To be more.

I sat up in my bed late at night pondering the actions I took this afternoon. I never told my Dad and I don't think I ever will. Something about hitting him in the face was so satisfying it felt like as if I was doing the right thing. I did it out of pure reaction nothing else but that doesn't stop the fact that I hit him in the face and I liked it.

This wasn't the sort of good feel you get like as if justice had just been served, but it felt... fucking good. I had never done anything like it before, ever. My days are so uneventful and worthless, but the past 2 days have been full of action and emotions for some reason. I don't just day dream about Pinkie you know. I feel as if I have this 'evil' in me that just needs to... belt the shit out of things.

I'm talking about jumping out of three story buildings, crashing head on with other cars and leaving a pool of blood below my feat as I walk away. So I started to think that maybe the reason I like it isn't because it was wrong but because it was right.

From birth we are dictated to believe what we see and have that be as far as you can go. Governments and politicians will keep you controlled and limit the things we see and think so they remain in power. If governments lose or don't have control of something they will send you out and fight for it in the name of justice and kill you in the process.

Maybe I should give another example. If governments have the power to make everything and everyone equal and stop fighting altogether, don't you think they would do that? That's because they don't. The point I'm trying to make is Chris is a low life, poor, angry son of a bitch who will do nothing or provide anything to the contribution of the world. We look at the world as the human species living under the one roof. Like as if the human race is perfect. But what I wonder is... why not let the select few live while the others die.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just getting upset and should accept the fact I hit someone in the face with a freezer door a few hours ago.

I got up and walked over to my door looking for my Dad. "Why isn't he home yet?" I said. I shrugged and closed the door.

An hour later...

"He's gonna get you!" Pinkie shouted squeezing my arm.

"Pinkie he will find me if you don't let go." I said almost dropping the controller.

Pinkie and I were both laying on our belly's starring at the small flat screen at the end of my bed watching me play Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.

"HE'S GONNA FIND YOU!" Pinkie shouted jumping up and down on my bed.

"Pinkie I'm lying in the grass and am blending in with it at 85% I think I'll be fine." I said lining up my shot at the normal soldier.

"What if you miss your shot?" Pinkie said laying back down on the bed.

The tensions were high. Pinkie hadn't complained about any of the other guards until now. I actually started to feel a little stressed. I looked over at Pinkie and she was biting onto a pillow she had grabbed.

Slowly I pressed my finger down on the tr- "DON'T MISS!" Pinkie shouted. I jerked my thumb to the right and missed the shot because of Pinkie.

"Huh? What's That!?" The soldier Yelled detecting me.

I paused the game and sighed. "Your not very good at this game are you?" Pinkie said flatly.

I looked to my left and right. "Pinkie you made me miss! I hadn't stuffed up until then!" I said.

"Uh-huh." Pinkie said standing up.

I sighed again planted my face into the bed. For some reason Pinkie picked up my hand and slowly examined each finger.

"What are you doing?" I said lifting up my head to her. Pinkie didn't respond but instead looked closer at my thumb. "Pinkie what are you doing?" I said sitting up.

"Do these have names?" Pinkie said almost immediately after me.

"Uh you mean my fingers?" I said wriggling my fingers.

"Yeah I mean your hands have a name why shouldn't your fingers?" Pinkie said.

"Well yeah, but they do have names." I said.

Pinkie gasped. "Really? What are they?!" Pinkie said putting her nose to mine. I don't mind Pinkie getting closer to me in fact I prefer it.

"Well if you must know this one is a thumb." I said wriggling my thumb.

"Cool" Pinkie said looking closer at my thumb still holding my hand.

"The next one is my index finger. It's called that because well it's usually the finger you point to stuff, like how you would in an index."

"Handy." Pinkie said. Pinkie let out a little giggle turning away blushing.

"What's so funny?" I said.

Pinkie turned back round with her head down smiling. "...handy..." She said trying not to crack up.

At first I didn't know what she was on about but then I realized and I let out a quick laugh. "Your so corny. I love it. Any way this is the middle finger." I said pointing the middle finger up at Pinkie.

"Ha, ha. Next finger dummy." Pinkie said.

