Chapters Singularities, platinum and horns
Quantum physics.
It’s the only explanation.
Yesterday I was home, playing some Portal 2 and now, I wake up in the middle of fucking nowhere - DC.
“Mas como caralhos isso aconteceu??? Onde eu estou???” (I am Brazilian, portuguese is my mother language.)
My voice is kind of high pitched, happens sometimes in the morning. I rub my head, why can’t I feel my fingers? My hand hits a lump on my forehead and I open my eyes.
“Okay, deve ter sido uma pancada- SWEET JESUS!!!”
A horn.
A fucking horn.
And my fingers are gone.
As a mentally adjusted human being, I stopped and started to go over what might have happened.
Just kidding, I screamed like a little girl.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !! SANTO PAI DE INSISSO TENDE PIEDADE DE NOSSAS ALMAS, MAS QUE PORRA!!!”
Okay. Calm down.
“Deep breaths... Deeeeep breeeeaths. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”
Can you blame me? I bet you would probably faint if this happened to you.
I am going to spare you of the accurate description of the several minutes I stood there, panicking and screaming. Eventually, I calmed down.
I am in the middle of an apple orchard. Probably Sweet Apple Acres (if I am where I think I am).
“Okay. I am a unicorn. What the fuck. Be logical, man, be logical. How and why?”
Let’s take a look at my memories. What happened last night? Let’s see…
Nothing. My memories say that I went to bed last night and just that. No deals with the Devil/Discord/John de Lancie , no scientific experiments gone wrong anywhere, no drugs, no nuclear war, nothing. Maybe it is a hallucination. Test time!
I take my “hoof” to my mouth and bite down. Hard.
“Ai ! Flilho duma puta !!!” Nope, this is real.
As I said, the only explanation is quantum physics. In layman’s terms: “Shit happens. Weird shit. Get over it.” Maybe I was the victim of a naked singularity of a micro black hole. A singularity is the point of space where reality breaks down. 2+2 equals fish, manly Justin Bieber, everything and anything is possible. Normally, it would be hidden behind an event horizon (and therefore impossible to interact with unless you fell in a black hole), but physicists have theorized that if a black hole had a fast enough rotation it could cause the singularity to be exposed. The more you know .
“Okay, this is real apparently. I have to get my priorities straight here. Number 1: What do I look like?”
I look at my own hooves. They are a light shade of grayish-blue; my mane is black and short, but big enough so I can see a tip of it if I push it down, kind of like Scootaloo’s. Looking back, I see no wings, which is good, because winged unicorns are about as common as finding diamonds in chocolate, they would call a lot of unwanted attention for me. The color scheme is also good. Looks like the kind of thing you could actually see in the show, I should be able to blend in the crowd. There is also a saddlebag that I had not noticed; witch is preventing me from seeing my cutie mark.
“Hm, wonder what is inside.” I take it of manually. In case you are wondering, I can’t use magic right now. I have to fix that latter.
There are two compartments. The left one has my cell phone (an amazing Nokia 7230, wouldn’t trade that though son of a bitch for no other phone), my laptop, my external hard drive (2 TB, God do I love it. It is almost full with music, games, e-books, documentaries and movies), the mouse, the earphones and their respective chargers. I take my laptop of.
“Let’s see if you are alright.”
It looks big. My laptop is not very strong on the portable aspect because of its 17-inch screen, but now it is almost as big as my body. Maybe ponies are smaller than we think.
The Windows 7 log in screen comes up; I enter my password using the tip of my hooves. Everything is okay, even the battery is fully charged. I connect the external drive. All okay there too. I put them back on the bag.
My Nokia is also fully charged, but I turn it off. I don’t know what level of technology they have here; better not risk a major freak out by keeping my ‘music playing box’ hidden.
The right compartment has a notebook, my inkwell pen (I love my pen, cost me 100 US$ dollars, but is it pretty), my father’s Rambo knife (that will be useful), my leather jacket (it’s fake leather, so it should keep everypony from panicking. It was also apparently altered to fit my pony body) and a cube.
I dress up with my jacket. It isn’t exactly cold, but I just can’t stay naked. My mind keeps screaming for me to put on some clothing. Now, mystery cube.
A white-grayish 4x4x4 metal cube. What the fuck.
“Wonder what this is.”
I grab it with my right hoof, only to have let it slip and back to the bag. It is heavy as fuck. I say at least 1 kilo, maybe a kilo and a half (imperial measuring system is for boys, metric is for man). I pick it up again, a little more carefully this time. It is beautiful; it almost screams ‘bow before me’. What is it made of anyway? The only metal I know of that would look and weight this much is…
“Platinum…”
Okay. I have a cube of platinum. What the fuck . Seriously, there is no way this is some kind of weird accident involving singularities. Someone or something wants me here, and they want me with money. BIG money. Do you have any idea of how much platinum costs? 47 dollars the GRAM! This cube must cost at least 47 thousand dollars back on earth. Here, I have no idea, but I bet it is expensive as well, or else Princess Platinum wouldn’t have that name.
