Legend Of Navi: MLG Pro Legendby ArcIsDeadChaptersPrologue: Lonk Jumped Down A Tree, I Went The Other OneChapter One: Epona You Dingus!Chapter Two: Nightmare Horze (Epona Gets Krunk #1)Chapter Three: Jank-A** Town'o PoniesPrologue: Lonk Jumped Down A Tree, I Went The Other OneA small boy wandered through a dark forest riding a horse of brown color. The boy's name was Lonk, and Navi hated him. Navi was a faerie with a bright blue glow, looking to be a ball of light with wings. She had been assigned by the Great Deku Shrub to watch him, a small, idiotic boy. She hated her job. Having to escort Lonk and hold his hand on the path of adventure. Always about him and not her. And so she left, flying off into the distance. And then like a puppy, he followed her. She didn't object as she watched him riding toward her on 'his' horse, only for the horse to buck him down a hollow tree and into the darkness below. The horse spoke. "Alright, kid's dead. Now what?" This was planned of course, they both knew that there was a whole other world down that tree, Terminal or something. They didn't care enough to memorize it. They both had this planned. She spoke. "Epona why am I not surprised that you forgot. Okay, look. You see the adventure hole that we threw him down?" "Yup." Adventure holes were a term she had coined, referring to these hollow trees that let out into other worlds and countries. That one would plop the kid on his own adventure, and they would find their own. Epona was the muscle, and she the brains. She kept talking to him. He was big, but not smart. At least he wasn't as irritating as that little SOB that she had been forced to take along. "Well there's a bunch of others like it. This whole shitpile of a forest is full of adventure holes, so we just gotta pick one and jump in. You stole the kid's longshot, right?" "Yup." "Good. I don't want for him to get out of there by using that to climb back out. Plus we may need it if we don't like the hole we pick." He nodded. "Did you take his kokiri shank, goron tunic and zora tunic?" "Yupyup." "Good. The shank'll come in handy later. We can figure out a use for those later as well, I just wanted to steal stuff from the kid as payback for wasting my time. Little noob SOB." "I also stole his wallet Navi! And his floaty boots and metal boots!" She looked at him with a blank face (which was impressive and only seen to the horse as to any filthy humans she looked like a featureless ball of light). "Epona....I'm just..." She held her breath to not tear up as she flew against his muzzle. "I'm so proud of you! Good job! Great initiative! That's five stupid points off your record of idiocy!" "Yay! I'm not a stupid!" "Don't ruin this. Now then, which adventure hole to go down?" They both looked around, seeing many strange trees. A few were strange, looking like they had doors themed on holidays. Navi was too smart to fall for such pranks though, and they continued on. Then they found it. A large stump hole in the ground, with a sign above it showing six horses like Epona surrounded by six balls of light like Navi. She spoke. "Okay I think that's a--!" She didn't finish as Epona yelled out. "It's perfect for us!" Epona grabbed her in his muzzle and jumped down before she could even say 'trap'. "EPONA YOU DINGUUUUUUUUUUUS!!" Chapter One: Epona You Dingus!The two tumbled down through a massive void, feeling their bodies seeming to bend and distort, as they flopped unceremoniously onto the ground. Navi spoke after they finally stopped falling. "Eeeehehhhhhhh. Epona.... You stupid dingus! If we died from that, I would've killed you! Eh, where are we?" Navi looked around as she stood. Wait a second. WAIT A SECOND! She...Stood. With legs. SHE HAD LEGS NOW!? She looked over herself, her body seemed like Epona's unfortunately, but then again she still glowed as if she was made of light. Her legs- *squee! legs! She never had those!*- were long and slender, and she saw she still had her wings, and they were even a bit bigger than before. She felt a pair of antennae on her head, though they didn't seem to have any extra use other than better hearing. She looked over to Epona and spoke. "EPONA! I TAKE BACK EVERY BAD THING I EVER SAID ABOUT YOU! THE MAGIC ADVENTURE HOLE GAVE ME LEGS! YOU PICKED RIGHT!" "Yay! You got legs!" Then Navi finally saw how Epona had been affected. She was actually a bit bigger with regards to him, but it could also have been that he was slightly shorter. He looked down on her with a dopey grin, a pair of massive anime eyes and a stout, muscular build. His coat was the same light brown with white splotches, as was his white mane. His eyes were now the same blue as the sky for some reason, but she decided not to question that. She hopped up with her legs to get an extra boost in flying. She spoke again, now used to the changes. "Okay Epona, how do I look? Be honest with me, I don't want to have legs if I look like a moron." "You look like a pretty little magic faerie horse!" She sighed. "I meant like details but why not. Magic horsey. Great. I'll find a puddle or something later to see myself. Do we still have the items?" "Yup!" He reached down with a hoof and opened his saddlebag before stopping and freezing in place. "Ep? What's with the statue act?" He slowly sat on his rear and looked at his hoof. "My hoofses can open things... Like a hands!" He stood on only his back legs for a moment, holding one hoof into the air with a triumphant grin. He turned and opened the saddlebag, pulling out the goron tunic. Navi tilted her head when he saw it. "Huh. Whatever the adventure hole did to bring us here, it looks like the tunics actually might fit you. Weird." "Yup! And with my hoofses being all skooshy and able to grab things-Urgh! Nyeh!" He grunted and took off his saddlebags, putting on the red tunic. He replaced the saddlebags, but now without the saddle itself. "I can wear things and do things like I'm a magic!" She smirked as he looked at her with a stupid grin. He actually looked like he could handle an adventure now, fully armored with the red garb, as well as the iron boots (now turned into horseshoes perfect for him to use). He whipped out the kokiri shank (previously called a sword, but both of them had agreed it was too short to be a sword). He held it in his hoof, and stuck it back into the small sheath he had attached to his saddlebags. "Alright, bring it down a notch Ep. We got the gear and you can actually use them now. Let's find an adventure!" Navi flew up and landed on his head, nestling into his mane. The two looked around, finding themselves in a forest like the one they started in. Navi glanced up and saw the moon shining through the trees, and they heard a voice speak to them. "What is this of which I now see, but an unknown stallion and a glowing breezie?" Epona seemed to tense up, pulling behind his short mane. "H-hullo." "Might I inquire of your identity? I'm sorry it is unbeknownst to