"Well this is a ring finger. It's where you put the ring when you get married. Where do ponies put the rings?" I said. Pinkie shruged.

"I dunno ask a real pony." She said plainly, my imagination running out of room for fake answers.

"Well OK then how about this last finger." I said.

"What about it?" Pinkie said inspecting it from different angles.

"Well this finger is a very special finger." I said.

"What's it called?" Pinkie said raising her eyebrow.

"Do you wanna know it's called." I said slyly.

"Yes." Pinkie said politely.

"Do you really wanna know what it's called?" I said.

"Yes!" Pinkie said her anticipation growing.

"Are you really sure you wanna know?" I said.

"Yes!" Pinkie said leaning in.

"Do you really, really, really, want to know what this last finger is called." I said.

"YES!!!" Pinkie shouted holding onto my shoulders.

"OK then... the name..." I said.

"Yes" Pinkie said leaning in.

"For this finger..." I said.

"Yes!" Pinkie said leaning in even closer.

"This one... very special finger!" I announced.

"YES!" Pinkie said her eyes locked with mine.

"IS!" I said dramatically.

"WHAT IS IT!" Pinkie screamed holding onto my collar.

"Can I have a drum role please?" I said.

Pinkie dropped her head and sighed. Pinkie sat back down on the bed and made a fake drum noise with the proper actions.

"OK Like I was saying. The name for my last finger on my left and right hand is!" I said reaching the hilt as well as Pinkie's drumming.

"A Pinkie finger." I said plainly.

Pinkie froze and stopped drumming. Her eyes were still, not even her legs moved or twitched, nothing.

"Pinkie?" I said cautiously. Pinkie still didn't move. I waved my hand in front of her face but nothing. "Pinkie was the tension that unbearable that it killed you?" I said.

Once again Pinkie did or said nothing but sit there in the frozen motion of drumming. "Pinkie I'm speaking to you." I said worried. Pinkie's ear twitched. "Pinkie are you OK?" I said. Pinkie let out a cute little sigh and fell backwards. "Pinkie!" I called out grabbing her by her front legs so she didn't fall off the edge of the bed.

I pulled her up her limp body resting into my chest. Pinkie slowly batted her eye lids open and looked up at me. "Pinkie are you alright? You scared me..." I said relived.

Pinkie smiled and snuggled into my chest putting her legs around my waist. "Pinkie finger..." She said calmly joking. I blinked and sighed.

"Your too dopey for words you know that?" I said.

Half a good night sleep later...

"Tyler... psst wake up." My Dad said shaking me.

"Uh... Dad? Wait where have you been. You didn't come home." I said sitting up. I looked over at the clock. "And it's two in the morning!" I said whispering a shout.

"I know and I'm sorry, really. Were you worried." Dad said

"No it was awesome why did you have to come back?" I said.

Dad rolled his eyes. "Figures. Well none of that's important now. Come on I got something to show you." My Dad said dragging the covers off of me.

"Wh-why? Dad I was asleep. Can it wait till morning?" I asked.

"No! Now get with it. Up!" Dad said.

I sighed and did as Dad said putting a shirt on and some pants.

"This way." My Dad said guiding me threw the house.

"I live here." I said rubbing my eyes. My Dad turned the living room light on almost blinding me. "Aw, jeez. Any brighter!?" I said.

"Sorry. Here in the garage." Dad said opening the garage door threw the kitchen.

I walked into the garage and my Dad turned the light on. Slowly the light heated up and revealed my Dad's 4WD.

"Hey you got it back for service!" I said excited. I looked around the car and noticed it was all packed? Like bags of clothes and tents and stuff all tied to the roof. "Are we going camping or something?" I said scratching the back of my head.

"Yep, get in." My Dad said getting in the drivers seat.

I starred at the car and looked around. "OK." I said getting in the passenger seat. My Dad started up the car and I opened the garage door with the remote on the dash board. "So where are we camping and why now?" I said.

"Well let's see, I was getting our car back from service and I watched another family roll out of the shop who looked like they were going camping, so I thought to myself 'you know it's been ages since I've taken Tyler camping. Why not do that with him?' I thought." Dad said.

"So that's why your so late? Buying camping gear and stuff." I asked.