I place everything back on the bag. Time for a physical evaluation.
“Number two: Learn to use my body.”
I have never walked in all fours before. Actually, I have, but I don’t remember being a baby, so it doesn’t count. Shouldn’t be too hard.
“Front left hoof, right back hoof. Right front hoof, left back hoof.”
I am trying to imitate what I see the ponies doing in the show. It is actually very easy. I was expecting to hit the ground; instead, I am trotting like a boss.
It actually feels very good. Kind of like dancing, it is much more pleasurable and easy to walk as a pony than as a human. I walk around for a few minutes, getting used to the movement of my legs and hooves.
“Now: Magic.”
This is going to be harder.
How am I even supposed to do this? In the show, they close their eyes and focus. Let’s try that.
I close my eyes, focus on the horn. Feel the horn…
“Wow.”
It…
It is…
It’s like…
I can’t explain.
Sorry. But it is so weird. Explaining it would be like trying to explain color to a person who is blind. It kind of feels good in a way too.
“Now, doing it with my eyes open.”
It is a little harder; closing eyes really helps in concentration and makes it much easier. That explains why Twilight closes her eyes when casting spells. My horn is glowing with a faint sepia color, probably my eyes are brown. Let’s see what I can do.
I focus my mind in a small rock right next to me. It’s funny; I can feel its weight, its texture. All of it is kind of like having a ghost hand. I levitate it a few times. It is not very tiring, but this requires concentration. Maybe with time I will be able to use telekinesis without having to pay so much attention.
“Number three: What am I going to do?”
I need some control; I need objectives. I take my notebook and pen. Try the pen a couple of times; write down a few test words. My “hornwriting” is much better than my handwriting, go figure.
After a few minutes, I finally finish my list.
Objectives
1: Acquire currency
2: Find shelter
3: Find a job
4: Meet main 6 (0/6)
5: Meet support cast
Talking about jobs, what am I good at? I look back at the now saddlebag-free flank.
A book with an infinity symbol on it. That is nice. Not very flashy of a cutie mark, but looks common. As I said, I don’t much attention for myself. Having a human or a computer for cutie mark would be a beacon of weirdness.
Yeah, that looks about right. Ponyville is there in the horizon; I should be able to get there in no time and- Is the sun setting?
“Well, shit. How long have I been sleeping?”
God knows. But I don’t think the jewelry will still be open by the time I get to Ponyville, so I can’t trade the Platinum for bits. Where am I going to sleep?
Maybe I can find the clubhouse, should do for a night. I am in the middle of Sweet apple acres after all.
________________________________________
“But of all the world's great heroes, there’s none that can compare. With a tow, row, row, row, row, row, to the British Grenadier!”
Fact: The British Grenadiers march is the catchiest military march ever written. It is physically impossible to not whistle/hum the rhythm after hearing it for the first time.
I’ve been walking for a good 20 minutes now; I really hope I am getting close to that damn house.
“And speaking of the devil…”
There it is. Strange, looks bigger than in the show. I climb up; it is very cozy, there is also what appears to be a battery powered light bulb that I immediately turn on.
Everything looks bigger than it should, like if I am the same size as the crusaders. Wait a second…
High pitch in voice, everything looks big, difficulty on dealing with magic…
I wasn’t just transformed into a unicorn.
I have been transformed into a unicorn FOAL!!!!
“But I am 15!” I scream for God and heaven to hear.
Obviously, I panicked. Again. I admit I should not have, but I did anyway. A few minutes later I calm down.
This is bad, very bad. Horribly bad. A 15 year old mind trapped in the body of a 9 year old (or something close to that, I don’t know their correct age) is not a good combination. I have knowledge, sense of humor, morality, tastes, desires and view of the word completely incompatible with this age.
This also makes my whole hiding plan a thousand times harder. Ponies are going to notice a new foal walking around, not attending to school and with no visible parents. The jewelry shopkeeper will probably think I stole the platinum cube and not give me any money. I won’t be able to get a job.
“Well, shit.”
I am tired. I was going to tell you more about me, but I don’t feel like it right now. Apparently, being transformed into a pony takes a lot of energy and this cold shower of bad news doesn’t help. Don’t worry, tomorrow I will do it.
I place my saddlebags on the ta ble and lay on the wood floor. The knife right beside me, only to be sure. I am, after all, in a farm close to the Everfree forest. Wouldn’t want a timber wolf or some other beast to come devour me while I sleep.
“*yawn* I will come up with something. Tomorrow…”
Ponies suffer from morning wood too.
Just thought you might want to know. It is the kind of little information that builds character, I guess.
Talking about character building, I promised I would tell you guys a bit more about myself yesterday, didn’t I?
Well. My name is Lorenzo Pagani. Like the movie, Lorenzo’s oil. Though my parents didn’t choose the name based on the film. I was tall back when I was a human, 1,90m, which is even taller when you consider I am 15 and still growing. And I am a strange guy.
Not because I like MLP, oh no. That is not the even close to beginning of it.
