Chapter 3: How I Met the Elements of Gay Pride (Total Teaser, Hope You Suffer)

"You know what, I forgot my name," I say, looking at the princesses. For some reason they looked sad. "Most people call me Monster, Abomination, Pedomancer, Lord Almighty and Tentacle Rapist. I will not deny any of these accusations, but it's just plain rude ain't it?

I think I broke the princesses right about there. They blabbed something about me being a danger to pony society and I should leave or they'd user the powers of gay pride. I just zoned them out and thought about life. Yep... Life. I though of my dream house. it would be a generic evil castle with the most extreme of horrors around every corner. I would have vampire guards that would attract teenage girls to do their bidding. They would have abs, and sparkle in the sun, just because.

Anyway, I was rudely interrupted when my feet went numb, looking down, my feet were stone! What the fuck?! My first thought was 'Why am I being stone?' My second thought was, 'Why are there a bunch of ponies looking at me like I made something personal while wearing plastic necklaces with some kind of gems in them. Instead of giving them a reason to feel better about their puny little selves, I broke my legs off at the point where the stone currently was and slowly stood up as I regenerated my legs. They were gaping at me like they wanted to blow me- I'm going to end that thought right there before it breaks you.

I just kind of stood there, being badass.

Just so you know, none of what I just told you really happened. Nope. Not at all. For the real story go to my blog about why 9/11 wasn't real, I also cover the moon landing, and why this chapter isn't real.

'Http://NoSomeLonelyTeenagerWithIssuesThatNooneCaresAboutButThinksTheyDo.net/org/com