"You guessed it. I thought we could be out there for a while. I bought a new tent, generator, fishing poles, marshmallows-" I interrupted my Dad.

"Ding, ding, ding we have a winner at Marshmallows. But still none of this answer where were going?" I said. Dad looked in the side door and pulled out a map.

"X marks the spot." Dad said handing me the map.

I opened up the map and we were going where my bet would of been placed. It's about an hour drive from our house. It's deep in the bush were hardly anyone ever goes. There's no resort, or camping spots just a small clearing by a lake we happened to find. Rumor is up there people go missing all the time.

"Cool, I love it when we go down there." I said.

"Yeah well let's just hope it's how we remember it." My Dad said.

I mostly starred out the window for the drive. I was watching the way the neon lights would reflect off the watery pavement or the way the clouds rolled in the dark night sky. When we got out of the town and onto the highway Dad and I started to talk more.

We mostly made stupid pun jokes to each other like 'you wanna hear a dirty joke? Two kids played in the mud. You wanna hear a clean joke? Two kids took a shower.' Stupid stuff like that. For some reason my Dad couldn't stop farting on the way down. I've never found the whole fart thing amazingly funny but when some one (pardon the pun) close to you does it I think it's another way of creating a good memory. Like really could you imagine 2 years later and I say 'hey remember that fart you did at 2 am when we driving into the middle of nowhere?' I think it makes for good memories.

Apart from me and my fathers terrible humor things took a turn for... the weird side. "I love you Tyler." My Dad said. Turning off into the bush from the highway. Before I could make a reply my Dad spoke again. "Really son I mean it... I love you more than anything." Dad said.

"Dad I know you do. I love you too you know that." I said.

My Dad started to wipe his eyes. "I know it's just. Son I look at you and I think I couldn't of gotten any luckier with you. I mean you don't... you don't do anything stupid like drink or talk about that stuff, you stay away from stupid people, and I know I made fun of you before for this, but I'm happy that you don't just bring home some bimbo of a girlfriend because you feel like that's what your worth is. I mean it's a different world out there today and there's so much evil I feel that could suck you in and change the way your beautiful mind works. I just... I can't believe you've turned out this great..." My Dad said wiping his eyes with a tissue from the dashboard.

"Dad I mean... I'm flattered, but really I'm not... I'm not that great." I said.

My Dad slammed his foot on the brake and turned to look at me. I grabbed onto the dashboard and prevented myself from hitting my head face first.

"Don't you ever say that you hear me! Tyler you don't realize how good you are. When I was your age I had stupid mates who I called my friend. We did nothing but drink and talk about cars. I had no ambitions or goals and I was heading down a road I was bound to crash into. But then I met your mother... now I know that you've never met or had a mother before but believe me when I say that woman made me realize just what potential I had to live for. I swore black and blue that I was going to change my life around because I saw now that I have more to live for than a good night with a hang over in the morning. Suddenly I had your mother to live for and I fell so deeply in love with her..." My Dad dipped his head at memories he must of been thinking of.

I never met my mother. She died giving birth to me. I don't feel like I know much about her other than she was an inspiring artist who was never selling a lot of her paintings. I mean OK I know more than that, but it's weird to think that I have another parent out there besides my Dad. I mean although I've seen other kids hang out with there Mum's it never really affected me. I had my Dad there to look at.

"I wanted to be a good man for her. Someone that could show her and the world that I was worth more than that. Your Mother and I got married at 17... I can't tell you how good she made me feel every time I got to wake up next to her and see those bright green eyes and her... straight flowing brown hair... s-she was funny and so much smarter than I ever was and she deserves to be here today and not me!" My Dad said punching the steering wheel.

The cars horn went off for a moment and I jumped back holding onto my seat belt. I mean what am I suppose to say 'yeah Dad it should of been you instead of her?' It's not even physically possible.

My Dad turned back to me and sighed holding his wrist. "I'm sorry I don't mean that. I wouldn't change anything even if I could, I just" My Dad took in a long breath and exhaled. "I can't help but think sometimes she should of been the one to raise you since she could of... I don't wanna say better job but..." Dad said.

"I get what you mean." I said nodding.