You see, I have very strange tastes for someone in my age. Let’s start with musical taste. I like classical, baroque and romantic music mostly. Bach , Ludwig van , Tchaikovsky , Mozart , Strauss , Mendelssohn , Richard Wagner , Chopin , just to name a few. I also like jazz, some blues, Frank Sinatra, Vera Lynn and rock (Metallica, Iron Maiden, Queen, Pink Floyd, Raul Seixas), but anything from after the 80’s has a pretty high chance of not pleasing me. However, I have a taste for electronic, especially if it is a party.
My food taste is mostly regular. I enjoy several cuisines from all over the world, but have a special place for meat, of any kind. I love it. Ox, pork, chicken, lamb… Sometimes, I buy about a kilo of short ribs or half kilo of top sirloin and eat just that, no rice, vegetables. Undercooked meat, almost raw.
While on that, how am I going to get meat here? I know that ponies are herbivores but I am talking psychology here. I like meat just like I like games. I don’t need them to survive, but makes me happy, very happy. I can’t just kill a cow, I don’t think I would be able to kill, let’s say, Daisy while she pleads for her life with that silly hat of hers. Fish should be fine though, and pigs don’t seem to be sentient, maybe I could get some bacon …
Getting off topic here, sorry about that, it is just that I have not eaten since I was still human, and that was 1 or 2 days ago at least.
Still in the matter of food tastes, I am a wine lover. Beer tastes like crap for me and whiskey is the middle ground; depends on my mood. I know I am no supposed to drink yet but hey: I am not supposed to look at porn either, doesn’t stop me from downloading it. Besides, I actually know when to stop instead of just drink to unconsciousness like most of my friends do.
I am also a crazy with downloads, I download tons of stuff even though I will never actually use them. Movies? 720p. Music? Complete discographies. Games? Every single one I can find. That is why my external HD is so full.
My English is very good, but being Brazilian makes my accent a little weird. You see, my English teacher speaks with American accent, but my English books and its listen activities are all from England, making me use English expressions with American accent while having a tendency to being very polite.
I am paranoid when it comes to privacy. 16 digit e-mail password, no facebook, no twiter, always updating anti-virus and the webcam is never connected to the computer. Should come in handy now that I have to hide and keep a low profile. My maniac download has a lot to do with it, as I have a few things on my PC that are not exactly legal (I have a book on design and manufacture of chemical and biological weapons, V2 rocket blueprints ,Schematics of nukes lysergic acid recipe… I think you get my point. It’s actually scary how easy it is to get the know-how of that stuff, building or brewing anything like that however is a different story...). They will be very handy here.
I am also kind of a serious guy, I don’t tend to show emotions. I do however laugh and cry like any normal person. Or pony. I think.
I am also a sucker for happy ending in any possible situation. Good cooker (I find cooking to be an relaxing activity for some reason). And that is just about it. My life back on earth was not bad. It wasn’t perfect, but much better than most people. I lived with my mother, went to school, nobody bullied me because of my tastes (I suspect being almost 2 meters tall and weight over 100 kilos had something to do with that. But I digress) and I had a few good friends.
Now that I have described myself, let’s go back to more pressing matters. Since I am a foal, yesterday’s plan won’t work. I need a new one.
First thing I need a back story that is believable, next I need…
__________________________________
“So Sweetie, today is mining right?” Scootaloo asked.
“Yeah. I already got Rarity’s gem book and Applebloom got the pickaxe, right Applebloom?”
“Yeah, it is here. Why are we going to the clubhouse anyway?” She asked Scootaloo,
“Because I left our map there, and we need it to get to the old mine.”
“Are you sure that place is safe?” Sweetie asked.
“Totally. But even if it isn’t, we don’t need to actually go very deep to find mining cutie marks, do we? We just need to find something in the entrance, like a gem or some ore, whatever that is.” Scootaloo asked, the clubhouse coming into view.
“Yer probably right Scoots.” Applebloom said, and suddenly stopped. “Wait, what is that?” She said, pointing at the clubhouse’s window.
There was a pony inside the clubhouse.
“We are being robbed!!!”
“Don’t be ridiculous Sweetie; there are no thieves in Ponyville. Besides, what would anypony steal from the clubhouse? Crayons?” Scootaloo said.
“Yeah, but that fella may not be from Ponyville, and I bet he doesn’t know that there isn’t nothing of value inside that house.”
“Maybe we can get heist-stoppers cutie marks!” Scootaloo said with determination.
“I don’t know. What if he is armed?” Sweetie Belle said worried.
“I bet he isn’t. He probably doesn’t even expect us here. I will scare the living buck out of him.”
“Ah got ya covered!” Applebloom said, enthusiastically.
“I-I think I will stay here.” The white unicorn said.
Pegasus and earth pony ran up the ramp, stopping one in each side of the door. Scootaloo looked inside.
A unicorn colt with a black mane and dark blue coat, wearing a black jacket was inside. There was a saddlebag and what appeared to be a large black piece of wood on the ground with a button on it. He was at the table, writing down in a notebook.