me." "Uh... Uh... Uh..." Navi watched him stutter with a blush spreading over his face, she sighed and stood up in his mane and yelled out. "OH FOR CRAP'S SAKE! My name is Navi and his is Epona! Who the hell...Are....You?" She finally got a look at who she was talking to. She was only slightly shorter than Epona, and her body was covered in black and white stripes. Her eyes seemed to shine in the moonlight. She wore a set of golden bangles on her legs and neck, and she was giving a quizzical look at them. Of all the things Navi had expected, a striped horse was not one. "Well little one of wrathful voice, Zecora is my name of choice." "What's with the rhyming?" Zecora blinked, giving off a blank expression. "What? Has no one else asked you that?" "That would be correct, as such I had no reason to expect...." "Well do you have a reason, or are you just magic? Rhyme something with orange!" "Shove off." "So you AREN'T magic!" Navi felt Epona push her down into his mane with a hoof. She whispered angrily. "H-hey! What's the big idea!?" "Don't be rude to her! She's pretty!" Navi blinked. "You like her!? You just met her!" "She is pretty!" "Ugh! Fine!" She stood up from his mane again. "Alright Zecora you don't have to rhyme for orange..." Zecora let out a sigh of relief. Navi continued questioning. "So, do you know where we can go for adventure? Preferably of the saving a princess and beating up a noob villain guy variety?" "Well there is a legend of a nightmare, bringing eternal night from the castle there..." She pointed a hoof in a direction. Navi memorized that and continued. "Okay, next question. Do you know of a place where we can get healing potions that would work on my guy Ep here?" "Indeed I know of a potion maker true, she stands directly before you." "Oh. Well you live in these woods?" She nodded. "Cool, cool. Final question before we go off to adventuring, the big palooka I'm standing on thinks you're pretty. You wanna go out with him sometime casual style?" Zecora seemed to blush. "Well if such a fact is true, that is something I would happily do." "Good! There ya go dingus!" Navi stamped a small hoof on Epona's head. "Now then, BACK TO ADVENTURE!" Epona neighed out of habit, and then reared on his back legs before charging in the direction pointed out by Zecora. "Let's go wreck this nightmare guy!" "Yay!" Chapter Two: Nightmare Horze (Epona Gets Krunk #1)They dashed through the forest toward their unknown goal. "Thank you for the help Navi! Now I can go out with the pretty stripey mare later!" "Eh you know I can't help but help a poor bastard when I see he has no chance otherwise. Still, let's go shank the super nightmare or whoever and grab her wallet. Villains always have lots of loot in their wallets. Maybe we could even get a better shank to use!" "Yay!" The two went along until they found a rope bridge stretched across a ravine. Navi immediately spoke. "Okay that thing is so ratty it makes rats feel like they have to compensate or something. Longshot and hover boot horseshoe time!" "Yay!" He swapped out the shoes and took out the longshot, latching it into the opposite side of the ravine, pulling himself toward it and then floating over it, before landing and swapping to the iron shoes. "Alrighty, let's keep going Ep!" "Yay!" The two continued forward, making their way until they reached a ruined and desolate castle. "Hey Navi?" "Yeah Ep?" "I think we found the place." "Yeah we did Ep." "Are we gonna go fight a villain now?" "Yeah. Let's go!" "Wheee!" The two charged into the castle, finding their way into an empty corridor. They heard a woman/mare's voice calling out and echoing down the halls of the castle. They walked up to the doorway to the room where it seemed to be echoing out from, holding up just out of sight. Navi leaned out of Epona's mane and grabbed the kokiri shank, pulling it with her into the mane. "Fools! Did you really think you could defeat me!? Your elements lay shattered, their attempted bearers beaten, and even you... The student of sister dearest, fallen before me as if you were nothing. My night will last eternal, you have failed! I have- Wait. Who's there!? I can sense you so show yourself!" A beam of blue magic scorched the ground in front of the doorway, and Epona sheepishly leaned his head around. Navi whispered in a low voice to him. "Remember the script!" Epona nodded, and slowly walked into the room, and then saw the 'nightmare' and the mares she had been fighting. He started speaking as he walked toward the nightmare, ignoring the deep gaze she was giving him. "Hello sir or madam I am Sherman the insurance salesman of Intertech industries in your area. Tell me are you satisfied with your long distance care with regards to your insurance of the automobile in your current possession- NOW NAVI!" Navi leaped from his mane, struggling with both front hooves to hold the kokiri shank. She lunged forward before 'nightmare' could realize what was happening. "What the-what art thou doing small creature!?" Navi held the blade to her throat, firmly planted on her back. "Nobody move or the dominatrix gets it!" The six mares' jaws had dropped and the nightmare wasn't moving, other than looking down. "Alright! I'm Navi the badass! That's my muscle over there, his name is Epona! Now what's gonna happen is that your six are gonna give up whatever valuables you have or else imma gut this one like a fishie! Kapische!?" They all scrambled to find valuable to throw forward to the small pony that held Nightmare hostage. Nightmare seemed unsure. Epona watched her raise an eyebrow and seem to lose all violent desire. "You... You all would try to do such for my sake? Even for all I have done?" The purple one spoke. "W-well, yeah! No one should die from another beings desperation for financial help!" "Thou cares...About me?" "W-well yeah! Most ponies care about each other!" The nightmare started twitching, white cracks seeming to spread along her form. "W-w-w-w-w--w-w--w-w-wwww-hat is h-h-h-h---hh-appening....!?" He voice seemed to distort, and white cracks exploded along her, and she burst apart in a wave of light. When it cleared, there stood a tall, slender mare, with a pastel mane and blue coat. On her flank was a mark of a moon surrounded by a splotch of black, and along with all this the mare had both wings and a horn. Now that she thought about it, almost all of the mares here had horns or wings! And Navi was pretty sure horses didn't come in that color. That seemed suspicious. Navi got up from where she had been tossed by the mare shattering apart, and was pulled up into Epona's mane again as he grabbed the kokiri shank again. They both watched in awe as another mare with both wings and a horn landed. Her coat was white, her mane seeming to blow in an ethereal wind, and her eyes were a pale lavender, showing both kindness and great age. The mark on her flank was strangely a sun. Navi decided that all of these butt marks must be cultural