"Yeah you do, like your mother your so much better with words then I ever could be. Anyway she gave birth to you at 19. You were a happy accident but as you know... well your Mum never was very strong. We were always getting check ups on her since she doesn't- I mean didn't have a very good immune system. I held you in one arm and your mothers hand in the other as she died. She only got to see a glimpse of you before she passed. I actually had her parents take care of you for a whole month since I was so devastated by her death. After everything I felt as if she died because of me and It sent me into a spiral of depression that no one could of brought me back from but your mother. So that's exactly what she did. After driving back home from somewhere, I don't even remember where, I ran over some train tracks without noticing a train coming. After I crossed the line the train just missed me. I slammed on the brakes and fell out of the car crying. I was so tired and drunk I couldn't believe what I had just done, I didn't see the train at all. I climbed up my car balling and knew then as I watched the train zoom by in the night that that was your mother telling me I had to look after our son. I was saved because I was men't to be here, nothing else. After driving home as slow as I could I threw out any and all rubbish and in my house and became a good father picking you up the next day." Dad said.

I sat there a giant lump in my throat and a single tear roll down my cheek. "Dad-" I whispered.

"When you say your not that great you should know that's bullshit. I had my first hangover at 14, but you, you are so precious I can't believe half of me is in you. If your mother could see you now I know she would love you and you two would be the best of friends. Son I don't care if you love Pinkie Pie I love that you love her. We shouldn't judge love for what they are but for who they are, and I see that now. After reading everything you wrote and thinking about it I can't be more proud that you know what love is and what to find in it. Your are above and beyond the best possible son I could of ever asked for. I only want you to be what you want to be and if that means you have to find Pinkie Pie in a girl than I will love you forever for that." My Dad said grabbing my hands.

"Don't ever... Don't ever listen to how other people tell you to be. This is our world to own not there's. Just do what you think is right." My Dad said squeezing my hand.

Now a whole flurry of tears came running down my cheek. My Dad grabbed some tissues and started to wipe my cheek. I pushed him away but he just came back to wiping my cheek so I let him. "I-i don't know what to say." I said sniffing.

"Then just don't say anything at all... Your face says it all." My Dad said moving back to the steering wheel. I wiped my eyes with my sleeves and nodded. My Dad put his foot on the accelerator and moved the clutch. "Then let's go camping." Dad said.

I turned back to the front slowly and saw all the bits of dust particles fly by the high beams from the car. The outside was scary with tall thin trees that stretched pretty high. The only light getting in was that of the high beams creating a very unsettling atmosphere.

A short drive later

"Where here!" My Dad shouted stepping out of the car.

I got out the passenger door closing it. "Jesus Dad you want to wake everything up?!" I hissed.

"What the Kangaroos? Pfft there always up this early." My Dad said stretching.

"Let's just get the stuff out of the car." I said unimpressed.

We both walked over to the back of the 4 wheel drive and my Dad unlocked the back of the car opening it up in two.

"Take this." My Dad said grunting passing me a foot locker bag. My Dad put it in my arms and I almost dropped it.

"AH! Jesus Dad I almost put my back out!" I yelled.

"Well be careful." Dad said rummaging threw the boot.

"Uh huh" I said walking over to the middle between us and the lake. I put the bag down on the ground. I opened up the bag and looked at what was inside. "Dad what's with all the tools?" I said taking out a short pickax looking at it strangely

"Were gold mining! You loved it last time remember." Dad said pulling out the tent from the boot.

"Yeah it was an adventure. I found 50$ worth of gold last time!" I said remembering the fun memories.

"Well this time were going to score big." Dad said walking over dropping the tent at my feet. "Brr, it's cold isn't it?" Dad said rubbing his shoulders.

"Morning breeze." I said feeling the cold wind.

"I tell you what, I'll go find fire wood and you set up the tent. That way we can save time." Dad said walking away.

I looked around nervously. "Are you sure that's a good idea? What if you get hurt." I said.

"You've been watching too much of The Walking Dead." Dad called back, not even turning around.

I watched as my Dad walked off into the forest. I stood up and took in a bit of that forest air. I stuck my head up at the night sky twirling around watching the stars. There's so many of them. I begun to laugh as this was all so new and interesting.