“It’s just another foal. What should we do?” Scootaloo asked, in a hushed tone.
“I will cover ya, scare him. He shouldn’t be invading private property.”
The orange pegasus sucked in a breath, jumped inside the clubhouse and let out a thunderous roar.
“STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!!!”
“CARALHO!!!” Less than a second after screaming, the colt had somehow brought a knife to Scootaloo’s face. “QUER ME MATAR DO CORAÇÃO CACETE???”
“What?!?!? I am sorry, don’t hurt me!!” The pegasus proud stance had completely disappeared before the large knife now millimeters from her face.
“Huh?” The colt seemed as confused as her, perhaps a little more distressed. He moved the knife away from her face. ”Sorry, I am kind of new to magic and I guess I reacted on instinct. I mean you no harm.” He saw Applebloom peeking at the exchange from the door, also a little scared. “Both of you.” The earth pony filly came inside, a little less tense.
“What happened???” Sweetie belle said, appearing in the door.
“This fella here almost gutted Scootaloo!”
“What?”
“It was an accident. Your friend here scared me and I grabbed my knife out of reflex.” He explained. His face seemed much calmer now. “I assume this tree house is yours?”
“Yeah, and yah scared the living hay out of us! I though yer was going to kill Scoots!!” The apple filly was still much in distress.
“I have already apologized. You two did scare me quite a bit.” He picked the knife and placed it in the black piece of wood, which the girls could now see was actually a black sheath for the blade.
“I have never seen you in Ponyville before. Did you move in recently?” Sweetie asked.
“Actualy, no. But it is good to know where I am.” He said, with a small smile.
“You don’t know where you are?” Scootaloo asked, incredulously.
“One does not pay much attention when running away.”
“Yer running away? From who? Your family?” Applebloom asked, with doubt.
“No. Social services. I don’t want to live in an orphanage.”
“Wait what? Care to explain a little better?” The pegasus asked, shocked.
“Do you want the long and execivly precise explanation, or the quick and simple one?”
“Quick and simple, please.” The earth pony filly said.
“Well, it is quite simple actually. My parents died a few days ago and I have no close relatives to take care of me. According to the law, I am still a minor and therefore should be sent to an orphanage. I don’t want to go, so I grabbed a few things and ran away.” His expression was neutral; as if this was something he did every day. “I can take care of myself; I just need somewhere to stay.”
“So, you are running away to live alone?” Sweetie Belle asked with a small tone of both wonder and amazement.
“Wow, that’s so cool! But sorry about the whole dead parents thing. My mom died a few years ago; I know how much it hurts.”
“I try not to think about it, but thanks for the understanding. Now, I got that your name is Scootaloo, what are yours?” He pointed to the remaining crusaders.
“Ah’m Applebloom and this is Sweetie Belle, and we are…”
“THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!!”
The colt winced visibly and started to rub his right ear.
“Cutie mark crusaders, huh? I guess you are trying to get you cutie marks together then?”
“That is right! By the way, what does yours mean?”
“I am good with knowledge. But back to the main topic, are you really okay with my whole ‘living alone’ thing? Because I need some help and I would really appreciate if you did not tell anypony about it.”
“We are totally okay with it. Right girls?
”
“Sure, it’s very mature of you.”
“Ah am okay with it. But tell me: How are you going to live alone with no money or food? I’m jus’ curious…”
“Excellent question my dear! That is where this baby comes in.” He floated a small cube out of the saddle bags.
“Why? What is it?” Scootaloo asked taking the cube from the pony’s magic field and almost letting it plum to the ground. “It’s heavy!”
“Yes it is. This is a 4 by 4 by 4 centimeters cube made out of solid-“
“Platinum!” Sweetie Belle said before the colt could finish. “Oh my gosh my sister has a pair of earrings made of this stuff but it cost, like, a bazillion bits!!! Where did you get so much of it?”
“My parents were quite wealthy. Say, is there a blacksmith or jeweler in town where I can sell this?” His stomach rumbled, causing him to blush. “Also, would you happen to have some food with you?”
“Ah can bring you some apples.” Applebloom said. “And yes, we do have a jewelry in town. There is also Miss Mjölnir, her special talent is blacksmithing.”
“Good, very good. First I have to get some bits, them I need to somehow get enrolled in school.”
“Why?” Scootaloo asked. “You are living alone; you don’t need to go to school anymore.”
“But I do, my dear orange friend. You see, adults will not give much thought to a new foal walking around if he is going to school. But if he is not, they will start to try to tell his parents that he is not attending to classes. Since I am living alone, that would expose the fact that I am doing so and defeat the purpose of running away from social services in first place.”
The fillies were silent for a moment.
“Yeah, that makes sense.” Scootaloo said.
“Why do yer always talk like that?” Applebloom asked, slightly annoyed.
“Like what?” He asked, somewhat confused.
