this way too? Her thoughts were slapped out of her head by Mr. Cake's walking cane.
Twilight grunted with pain as the taste of blood filled her mouth. This was no dream. She spat as Mr. Cake used his cane to lift her head and meet her eyes with his cold gaze.
"The 'Cakes' are dead my dear. We are the Kanes. I am Sugar Kane, and this is my beautiful gum drop, Kandy." He said as he gestured to the pudgy pony sitting next to him.
"Oh, you always know just what to say Sugar-daddy..." Said Mrs. Cake with a baby-talk voice. Twilight sighed in disgust as they traded Eskimo kisses.
"Take her to the dungeon, we'll use her later..." commanded Mr. Cake.
The guards dragged Twilight down to the dungeon. The smell that came from inside as the doors opened nearly knocked her out. It was a nauseating mix of body odor and feces that made Twilight want to vomit. What really caused her to gag however, was the sight of the imprisoned ponies as she passed their cells. One pony was shaking in the corner of his cell, his hooves amputated and replaced with candy canes. A pair of ravenous foals were eating a mare in another cell, all three seemed to be in a zombie-like state. Twilight turned away from the sight to see a stallion wasting away into something that resembled pudding.
"Kill...me..." he groaned.
The guards opened one of the cells and threw Twilight in. They slammed the cell door and went on with their business. The moans and wails of pain from the other prisoners were haunting. She could still hear the pudding pony pleading for death, the sick chewing of the foals on what was probably their mother, and the shaking pony weeping on the other side of the dungeon. She was just glad that she had this particular cell to herself, and wasn't exposed to any dangerous test subjects. As Twilight turned around to survey the cell, she nearly had a heart attack when she was met face-to-face with a wide-eyed pony...statue?
No, it was a pony. Twilight studied her cellmate closely: it was a pony frozen in mid...vomit . She was throwing up when she solidified. Twilight inspected the floor in front of her to find a pool of liquid that had hardened as well. Upon closer inspection, the material this pony was made from resembled a mix of stone and bone . Twilight figured her cellmate probably tasted sweet, but didn't dare lick her to find out. Twilight also deduced that there was a very slim chance that the petrified pony was still alive. It pained her to think that this pony had suffered so much, and died with an expression of pure pain frozen on her face forever. Twilight felt sorrow as she touched a hoof to the pony's cheek, causing her to crumble away into dust.
"AAAH! I-I'm sorry!" Twilight plead to the mound of white dust on the floor. Now Twilight noticed the stone pony wasn't the only one in the cell, two more ponies were in there with her. One pony had been turned into gummy candy, and seemed to be in the process of tearing into her abdomen before the gummification took away her ability to move. This pony also died with a pain-filled expression.
The other pony was sitting up against a wall, still alive! This one was shaking and seemed to be freezing, even though the dungeon wasn't particularly cold. Twilight approached her cautiously. Now that she was closer, Twilight could see the pony's breath as if they were in a freezer. Each shaky breath was pitifully weak. The pony's eyes seemed to be glazed over, but they moved to see Twilight once she came into view. What could Twilight say? Obviously this pony wasn't "okay", so there was no use in asking if she was. Twilight didn't know if this pony's condition was reversible either. The dungeon wasn't cold, so the only explanation was that this pony was freezing from the inside-out.
Suddenly, the pony started shaking furiously as she lifted her hoof up and reached out to Twilight. The sounds of crunching frozen flesh and bone made Twilight's stomach turn, but she hesitantly reached a hoof out too. She touched the other pony's hoof, unsure whether she could feel her too. The other pony's hoof broke off in reaction to Twilight's touch and broke on the ground with a loud thud. Twilight's heart fell in despair as the thoughts of what the Kanes had planned for her crossed her mind. She joined the weeping chorus of the dungeon and sunk to the ground, unaware that her cellmate had stopped shaking.
~
Twilight was unable to tell how much time had passed. It might have only been minutes, but to her it felt like days had gone by. Several times, Twilight had thought of talking to her dead cellmates to distract herself from the dungeon's screams. But she knew doing so would only drive her into madness faster. Instead, she chose to talk to one of the only creatures that -ironically- had actually been helpful .
"...Discord...?" she whispered. "Can you hear me?"
Twilight waited for what would surely be a witty, sarcastic response. But nothing came, only the screams of ponies as they were taken away to become playthings for the Kanes. A tear escaped her eye as Twilight looked at the ponies around her, wondering what fate had in store.
"I just wanna go home..." she whimpered.
"But Twilight, I thought you were having fun ." said a familiar, smug-sounding voice. Discord stood there holding his book, completely oblivious to the sounds of the dungeon.
"Discord, I just want this nightmare to be over! I want to return to my friends in Ponyville!" pleaded Twilight.
"Weren't you having fun blowing things up with Pinkie Pie?" he asked.
"Well, yes but what does that have to do with anything?"
"Well, maybe you don't want to leave."
"What are you talking about?! Of course I want to leave!"
