The Taxonomy of the Lower Reaches of the Discordian Dimensions

Spike reached into the fridge with both his clawed hands.

“Come to me, my love,” he said to the huge sandwich he had built earlier just in case he had craved a midnight snack. He licked his lips and lifted the monstrous tower of bread, cheese and vegetables out. He was about to close the fridge door with his foot when he burped loudly and a scroll shot out of his mouth and rolled across the room, coming to rest at Scriptum's feet.

Spike nearly jumped. He hadn't heard the unicorn come into the room.

“Uh, could you get that?” said Spike. “I'm kind of...uh I have my claws full here.” He was attempting to balance the sandwich which was now wobbling precariously.

“Oh, yes, of course.” said Scriptum. He picked up the scroll and unrolled it. Fluttershy's handwriting stared back at him. It said she was okay, and that she was with Discord.

Scriptum's eyes narrowed and he rolled up the scroll again.

“Thank you for bringing this to my attention Spike,” he said as he took his leave.

“What does it say?” asked the baby dragon.

“Merely another species description,” said the archivist. He left Spike to be alone with his sandwich.

Once Scriptum was back at his desk, he pulled out a blank piece of parchment from his desk and smoothed it out before him. He didn't care what the letter had said, Fluttershy was almost certainly in danger. She was alone in a chaotic dimension with nothing but a dark chaos lord who had the hots for her, and there was a monster there who had attacked her once already. Clearly no one saw the problem here, and the problem was someone like Discord did not deserve all the trust and friendship he was given. Discord was a trickster- he had fooled them all once before. He had even fooled Princess Celestia. He was going to have to take matters into his own hooves.

He examined Fluttershy's handwriting for a while then began a new letter on the parchment:

Dear everyone,

I went to find Discord because I was worried about him, but I now fear for my safety. Instead of letting me return home he has horsenapped me.

He is likely doing this because I don't love him, but I fear for my safety.

Please help!

Fluttershy

He thought for a second. She would need Discord to send the letter to Spike so Discord would have known she sent this. He had to make it look like the letter had been sent in secret. For all Spike knew what he had burped out was just another species description.

Suddenly he knew what to do.

“You found this in your pile of species descriptions?” asked Twilight.

“Yes, I'm so sorry I hadn't noticed it before, but he always sends me so many!” said Scriptum. “Though that's likely for the best, as that was how Fluttershy managed to smuggle the letter past him.”

Starswirl looked pale.

“I've failed you all, Twilight,” he said. “I told Discord not to get attached to that girl and now look what's happened!”

Twilight felt confused and heartbroken. She tried to make sense of it all. Discord often did things that seemed extreme but were born of him feeling terrified or insecure about something.

“Maybe Discord doesn't realize that what he's doing is wrong. Maybe he doesn't really want to hurt Fluttershy...”

“Then why does she clearly say she fears for her safety?!” shouted Scriptum at her.

Twilight had to admit he was right. In all the years she had known Fluttershy and Discord, Fluttershy had never seemed afraid of the draconequus. Citizens of Ponyville would often run at the sight of him or tell their foals to stay indoors when they saw the chimera in town, but Fluttershy spoke to him as if he was no different from a fluffy bunny or adorable chipmunk. And like Fluttershy's animals (bar Angel) he would always listen to her.

What had changed?

“I went to get the teleportation charm from my desk but Fluttershy must have taken it,” said Starswirl. “There's no way to get into the chaos dimension.”

“Haven't you travelled to other dimensions before?” asked Twilight.

“Yes, but that was within our world. Discord's dimension is beyond my scope. I'm afraid if I try to get us there we'll probably end up mangled.”

Twilight shuddered, but then she said “there must be a way we can get her back!” She was starting to feel very angry at Discord. Not only had he kidnapped one of her friends, but he was jeopardizing the mission and the sick pony's life. How could he be so selfish?

“What if there's a way we could get a note to her?” she asked.