thing, and decided to no be rude and thus not question it. She watched the white mare go to the blue one and let out some drivel about forgiveness and then they hugged. Then the white mare started talking t the other six. "Twilight I am so proud of all of you for-" "HEY! LOOK AND LISTEN SLUT!" Navi decided to stop the moment there. From what she figured, the blue mare was possessed by a demon or something and she had gotten it exorcised, and this white slut was trying to make like Navi wasn't even there!? Hell no! "My name's Navi the Faerie! And these six bitches didn't do nothing! It was me and Epona here that did that crazy magic shit!" The now eight mares turned to look at them. Then Navi realized something. She was the equivalent of what Lonk should've been to other humans. Small, adorable, and awesome. And then she realized something else. Epona was a male. They were all female. From the looks the two with both horns and wings were giving him, they now stood on dangerous ground. "Hey Ep?" "Y-yeah Navi?" "RUN THE HELL AWAY!" The white one called out as they went. "SEIZE THAT HOT PIECE OF- I MEAN THOSE TWO ATTEMPTED CRIMINALS!! THEY MUST BE..ER... QUESTIONED!" "RUN EP! RUN LIKE THE SOUTHERN WINDS, ELSE YOU FEEL THEIR SOUTHERN WINDS!" "I DON'T WANNA DIE LIKE THAT NAVI!" "THEN RUUUUUN!" Chapter Three: Jank-A** Town'o PoniesChapter Three: Jank-A** Town'o Ponies "GET BACK HERE!" "KEEP RUNNING EP! NEVER STOP!" "EEEEHEEEEEEEHEHEEEEEEEEHHHH NAVI I'M SCARED!" Tears of terror ran down his face as they ran. "GET BACK YA JERKS AND STOP FOLLOWING US! EPONA ISN'T BUYING WHAT YOU'RE SELLING!" The blue one yelled at them. "WE WILL CONVINCE HIM THAT HE SHOULD!" "THAT'S RAPE!" "NOT IF HE ENJOYS IT!" "YOU'RE FREAKIN' CRAZY YA PENT UP UNBANGED SLUTS!" The two kept running through the trees, Navi throwing whatever she could grab from the trees at the mares behind them. Eventually they managed to dodge around a tree and watching them all run past. Navi whispered to Epona, rubbing hishead with a small hoof to try and relax him so he wouldn't yell or make enough noise to make their location known. "Okay...We lost them. Head back down the path, they won't expect us to go back to the castle, and we might still get loot there." "O-okay Navi..." Epona shuddered and then started quietly trotting back along the path. After a few minutes they made it back to the now empty castle. The two kept being stealthy in their movements however, simply for the risk of the mares returning there. Navi glanced along, flying off Epona and forward a bit. "Hey Ep! Magic book!" She pointed a hoof to a small gate, showing a stone stairwell over an apparent abyss. On the small platform at the bridge's end there was a tome, with light shining down on it. "Hmm. It's locked. Epona I'll fly over the gate and grab the book and come back, you wait here." "Okeydoke!" Navi flapped her small wings, flying swiftly over the gate and then landing by the book. "Inspiration Manifestation.... Sounds like it might be worth something. I'll read it later and check." She hopped back into the air and gabbed the book in all four hooves. It seemed her strength had followed her into this body, as her wings were able to easily lift the book. She took off with it floating it to the gate and sliding it through the bars. Epona grabbed it and put it int one of his saddlebags. Navi landed back in the perch she held in his mane. Epona talked when she landed. "While you were flying I found stuff!" "What stuff?" "This!" He held out what looked like the broken remains of the armor worn by the 'nightmare'. Navi blinked. "Huh. Well grab it, maybe we can get a goron or whatever they have instead for blacksmith's to forge it with one of the tunics. Give you some extra defense or something." Epona nodded and grabbed it and put it into his bag with the book. The two walked around a bit further, finding nothing but a few pots. These were further disappointing, as they held no rupees when smashed. Navi shrugged. "Eh at least we still have Lonk's wallet so we got like 200 to use until we find more." "Yup! Let's go!" The two continued forward, heading out and then finding themselves in front of a strange tree, made to resemble a house. They walked up and knocked on the door. They were both surprised when Zecora opened the door. "Well hello again, Epona breezie friend." "Hey yeah cool to see you and whatever, can we hide out here? We found that castle you were talking about but then there was a whole bunch of mares that freaked out and tried to get jiggy all over Epona." "That is something I would not mind, for I am one of the few unlike their kind." "Whatcha mean?" Zecora gave Navi a deadpan look. "It is the pony mare's heat season, from my brews I still can see a moment's reason." "So all the mares are all about sexy fun times, and you aren't like that cuz you got potions for that?" "Yes." "Okay good. Oh yeah, can we get some health and stamina potions from you? I have a feeling we'll have to do a lot more running and that Epona's gonna get hurt somehow." "That would be no problem, both of those issues, I can solve them." After a short bit the two headed out, seeking further adventure. As they walked along they found their own way out of the forest everfree, and then rode out and found their way to the town of 'Our Town', on the outer edges of the country. Well to be more accurate they found their way to a cave wherein the cutie marks of the town were stored. Navi grinned upon seeing a floating staff. "Okay, I don't care if it' worth anything, I want that. Take it!" "Okaydoke!" Epona reached up and grabbed it, yanking it from the glow of magic holding it aloft. They both heard a mare yell out at the cave entrance. "WHO IN THE HELL IS MESSING WITH MY STA- Oh... Well hello there big boy." Epona shuddered as he turned around to see a mare looking slightly similar to one of the six that had chased him, especially with the look in her eyes. She slowly approached him, looking him up and down. "Well well... Sine you're grabbing my staff I take it you want to... 