I looked back in the bag and grabbed out a torch. I turned it on and it almost blinded me. I quickly shun the light around revealing all the little details you couldn't see in the dark. "Spooky..." I said.

It wasn't enough fun to walk so I begun to sprint over to the lake. The torch's light shun in all directions as I ran. I stopped right in front of the water skidding kicking up dirt and rocks. I knelled down and shun the light on the water looking at all the tiny bugs skiing across the top. I l smile a little at just how different they are from me. I reached into the water pulling out a stone "Oh, it's cold, way too cold." I said quickly wiping my wet hand on my pants.

I took a few steps back winding up my arm and tried to skim the rock across the lake. 'plop!' The rock went kicking up some water sinking to the bottom of the lake. "Figures" I said disappointed

I looked across the lake and saw some pretty big rocks to the left of me not to far. I begun sprinting over. "It's... ugh, further than it looks." I huffed. I reached the rock and  put my feet and hands into little grooves hoping up on top of it. I shun the light across the water

"...huh? Whats that?" I said. I heard a sound, like splashing. I looked around the lake shining the light and saw a pier over the other side of the lake. I squinted my eyes keeping the light steady. I saw someone, no something? They were skinny, white with blonde hair trying to get out of the water. It was stuck, they needed my help!

I jumped off the rock panicking and begun sprinting towards the pier faster than I've ever moved before. Even faster than when I was being chased earlier. I've never had anything like this happen before what do I do?!. I jumped over fallen trees and got my feet stuck in dense mud, this side of the lake was like a battlefield.

I reached the pier sprinting along the old wooden boards. Suddenly my mind just put on the brakes when I shun my light on them and I fell to the ground on all fours. "no..." is all I said. I moved closer to... it, at a pace of interest but also being terrified. I took a longer, closer look about a meter away. "Hello?" I said feeling freaked out. I leaned over to... her? To put my hand on her shoulder. She had her cheek resting on the board walk with her... hooves trying to keep her up. It was a pony, I'm not fucking with you or maybe I've finally gone insane and am start to see ponies but I was looking at a, a real life... mother fucking My Little Pony.

Her straight blonde hair laid over her head like a veil. She had some cuts on her body I, I was amazed at her beauty but my mind was trying process it all. I leaned forwards anyway. I put my hand on her shoulder shaking her slightly "hello?" I asked puzzled on what else to say. I lifted up her head "hello?" I asked again the only word in my vocabulary at the time. The pony batted her eyes open at me, they were a deep shade of crimson that scared me at first but held some beauty in them. She continued to look dazed at me but then she saw me and she smiled. I felt happiness flood into me from that smile. But then she opened her mouth. blood dripping from her teeth, her tongue played with her her teeth one by one. I was stuck I couldn't move fear had paralyzed me. The pony's smile only grew wider as she wrapped her legs around my neck dragging me into the water.

I let out muffled screams under the water as she dragged me in. Swallowing what felt like a gallon of water it filled up my lungs. She continued to drag me down further and further until she brought me into what was probably the middle of the lake. Before I knew it she swam off. . My mind quickly put it back together and I begun to swim up my animal instincts kicking in. I felt teeth digging into my legs. I let out more screams but this time covering my mouth. She dragged me down again pinning me to the ocean floor then swimming off again. I caught where she swam off, she has a mermaid tail! What the fuck!

I could feel myself turning blue. Between me swallowing water and my tiny air span I had to move. I begun to swim up again I could see where the water stopped, luckily it wasn't that deep. I turned around seeing the crazy horse bitch swim at me again. Her mouth opening wider than ever looked possible. Just before she would of bit me I grabbed her by the neck squeezing my thumbs into her throat. The creature wailed and let out screams only putting more fear in me.

The creature swam away. I tried to swim up but I couldn't, all my energy was drained. I could feel every bit of my body screaming for air as what felt like my blood come to a stand still. This couldn't be it for me. I Didn't want to die, I'm scared of dying. I tried moving again but I couldn't. I felt my mind go blank. I lost control of my body as my eyes slowly begun to flicker shut. This was it I'm dying, but there was so much I wanted to do...