Derp My Life

SSSSTTTTCHHH!

I walked back to the living room with an already lit joint.

For whatever reason, I decided to sit at the table to smoke the 4th Joint...Dash and Derpy both deciding to partake in this activity...

"What are we doin again!?"

Derpy exclaimed outloud, Dash ignoring Derpy and gazing at me as I inhaled the already cherished joint.

STTTTPH!

I passed the lit joint to Dash, eagerly awaiting the challenge that I bestowed upon her...

"So I just breathe it in, right? I mean, the Wonderbolts smoke cigarettes all the time....I just never got into that..."

Dash rambled on...obviously nervous about smoking for her first time....but of course I didn't tell her that it's not tobacco....

Oh well....

Let's just see how this goes...

STTTTTTPPH!!!

EHEH! EHEH! EHEH!

Dash took in more than I thought....a big cloud of smoke going right to Derpy's face as Dash choked...

"eheh eheh..."

Derpy gave a little cough as the 2nd hand smoke went in through her mouth, and out her nose....

Derpy turning to me and giving me that cute scrunchy face...Awww....

"Your turn!"

Derpy shouted happily, somehow picking up the joint with her hoof....how?....At this point...I don't care....

Just sit back and take in another hit...

STTTTTTPH!!

The dank blackened taste filled by tastebuds as the smoke settled in my mouth...a heavy hit to the head indeed....maybe...to heavy...

"Ehem...I think I've had enough...for now..."

I said as I scooted back from my chair, Dash staring at the table....mindlessly gazing into infinity....well...she's baked...

"Dash, how you feeling?"

I said as I nudged Dash's shoulder, Dash ignoring my hand, and continuing to stare at the table.

"Good...I'm doing good...."

Dash sighed as she wobbled off her chair, stumbling onto her four feet.

SQUEE!

I blushed as Derpy's arms wrapped around my neck...her warm breathe rolling down my neck.

"Hmm! I like hugging you!"

Derpy giggled as her legs wrapped around my waist....

"Hey Derpy! Do you wanna go shopping with me!?"

I eagerly asked....Derpy letting go of her grip, and jumping to the ground....

"Only if I get to hug you for the whole entire trip!"

SQUEE!

Without warning...Derpy latched herself around me again....only this time....her arms and legs wrapped around my back....and her beautiful blushing face staring up at me....

Awwww!

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"Hey Twilight, do you wanna come shopping with Derpy and me? I mean...I personally suck at shopping....and I don't have any money...so I was wonder-"

"Yes! I'll go with you two."

Twilight joyfully shouted, her mane bouncing as she trotted down the stairs....damn....she must be eager to get out of the house....

"C'mon! I have the money right here!"

Twilight shouted as she pushed open the door, Derpy looking at me with her big cute yellow eyes...

MWAH!

Derpy pressed her lips up to mine....not saying a single word....just a sudden warm kiss...

"MMMH..."

I sighed as I held onto Derpy, holding onto her while walking down the stairs.

Step by step....almost there.....just one more....

Woops...

....Call it being buzzed...or me just being clumsy...but I tripped on the last step.... Causing me and Derpy to lean forward....slowly falling to our imminent 5 inch plummet...

SQUEE!

Derpy's wings fluttered as she hugged me tighter....her loving embrace saving me from face-planting and crushing her...

THUD!

I nervously stepped back on the floor, Derpy smiling at me for a second...then immediately locking her lips with mine....

MMHWAH!

Derpy emitted as she took her lips off, her warm saliva dripping down my neck....

"Hehe...I love you even if you are a silly filly!"

SQUEE!

Derpy hugged me again...but...this time....something felt different....

I looked down to see a sad Twilight hugging my legs...her arms coiled around my legs tightly...

Well...I guess we're all having a group hug....I don't mind...
_____________________________________________________________________

"Can I have another kiss?"

Derpy asked as Twilight opened the door to our first stop....

"Ponyville Premium Liquor"

Now...this store was located by Derpy's apartment..a hell of a long walk from the library...but oh well....This store was like Sugar Cube Corner, an actual building...unlike those tents in the Shopping Center...

"Okay...So do we know what we're going to buy?"

Twilight asked as we stepped into the store....rows and rows of precious alcohol awaiting us....

"And I....had....the time of my life...and I never felt this way before....and it's true...."

"Orion!?"

What?....I wonder why I was thinking of that song..I should have been thinking about a song that had to do with alcohol....
like "Tequila" or "I Drink Alone."

"Orion!?"

"Let's just get something new...."

I replied back as I slowly walked up to the first aisle, Derpy hugging me tighter as I looked at all the different bottles...

"AppleJack Daniels"

"StarSwirl the Bearded Vodka"

"Equestria Certified Whiskey"

"Flim and Flam Alcoholic Beverage"

"Phillidelphia Brand Brandy"

I grabbed one of every bottle.and put them in the cart Twilight hovered above her head, her magical purple glow carrying the cart as we walked to the cashier....

A very large colt with stubble awaited us...staring at me and Derpy....

SQUEE!

Derpy hugged me tight and gave me a smooch on the cheek as Twilight lifted the cart up to the cashier.

"Oh god...I hope it dosen't cost too much..."

"That'll be 3 bits, mam."

CHINK! CHINK! CHINK!

Twilight dropped the 3 golden coins onto the counter, the cashier bagging all the bottles in one big brown bag...Classic!

"Thank you folks, have a wonderful day.."

The cashier said as Twilight lifted the brown bag with her magic, the purple aurora covering the edges...

All I can say is....

3 Bits!? Holy SQUEE!

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