'join' our town? " Navi popped up to try and keep the mare focused off of Epona and onto talking. "What do you mean 'join'?" "Ours is a community of purest friendship and equality, and to achieve that end all that visit us give up their cutie marks and their special talents and become one of us, that way nopony is better and all are equal." "So communism?" "Wh-What!? Nononono NO! WE ARE NOT COMMUNIST! WE JUST MAKE EVERYONE THAT COMES BY HERE BE FRIENDS AND LEARN THE TRUTH OF FRIENDSHIP!" "So cult of communism?" "NO IT S NOT-Okay, you know what I'm going into this. The rest of the town has arrived and so we can just teach you now." Navi looked around and realized that she had indeed been duped, and she and Epona were surrounded. She poked the back of his head. "Ep?" "Yeah?" "Do as I instruct, and do not question." "I do that normally though..." "Well yeah but still. Okay, take out our new staff, and plant it into the ground by the two prongs." "Kay!" He took it out and placed it. Navi flew out above it and placed her forehooves into the positions of prayer. The cultists halted as they looked at the pair, actually curious of what she was doing. "Navi whatcha doin?" "Hey I said no questions! Ugh... Anyway, you know how the Great Dooku Tree protected the forest where I'm from?" "Uh-huh!" "Well I eavesdropped on some of the spells and prayers he used on the forest, and how he made all those Deku Sticks. So I'm gonna try and magic this thing." "Oh... Okay!" "Good, now then, the Deku Prayer...Navi abridged version... Copyright do not steal..." I call on the magic of myself and the world around me... Place a blessing onto this tool carved from tree... Give it strength in all attacks... As it is taken for a whack... May it always....Uh....Something do... Something bout flying swift and true... I forgot the rest... Just give it the power of something cool... Universe don't be a tool... So is said by me, The Great Deku Tr- UH! I mean... The Great Navi, MLG... A wave of green light actually illuminated around the staff, leaving the wood of it having been made a dark black color, as if it was from a tree grown in death. "HOLY CHEESUS THAT WORKED!? HOLY FRACKAZOD! EP YOU SEEING THIS!?" "Yup!" "HA! SUCK IT GREAT DEKU TREE! YOU AIN'T THE ONLY MAGIC THING FROM THAT FOREST! Okay, now take it from the ground." Epona yanked it out with ease. The two prongs seemed to have been changed along with the color, now bearing a pair of wicked points. "I dub thee the Deku-Whompus! Epona ya know how Deku Sticks are used for whackin' stuff?" "Uh-Huh!" "Well this is better, and it can whack anything." "Yay!!" Navi grasped the Deku Shank in her forehooves, having gained some practice with it and now held it in the manner of a broadsword. "So Navi why'd ya make this for me?" "Because we're surrounded by communists and we ain't goin' down easy. You get me?" Epona gained a look of concentration for a moment. "And they stole people's buttmarks." "Is... Is that why I don't have one?" "Well no but I don't really know the rules of the buttmarks." "Oh..." Epona gained a 'resolute' face and whirled to face the crowd. Many of them flinched back from the fact that Epona had confused the expressions for 'resolute' and 'hateful wrath'. He grabbed the Deku-Whompus and held it in his teeth. The Cultist leader glared at Navi. "Oh don't worry you little bug... We'll make you see it our way..." "You think you can take me and Ep down so easily...?" Navi narrowed her eyes and then put on a pair of sharpened sunglasses before rearing on her back legs and taking flight with the Deku-Shank. "JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE!?" The cultist hesitantly surged and Epona held his Whompus aloft. After a few moments all of the cultist were flinching back to get away from Epona, who was swinging wild and had down multiple of them in the first charge. None of them had noticed Navi charging forward and engaging their leader, who was now running in fear after all of her magic having no affect. Finally she tripped and tumbled into a wall. Navi leaped forward and brought her shank down and split the mares' horn. A wave of magic erupted from it, shattering all of the case holding their cutie marks and blowing off the dusting covering her own cutie mark. The leader collapsed and the cultists seemed to surround her, seeing that she had lied to them all. The leader collapsed onto her face, rear in the air. Before any of them spoke, Navi leaped onto the collapsed mare's raised rear, holding her sword into the air. "I AM NAVI, SLAYER OF COMMUNISM! FEAR ME YA JERKS!" She proceeded to swing her blade at any that approached her. Epona heard her yell and charged through the crowd and smacking them all away with his new Whompus. "You did it Navi! You beat the communism!" "You bet I did! C'mon, let's run, they're weakened!" Epona scooped up Navi and stowed her blade and then charged back through the utterly confused group of ponies. They didn't move from where they were and watched the two run out of the cave chanting: "USA! USA! USA! USA!" They did not, however, hear Navi whisper to Epona when they were out of earshot. "Okay they've left their cultist stronghold without guard, let's go take all of their money and free their prisoners!" "Yay!" In the town they found little to no money in each house, and no good food other than 'wretched and goddess trio-forgotten' muffins. They finally reached the town on the end and opened it. Navi looked around and found finally a chest. They opened it and found within a simple spellbook and a pile of gems and bits. Navi began to tear up after seeing it. "Loot...Sweet loot..." She shrieked in laughter as she jumped into the chest and swam around in the bits for a short while before getting the excitement out of her system. "Okay that was nice... Grab it up Ep! Aaaaalllll of it!" "Okey-dokes!" A few minutes later the pair now had a considerable amount of treasure collected, and Navi had a spellbook to read along with the one from the castle. They finally went to the last house, hearing the sounds of someone pounding from the inside. They slowly approached and then pulled, only to find it locked. That left them with only the option of leaving and hoping the door was locked for a good reason. No JK Epona bucked that shit straight out of the doorframe. "Yo who's banging on the door in here! My name's Navi and this is my bro Epona!" They looked down to see an orange stallion with a thin build wearing a poncho and a sombrero, with a curly brown mane and green eyes. "Thank you so much! Jeez, these jerks grabbed me a while back and took my mark, I thought I was a goner! Then suddenly my mark flew in through the window and you guys came along and I was saved and now I'm free to go back to making ponies smile all over Equestria and-" "Look guy, we don't need to know what your deal is, kay? We're just here to get treasure and save peoples. You have any loot or people that'd pay for your rescue?" "Well I dunno about all that but I got a party bag for holding stuff-" "We have saddlebags." "Well the bag is for party bombs for my party tank-" "YOU GOT BOMBS!?" "Well mainly they're smoke bombs and different types of fireworks, but the bag can hold regular bombs too if the need arises-" "We'll take forty!" "I only have the one and I'm giving it as a gift-" "STOP SELLING YOU ALREADY MADE THE SALE!" "Okay! Here ya go, and a cupcake on the side for each of you!" Epona lunged forward to devour his cupcake, and Navi simply placed the cupcake into a fold of Epona's mane so she could eat it along the way (as it was half as large as she was) to their next destination. They took the bomb bag and hooked it onto Epona's saddlebags and they watched Cheese Sandwich ride off into the distance, murmuring about 'rescuing Boneless from the evil clutches of Chickenfoot'. After that Epona and Navi simply shrugged and continued in the opposite direction on their quest. "Hey Epona?" "Yeah Navi?" "Let's go blow up a dragon."