“Like this.” She cleaned her throat. “My dear, I would like to apologize for scaring you earlier. Could I trouble you by asking for a cup of tea? And some sugar, that would be exquisite.” She said, in an almost perfect imitation of the colt’s accent. “Yer sound like some old stallion feeding pigeons in a park bench!”
The colt laughed.
“Yes, I have this tendency of sounding ridiculously polite when talking. My family has always been very formal and such.”
“No worries. Say, want us to give you a tour around Ponyville?” The pegasus offered.
“Actually, no, not now. I still need a believable back story to explain why nopony will ever see my family, and I am afraid I need some time to come up with it.”
“I see. Want to come with us instead? We are trying to get our cutie marks in mining, would be good to have a colt to carry the heavy stuff.” Scootaloo said, only to be hit by a white hoof as soon as the words left her mouth.”Ouch! What was that for?”
“Serously Scoots? We just meet him. Wait a few days before abusing his good will.” Sweetie Belle said, slightly annoyed with her friend’s sincerity. The colt laughed a little.
“I would like to go with you. It’s not like I have anything to do for the rest of the day. Please, lead the way.” He said, picking up the saddlebags and taking a few items out of it.
“What are those things?” Applebloom asked pointing at a black rectangle, two small black box exes and a few cables.
“Something my father was working on. I hope I can finish it.” He placed his pen, the notebook and the knife inside the saddlebags and put them on.”I am ready. Can I have those apples you talked about before we go?”
“Sure thing. Say, I never got your name…”
“It’s Lorenzo.” He said.
“Uhm. Weird name.”
“I am a weird guy.”
______________________________________
1 – Infiltrate Ponyville with fake back story [X] COMPLETE
They trust me. I honestly fell a little bad for lying but it is a necessary evil. Also, this apple tastes delicious, and Scootaloo is driving this damn Scooter pretty fast. It is obvious that they don’t know what a laptop or cell phone is. That is a little worrying, because it means I will need to find another ways to entertain myself without needing to turn my electronics on. I need to know exactly what their current state of scientific development is. And I think I know how to do that.
“Sweetie, tell me: Is there a library in town?”
“Yes. Why do you ask?”
“I need you girls to fetch me some books after this, could you do that for me?”
“Sure, what kind of books do you want?”
“I will make a list after we come back from this little mining trip. By the way, what day is today?”
“Saturday.”
“Saturday… Good, I like Saturdays.”
2 – Learns as much as posible about Equestria [ ] IN PROGRESS
My plan is not going to work.
I mean, I can live alone, but I need a house. I can’t use the clubhouse because it lacks a kitchen, bathroom and all the other things a real house has.
However, I do have a new plan.
It’s simple. I trade my platinum for money, than I find a pony that has a nice house and bribe the equine into letting me live with them. I only need to find somepony who would be willing to do such a thing, so he/she can be bribed.
I wonder if teacher are as “well paid” here as they are back home…
“Here we are!”
______________________________________
“This place doesn’t look safe at all.” Lorenzo said, staring at the mine’s entrance.
“Don’t be such chicken dude. It’s just a little out of use.” Scootaloo said, hooping off the scooter.
“I think he’s right, maybe we shouldn’t go inside.” Sweetie Belle said, worry in her voice.
“Why is this here anyway? I never knew there was a mine in Ponyville…”
“When the first folk came here all those years ago, they didn’t know what they were gonna find. They tried a little of everything before my grandma found the zap-apples.” Applebloom said. “And I think we shouldn’t do this either…”
“Why? It was your idea!” Scootaloo said, slightly annoyed.
“Yeah, but I didn’t know this place was so bad. I mean, look at it!” The earth-filly pointed at the entrance. The wood frame was rotten, there were vines hanging from the ceiling, and several cracks along the walls. “We hit the wall once and the whole place comes down crashin’ at us.”
“She is right. The structural integrity of this place isn’t safe by anyone’s standards.” The colt said.
“Don’t you mean “anypony” ?” Scootaloo asked.
“I am pretty sure Diamond Dogs would also advise against going inside, seeing as they must have lots of experience with tunnels.” He replied.
“It isn’t THAT bad! Look!” She picked a rock from the ground and threw it at the mine’s exterior support beam.
That immediately collapsed and sent a cloud of dust up in the air.
There was a moment of silence as the dust settled.
“I told you.” The colt said. “Thank goodness none of us were inside.”
“Well, that’s great! What are we going to do now?” Scootaloo asked, frustrated. “It was today’s only cool plan.”
“Actually, I have been thinking. I can’t live in your clubhouse.” He said.
“Didn’t you say that you wanted to? Live alone and all?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I want. But think: How am I going to go to the bathroom?? Or make food?” Lorenzo said.
“Yeah, hadn’t thought of that…” Applebloom said. “What’cha gonna do?”
“I have a plan, fairly simple one actually. Are you willing to cooperate?”
“I’m in, it’s not like we have anything to do anyway.” Scootaloo said.
“Okay. I need a few things. Let me make you a list.” He removed his notebook and pen from the saddleback and started to write.
