Chapters "So if I buy this, what will it do for me?"
"Well sir, we here at Atlas Survival Shelters strive to make an atomic apocalypse a good one! Our most popular model has room to shelter eight people comfortably, the air filter can filter biological, nuclear, and chemical attacks!"
I nod my head as if he can see me over the phone.
"The main room will be twenty feet underground, and if that isn't enough, the door into your base is laser cut steel, there are two latches keeping said door locked and airtight! Nothing below a mortar strike would be able to open it!"
I smile widely, "You have a deal!"
I can most hear his smile over the phone. "Great! You will receive an email within fifteen minutes to confirm you purchase, and remember, your fallout shelter is also good for natural disasters."
-~-~-
I nod happily as the final pile of dirt falls upon my new home in the ground.
I wave goodbye to the construction workers, offering them a beer, but they decline.
Slinging open the hatch into the deep dark underground, I begin my decent.
Standing I front of the steel door, as a christening, I pull out a small sticker, the size of my palm, and slap it on the door. I look upon Vault Boy smiling at me, giving a thumbs up.
I push upon the door and it swings inward, revealing my new home.
If I might say, it's beautiful.
I had made a few changes to design though, if you noticed there was no toilet, your right, the original design had it to where there was no privacy, and to top it off, if someone opened the door, it would swing right into your kneecaps. So I had an outhouse built up top.
Other than that I had the two of the mattresses on the right side bunk removed, one shelf for my guns, the other for a ham radio and ammo.
Author's Note
Just a little story that hopefully gets me
I awake to a sound akin to a gong.
I snort, it's too early for this shit.
Ah hell, if it's Jehovah Witness I can tell them to go away, if it's thieves, my guns will be right to my left.
I get up, brush some lint off my shoulder, and flip the two latches holding the door shut.
Imagine my face when an orange pony kicked me right in the crotch.
It would look like someone's face who had a tree fall on them.
"Girls, ah didn't hit metal, did I get it open?" A southern voice calls out through my pain. A tomboyish voice yells out too "Why is a hairless chimpanzee wearing clothes and rolling in the floor?"
I get to my knees, let a tear fall - Hey you! Crying is manly! Boy only at funerals, weddings, and occasionally when you get kicked in the balls!- and look at my attackers.
Horses.
It was a gentlemen's yell. Not something like, say, "Holyshithorse." No. I can assure you that's what I did not yell.
That's totally what I yelled.
That left one unicorn-Pegasus combo looking stupid in my door way.
I sighed, having since gotten out of the floor, and looked at the last horse -actually they look more like ponies- standing. "I don't suppose you could help a man out and help me get them inside would you?"
-~-~-
So Purple woke up first after me putting all of them in comfortable spots. She told me their names while I got an ice pack for my sore crotch.
They seemed pretty cool by the stories Twilight was telling me.
Except Applejack. She can take a long walk of a short pier for all I care.
It's probably just because she endangered my DNA rifle.
"So why were you rolling in the floor when we first met you?" I give her a nasty look, "Seriously? Did you not see that Applejack kick me?"
Her eyes shot down to pinpricks the second that left my mouth. She tried to apologize, ask if I'm okay, and if I need medical attention at the same time. Although it sounded like a sneeze when it came out, it brung me joy that she cared for me that much. I wait for the stream of words to stop.
"I'm okay, but we need to wake up your friends." She nodded, and I walked over to the kitchen, picked up a small frozen water bottle and let a cold drip start above Rainbow.
-~-~-
My master plan did not work so well.
Rainbow did not wake up until the ice in the bottle shrunk to where it could fit through the drinking hole.
The ice slipped through, and got her right on the forehead.
Time went at a snails pace, she was flying at me, and I could do nothing. I close my eyes and wait for the end. Bury me with my guns. Wait, where are my guns? Oh well, I'll be dead in a second.
Twilight seemed to have grabbed Rainbow with her magic. Cool.
"No attacking your host. What do you say?" I ask her. "Buck you, you filthy monster! You locked me and my friends in here! Let us out!"
"I will have you know I'm quite fancy. But you have offended me, and as such, you are kicked out of my hole in the ground." I look to Twilight, who is looking at me with much confusion.
"Please levitate our friend here outside the door." She seems uncertain, but does as I ask. The second shes clear, I slam the door, and hit the locks. The slam of the door awakens the others. I look to Twilight, "You all are allowed in and out of my home as you want, although Rainbow is banned for three days."
Twilight sighs, but nods.
They say their goodbyes and leave.
I wait for a few minutes, and start panicking. I couldn't have shown weakness In front of new guests now could I? "Where in the hell am I to have talking horses knock on my door."