"Hmm...It doesn't look that way to me. Otherwise, you'd be making more of an effort to get back, don't you think?"
Twilight thought about it. She had gotten carried away in Pinkie's candy world. She had felt so close to Pinkie Pie, she felt the sensation that she had never actually left the real world.
"You know you've been fooling around. Your mind is punishing you for slacking off and forgetting about your objective. If you keep it up, the Hands of Fate will come for you," Discord moved his face close to Twilight's and flicked her horn with his finger. "Don't let that happen."
Discord evaporated into thin air again, and Twilight saw Pinkie Pie walk up to her cell.
"...Pinkie?" said Twilight with uncertainty.
Pinkie used a hoof to tell Twilight to keep quiet as she spit out her chewing gum and pressed it against the cell door's lock. It inflated and exploded with a muffled pop, and Twilight hurried over to hug her friend.
"Sorry I took so long," whispered Pinkie. "Did they hurt you?"
"No, I'm fine." Twilight replied.
"Come on, let's get out of here." Pinkie led the way through the dungeon, only stopping to pry her dagger out of a very peaceful puddle of pudding.
Twilight and Pinkie ran through the halls of the castle through an open-air corridor, as the setting sun painted everything orange. That corridor had a breathtaking view of a soda waterfall, and walking through there would've been amazing if their lives weren't in danger.
"Long time no see, Pinkie Pie." sneered Mr. Cake at the end of the corridor.
"Kane..." growled Pinkie as they stopped. Twilight knew there was going to be confrontation, and she knew that without magic she would only get in Pinkie's way.
"I don't suppose you've reconsidered our offer to lead the Ninjabread Men?" said Mr. Cake.
"You know why I'm here," said Pinkie. "I'm not gonna let one of my friends become your newest test subject you maniac ."
"Well...that's a shame." said Mr. Cake nonchalantly. "Kill 'em."
At Mr. Cake's command, a dozen gingerbread men flew out from behind him and pulled out their swords, ready to end Pinkie and Twilight where they stood.
In response, Pinkie pulled her candy cane sickle out of its huge scabbard behind her back and motioned for them to bring it on. The first one leaped straight at Pinkie, and she brought her sickle down on its head. She justified his death by telling herself that he probably wasn't using it anyway, charging her like that. She saw that the first ninja had been a diversion allowing the others to surround her. She pushed Twilight out of the way and spun her sickle to block their swords. She then pulled a baggy from her belt and dispersed a large amount of pink sugar around her. With each swing of her mighty sickle, the sugar moved and lengthened into webs. Twilight realized it hampered the ninja's movements and they realized it too.
Before they could cut through the pink webs around their feet, Pinkie swung her sickle around and above her head, creating a great whirlwind that dragged all the sugar around her onto her candy cane in a pink bundle of sugary webs. She looked smugly at Mr. Cake.
"Undercooked as usual, Kane."
"What did you think I wanted you for?" asked Mr. Cake "You always made them the best. Now that you see how badly we need you, will you join us?"
"No," said Pinkie as she threw a grenade at his face.
The explosion sent him reeling back, creating an opening for Pinkie to throw Twilight out into the main hall. As soon as she landed, she wished she was back in the corridor. Seeing what was waiting for her and Pinkie in the main hall made her cell in the dungeon seem like a safe haven. Pinkie jumped out into the main hall to join Twilight in witnessing Mrs. Cake with a very large hammer and a chain, riding a hulking beast of a mutated pegasus pony.
"Go get 'em, Coke baby," cooed Mrs. Cake. "Make mommy proud."
"Run, Twilight! " yelled Pinkie as she threw her grenades at the monster, only making it angry as it chased them out of the castle.
The Cavity was parked outside the castle, and Twilight wasted no time in jumping in the passenger seat as Pinkie got behind the wheel and turned it on. The giant pony roared out of the castle entrance, giving chase to the Cavity with the Cakes on its back. Pinkie drove out onto a bridge overlooking the soda waterfall, making it halfway across before the monstrous pony jumped ahead of them and stopped the Cavity in its tracks and allowed the Cakes to board her machine.
Mr. Cake pulled a sword out of his cane and clashed against Pinkie's dagger while she wrestled Mrs. Cake's giant hammer with her candy cane sickle, trying to keep Twilight safe. With a swift movement, Pinkie let her weight against Mrs. Cake's hammer go, ducking just in time for it to hit Mr. Cake square in the face. She grabbed his hoof with her own, and used her other hoof to block Mrs. Cake's returning hammer swing. In the same motion, she used Mr. Cake as a weapon against his wife and sent them both reeling onto the gargantuan pony that had stopped the Cavity. His full attention was on Pinkie Pie as he reared upon his hind legs and prepared to bring his unending beastly rage crashing down upon-
"NO POUND CAKE! WE DON'T POUND PINKIE'S TOYS! " Pinkie's command echoed over the sound of the waterfall, stopping the monster cold. "Or her friends...," she said as she moved over to her barrels of candy. "or their bones...."