Prologue: Lonk Jumped Down A Tree, I Went The Other OneA small boy wandered through a dark forest riding a horse of brown color. The boy's name was Lonk, and Navi hated him. Navi was a faerie with a bright blue glow, looking to be a ball of light with wings. She had been assigned by the Great Deku Shrub to watch him, a small, idiotic boy. She hated her job. Having to escort Lonk and hold his hand on the path of adventure. Always about him and not her. And so she left, flying off into the distance. And then like a puppy, he followed her. She didn't object as she watched him riding toward her on 'his' horse, only for the horse to buck him down a hollow tree and into the darkness below. The horse spoke. "Alright, kid's dead. Now what?" This was planned of course, they both knew that there was a whole other world down that tree, Terminal or something. They didn't care enough to memorize it. They both had this planned. She spoke. "Epona why am I not surprised that you forgot. Okay, look. You see the adventure hole that we threw him down?" "Yup." Adventure holes were a term she had coined, referring to these hollow trees that let out into other worlds and countries. That one would plop the kid on his own adventure, and they would find their own. Epona was the muscle, and she the brains. She kept talking to him. He was big, but not smart. At least he wasn't as irritating as that little SOB that she had been forced to take along. "Well there's a bunch of others like it. This whole shitpile of a forest is full of adventure holes, so we just gotta pick one and jump in. You stole the kid's longshot, right?" "Yup." "Good. I don't want for him to get out of there by using that to climb back out. Plus we may need it if we don't like the hole we pick." He nodded. "Did you take his kokiri shank, goron tunic and zora tunic?" "Yupyup." "Good. The shank'll come in handy later. We can figure out a use for those later as well, I just wanted to steal stuff from the kid as payback for wasting my time. Little noob SOB." "I also stole his wallet Navi! And his floaty boots and metal boots!" She looked at him with a blank face (which was impressive and only seen to the horse as to any filthy humans she looked like a featureless ball of light). "Epona....I'm just..." She held her breath to not tear up as she flew against his muzzle. "I'm so proud of you! Good job! Great initiative! That's five stupid points off your record of idiocy!" "Yay! I'm not a stupid!" "Don't ruin this. Now then, which adventure hole to go down?" They both looked around, seeing many strange trees. A few were strange, looking like they had doors themed on holidays. Navi was too smart to fall for such pranks though, and they continued on. Then they found it. A large stump hole in the ground, with a sign above it showing six horses like Epona surrounded by six balls of light like Navi. She spoke. "Okay I think that's a--!" She didn't finish as Epona yelled out. "It's perfect for us!" Epona grabbed her in his muzzle and jumped down before she could even say 'trap'. "EPONA YOU DINGUUUUUUUUUUUS!!"
Chapter One: Epona You Dingus!The two tumbled down through a massive void, feeling their bodies seeming to bend and distort, as they flopped unceremoniously onto the ground. Navi spoke after they finally stopped falling. "Eeeehehhhhhhh. Epona.... You stupid dingus! If we died from that, I would've killed you! Eh, where are we?" Navi looked around as she stood. Wait a second. WAIT A SECOND! She...Stood. With legs. SHE HAD LEGS NOW!? She looked over herself, her body seemed like Epona's unfortunately, but then again she still glowed as if she was made of light. Her legs- *squee! legs! She never had those!*- were long and slender, and she saw she still had her wings, and they were even a bit bigger than before. She felt a pair of antennae on her head, though they didn't seem to have any extra use other than better hearing. She looked over to Epona and spoke. "EPONA! I TAKE BACK EVERY BAD THING I EVER SAID ABOUT YOU! THE MAGIC ADVENTURE HOLE GAVE ME LEGS! YOU PICKED RIGHT!" "Yay! You got legs!" Then Navi finally saw how Epona had been affected. She was actually a bit bigger with regards to him, but it could also have been that he was slightly shorter. He looked down on her with a dopey grin, a pair of massive anime eyes and a stout, muscular build. His coat was the same light brown with white splotches, as was his white mane. His eyes were now the same blue as the sky for some reason, but she decided not to question that. She hopped up with her legs to get an extra boost in flying. She spoke again, now used to the changes. "Okay Epona, how do I look? Be honest with me, I don't want to have legs if I look like a moron." "You look like a pretty little magic faerie horse!" She sighed. "I meant like details but why not. Magic horsey. Great. I'll find a puddle or something later to see myself. Do we still have the items?" "Yup!" He reached down with a hoof and opened his saddlebag before stopping and freezing in place. "Ep? What's with the statue act?" He slowly sat on his rear and looked at his hoof. "My hoofses can open things... Like a hands!" He stood on only his back legs for a moment, holding one hoof into the air with a triumphant grin. He turned and opened the saddlebag, pulling out the goron tunic. Navi tilted her head when he saw it. "Huh. Whatever the adventure hole did to bring us here, it looks like the tunics actually might fit you. Weird." "Yup! And with my hoofses being all skooshy and able to grab things-Urgh! Nyeh!" He grunted and took off his saddlebags, putting on the red tunic. He replaced the saddlebags, but now without the saddle itself. "I can wear things and do things like I'm a magic!" She smirked as he looked at her with a stupid grin. He actually looked like he could handle an adventure now, fully armored with the red garb, as well as the iron boots (now turned into horseshoes perfect for him to use). He whipped out the kokiri shank (previously called a sword, but both of them had agreed it was too short to be a sword). He held it in his hoof, and stuck it back into the small sheath he had attached to his saddlebags. "Alright, bring it down a notch Ep. We got the gear and you can actually use them now. Let's find an adventure!" Navi flew up and landed on his head, nestling into his mane. The two looked around, finding themselves in a forest like the one they started in. Navi glanced up and saw the moon shining through the trees, and they heard a voice speak to them. "What is this of which I now see, but an unknown stallion and a glowing breezie?" Epona seemed to tense up, pulling behind his short mane. "H-hullo." "Might I inquire of your identity? I'm sorry it is unbeknownst to me." "Uh... Uh... Uh..." Navi watched him stutter with a blush spreading over his face, she sighed and stood up in his mane