Derp My Life

"What just in Celestia's name happened!?"

Twilight sighed out as she awkwardly stumbled to the living room floor. Dr.Whooves was sitting at the table....

"How did I get here....?"

"Ahem....Your welcome..."

Screwball sighed as she flipped her purple mane forward....only one swirl filled eye covered.

"Well then...That didn't turn out so well..."

Spike sighed as he got up from under the table...

Twilight immediately lunged forward and tackled the weary baby dragon...

"Oh my gosh! I was so worried!"

Twilight exclaimed as she wrapped her arms tightly around Spike.

Spike's immediate reaction....

"I love you Twilight!"

Spike shouted as he clinged onto Twilight, wrapping his arms around her head and bringing his lips closer....

"SPIKE, NO!"

Twilight shouted as she pushed the frisky dragon off of her with her front hooves...

"B-But....Orion's dead.....we left him behind....and....I tried to raise the dead for you..."

THUNK!

Twilight hit Spike in the gut with a powerful thrust of her left hoof....the tiny circular indent of her hoof visible....

"No I don't regret hitting you...Now....Go to bed! We'll discuss this in the morning...."

"But...."

Spike sighed and walked up the stairs, clutching his stomach....There was nothing else to do...

ERRRRRR....

Spike peeked out of the door one last time, but Twilight motioned him back with a flick of her hoof and a scowl on her face.

KTTNK....

The door slowly closed...finishing up the awkward moment....

"So where is Orion!?"

Dash asked as she arose from the couch...

"Well...He's either kicking flank, or he's in trouble.....Let's watch, shall we!?"

Screwball leaned forward to the table....tracing the outline of the table cloth with her hoof.....

The ponies behind her started whispering amongst each other.

"Okay...everyone shut up and look at this table cloth..."

Screwball sighed as the outlines grew a light shimmery blue, the tablecloth....showing a blurry distorted picture.

But....

Soon enough....the vision cleared....showing who else but Ponyville's greatest hero!

________________________________________________________________________________

"Oh fuck....reload....reload....RELOAD!!"

I sigh loudly to myself as I dash away from the oncoming horde of zombies....the screaming of the undead ponies echoing through the dark forest....

Where the hell is that DAMN BOX!?

....

I look down and slide out the empty Commando cartridge.

TKKT...CHNK!

The sound of a successful reload.....

I turn around and bring the gun up to my eye....looking down the small little scope....

BDDDDDDDDDDHH!

The Commando fires straight, no shaking....just steady firing....

Shooting the walking dead into piles of mashed flesh....all done with one clip....

RAAAAAAAWWWW!!!!!

I step back against a tree and lower the Commando.....

Ray Gun time!

I reach in my pocket and slide out the tiny red gun...

PSSSH! PSSSSH! PSSSH!

I fired the Ray Gun wildly....not even aiming down the sights...

But, shot by shot, the thin green beams of whirly light hit the zombies, their flesh burning and falling off.

The exploded carcasses hitting the floor as the green Ray Gun mist cleared...

Okay. Priorities first...

KLLK! CHHHK!

I threw out the second Commando cartridge, and reloaded another clip....

Ray Gun in pocket.....and Commando in arms....

Let's do this!

______________________________________________________________________

"Looks like now he's running to the Cemetery.....Wow.....He looks so hot with that big gun...."

Dash giggled and blushed, sitting at the table as Derpy, and Vinyl stood over her, all of them watching me blast off shots at the dead.....

All eyes on me....

Well....

Not all eyes on me...

"Hmm....I'll be right back...."

Screwball quietly sighed as she walked into the guest room....

_______________________________________________________________________

BDDDH! BDDDH! BDDDDDH!

I stood back against the hill, spraying bullets through four undead ponies, stumbling to the ground in a pool of their dark red blood....

Okay...If I am correct, I should have 15 bullets left....

KLLLLK!

....

I quickly threw down the Commando and reached in my pocket...

I brought the shiny crimson Ray Gun up to my face, the moon light shining off the barrel.

Okay....Now....I can GUARANTEE....that I have seventeen more shots left....

PSSSH! PSSSSH! PSSSH! THUNK!

I fell back down the hill....painfully tumbling down to the dirt....

"Ehem....I can't believe I got hit by a zombie."

I sighed to myself as I slowly stumbled my way up to my feet.

RAAAAAAAAAWWW!

The loud moaning of the remaining horde came from behind me....

Oh....

"Fuck!"

Screwball loudly sighed to her self as she paced back and forward...watching this little escapade from atop the tree right aside me...

"Oh! I know!"

BLEEEEM!

I picked up the Ray Gun and shot the snarling zombie about 2 inches away from me....

The other twenty zombies lining up in a large, train like line...

PSSHHHHHHMM......

I heard a loud heavily hum....the annoying tone ringing in my ear as I stepped forward...

SHHHHHH!

"DEATH MACHINE!"

I looked down to see my arms bring up a giant chrome minigun turret from nowhere!!!

I reached down to lift it up...

"DAMN! This thing is heavy!"

The Death Machine probably weighed about a hundred pounds, but I had to do this quickly. The zombies were approaching fast....

I leaned down and lifted with my legs, back, and any other appendages that I had. I finally managed to hoist it up and get a good grip on the gun....

VHHHHHHHHH!

The six barrels of the gun began to loudly hum and spin as I slowly pulled back on the trigger....

Death machines usually have unlimited ammo and disappear after a minute....

"COME GET SOME, BITCHES!!!"

I cockily yelled out as the zombies trotted into the heavy fire of the giant gun.

PPPPLSH! PPPPLSH! PPPPLSH! PPPPLSH!

The loud echoing sounds of the undead being mushed into a red chunky mist...the bright yellow bullet shells piling up on the grass....

DTDTDTDTDTDTDTDT!

The statement being true, I continuosly fired at the horde...now lowering down into a mere skirmish of zombies..

KLLLK!

KLLLK!

The Death Machine ran out of ammo!?

THUNK!

I quickly threw the giant metal turret to the floor....surely killing the grass....

MEHHH....RAAAWWW.....

I looked back to what seemed like a never ending horde, to be down to 6 zombies...

Hmmm....

I quickly ran around the circling zombies, slowly trotting after me as I ran to the top of the hill.

"Okay! Random box!"

I said to myself as I quickly dashed out the Cemetary, and into the forest entry....the box nun too far from the entry...

"Come on retard box! Gimme something good!"

I chuckled to myself nervously as I punched the box, the bright yellow aura lighting up the forest again....

I quickly turned around and took out the Ray Gun...firing fast and surely wasting ammunition...

PSSSH!! PSSSH! PSSSH!

Out of the 3 shots, only one managed to hit the zombies...

DUN DING!

I quickly turned around to look upon the beauty the box had bestowed upon me....

The Gersch Device!

I quickly grabbed the floating yellow device, throwing the small circular machine a few feet away from me...

BIIIIG MISTAKE!

VSSSSSHHHHH!!!!

The silver door on the surface of the machine opened up, a massive gust of wind pulling me, and the zombies into the loud purple vortex.

I grabbed onto the only thing in reach...the grass!

SHHHHHH!

I looked down to see my feet dragging into the air, the purple vortex absorbing the remaining zombies...

Heh...Looks like all's well that ends...

"SHPP!"

....

I looked back up to my hands to catch the last glimpse of my demise, the small green grass in my hands tearing in half...

"Oh....FUUUUUUUU-"

VSHHHHH!