Pinkie picked up one barrel and held it over her head, allowing its white powdery contents to cover her from head to hoof. She smiled sheepishly as the giant ugly monstrosity that was once the Cake's son giggled at the silly pink pony below him.
"What are you doing you imbecile?!" yelled Mrs. Cake as she smacked her son upside his head. Pound whimpered at the sting of his mother's hoof and recoiled as she threatened him a second time. "Pumpkin would have dealt with this situation already. You're a disgrace ."
While his wife dealt with their son, Mr. Cake took the opportunity to lunge at Pinkie. The deranged stallion looked Pinkie straight in the eye as their blades clashed a second time.
"All of this time you could've been with us , Pinkie." he growled. "Together, we could transform this entire world into a wonderland of sweets! Isn't that what you've always dreamed of?!"
"Not if it came at the cost of all this pain and suffering, not if meant losing my friends !" she roared as she batted him away. Pinkie turned to Twilight and thought for a moment before handing her a barrel of root beer and edging her over to the side of the Cavity and the bridge.
"Pinkie...what are you doing?" Twilight asked hesitantly as she looked down at the bottom of the waterfall. "Pinkie, stop! "
"Don't worry Twilight," Pinkie said with a grin. "Root beer floats! "
"Pinkie!!! " Twilight's screams faded as she fell to her death.
Pinkie Pie only watched her fall, thinking this must have been the plan from the very beginning. A stranger walks into her life, blows her cover, and gets herself captured. But at least Pinkie was able to share a laugh with this unicorn, who hadn't really felt like a stranger at all. Hopefully she would be able to return to her friends and family. And Pinkie...Pinkie would finish her business with the Cakes, once and for all.
No sooner had she finished that thought when a chain wrapped itself around Pinkie's neck, pulling her onto her candy barrels. Mrs. Cake restrained her while Mr. Cake attacked, and Pinkie danced around and away from his blade until she had him right where she wanted him. Pinkie saw her opportunity when Mr. Cake swept for her hind legs, and with a quick hop she placed a hoof firmly on the blade. Mr. Cake chuckled at the situation.
"Would you like to know something funny, Pinkie?" asked Mr. Cake. "...Even after all this fighting, I'd still let you join us."
"That's so funny, I forgot to laugh." sneered Pinkie, choking through the chain around her neck.
"We've always thought of you as a daughter, Pinkie..." said Mrs. Cake from behind her. "It's a shame you have to die by our hooves."
"Heh heh, now that one..." Pinkie chuckled, "that's worth a laugh."
"It's too bad we're the ones who'll be having the last laugh, Pinkie." said Mr. Cake solemnly as he pulled a dagger from his coat.
It was fine, Pinkie had landed right on the barrel she'd been aiming for the whole time. She looked Mr. Cake square in the face one last time.
"Ha." laughed Pinkie Pie, as she pressed a button on her peg leg.
~
Twilight hit the water hard, to her surprise she was still alive as she held on desperately to the barrel of root beer. Deep under the sugary water, she heard a massive boom that made the water around her vibrate. When Twilight finally breached the surface of the water, she gasped for breath and looked up at a terrifying sight. The bridge she had been standing on moments before was now burning away and falling apart. Twilight felt her heart break as she searched...there was no sign of Pinkie Pie.
"...P...Pinkiiiiiieee!!! " Twilight screamed her sadness as the water around her swirled and swallowed her into its depths.
~
"...wilight you absolutely have to see...eautiful dresses...ade for your party...palescence set me back...en she pulled a string...ost dazzling diamonds, fit for a * queen*. "
The darkness around Twilight had lost its liquid-like substance, and instead became a cool, damp breeze as she found herself in what felt like a cave. She was still shaking and heart-broken from what had just happened to Pinkie Pie, but she knew Pinkie would have wanted her to keep going. She only wished she could see around her.
As the memories of the normal light spell came to her, Twilight noticed it had become easier to see. Her horn was giving of a faint glow, and though it still hurt, it felt wonderful to have some magic back at her disposal.
She wiped her tears and looked around to see she was in a cave. She got up and started trotting, noticing a few shiny diamonds in the cave every once in a while. The further she walked, the more common the gems became. Eventually Twilight found herself walking down a corridor of pure diamond, with a light at the very end. She had read in a large number of stories that the character on the edge of death should never walk into the light. Now that she was living it, she sympathized with those characters. Obviously anyone who had ever said "don't go into the light" had never been so close to death, and thus had never experienced the joy of finding light in the cruel darkness of a coma, an escape from their mental prison.
When Twilight stepped into the light and opened her eyes, she wasn't greeted with her friends' smiling faces. She was greeted with the sight of a hundred well-dressed ponies dancing to a waltz. She was standing on a balcony looking down at a dance hall, in a palace made completely of diamond. Sitting on a throne at the very end was a masked white unicorn with an impeccable blue mane, wearing a dress fit for a queen.
"...Rarity..."