Scriptum shook his head. “That will just alert Discord. We need to find a way to get to her and bring her back.”

“And how do you propose we do this?” asked Starswirl.

Scriptum squirmed. He hadn't thought that far ahead. He just knew he wanted Fluttershy back, whatever it took.

“Maybe there's something in the library,” he said.

“I've read every book there is on inter-dimensional travel and even I can't do what Discord seems to do effortlessly,” grumbled Starswirl. “No book is going to help us this time around. Our best chance is to find one of those open portals the creature has been travelling through and go through it. But even then, we have no idea where we'd end up or what part of the chaos dimension Discord and Fluttershy are in. Not to mention we have no means of transport and can't tell which way is up or down in there.”

Suddenly Rainbow Dash flew into the room.

“Have you seen this morning's paper?” she said breathlessly.

“It's 2am,” said Twilight in a deadpan manner. “Of course I haven't.”

“Oh, well. I guess not everyone needs some delicious coffee from the all-night news stand as a pick-me-up now and again,” returned Dash.

She slammed the paper into Twilight's chest and removed her flight goggles as the alicorn glared at her.

Twilight opened the paper and gasped as the headline jumped out at her:

PORTAL SIGHTED NEAR EVERFREE FOREST. RESIDENTS ORDERED TO STAY AWAY FOR THEIR OWN SAFETY.

“That's where we go,” said Twilight.

“What's going on?” said Spike who had just finished his sandwich and wandered into the room. “Have I missed something?”

The Smooze's house was rather cozy looking for a being made entirely out of amorphous jelly. Fluttershy sat down primly on an armchair while Discord sat on the floor, his arms resting on a footstool while his lizard foot was crossed over his goat leg.

Just why the Smooze had a footstool, she didn't know, and decided it would have been rude to ask.

The Smooze took up an entire couch. He grinned at his guests and held out a tray of tea mugs. Discord took one and drank it with a slurp. Fluttershy was about to reach for one when she noticed that the contents looked and smelled like boiled tar.

"Um, thank you but..."

"Now, now Smoozie. Fluttershy doesn't feast on the dregs of the primordial ooze like we do. You'll have to get her something else."

"Oh...no. That's okay Mr. Smooze, I'm fi--"

Discord handed her a cup of cocoa that had materialized in his paw. "Here you are, my dear. I'm sorry but I have been trying to get him to work on his manners."

She looked up. "You have?"

He suddenly looked embarrassed. "Er...well. Yes. He made such a scene at the gala, after all..."

The Smooze wobbled indignantly.

"But, we're not be here to talk about me," said Discord quickly. "Smooze, have you noticed anything strange around your kind lately?"

The Smooze wobbled again.

Discord nodded.

"What did he say?" asked Fluttershy.

"He says he's seen less of the jelly animals around lately, but that's about it."

Smooze wobbled questioningly.

"Mmm? Oh, it could possibly be a problem, but for all we know they've gone on holiday somewhere."

Wobble.

"I will of course let you know if I spot them."

Wobble.

"What's this about? Well funny you should ask, Smooze-Pants. There's been a creature about that attacked a pony back in Equestria. It can travel between dimensions and it attacked a sky whale, and it attacked Dear Fluttershy here."

He looked at her. He remembered how terrified he had felt when he thought he had lost her to the monster. Then he had lost her to Scriptum. Now she was back here.

Don't hope for anything.

The Smooze wobbled again.

"What does it look like? Oh, here." Discord pulled a copy of the creature's species description out of a pocket in his feathers. Smooze read over it and wobbled back and forth.

"What is he saying?" asked Fluttershy.

"He says some of the cyclops may have mentioned something like that down at the local the other night."

"Should we go speak to them and get more information?"

Discord looked at her as if she'd grown a second head. "You don't speak to cyclops, Fluttershy. They're less interested in talking and more interested in eating...you."

"Oh."

"Did they say whereabouts they saw the creature, Smoozinator?"