A giant kitty. With wings.
I slam the door and lock the latches, and a eighteen wheeler slams into the other side.
I am scared for my life. I look to my guns and think I could use them, but I've never killed anything other than spiders! I could not kill a big thing like that!
So I do the only thing a man in my situation could do. Go to my bed an cry.
Author's Note
Kittykat
Chapter 3
After sleeping, I decided not to be a wimp, and tell the cat-thing to step off.
I walk into the main room of my bunker, and check over my guns.
I have a .22, that's been in my family science my great gramps, gave it to my dad. Why did he give it to his grandson and not his son? Weird. Anyways, beside that, I have a single shot 410, a muzzleloader, and my baby. A lever action 410, the oak wood has not a scratch, the metal perfectly polished, I had it custom made, adding a few extra shots into the... What would you call that on a lever-action? A magazine? I have no idea. I would protect this gun with my life, and it protects me with its life. You know, if guns were alive.
...What if guns are just sneezing when they fire?
Anyways, I load it with a blank and a slug. So if I don't scare the little pussycat away with loud noises, I have a ball of lead right behind it.
I could load it to its max, ten, with one in the chamber, making eleven.
I flip the locks, and swing open the door to reveal... Eight very surprised ponies.
Well, I had the desired effect. You remember what happened last time they came for a visit? Yea all but three are knocked out.
I sigh, and wave the three ponies in.
Leaving the door open to let a small breeze in, I pull up a seat, letting the three ponies set on the couch. The pony on the left, a alabaster alicorn, yeah I know what what an alicorn is. Twilight told me. Fight me.
The one on the right, also an alicorn, is a deep blue, or possibly purple.
I think these are the princesses. Again, Twilight told me. Fight me. I take a quick bow, and start unloading my 410.
Deciding to break the science, I speak up. "Do you guys want some thing to eat? I have... Beans and water. A doomsday preppers favorite." Blue princess asked for a water. I like the way she talks, very steampunk.
I finish loading the 410 with buckshot, and I decide to name it.
I like the name 'Deus ex Machina', but it would be lost on the ponies. They don't know old Greek.
"I was thinking about naming this, what do you think I should call it?" I ask, causing the ponies to flinch.
Are they really that afraid of me?
"We have no idea what that is." Twilight deadpanned. I let a small grin show on my face. "Hey Luna, when your finished with that bottle can I have it?"
-~-~-
I had set up outside. Tossing the bottle over a few yards, I tell the ponies to cover their ears.
The others have woken up by then, and wanted to see what I was doing.
Checking if they were ready, I took aim, and obliterated the water bottle.
I turn around, and the ponies are terrified.
Except Luna, she's clapping.
Cool. "Alright Luna, since you had the best reaction, you get to name it."
She took on a thoughtful look, and with a click of her tongue, said
I like it.
"How come?" She gave me a small smile, "In olden times, after my banishment, little foals were told of a courier, who worked for Nightmare Moon. He would take the dead souls to the afterlife. I always liked the story, even if it was of a worse time for me."
I nodded, taking a note in my head to ask Twilight about Luna's banishment.
"Could you carve that here?" I said pointing to a spot above the trigger. She nodded, and with the precision of a laser, carved it into the desired spot.
Out of their stupor, the other ponies shuffled around me to look at my masterpiece.
"I suppose that you guys came here for a reason?"
Twilight nodded, "Yes, actually. The PonyVille 'Annual Pet Fair' is coming to town, and we thought that you might like to come? You know introduce you to the townsponies and all that jazz."
I raised an eyebrow at her. "What exactly happens at a place like this?"
To my surprise, Fluttershy was the first to speak up. "Oh it's amazing! There's a place to adopt animals, and there will be a pet show! You should really come!" She then remembered that she was Fluttershy. "If that's okay with you..."
I have her a small rub on the head. "I would love it."
...So what? I was acting all lovey dovey on a pony. Fight me. She needs the confidence.
-~-~-
The animal fair. It's actually pretty cool. There was a small stage where a lot of ponies, and all types of house pets getting ready.
Sure, a few ponies noticed me, but Twilight told me after all the strange things she brought in, they were not surprised that they brought in a strange creature. If anything, they were happy that it was friendly.
Twilight's friends had things to do at the fair, and the Princesses had already left. Watching the six ponies do their own thing, I decide to walk off and check everything out.
Starting with the stage. There was a bouncer, blocking me from entering. I walked away, found a pebble, and thrown it at him. It would sting a little but nothing serious.
He looked around, and shouted towards a loud group of foals. I chose this as my moment to go.
