Rarity's Butt

Kirk had never felt like this before.  Getting flung into a portal is like nothing he had ever expected, but there was something else on his mind.  Where does this portal go to, and how can I even show my face in this new realm without a real mans fedora?  Kirk looked to his left, floating next to him was Timbo.  Timbo drifted next to Kirk with a smug ass look on his face foreshadowing something truly horrible was about to happen to Kirk.  "What have you done Timbo? Why on earth was there a portal in my basement?" Kirk asked Timbo.  "Shh, shh I did it for the plot Kirk, it was all for the plot."  Timbo responded.  Before Kirk could say anything back Timbo had vanished.  It looked like the end of the portal was approaching fast.  The end of the tunnel was bright and Kirk was temporarily blinded, however it didn't feel like he was traveling any longer.  Kirk's eyes adjusted to the light, it was a nice day outside.  Kirk looked around and found himself to be in a wooded area in the middle of nowhere.  "It looks like I am walking home."  Kirk said to himself like a god damn stranger.  Something wasn't right Kirk felt it in his bones, or to be more precise his entire body.  Kirk looked down to realize his newly acquired set of hooves.  "ECH! Get them off!" Kirk began thrashing like a small horse would.  After the five stages of grief, Kirk began to settle down and remembered all that Timbo had taught him.  He looked at his own ass to look for his ass mark, Kirk's ass was blank.  It was the blankest blank flank you had ever seen in your life. Kirk looked back to the woods and started walking and soon enough he spotted a town on the horizon.  Hoping to draw as little attention as possible from the town of many small horses, Kirk stayed on the outskirts of the town hidden by the bushes and trees.  As he was hiding he was watching the townsfolk interact with each other.  There were many small horses talking to each other each with their own ass marks, as he stared intently at their ass marks he was startled by a nearby rustling.  He checked his jimmies, nothing was rustled, it must have been the bushes.  Out from behind Kirk came a voice, "Ay siwmae, I see ye like ass marks as much as I."  Kirk jumped from out of the bush spooked out of his dangles.  "Don't be spooked so hard bruh, I'm not one of those ghostmuns." Kirk got up and looked at the small horse.  It was the most neck-bearded small horse to ever walk this side of horseville.  Kirk was relieved to see one of his kind but was also concerned that he was talking to a small horse.  "Why hello there small horse, what are you doing following me around?"  Kirk questioned.  "Why... I was staring at your lack of ass mark."  The neckbeard walked uncomfortably close to Kirk and asked him for his name.  "My name is Kirk and I not supposed to be a small hor..."

"Stop right there you criminal scum!"  an iron clad pony  yelled at both of them while swiftly running towards them.  "You won't get away from me this time!"  The neckbearded horse looked at Kirk.  "We had better get out of here Kirk quickly follow me I know how we can lose this filthy casual."  They both ran deeper into the woods and the guard didn't give much chase for the neckbearded horse kept making call of duty references at the guard and it made things really cringey to continue following them.  They both stopped in a clearing in the woods both completely exhausted from the short jog.  "You......   didn't... say...... your.... name"  said Kirk nearly dead from exhaustion.  "ahh yes m'lady my name is Fedora Flips, But you can call me Flip for short.