and yelled out. "OH FOR CRAP'S SAKE! My name is Navi and his is Epona! Who the hell...Are....You?" She finally got a look at who she was talking to. She was only slightly shorter than Epona, and her body was covered in black and white stripes. Her eyes seemed to shine in the moonlight. She wore a set of golden bangles on her legs and neck, and she was giving a quizzical look at them. Of all the things Navi had expected, a striped horse was not one. "Well little one of wrathful voice, Zecora is my name of choice." "What's with the rhyming?" Zecora blinked, giving off a blank expression. "What? Has no one else asked you that?" "That would be correct, as such I had no reason to expect...." "Well do you have a reason, or are you just magic? Rhyme something with orange!" "Shove off." "So you AREN'T magic!" Navi felt Epona push her down into his mane with a hoof. She whispered angrily. "H-hey! What's the big idea!?" "Don't be rude to her! She's pretty!" Navi blinked. "You like her!? You just met her!" "She is pretty!" "Ugh! Fine!" She stood up from his mane again. "Alright Zecora you don't have to rhyme for orange..." Zecora let out a sigh of relief. Navi continued questioning. "So, do you know where we can go for adventure? Preferably of the saving a princess and beating up a noob villain guy variety?" "Well there is a legend of a nightmare, bringing eternal night from the castle there..." She pointed a hoof in a direction. Navi memorized that and continued. "Okay, next question. Do you know of a place where we can get healing potions that would work on my guy Ep here?" "Indeed I know of a potion maker true, she stands directly before you." "Oh. Well you live in these woods?" She nodded. "Cool, cool. Final question before we go off to adventuring, the big palooka I'm standing on thinks you're pretty. You wanna go out with him sometime casual style?" Zecora seemed to blush. "Well if such a fact is true, that is something I would happily do." "Good! There ya go dingus!" Navi stamped a small hoof on Epona's head. "Now then, BACK TO ADVENTURE!" Epona neighed out of habit, and then reared on his back legs before charging in the direction pointed out by Zecora. "Let's go wreck this nightmare guy!" "Yay!"
Chapter Two: Nightmare Horze (Epona Gets Krunk #1)They dashed through the forest toward their unknown goal. "Thank you for the help Navi! Now I can go out with the pretty stripey mare later!" "Eh you know I can't help but help a poor bastard when I see he has no chance otherwise. Still, let's go shank the super nightmare or whoever and grab her wallet. Villains always have lots of loot in their wallets. Maybe we could even get a better shank to use!" "Yay!" The two went along until they found a rope bridge stretched across a ravine. Navi immediately spoke. "Okay that thing is so ratty it makes rats feel like they have to compensate or something. Longshot and hover boot horseshoe time!" "Yay!" He swapped out the shoes and took out the longshot, latching it into the opposite side of the ravine, pulling himself toward it and then floating over it, before landing and swapping to the iron shoes. "Alrighty, let's keep going Ep!" "Yay!" The two continued forward, making their way until they reached a ruined and desolate castle. "Hey Navi?" "Yeah Ep?" "I think we found the place." "Yeah we did Ep." "Are we gonna go fight a villain now?" "Yeah. Let's go!" "Wheee!" The two charged into the castle, finding their way into an empty corridor. They heard a woman/mare's voice calling out and echoing down the halls of the castle. They walked up to the doorway to the room where it seemed to be echoing out from, holding up just out of sight. Navi leaned out of Epona's mane and grabbed the kokiri shank, pulling it with her into the mane. "Fools! Did you really think you could defeat me!? Your elements lay shattered, their attempted bearers beaten, and even you... The student of sister dearest, fallen before me as if you were nothing. My night will last eternal, you have failed! I have- Wait. Who's there!? I can sense you so show yourself!" A beam of blue magic scorched the ground in front of the doorway, and Epona sheepishly leaned his head around. Navi whispered in a low voice to him. "Remember the script!" Epona nodded, and slowly walked into the room, and then saw the 'nightmare' and the mares she had been fighting. He started speaking as he walked toward the nightmare, ignoring the deep gaze she was giving him. "Hello sir or madam I am Sherman the insurance salesman of Intertech industries in your area. Tell me are you satisfied with your long distance care with regards to your insurance of the automobile in your current possession- NOW NAVI!" Navi leaped from his mane, struggling with both front hooves to hold the kokiri shank. She lunged forward before 'nightmare' could realize what was happening. "What the-what art thou doing small creature!?" Navi held the blade to her throat, firmly planted on her back. "Nobody move or the dominatrix gets it!" The six mares' jaws had dropped and the nightmare wasn't moving, other than looking down. "Alright! I'm Navi the badass! That's my muscle over there, his name is Epona! Now what's gonna happen is that your six are gonna give up whatever valuables you have or else imma gut this one like a fishie! Kapische!?" They all scrambled to find valuable to throw forward to the small pony that held Nightmare hostage. Nightmare seemed unsure. Epona watched her raise an eyebrow and seem to lose all violent desire. "You... You all would try to do such for my sake? Even for all I have done?" The purple one spoke. "W-well, yeah! No one should die from another beings desperation for financial help!" "Thou cares...About me?" "W-well yeah! Most ponies care about each other!" The nightmare started twitching, white cracks seeming to spread along her form. "W-w-w-w-w--w-w--w-w-wwww-hat is h-h-h-h---hh-appening....!?" He voice seemed to distort, and white cracks exploded along her, and she burst apart in a wave of light. When it cleared, there stood a tall, slender mare, with a pastel mane and blue coat. On her flank was a mark of a moon surrounded by a splotch of black, and along with all this the mare had both wings and a horn. Now that she thought about it, almost all of the mares here had horns or wings! And Navi was pretty sure horses didn't come in that color. That seemed suspicious. Navi got up from where she had been tossed by the mare shattering apart, and was pulled up into Epona's mane again as he grabbed the kokiri shank again. They both watched in awe as another mare with both wings and a horn landed. Her coat was white, her mane seeming to blow in an ethereal wind, and her eyes were a pale lavender, showing both kindness and great age. The mark on her flank was strangely a sun. Navi decided that all of these butt marks must be cultural thing, and decided to no be rude and thus not question it. She watched the white mare go to the blue one and let out