Back stage was well... a zoo.
Rarities cat had a cute pink dress, Pinkies alligator had a bow tie, and Rainbow's tortoise had little goggles.
Very cute if I say so. I gave them good luck, and walked off, getting bored.
A large group of ponies had gathered at the animal adoption spot.
So of course I had to check this out.
A few fences were around. Not like chain link, but little animal sized fences to keep them inside. All the animals were adopted. Except one sad looking German Shepard.
This dog was taller than a pony. Can't tell whit she wasn't being adopted. Sarcasm
When I say sad, I mean down right, Jack died because Rose would not scoot over and let him on the piece of wood, sad. My heart broke at the whimpers she made.
I made my way to Fluttershy. "Hey Flutters, what's with the sad looking dog?"
I needed to change this mood. I don't like sad things. "She reminded me if a dog I had when I was a child. How do I go about adopting her?"
Flutters gave a small gasp. "Really? That would be great for her mental health!" I nodded. "Thank you so much. Please sign here." She handed, or should I say hoofed? Nah, fuck that. Handed me a clipboard. And pointed to a spot with her wing. I smiled and gave her a tip of an imaginary hat.
She led me over to a gate, that held the animals.
Fluttershy let out a low whistle, and the dog came bounding over. She licked Flutters playfully on the nose, and looked over to me.
"Hey, this is your new owner okay?" The dog barked a happy bark, as if in agreement.
I gave her a soft petting on the head.
"Hey girl, you need a name don't you?" I got a small bark in return.
"How about Xena? Xena the Warrior Princess?" I had a small chuckle at that, and not five minutes later, Fluttershy gave me a red collar with a golden, bone shaped, name tag. The tag had XENA written on it.
Author's Note
Did you get the Titanic reference? How about the XENA reference? You would have to be blonde not to notice that.
Chapter 4
Xena was ecstatic that she had a new friend to take care of her. She was jumping on random ponies, licking their faces. I would laugh, they would laugh, it was all pretty fun.
The pet show was just starting when I got a seat. It was near the back, but I could easily see over the ponies heads. Exotic animals went first. A mare had gotten her parrot to do flips while singing the equestrian anthem. At the end of the exotic section, a mare behind the curtain passed the announcer a note.
The announcer gladly took it, and said, "The last contestant in the exotic term is Bon Bon and her... giraffe... named Lyra?" Immediately, a aqua marine unicorn popped out from the curtain, wearing a poorly made giraffe suit, and balancing on a beach ball. A mare in a suit pretended to flick a whip at the 'giraffe' and after a minute, exactly sixty seconds, both leapt behind the curtain, leaving only a beach ball. The ponies laughed, and hoof stomped the display. I let out a wolf-whistle, and the announcer let the more native house pets on stage.
Rarities cat had pranced out onstage and did... Something. I had no idea, it may have been a dance, but the ponies liked it.
A few contestants later, Tank the Turtle came out, and did a air maneuver. It was amazing to say the least. A flying turtle. Cool. What next, a flying pig?
A flying pig came on stage after Tank.
But Pinkie came out with Gummy and stole the show. She did magic! Not unicorn magic but the Classic saw someone in half trick! In alligator form! The last thing was Gummy jumping into her tail and appearing in her mane. She exited stage right and the crowd erupted in to crazed cheers.
-~-~-
The fair lasted well into midnight. Xena and I were walking home, and Fluttershy caught up to us. She told us that this was the road that her cabin was on.
Her house and my hole in the ground were about half a mile away from each other. That's good, I guess. Fluttershy is one of the few ponies that I found I like as a friend. The others being Princess Luna and Twilight.
I during the walk to her house , I think of something. "What do you think of me?" I ask, startling Fluttershy. "What do you mean?" I shrug, "What do you think about me?" She stopped for a moment.
"I think your pretty nice!" She said cheerfully. "When we first met, the others called you a monster, but I didn't." I raised an eyebrow, but I wasn't angry, if a talking pony showed up in my world, people would call it a monster.
"Anyways, Fluttershy, come visit sometime. I'll probably be around."
She gave a small nod before flying towards her home.
-~-~-
I need a checklist.
...Damn that sound creepy.
-~-~-
Mayor Mare was not very helpful. She just said something along the lines of 'Get the buck out of my office, you monster!'
I'm not one to hold grudges.
Pinkie ended up saving the day, saying that she needed help babysitting. I was always good with children. She referred to them as 'Discord's offspring' but I'm sure their fine.
I need to be there in ten minutes, so wish me luck, Xena!
-~-~-
I'm going to punt this child across PonyVille if he pokes my leg one more time.
