The Table at the End

Episode 2

Not Every House That Falls

RARITY

“Good morning, my dear!~”

“Good morning, Rarity. I trust you are well.”

“Quite. I am so glad you are still around. You're like a therapist, a djinn, and a best friend all wrapped into one! Please promise you won't ever leave.”

“I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. Do you have a task right now?”

“No, but I have come for another one. I do so enjoy your tasks; they're like little challenges for me. Like the time I had to stick my head in a blow dryer for five minutes until my mane looked like a poofy cloud. It took me the better part of a day to sum up the courage to come talk to you, but it was all worth it.”

“What did you get from that one?”

“A caseful of sun-drop diamonds. The dress I used those on was spec-TAC-ular. I have no idea how you managed to arrange those Diamond Dogs to drop them as they were fleeing from that manticore, but boy am I thankful.”

“I keep telling you, I didn't—”

“Arrange anything, you made it happen yourself, yes, I know. Still, you're the one who told me what to do, so I want to thank you.”

“Very well. You said you had something you needed. What was it?”

“Oh, that, well, it's not too important. I just have an eensy bit of a fashionista's block right now, and I can't seem to break it. I've asked for a lot of things, but I don't think I've ever asked for a fashion idea. What do you think I should do?”

“...Do you want advice from me, or did you want a task?”

“I'm sure your fashion sense is *cough* charming, but I'd rather prefer a task, darling.”

“I've always wondered, what do you call these collar things anyways?”

“They're suits, dear. Same as the full-body ones. I know, it's confusing, but that's fashion. Enough digression, though. Task?”

“Task. Got it. … To become inspired for your next fashion project, you must become 'hilariously' drunk.”

“'Hilariously?'”

“Sometimes, my Book has a sense of humor. 'Hilariously' here being... BAC .05-ish.”

“Err... what about salt licks?”

“Hmm... doesn't say. Can you figure out a conversion?”

“...Yes, I suppose I can. But really? Get drunk?”

“'Hilariously' drunk, yes.”

“I've never gotten drunk in my life! I mean, I've had a champagne here and there, but never that much!”

“Well, you know, you don't—”

“Have to do it, there are always alternatives, I only guarantee it. Yes, I know. But I know what my designing slumps are like. I got so desperate once I made a... oh, it's too horrible to mention... I made a dress with lavender and puce! Oh, it was horrid!”

“I see. So, do you want to go through with your task?”

“I suppose I shall. Well, wish me luck, darling!”

“Good luck.”

SPIKE

“Hello, Spike.”

“You know my name?!”

“Yes, I see you walk by every day when you go to the Carousel Boutique.”

“Oh... you notice that?”

“I notice all the details.”

“Anyway, I wanted to ask, was that Rarity just now?”

“I don't know what you're talking about.”

“But you... aw, never mind. Who are you exactly?”

“I'm just a pony who likes to help people.”

“Ah, so you are the one who makes the deals.”

“Yes, I am. Can I help you?”

“...Actually, you could. Can you keep a secret?”

“Spike. I keep a lot of secrets. You can trust me.”

“Well, see, the thing is... I have a crush on Rarity.”

“Okay.”

“That's it?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Well, I have a crush on Rarity, but she barely notices I exist. She lets me help at the Boutique now and then, but I don't think she knows how I really feel.”

“So, do you want to know how to tell her how you feel?”

“Well, I was actually kind of hoping...”

“That I could help her fall in love with you?”

“Could you do that? Could you help her fall in love with me?”

“I can tell you how to get it.”

“No thanks, I've tried self-help stuff before. Not a chance, compadre.”

“My task is guaranteed.”

“Is it now...”

“If you meet anyone else who has dealt with me, they will attest to that.”

“Very well. What do I have to do?”

“Let's see... in order to make Rarity fall in love with you... you must build a statuette of her, made entirely out of emeralds.”

“Emeralds! Those are really rare, even in the Gem Valley! Oh, but they taste so delicious, like the best jade and the best peridot combined!

How many do I need?”

“Hmm... doesn't say exactly. My guess... make it big enough so as to make it recognizable.”

“Wait... what does an emerald statuette have to do with Rarity falling in love?”

“Nothing, other than by doing it, you secure her love.”

“Oh, so she'll love the statue so much she'll fall in love with me.”

“Maybe. Or she might never even know it exists. But if you build it...”

“She'll love me. Gotcha.”

“Best of luck.”

“Thanks. You too.”

RAINBOW DASH

“Ms. Dash. Good to see you.”

“H-H-Hey. What's up? Not me, I feel fine! Hahahahahah...”

“Is something wrong?”

“You've got that right! I... I did the task! Well, one of them, anyway.”

“You damaged the structural integrity of a house?”

“Y-y-yeah. And it's just tearing me apart...”

“Tell me about it.”

“You've done this too?”

“No, tell me the details. Tell me how you feel.”

“Well, I went into a house; can't remember whose it was, Cloud Kicker's or Derpy's or somepony's. I found one of the central pillars and... I... cracked it.”

“And that will make it fall?”

“...Yes. So I did that, then booked it as soon as I could.”

“And how do you feel?”

“So guilty... I keep listening to the news, waiting for the announcement that somepony's house has crashed. And I'll know, I'll be the only pony who knows, that I was the one who did it. It'll be all my fault.”

“I see.”

“What do you think?”

“Hmm? I don't know. Not every house that falls is your fault, you know. So, how about the race?”

“It's strange. I've been doing some agility drills every morning (that's what got me last time), and this morning my time jumped down by 3 seconds! I've never seen so much improvement in one day.”

“You're working towards your goal. So long as you keep at it, you'll see improvements.”