“How can you use magic?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“What do you mean?” Lorenzo asked.
“I mean, how do you do it? I‘ve been trying for ages and all I get is some very quick levitation. How do you do it?” The white unicorn asked.
“It, just kind of comes naturally to me. Guess everypony gets it at a different time. Maybe I will teach you later.” He said, returning to the notebook. “Okay girls, here is the new plan; I am going to use the incredible and unlimited power of bribe to get somepony to live with. I am thinking maybe I can kill two birds with one stone here, so tell m-“
“Why would you kill a bird??? That’s mean!” Sweetie Belle said.
“He is just metaphorically speakin’” Applebloom interjected.
“Who’s the dictionary now?” Sweetie Belle shot back.
“A-HEM!” The colt cleaned his throat, although it sounded more like he had just swallowed a whole hamster. “As I was saying, who takes care of the school here?”
“Well, Ponyville isn’t no big town, so miss Cheerilee does everything. Why?” Applebloom answered.
“Do you think you can get her here as fast as posible?”
“I think so. I will try.”
“Good. Sweetie Belle, I need you to go to the library and fetch me these books.” He gave the filly the page from the notebook. “Try to bring them as fast as you can, I really need to know some things.”
“What about me?” Scootaloo asked. Lorenzo stared at her for a few moments.
“I need you for a special task: Find me someplace that sells either wine or hard cider. Don’t buy it, just tell me where.”
“What? Why???” She asked.
“I really need a drink.” He stated flatly.
“But we’re not supposed to drink!” Sweetie Belle said. “You aren’t supposed to drink either.”
“Why would ya even want that stuff? It’s just sour juice!”
“Look darling, I know that. It’s just a habit I have, okay? A nice glass of booze a day keeps stress at bay. And let me tell you: It may not look like it, but I am really stressed right now. I trust you won’t tell anypony. Right?”
“Right.”
“So, Scotaloo, could you take me back to the clubhouse, please?” Lorenzo said.
“Sure thing.” The pegasus said as she flapped her wings, moving the scooter forward and back to the clubhouse.
____________________________________
Okay, they are gone now. Let’s get some thinking music on my cell phone…
In case you are wondering, here is what I am going to do:
The metal cube has a very high chance of being made of platinum (there are not many metals that weight this much and look like silver), so I am going to use it as bribe. How? Simple, I tell Cheerilee that I am willing to pay her a good sum of money a month (like a rent) if she is willing to take me under her care and tell everypony I am just a “cousin’s son that is living with me for a while”. If that doesn’t work, I am going to use a sad puppy face that will sadden her into submission (remember, I am a foal now. How can you say no to a face like this?).
The books that Sweetie Belle is getting I am going to use to get more knowledge of Equestria. I asked her for: basic physics, history of music (I really can’t live without music, I just hope they have ponified classical composers here), basic chemistry and magic for beginners.
As for the booze, that is actually what a do in an almost every week. Normally I drink hard cider (which is ridiculously cheap in Brazil for some reason), but occasionally I also drink wine. It’s funny because most supermarkets would never let me touch or buy beer, but cider and sometimes wine is fine (lots of sense there guys. “Don’t let him touch the 4,7% alcohol beer! Here, have this 5,5% cider or 13,5% wine! Much less dangerous!”).
My new body is also displaying lots of interesting sings. My walking is coming naturally and the magic works almost sub-consciously. That is cool. I wonder how actually spells are casted… My coat fells very smooth too. Most people forget that ponies have a very short fur instead of colored skin. Like some kind of silk. I could rub myself all day long…
…
That didn’t come out right…
There is also the problem of how I got here in first place. Why? How? Did a singularity really cause it? Because if yes, that could actually be dangerous. You don’t want something that can destroy the laws of physics popping out of nowhere. Will it happen again?
But if it was not a singularity, then what was it? And how come I have this cube?
So many questions, so little answers.
Well, now I only have to wait.
________________________________________
Scootaloo slowed down just enough so her voice would be heard through the buzzing of her wings.
“So, what do you girls think? Should we actually help him?”
“Ah say we do. He looks honest, even though he’s weird.”
“Weird? He is down-right Pinkie Pie level’s of weirdness. Maybe not quite as loopy but c’mon, he isn’t normal. What foal would want to drink sour juice?”
“I trust him. He is just a little too uptight.”
“Sweetie is right Scoots, he jus’ a little polite.”
“It’s not that girls, it’s just that…” She gave a sigh. ”Well, he doesn’t look like he just lost his parents. Shouldn’t he be at least upset?”
“Yer right, he does seem a little too happy about everything.” Applebloom said rubbing her chin.
“Maybe he’s like Rarity?” Sweetie belle offered.
“What you mean?” Scootaloo asked.
“Remember back in Hearts and Hooves day when the boutique got destroyed?” The other two crusaders nodded.
“Remember how when she got home she kinda of started doing stuff like she always do for hours before she finally got mad at us? Maybe Lorenzo is like that; He’s just too shocked to actually react.”