A large wobble then a small one.

"Ah, okay. We'll have to go up one of Hydaspis's tribaturies."

Smooze then wobbled slightly in Fluttershy's direction.

Discord was suddenly grateful that the grey fur on his face was dark enough to hide how red he was sure his face was turning.

"Er, well it's not quite like that...she's not my...erm." He stopped and tried to think quickly of a topic to change the subject.

"What did he say?"

"Nothing important, Flutters."

He looked at a watch that had suddenly materialized on his eagle wrist.

"Well, look at the time. We really must be going," he said, looking pointedly at the Smooze who was now wearing a slime-eating grin.

"It was lovely you to see you again, Smooze!" called Fluttershy over her shoulder as Discord shuffled her out the door.

The Smooze waved bye and wobbled at them to stop by again soon.

"Yes, yes of course we will," muttered Discord whose face still felt hot.

Once the Good Ship Chaos was moving again Discord sighed with relief. If that had been a creature whose language Fluttershy could understand he'd have to endure being rejected and embarrased again. He was trying so hard not to think of her as a potential marefriend and yet he found the harder he resisted the more he loved her.

"Where are we heading?" asked Fluttershy.

"The river Hydaspis cuts off into several riverlets. Apparently the creature was spotted near one of these."

"Which one?"

"Sadly we do not have this information. This does not surprise me. The Smooze drinks too much, honestly. I've told him to cut down."

"How many are there?"

"Hundreds," said Discord. "We're just going to have to pick one at random." He climbed up on top of the roundhouse to get his bearings. "I'll be able to see better the higher up I am."

Fluttershy watched Discord jump from the top of the roundhouse onto the mast and climb to the top of the crow's next.

He's very agile she thought.

Was that a strange thing to think? She shook her head. Of course it wasn't.

Then why did it feel like it was?

She suddenly realized that despite getting some sleep the night before she still felt very tired. It must have been all the crying she had done the night before. She had not been able to stop until she was able to curl up under Discord's wing and sleep knowing someone was there for her. She had been so worried that Scriptum's words were going to ring true--that Discord would reject her friendship because some stallions didn't like it when mares were not interested in them.

Her heart still ached at what had happened between her and Scriptum. She was certain that she no longer wanted to be his marefriend, but she couldn't help but feel extremely hurt that someone who had seemed nice had not understood her. Her mother had always encouraged her to go out with a nice stallion (and it had to be a stallion, not any other sentient species in Equestria) and settle down and possibly have foals in the future. She wasn't even ready to start thinking about foals, but she had wanted a nice coltfriend.

Maybe she only attracted people who hurt her. She looked at the floor of the ship and sighed. She didn't want to start crying again.

"Fluttershy?"

She jumped a little at the sound of Discord's voice. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't even noticed when he had climbed down from the mast.

"I can't see anything more from up there, but I'll check again in half an hour. Hey, you okay?"

She nodded. "I think I'm just tired," she said softly.

"Well if you feel like kipping I can continue looking on my own for a bit," he said. "Feel free to snooze in my room if you like. The windows are open so it'll be less stuffy."

"Thank you," she said gratefully. She really did feel extremely tired and her wings still ached a little.

Discord watched her as she retired to the roundhouse.

He wished he could join her and snuggle against her like they had done last night but he didn't dare ask. He was kidding himself anyway;She had merely needed a shoulder to cry on, it hadn't meant she wanted him like that. It didn't mean she had feelings for him.

He suddenly felt maudlin again and he growled softly and climbed up the mast again. He decided to spend the rest of the watch in the crow's nest.

Fluttershy wandered into Discord's room. In the light of the chaos dimension's "day" she could now see it clearly. The bed was in the middle of the half-moon shaped room, and a small book case rested under one of the windows. The only other piece of furniture in the room was a bedside table with a lamp on it. She moved closer to have a look at the book case. On the first shelf there were three volumes of a series on inter-dimensional magic and portal opening, a large leatherbound tome with the title Fractal Magic and a journal with Discord's handwriting on the cover that said "Species Descriptions for book."