some drivel about forgiveness and then they hugged. Then the white mare started talking t the other six. "Twilight I am so proud of all of you for-" "HEY! LOOK AND LISTEN SLUT!" Navi decided to stop the moment there. From what she figured, the blue mare was possessed by a demon or something and she had gotten it exorcised, and this white slut was trying to make like Navi wasn't even there!? Hell no! "My name's Navi the Faerie! And these six bitches didn't do nothing! It was me and Epona here that did that crazy magic shit!" The now eight mares turned to look at them. Then Navi realized something. She was the equivalent of what Lonk should've been to other humans. Small, adorable, and awesome. And then she realized something else. Epona was a male. They were all female. From the looks the two with both horns and wings were giving him, they now stood on dangerous ground. "Hey Ep?" "Y-yeah Navi?" "RUN THE HELL AWAY!" The white one called out as they went. "SEIZE THAT HOT PIECE OF- I MEAN THOSE TWO ATTEMPTED CRIMINALS!! THEY MUST BE..ER... QUESTIONED!" "RUN EP! RUN LIKE THE SOUTHERN WINDS, ELSE YOU FEEL THEIR SOUTHERN WINDS!" "I DON'T WANNA DIE LIKE THAT NAVI!" "THEN RUUUUUN!"
Chapter Three: Jank-A** Town'o PoniesChapter Three: Jank-A** Town'o Ponies "GET BACK HERE!" "KEEP RUNNING EP! NEVER STOP!" "EEEEHEEEEEEEHEHEEEEEEEEHHHH NAVI I'M SCARED!" Tears of terror ran down his face as they ran. "GET BACK YA JERKS AND STOP FOLLOWING US! EPONA ISN'T BUYING WHAT YOU'RE SELLING!" The blue one yelled at them. "WE WILL CONVINCE HIM THAT HE SHOULD!" "THAT'S RAPE!" "NOT IF HE ENJOYS IT!" "YOU'RE FREAKIN' CRAZY YA PENT UP UNBANGED SLUTS!" The two kept running through the trees, Navi throwing whatever she could grab from the trees at the mares behind them. Eventually they managed to dodge around a tree and watching them all run past. Navi whispered to Epona, rubbing hishead with a small hoof to try and relax him so he wouldn't yell or make enough noise to make their location known. "Okay...We lost them. Head back down the path, they won't expect us to go back to the castle, and we might still get loot there." "O-okay Navi..." Epona shuddered and then started quietly trotting back along the path. After a few minutes they made it back to the now empty castle. The two kept being stealthy in their movements however, simply for the risk of the mares returning there. Navi glanced along, flying off Epona and forward a bit. "Hey Ep! Magic book!" She pointed a hoof to a small gate, showing a stone stairwell over an apparent abyss. On the small platform at the bridge's end there was a tome, with light shining down on it. "Hmm. It's locked. Epona I'll fly over the gate and grab the book and come back, you wait here." "Okeydoke!" Navi flapped her small wings, flying swiftly over the gate and then landing by the book. "Inspiration Manifestation.... Sounds like it might be worth something. I'll read it later and check." She hopped back into the air and gabbed the book in all four hooves. It seemed her strength had followed her into this body, as her wings were able to easily lift the book. She took off with it floating it to the gate and sliding it through the bars. Epona grabbed it and put it int one of his saddlebags. Navi landed back in the perch she held in his mane. Epona talked when she landed. "While you were flying I found stuff!" "What stuff?" "This!" He held out what looked like the broken remains of the armor worn by the 'nightmare'. Navi blinked. "Huh. Well grab it, maybe we can get a goron or whatever they have instead for blacksmith's to forge it with one of the tunics. Give you some extra defense or something." Epona nodded and grabbed it and put it into his bag with the book. The two walked around a bit further, finding nothing but a few pots. These were further disappointing, as they held no rupees when smashed. Navi shrugged. "Eh at least we still have Lonk's wallet so we got like 200 to use until we find more." "Yup! Let's go!" The two continued forward, heading out and then finding themselves in front of a strange tree, made to resemble a house. They walked up and knocked on the door. They were both surprised when Zecora opened the door. "Well hello again, Epona breezie friend." "Hey yeah cool to see you and whatever, can we hide out here? We found that castle you were talking about but then there was a whole bunch of mares that freaked out and tried to get jiggy all over Epona." "That is something I would not mind, for I am one of the few unlike their kind." "Whatcha mean?" Zecora gave Navi a deadpan look. "It is the pony mare's heat season, from my brews I still can see a moment's reason." "So all the mares are all about sexy fun times, and you aren't like that cuz you got potions for that?" "Yes." "Okay good. Oh yeah, can we get some health and stamina potions from you? I have a feeling we'll have to do a lot more running and that Epona's gonna get hurt somehow." "That would be no problem, both of those issues, I can solve them." After a short bit the two headed out, seeking further adventure. As they walked along they found their own way out of the forest everfree, and then rode out and found their way to the town of 'Our Town', on the outer edges of the country. Well to be more accurate they found their way to a cave wherein the cutie marks of the town were stored. Navi grinned upon seeing a floating staff. "Okay, I don't care if it' worth anything, I want that. Take it!" "Okaydoke!" Epona reached up and grabbed it, yanking it from the glow of magic holding it aloft. They both heard a mare yell out at the cave entrance. "WHO IN THE HELL IS MESSING WITH MY STA- Oh... Well hello there big boy." Epona shuddered as he turned around to see a mare looking slightly similar to one of the six that had chased him, especially with the look in her eyes. She slowly approached him, looking him up and down. "Well well... Sine you're grabbing my staff I take it you want to... 