“That, actually makes an awful lotta sense.”
“Yeah. Took me a few days to get the fact that my mom had died too. At first I didn’t even realize how bad it was…” The pegasus said, her voice becoming sadder as she went.
“C’mon now Scoots, that was ages ago. No point on being sad again.”
“Guess you’re right Applebloom.” Her voice returned to its regular happy tone. “So, where to first?”
“The library. He wants some books.”
_____________________________________
An hour later…
Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars…
“Lorenzo!”
Let me see what spring looks like on…
At Jupiter and mars…
“LORENZO!!!”
“WHA-!” he was suddenly snapped out of his musical daydream. Removing and hiding his earphones, Lorenzo looked through the window. “Sorry Sweetie Belle, I kind of dozed off.” The unicorn filly and Scootaloo are there, a few books in the cart behind the scooter. “I see you have my delivery.”
“Yup! Applebloom is going to take a little while to get here, so you have some time left.”
“Good. Could you bring the books up here please?”
“Why? Pick them up yourself!” The pegasus awserd back.
“Okay, okay…” Lorenzo said, walking down the ramp of the tree house. “Did you find what I asked you?”
“Berry has a stand that sells the stuff. She sets it up in the town square every weekend. But I don’t think she is just going to sell it to you, no matter how loopy she is…”
“Don’t worry Scoots, I can take care of that. Now, let me see…” The colt picked each one of the books in his hooves. “Music through the ages, Why do I have a horn: A foals first guide to magic, A guide to Chemistry and The world of physics. Nice job Sweetie.”He opened the music book and scanned the index. “Well well well, would you look at that? Ludwig van Beecawen! And Griffingang Amadeus Mozart!” He sat down and started reading.
A few seconds of silence passed.
“Sooo, since we have a few minutes… Can you teach me magic?” Sweetie Belle said with a large grin.
“I wish. But I honestly have no idea how I do it. It just kind of happens with little to no control of my mind. Feel free to read the magic book though.” He hadn’t even removed his eyes from the book. “Damn. Did you know that Tchaikovsky hated the nutcracker suite? Only thing most people remember about him… Crazy unicorn…”
Another awkward second.
“What are we supposed to do?” Scootaloo asked.
“I don’t know. Read a book. Just until Applebloom arrives…”
“Aw c’mon! That’s gonna take forever!” As if to mock the pegasus, two voices started to come from the path behind her.
“Didn’t you say-“
“A little while. Literally.” The unicorn finished.
The fuchsia mare and cream colored filly appeared in the end of the road, talking to each other and smiling.
“-an’ then Pinkie said “And that’s how Equestria was made!” “
“Oh, that crazy mare…” Cheerilee looked to the colt foal now in front of her. “Oh, hello there! I’m Cheerilee. I teach at Ponyville’s school. Applebloom told that you are new in town and wanted to know your new teacher.”
“Yes, that is true. And you actually came. Sooner than I thought too. Good work Applebloom.”
“Yer welcome.”
The mare’s face changed to a confused expression.
“I’m sorry?”
“Girls, If you don’t mind, I would like to talk to miss Cheerilee alone. I will see you Monday at school, if everything goes according to plan.”
“Sure, what about the books?” Scootaloo asked, pointing at the three books still in the scooter’s cart.
“Leave them at the ramp; I will take them with me later.”
“Okay, see ya later! C’mon girls!”
“Bye Lorenzo!”
“Bye Sweetie.” He said as the scooter speed off. He then turned to Cheerilee. “Hello miss Cheerilee, it is a pleasure to meet you.”
“Yeah…” She said, a little uneasy by the fact that the colt had somehow said the last sentence with a strangely correct grammar and weird accent, as if she had just been greeted by the host of a high society party. “So, your name is Lorenzo, right? Where are your parents? I haven’t got any transference papers from your school yet… And why are you wearing a jacket and saddlebags?”
“I am feeling a little cold today. As for my parents and transference papers, that is why I called you here. You see Miss Cheerilee, I ran away.”
“…what?”
“I ran away. You see, my parents are dead. I have no living family anywhere that I know, and that means I will have to go to an orphanage. But the thing is: I can take care of myself, I just need a place to stay.”
“… and you’re telling me this because..?”
“Because, miss Cheerilee, ponies notice when foals walk around with no parents and not attending to school. I want to live with you. And I can make it worth your while…”
It’s a prank, I’m sure of it. She thought. The Crusaders are probably trying to get pranksters cutie marks. Maybe if I play along they will drop the act sooner. But I have to say, this is pretty well done…
“Oh yeah? And how exactly are you going to make it “worth my while”?” She said with a smug grin.
The colt reached into the saddlebags and floated a silver colored metallic cube out, waving it in front of Cheerilee’s face.
“With this. It’s made of platinum, you know. Expensive. Tell me, miss Cheerilee, how much do you make as a teacher?”
Ookay…
“Uhm, 600 bits a month…”
“What if I told you I can pay you 400 extra bits a month if you let me stay with you?”
“Is this a joke?”