-~-~-
No child punting happened. I did lock the Pegasus in a closet, and the unicorn was pretty chill, only playing with her toys.
I got 50 bits for the days work, I have no idea if that's good.
I need sleep after that Devil child though. G'night
In emergency situations, foals can be punted up to thirty feet.
Author's Note
In emergency situations, foals can be punted up to thirty feet.
Really though, my creative juices are not flowing. Because of that, I had a freind write this chapter.
Chapter 5
Jumping out of bed, and giving Xena a heart-attack, I realized something.
I never let Pound Cake out of the closet.
-~-~-
Sneaky sneak.
I had found a metal gear solid type suit in my closet, and as I was leaving, I threw a balaclava over Xena's head, making her sneaky sneak.
The Cakes are MIA, I have no idea where they are. That's good. Makes sneaky sneak easier.
Opening a window, I lift Xena in, and then I go in.
Pinkie is sleeping in front of a oven, the oven billowing black smoke.
Xena and I share a look.
"It'll be fine."
I walk up the stairs, sneaky like, and open the door to the closet.
There sits Pound Cake. Happy as ever. He sprints out of the room, knocking me over Xena and out a window. That little asshole sent me through an open window!
I was mostly unscathed, my ass will bruise, but it's fine, I've had worse things happen to my ass.
Before you call me gay, know that I am actually bisexual.
Before I could contemplate my sexuality any longer, Xena dived out the window landing paws first into my stomach.
Giving her a pat on the head, we started on our way back to the bunker.
-~-~-
The clock on my wall said its five a clock in the morning.
I really need a full nights rest.
Son of a bitch, I didn't turn off the light.
~A month later~
With a loud snap, all the lights in my home went out.
I was worried about that, the generator only held so much electricity.
I was running it off of a small hand crank, but, I can't power this place just doing that.
I wonder if Twilight could help me.
Shrugging on some cargo pants and a red t-shirt, I grabbed DragonsBreath and walked out the door.
The reason I'm armed is because the last time I left, there was a chicken snake.
A motherfucking cocatrice.
Anyways, I had Rarity make me a custom sling for DragonsBreath, it had loops of stretchy fabric which would let me carry nine more shells on me.
The trip to Fluttershy's was uneventful, if not boring.
The cottage was looking especially good with the coat of brown paint I had put on it.
Flutters was picking flowers when I got to her.
"Hello Mike, how are you?" Flutters asked in her signature tone.
Xena whined a few meters away from me, but I disregarded it.
"I've been fine, I was actually needing to talk to Twilight, you up for coming to town?"
She gave me a sad smile, "I'm rally sorry, but I can't, Barry was attacked my something in the wood and haven't been feeling good."
Xena gave a very loud whine, and then nudged my hand.
I gave a glance in her direction and saw why the problem was.
You see, a hundred blood red eyes were looking out from the Everfree.
"Fluttershy get inside. Now." She gave a small yelp at my sudden seriousness. She turned and finally saw the problem.
"Now!" I yelled, knocking her out of her stupor.
She sprinted inside her cabin, countless animal following her or going in through holes in her house.
I stood my ground and Xena growled.
The first monster took a step out from behind the trees. Well, it used a claw to cut down the trees that were in its way. A obvious line of trees that had suffered the same fate behind it.
It looked like the alien and an armadillo had a love child.
With no time wasted the thing charged me, barely giving me time to draw my weapon.
I loaded, one, two, and three shells into the beast and it fell, but the speed it was running at left it sliding.
I was in the clear, but as it could not move, Fluttershy's house was bowled over. I mean like, half the house was gone in like two seconds.
I was in stunned silence, but another monster had came out of the forest.
It had a similar fate to the other, just not knocking over a house.
The red eyes in the woods seemed to get the message, and stalked off.
I'm gonna go ahead and say my plans were screwed for today.
The inside of her house was worse than the outside.
I could see a pink tail sticking out of the closet, the closet door having a hole in it. I smiled, Fluttershy was fine. I had saved her.
I opened the door to say its safe, but the words died in my throat.
The hole in the door had came from a shard of wood the size of my arm.
The piece of wood had came to a stop inside of Fluttershy's stomach, which had her pinned to a wall.
She gave me a small glance.
"Is it bad?" She asked, tears welling up.
"No... Not at all." I tried to say that firmly, but I wavered.
I gave my self a mental smack for wasting precious time, and with a tug, I had Fluttershy in my arms.
I had to get her to the hospital now.
I kicked the door out, it was rather solid, and I was on the road to Ponyville, my friend in my arms, and my dog at my side.
Author's Note
So... I need to know some things.