“Really? Wow! And all I have to do is two more! Who knows what'll happen? Maybe my wings'll turn stronger, or my top speed will go up!”

“Yes, exactly. Do you have a plan?”

“Hmm... I was thinking maybe I could do Windy's house. Hers's always falling apart! Seeya!”

FLUTTERSHY

“Umm... Excuse me... have you seen a unicorn stallion around here... He has a cutie mark that looks like a book... or maybe it was a weight? Oh, oh goodness, I don't remember... How will I find him now?”

“Miss? Are you looking for me?”

“Eep!”

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I think you're looking for me.”

“Are you the one who makes the deals?”

“That's me. Did you need me?”

“Yes. Rarity has told me quite a bit about you. You're supposed to help anyone who comes to you. You're an angel, she says.”

“I'm not an angel. I just help people... er, ponies, in need.”

“Well, I have something really, really urgent that needs your help.”

“I'd be happy to help.”

“I have a pet bunny. His name is Angel. He's cute and sweet, but a little bit spoiled. Anyways, he ate something bad, and now I think he's dying.”

“Are you absolutely sure?”

“I remember seeing a group of mushrooms growing by the Everfree Forest. They'd be fine for ponies, but I think Angel ate them, and his poor little tummy can't possibly take it. He's only got a month at most, I think.”

“So, you want to heal your rabbit. Is that correct?”

“Yes. Can you help?”

“Yes I can. In order to heal your rabbit, you must... shoot the President.”

“The P-President? Of what?”

“Oh, my mistake. I meant Princess Celestia.”

“Eep!”

“Are you all right?”

“S-S-S-Shoot Princess Celestia? What does that even mean? Why? H-How? When?”

“Do you have guns? Your society seems a little low-tech; maybe a bow and arrow?”

“I've h-heard there are a couple 'guns' in the Canterlot Armory, but Equestria is too peaceful to really need weapons.”

“As to why, you will shoot her so that Angel's failing health will improve. There isn't any other reason.”

“But... that's horrid! Why can't I do something else. Anything else?”

“I'm sorry, but this is your task. As to how, it doesn't say. It doesn't say it has to be fatal, or even that you have to hit her, you just have to shoot at her.”

“O-oh...”

“Finally, when. It does say when the deal runs out. I would assume that is when your rabbit... err, passes away.”

“Eep! Oh, no...”

“But... I can't tell you. It says you're not allowed to know.”

“Oh.”

“Listen. You don't have to do it. Not doing the task doesn't guarantee that Angel won't improve. But the inverse is true: shoot your Princess, and Angel will definitely live.”

“Okay. I... I'll think about it.”

“That's fine. Whatever you choose, please come see me next week.”

“All right. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

TWILIGHT SPARKLE

“Hello, sir.”

“Hello. Come, have a cup of tea with me.”

“Why, thank you.”

“It's rooibos, fresh from South Zebrania.”

“My favorite! How did you know?”

“I know Zecora, and she told me.”

“All right. Anyways, I gave it some thought.”

“And?”

“I have something I really do want your help with.”

“Please, do tell.”

“I've been planning this party for Princess Celestia. An ancient tablet I found in the Archives stated that the day two weeks from now was the day she got her cutie mark.”

“Really.”

“Yes, really. Anyways, I've got this massive party set up, and I've got everything planned, right down to the last detail. I really, really don't want it to mess up. Could you ensure that everything goes to plan?”

“Yes, I can. Let me look it up...”

“What's in that book? I see you writing in it all the time.”

“Please, I'm trying to read. It says here, if you want the party to go perfectly, you must throw away the cake.”

“What? I haven't even ordered a cake yet.”

“Yes, I know. At some point between when you pick it up and the end of the party, you have to get rid of it.”

“That won't fix the party; that'll just make it worse! I was planning to make that the centerpiece of the main table! Everyone will know it's missing! I can't possibly throw it out!”

“Then don't.”

“But if I don't, the party could fail catastrophically. I mean, I don't exactly have the sanest friends...”

“So I've heard.”

“Oh, I remember the last party I hosted for the Princess. Stealing her food, pouring her too much tea, grand theft pet! I couldn't possibly let that happen again!”

“Then get rid of the cake.”

“But it's the centerpiece!”

“Then don't.”

“Stop confusing me!”

“I'm not. It's not as though I get to do anything. This is your decision alone. Throw away the cake or don't; save the party or leave it to chance; I don't really care.”

“So, you can't help me? Not in the slightest?”

“I can only tell you what your task is. Sometimes, I try to help you focus your thoughts, but I won't pick a choice for you.”

“Grhghh, fine.”

“Think about it, come see me in a week. I like to keep up to date on your thoughts.”

“All right.”

PINKIE PIE

“Hello!”

“Hello, Pinkie.”

“It looks like the restaurant is almost closing!”

“Actually, the waiters already asked me to leave.”

“Do you want to drop by Sugarcube Corner? I'll fix you up some cupcakes! We can chat, maybe get to know each other...”

“No thanks.”

“Aww... won't you at least tell me your name? What am I supposed to call you?”

“Listen, Pinkie. I know you're nice, but I simply don't want to be your friend. It's nothing against you. I just don't.”

“How about... a game? Everypony likes games, right?”

“Not now. I need to pack up my things and head home.”

“Home? Where's that?”

“...”

“Oh yeah, no personal info. Got it.”

“I believe you have some babies to take care of. I'm sure the Cakes could use a hoof putting them to bed.”

“Ah, that's right! Pound, Pumpkin, hold on! Auntie Pinkie's coming!”

“Hmm... that worked... a little too well. Ah, well.”