'join' our town? " Navi popped up to try and keep the mare focused off of Epona and onto talking. "What do you mean 'join'?" "Ours is a community of purest friendship and equality, and to achieve that end all that visit us give up their cutie marks and their special talents and become one of us, that way nopony is better and all are equal." "So communism?" "Wh-What!? Nononono NO! WE ARE NOT COMMUNIST! WE JUST MAKE EVERYONE THAT COMES BY HERE BE FRIENDS AND LEARN THE TRUTH OF FRIENDSHIP!" "So cult of communism?" "NO IT S NOT-Okay, you know what I'm going into this. The rest of the town has arrived and so we can just teach you now." Navi looked around and realized that she had indeed been duped, and she and Epona were surrounded. She poked the back of his head. "Ep?" "Yeah?" "Do as I instruct, and do not question." "I do that normally though..." "Well yeah but still. Okay, take out our new staff, and plant it into the ground by the two prongs." "Kay!" He took it out and placed it. Navi flew out above it and placed her forehooves into the positions of prayer. The cultists halted as they looked at the pair, actually curious of what she was doing. "Navi whatcha doin?" "Hey I said no questions! Ugh... Anyway, you know how the Great Dooku Tree protected the forest where I'm from?" "Uh-huh!" "Well I eavesdropped on some of the spells and prayers he used on the forest, and how he made all those Deku Sticks. So I'm gonna try and magic this thing." "Oh... Okay!" "Good, now then, the Deku Prayer...Navi abridged version... Copyright do not steal..." I call on the magic of myself and the world around me... Place a blessing onto this tool carved from tree... Give it strength in all attacks... As it is taken for a whack... May it always....Uh....Something do... Something bout flying swift and true... I forgot the rest... Just give it the power of something cool... Universe don't be a tool... So is said by me, The Great Deku Tr- UH! I mean... The Great Navi, MLG... A wave of green light actually illuminated around the staff, leaving the wood of it having been made a dark black color, as if it was from a tree grown in death. "HOLY CHEESUS THAT WORKED!? HOLY FRACKAZOD! EP YOU SEEING THIS!?" "Yup!" "HA! SUCK IT GREAT DEKU TREE! YOU AIN'T THE ONLY MAGIC THING FROM THAT FOREST! Okay, now take it from the ground." Epona yanked it out with ease. The two prongs seemed to have been changed along with the color, now bearing a pair of wicked points. "I dub thee the Deku-Whompus! Epona ya know how Deku Sticks are used for whackin' stuff?" "Uh-Huh!" "Well this is better, and it can whack anything." "Yay!!" Navi grasped the Deku Shank in her forehooves, having gained some practice with it and now held it in the manner of a broadsword. "So Navi why'd ya make this for me?" "Because we're surrounded by communists and we ain't goin' down easy. You get me?" Epona gained a look of concentration for a moment. "And they stole people's buttmarks." "Is... Is that why I don't have one?" "Well no but I don't really know the rules of the buttmarks." "Oh..." Epona gained a 'resolute' face and whirled to face the crowd. Many of them flinched back from the fact that Epona had confused the expressions for 'resolute' and 'hateful wrath'. He grabbed the Deku-Whompus and held it in his teeth. The Cultist leader glared at Navi. "Oh don't worry you little bug... We'll make you see it our way..." "You think you can take me and Ep down so easily...?" Navi narrowed her eyes and then put on a pair of sharpened sunglasses before rearing on her back legs and taking flight with the Deku-Shank. "JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE!?" The cultist hesitantly surged and Epona held his Whompus aloft. After a few moments all of the cultist were flinching back to get away from Epona, who was swinging wild and had down multiple of them in the first charge. None of them had noticed Navi charging forward and engaging their leader, who was now running in fear after all of her magic having no affect. Finally she tripped and tumbled into a wall. Navi leaped forward and brought her shank down and split the mares' horn. A wave of magic erupted from it, shattering all of the case holding their cutie marks and blowing off the dusting covering her own cutie mark. The leader collapsed and the cultists seemed to surround her, seeing that she had lied to them all. The leader collapsed onto her face, rear in the air. Before any of them spoke, Navi leaped onto the collapsed mare's raised rear, holding her sword into the air. "I AM NAVI, SLAYER OF COMMUNISM! FEAR ME YA JERKS!" She proceeded to swing her blade at any that approached her. Epona heard her yell and charged through the crowd and smacking them all away with his new Whompus. "You did it Navi! You beat the communism!" "You bet I did! C'mon, let's run, they're weakened!" Epona scooped up Navi and stowed her blade and then charged back through the utterly confused group of ponies. They didn't move from where they were and watched the two run out of the cave chanting: "USA! USA! USA! USA!" They did not, however, hear Navi whisper to Epona when they were out of earshot. "Okay they've left their cultist stronghold without guard, let's go take all of their money and free their prisoners!" "Yay!" In the town they found little to no money in each house, and no good food other than 'wretched and goddess trio-forgotten' muffins. They finally reached the town on the end and opened it. Navi looked around and found finally a chest. They opened it and found within a simple spellbook and a pile of gems and bits. Navi began to tear up after seeing it. "Loot...Sweet loot..." She shrieked in laughter as she jumped into the chest and swam around in the bits for a short while before getting the excitement out of her system. "Okay that was nice... Grab it up Ep! Aaaaalllll of it!" "Okey-dokes!" A few minutes later the pair now had a considerable amount of treasure collected, and Navi had a spellbook to read along with the one from the castle. They finally went to the last house, hearing the sounds of someone pounding from the inside. They slowly approached and then pulled, only to find it locked. That left them with only the option of leaving and hoping the door was locked for a good reason. No JK Epona bucked that shit straight out of the doorframe. "Yo who's banging on the door in here! My name's Navi and this is my bro Epona!" They looked down to see an orange stallion with a thin build wearing a poncho and a sombrero, with a curly brown mane and green eyes. "Thank you so much! Jeez, these jerks grabbed me a while back and took my mark, I thought I was a goner! Then suddenly my mark flew in through the window and you guys came along and I was saved and now I'm free to go back to making ponies smile all over Equestria and-" "Look guy, we don't need to know what your deal is, kay? We're just here to get treasure and save peoples. You have any loot or people that'd pay for your rescue?" "Well I dunno about all that but I got a party bag for holding stuff-" "We have saddlebags." "Well the bag is for party bombs for my party tank-" "YOU GOT BOMBS!?" "Well mainly they're smoke bombs and different types of fireworks, but the bag can hold regular bombs too if the need arises-" "We'll take forty!" "I only have the one and I'm giving it as a gift-" "STOP SELLING YOU ALREADY MADE THE SALE!" "Okay! Here ya go, and a cupcake on the side for each of you!" Epona lunged forward to devour his cupcake, and Navi simply placed the cupcake into a fold of Epona's mane so she could eat it along the way (as it was half as large as she was) to their next destination. They took the bomb bag and hooked it onto Epona's saddlebags and they watched Cheese Sandwich ride off into the distance, murmuring about 'rescuing Boneless from the evil clutches of Chickenfoot'. After that Epona and Navi simply shrugged and continued in the opposite direction on their quest. "Hey Epona?" "Yeah Navi?" "Let's go blow up a dragon."