The lower shelf looked more haphazard and contained some popular paperback books that had been dog-eared. Discord was obviously a voracious reader. Fluttershy began straightening some of the books and putting them in order. She wasn't sure why she was doing it, but it felt comforting doing so. As she was about to put the last one in place, something slipped out of it and slid under the bed. Fluttershy leaned down and retrieved it with her hoof. It was a magazine cutting of some kind. On the side facing her was an ad for oat shake. She flipped it round and was surprised to see a picture of herself. It was a picture from her modelling days.

She was looking over her shoulder coyly at the photographer, a soft smile on her face. A sheer shawl hung down revealing her bare shoulder.

It was one of the few pictures taken during her modelling career where she had been allowed to smile. In fact, the photographer had told her a joke that she had actually found quite funny, and before she could stop herself she had smirked slightly. At first Photo Finish had told her to knock it off, but when the film had been developed the fashionista decided the picture worked quite well, and the shawl hanging off her shoulder added some sensuality to the picture.

Discord obviously agreed.

Fluttershy wasn't born yesterday. She knew why males kept pictures of mares. Well, that didn't have to be the only reason, but since this one had been hidden away she assumed that's why Discord had it. It wasn't even a saucy picture and he had hidden it away. She found herself smiling. For some reason she didn't mind; after all, she had known all along that he had feelings for her and it wasn't like he had ever laid an unwelcome paw on her. She quickly returned the magazine cutting to the book where she had found it and put the book back in its place. Then she curled up on his bed and fell asleep. The sheets still smelt of his fur, and that was comforting too.

Discord anchored the boat near the start of one of the riverlets and teleported back onto the deck. The sapphire flies were just beginning their nightly dance. The draconequus blew on his finger and set it alight so he could see his way to his room. He found her curled up snoring sweetly on his bedheets. She was fast asleep and he didn't want to disturb her. Despite the great need he felt to wrap his arms around her and join her in his bed, he decided to sleep in her room. She might not like the idea of me snuggling up to her without her asking me to he thought, sadly.

As he turned to go, he noticed the straightened books on the shelf.

"Oh, no." he whispered, the feathers on his back standing upright.

"Oh, no. She cleaned."

The portal was still open when Twilight, Starswirl and Rainbow Dash arrived at the outskirts of the Everfree Forest. Reporters were busy snapping away and police ponies had set up tape so no one got too close to the swirling vortex.

One of them noticed Twilight. "Stand back, Princess. It's for your own safety," he ordered.

"I see even the greatest mares of their age are still being patronized," muttered Starswirl.

"He's just doing his job," she said softly. "Though I don't know how we're going to get past everyone."

"Duh," said Rainbow Dash. "You're a Princess. Just tell them to get their flanks in gear."

"They're doing a good job at keeping civilians away," said Twilight. "Maybe I can speak to one of them." She moved towards one of the officers. "Excuse me," said Twilight. "Could we..."

"You guys need to get a move on!" shouted Rainbow Dash. "We're taking over from now on, by order of the Princess, and what the Princess says goes, got it?"

The officers began to look at each other and mutter.

"Are you questioning the Princess?!" shouted Dash, shoving her hoof firmly yet gently into the officer's vest.

"Er...no. No! We were just under orders."

"Well, you're under different orders now, and we all know royalty overules everything else," continued the pegasus. "So, march! Or we may have to instigate a law that restricts time at Donut Joe's!"

"Yes, Ma'am, yes Princess! Right away!" The police ponies shuffled off.

Twilight managed to uncringe herself long enough to say "couldn't you have handled that in a more tactful manner?"

"Hey, sometimes you've just gotta be assertive. Just ask Fluttershy."

The three ponies gazed up at the towering vortex.

"Well, we're here," said Starswirl. "Now what?"