Dave strider in the land of Ponies and Magic

Dave's Log Entry into Rose's Diary of the Zoologically Dubious

Ok so here's the whole shit of what went down before I even got here:

I was at a convention, seen with all these cool cats and all hells of plush rumps. Selling my raps, my bro's plush rumps, even some old Legendary Pieces of shit for swords. My bro and I made a killing, but seriously I thought going to cons was about walking, about meeting new people, getting all kinds of ill nasty with some of the babes in sexy cosplay, even if they were trolls.

I only got here a day or two early to help bro set up, but I came for the experience. But yeah, here I am, in a booth waiting for bro to come back and take over. Shit, it's been been a god-damned hour already, he must be in some strife with a guy. I mean jegus fuck, does he always have to strife with everyone????

Still, it's cool that Egbert and Rose are here. Jade didn't make it because she is somewhere in the fucking pacific or somewhere like that, like that watery asshole king neptune said "Nah, fuck your trip plans you are staying on that shitty island". That, or it was her lusus guardian dog or whatever.

The only grown dude that could escort us on the fucking plane in and out was my bro, and seriously that was hella-brutal. Shit happened, engines failed, bro got mad as hell. But it's all good, lil cal landed the plane, so damn, he's radder than snoop dog. Not that snoop ain't bad, but he's still coo. I still can't regrow part of my fucking hair that got singed by fire, aint that a bitch.

So all of us except jade are here, and yeah we got what john called our god tier outfits on. Still have no idea what he's thinking, but whatever, we are all good. Rose asked me out yesterday, which was I think Friday....possibly Thursday, I dunno. Still, I had to plead stupidity about how my bro ended up being our fucking waiter. How the hell did he even get a waiter license???????

Anyway where was I? Oh yeah, what happened to me. Well it so happened that me and john were just shopping ok we were in the con, on the floor where the wares are sold and Egbert bought some new shit for his cosplay for next con, which is in my hometown. I think he wants to be one of the trolls. Son of a fuck, there are already too many people cosplaying as god damned trolls.

We found some cool shit on a table that some weird dude was peddling. Some medallions and shit, and even one of those weird flute things from that zelda kid. Egbert bought some medallion and I bought another, after that we left to go find the hotel rooms we had, and then as soon as I fell asleep in my pajamas, bam! I'm on another fucking planet!

Anyway some weird talking pony spotted me, and now I'm being taken to some feathery asshole or the Batterwitch, dunno which. Hopefully I won't be eaten, like I almost was by some preschoolers, led by TZ dressed like red alligators.

Present Time, Equestria

You are now Dave Strider, and you have been dragged into a cell underneath some sort of palace, after abruptly appearing before a random group of talking ponies. You think this is all a dream, but it feels to real to be so. The medallion you bought earlier from a con merch peddler has stopped glowing, and you also wonder, if you were teleported into this realm, whatever it is, by the medallion itself. You are no quite sure, but you are now scared shitless, and want to cry and call for Bro to bail you out.

==> Dave: Call bro and cry like a little bitch.

Wait, what? No you don't want to do that! That is so uncool of you to consider such a thing. Calling your bro is like calling your mom, and that is never cool. You have to find a way out of this somehow, and quickly. The guards appear to be coming, and you are not sure what they will do. You pray they are not here to use you as a stallion would a mare.

==> Dave: Examine cell

You examine the cell and see it is all kinds of bland, and quite sturdy. Whoever designed this cell, or the prison outside, was a master at his craft. The guards come into your view, and they are wearing armor, and certainly speaking English. You, are now in the shit now.

TG: hey uh where the fuck am i and what bullshit are you trying on me

Guard: Silence you, your own existence is a possible prelude to invasion! Celestia demands your presence in front of the throne.

TG: huh celestia what the hell am i in that GAME that bro plays something about ponies god damn if thats happened i might do a pirouette off the bars here

Guard: You do not know where you are? Then how could you have that? *points at medallion*

TG: what this shit i bought it

Guard: Where? Such things are banned here in this world!

TG: Oh SHIT really the guy i bought this from didn't tell me that thanks for telling me muzzle face

Guard: Enough of this, you are coming with me to see Celestia. to answer for your sudden appearance.

TG: oh man,so is this celestia a queen a princess or just your average warden of this place

Guard: If you call her a warden, I'm sure she will kick you to the moon, alien.

Youare now a little more scared of this "Celestia" person, after hearing what might happen to you. You need to find a way out of this jam, before you get kicked to the moon!

==> Dave: Follow Guards

You follow the guards and look for a way to escape. You go willingly because they appear way stronger than bro in everything, and you are in uncharted waters here. Anything can happen, even a feathery asshole could swoop up and take you aw-aaaaayyyyyy?!

You have just been taken by a griffon by the arms as soon as you exit into the sunlight, which was damn bright, even behind your shades. The griffon gets shot at, and you start falling. You pray there is water underneath you, or this is going to be like one of those falling death dreams you have had as a kid. The stupid and sudden escape attempt was a failure.

==> Dave: Land in water

You land in the moat outside the prison walls, and start swimming for the farthest shore, but the ponies catch you as you exit, and march you back inside, and into the cell from whence you fist started. Back to square one, you guess.