“No, it is not. I really need someplace to stay, and I don’t want to go to an orphanage. I can take care of myself; you won’t even notice I am there.”
“Ha ha. Okay girls, I fell for it!” She said to the bushes. “C’mon, you can drop the act.”
“It’s not an act.” Lorenzo said, annoyed. “I am serious!”
“You can’t be!”
“But I am! “
“Oh c’mon! You really want me to believe you ran away from social services? And you don’t even look sad! How am I supposed to believe that your parents died?”
“I-I don’t like to show emotions!” The colt’s face twisted in worry.
I got him .
“Really? So, either you tell me the truth, or I will tell your parents what you are doing.”
“I already told you, my parents are dead!”
“Then I will call social services.”
Lorenzo’s face went pale.
Touché.
“Fuck.”
“Hey! Watch your mouth little colt!”
“I am not a colt! I am not even a pony.”
“Not buying it. Tell me the truth.”
“But it is the truth! I don’t even know why I am here! Yesterday I was a human, today I am a pony!”
“A human? What’s a human? Do you expect me to believe that?”
“I need you to listen to me and not interrupt, okay?” The colt sounded nervous, but confident at the same time. “My name is Lorenzo Pagani. I was a human until yesterday. I come from a place called Brazil in the planet Earth.”
“So, you’re an alien now?” The sarcasm was dripping from the mare’s voice. ‘Much more believable…”
“Look, I can prove, do not go anywhere!” He quickly went up the ramp and inside the clubhouse.
Why is he doing that? Does he actually believe I am going to buy that? But he is new to Ponyville, I haven’t even got a party invitation from Pinkie yet…
He came back carrying a big black rectangle in his telekinetic grasp.
“Here, let me show you.”
He used his hoof to open the rectangle in half. Cheerilee could see a keyboard and a what appeared to be a small black square in one half, and a big black glass pane in the other. He then pressed a small button in the keyboard and the rectangle sprung to live. The glass part started to glow and show letters.
“What’s that?”
“It is my computer.”
“A computer? No way. You are not fooling me. Computers are huge. Twilight has one and it occupies her whole basement!”
“Not where I come from.” The colt typed something in the keyboard, and then the word ‘welcome’ appeared. There was a picture of a lake, several small pictures with names under them such as ‘Mozila Firefox’ and ‘The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim’ in the screen and a strange black bar on the bottom with a small blue orb and a few other small pictures. “Want to hear some music?”
“Uh, sure?” What the hay is that thing?
Lorenzo placed the tip of his right hoof in the black square below the keyboard, moving it and click a few buttons. Suddenly, music started to play , causing Cheerilee to jump back in surprise.
“Ho-How are you doing that!??!?”
“I told you, it is a computer. Where I come from, they can play music, show videos, run games and are basically omnipresent. Believe me now?”
“I-I don’t know…”
He stopped the music and clicked in a few more buttons. The screen now showed what appeared to be a chimpanzee with no fur, dressed in a business suit and walking down a corridor, like in a movie.
“That’s a human. What now?” The image stopped and disappeared, leaving only the background lake. “Believe me?”
“I-I, okay. But how?”
“I have no idea. That’s why I want to stay with you; I don’t want to go to an orphanage. Hell, I am not even this young; I was fifteen before this “transformation”!”
Cheerilee thought for a while. While it was hard to believe that this colt was an alien, he did have some powerful evidence. She also couldn’t deny that the prospect of extra money was tempting.
“Is your offer still standing?”
“What offer? The 400 bits?”
“Yes.”
“They are yours, every month, if you help me.”
“Then yes, you can live with me.”
“Thank you! That’s one less thing to worry about!” He pressed a few buttons on the computer, causing it to apparently shut down, and sat it down. “Now, we are going to need a believable back-story. What about this: I am your cousin’s son, and I am living with you for a while.”
“That sounds believable. We are going to have to watch out for Pinkie though.”
“Pinkie?”
“Yes, she is the town’s official party pony. She is probably going to throw you a party as soon as you get your hooves in Ponyville to welcome you.”
He groaned.
“I don’t like parties where I don’t know anyone.”
“Just smile and try to be positive.”
“Yeah, I will try. So, where do you live?”
“Follow me.”
“Okay. Could you carry some of these books?”
“Sure, just put them on my back and let’s get going.”
__________________________________
3 kilometers outside Stalliongrad.
Iron Axe was walking down the road, carrying chopped wood for his family when he saw something by the side of the path. I looked red, although he couldn’t be sure.
“Что это?”
He approached it, and almost fell backwards.
It was a hoof.
Half buried on the white snow, there was a red hoof.
“ДЕРЬМО!!!” Promptly, he started to dig, expecting to see the face of a dead pony.
What he found however, made him sick.
Instead of a pony, this… “Thing” seemed to be a furless chimp, half fused/transformed into a pony. An abomination, mocking mother’s nature laws and logic. A few pieces of fabric covering its body, as if he was wearing something.
He ran back to his home to call the royal guard.
