YOU WORTHLESS MAGGOTS AREN'T EVEN WORTH HITTING WITH A HYPER BEAM

“I don’t know who the hell you are or where the hell I am… but these blue fuckers are going down!”

Celestia stared at the red and white figure above her, trying to figure out what it was. All around her, the battle slowed as the combatants nearest to the scene tried to figure out what exactly the figure was and whose side it was on.

Said figure immediately proved its loyalties by striding up to the nearest demon and punching it square in the groin with a psychic cry of “MACH PUNCH!”, sending it to its knees in pain. As the demon fell and screamed in abject misery, the figure pulled a strange rod-like object from its belt and pressed it against the demon’s head.

Gardevoir stared up at the night sky, observing the full moon above. A wicked smirk came upon her face as she focused her energies through her shotgun and fired. “Moonblast.”

A bolt of silvery-white moonlight lanced out of the twin barrels of her shotgun and blasted a hole straight into and through the demon’s head, disintegrating most of it in the process.

Gardevoir shouldered her weapon and turned back to the shocked alicorn princess. “Who are you, where am I, what is your status, and how many of these ugly fuckers can I kill?”

Celestia blinked twice as she got back to her hooves and readied her sword once more. “I’m Princess Celestia of Equestria, we’re due east of the rubble of Manehattan, and kill as many as you can. These creatures are incapable of mercy, and I firmly believe in equal treatment.” A wicked grin crossed her muzzle, righteous fury burning through her at the thought of all the ponies that had fallen.

“No mercy it is.” Gardevoir nodded and shouldered a new weapon, this one large and black, with lines of green running down the length of it. “Full auto. FIRE!”

Fire and death leapt from the quad-barreled monstrosity in her hands, hundreds of tiny, but powerful, rockets exploding all over the battlefield, exploding indiscriminately but failing to harm any but the demons themselves. Some unlucky guards were even hit by the explosives, only to feel no damage, even as the rockets exploded into massive conflagrations of force and shrapnel.

When the barrage ended minutes later, the four barrels of Gardevoir’s rocket launcher were smoking and a gauge on the side flashed red. The oddly dressed pokemon dropped her spent weapon to the side, picking up her shotgun once more. Then, with surprising speed, she leapt into the fray, blasting any unlucky demons in her path with both scattershot and slugs, shadow balls and moonblasts.

Both armies were in complete disarray, the demons having lost most of their power at this point. Gardevoir had killed enough demons at this point that her skin, hair, and clothing seemed to be dyed blue, the only thing left clean was the australium gem in her chest.

The battle concluded not with dying screams, but whimpers, the remnants of the demon army retreating back to the poisonous hole in the ground from whence they came.

Gardevoir stood tall, striding back to Celestia with otherworldly grace for one covered in demon entrails and gore. As she crossed the battlefield, a quick song imprinted itself into the minds of the gathered ponies, ending just as Gardevoir halted in front of Celestia, dropping to one knee in deference.

“Problem solved, your majesty.”

Celestia stepped back a little, flicking the accumulated gore from her golden blade. “Thank you, whoever you are. Without your intervention, this battle would no doubt have been much bloodier.

“No problem, ma’am. Just doing my job.” Gardevoir shook her head, “That being said, I find myself lacking in any sort of funds or housing. Would it be too much to ask if you have enough room for one more Soldier?”

Celestia smiled down at the gore covered pokemon, placing a golden armored hoof upon her shoulder. “Of course we do. But please… Take a bath first.” Celestia removed her now sticky and blue armored hoof from her newest Soldier’s shoulder, shaking off as much of the gore as possible.

“Of course…. uhm… where’s the bath?”

Celestia pointed toward the camp in the distance, a warm campfire trailing a thin stream of smoke into the air from its center. “It’s over there... um… I don’t think I ever caught your name.”

Gardevoir facepalmed with a quick, “Gar!”, puzzling Celestia with the strange sound issuing from her mouth. “I… uh… I don’t have a name. Not really. I know I used to have a name, but the guy that sent me here removed a few memories so I couldn’t accidentally kill myself. Uh… I mean, I’m a Soldier class Gardevoir… if that helps.”

“No name?” Celestia’s heart went out to Gardevoir. Names were precious things, after all. Frowning, she looked around for inspiration, spotting nothing but cinders and recuperating guards. “....”

“What is it? I’m sensing hesitation… are you alright, your majesty?”

Celestia facehoofed with her cleaner boot, rubbing tiny circles around the base of her horn, “Yes, I’m fine… it’s just, I had an idea for a name, but it just sounds so…. childish…”

“Won’t know until we try it, I suppose.”

“True enough… what do you think of the name… Cinder Guard?”

“Cinder… Guard…” Garde–Cinder– rolled her new name around, testing it and seeing if it was worth keeping. “Oh yes… that sounds perfect.”

Cinder stood and rolled her shoulders, saluting at Celestia and gliding off towards her new camp. “I’ll see you later, your highness.”

“Of course, Cinder. Have a nice night.” Celestia turned towards the rest of her troops, offering little words of encouragement and a shoulder to lean on.

Cinder glided into camp with nary a sound, startling a few soldiers in the process. As they scrambled around in surprise, she ignored all of them until she realized that she had no idea where anything was.

Annoyed with herself and hating the reek of demon gore, she reached out and grabbed a guard with her telekinesis, bringing the… female? Yes, female, guard over and asking, as politely as possible, “Yo, know anywhere I can take a bath? I wanna get this shit offa me.”

The surprised mare shakily lifted a hoof and pointed off to Cinder’s left, where a small, steaming pool lay, a divider of simple cardboard separating it into a male and female side. Cinder shrugged and set down her gear, placing her tophat reverently on top of the pile of weapons. She disrobed, dress falling to the side and revealing perfectly white skin all the way down, save for where her face was covered in gore.

She stepped into the steaming pool of water, scrubbing flecks of blue blood and black ichor from herself, idly noting that she didn’t have any soap. Flicking a glob of blood from her hand, she waved over an idling guardsmare, petulantly waiting for the confused mare to respond.

“Oi. You got any soap?”

The guardsmare squeaked, clearly a rookie. “Y-yes ma’am! I-I’ll go fetch some!” She scampered off, leaving Gardevoir to enjoy the hot water. “Mnhh, at least the water is nice…”

Half an hour and a quick scrubbing later, Cinder stood fully dressed and cleaned in front of Princess Celestia, weapons holstered for the moment. She knelt once more, presenting herself to the alabaster alicorn. “Princess.”

“Cinder Guard, by the power vested in me as the diarch of Equestria and mover of the sun, I name you my knight, my guard, my Soldier. Upon your claiming of your new title, you shall hereby serve the crown forevermore, until your dying breath. Now rise, Cinder Guard, and I shall receive your oath.” Celestia’s voice was commanding, waves of authority cascading off of her form as she spoke.

Cinder stood and saluted, “Princess Celestia. Until my dying breath shall I serve the crown. Until the rivers run dry and the earth itself crumbles shall I be your steward, your knight. I, Cinder Guard, hereby pledge my loyalty, my life, my very soulto the crown of Equestria, long may it live. So as my oath is made, so it shall remain unbroken for as long as I live.”

Celestia smiled, “Then, welcome to the Solar Guard Corps, Cinder Guard. We welcome you with open hooves.”

Cinder nodded, a single tear tracing its way across her face. “Thank you ma’am.”