Chapters Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
You’ve instructed me to begin writing letters to you, so here I am. Doing it. Uh. I’m afraid I’m not really sure what you want me to say though. I suppose I’ll just start at the beginning.
It all began when Twilight and Rarity mentioned that I should go to the Grand Galloping Gala with them. I told them that I’d get ahold of a ticket, and in a few weeks, we were there. There were all sorts of ponies enjoying themselves and some of the best food I’ve had the chance to eat during my time in Equestria. I didn’t really know anyone else that attended, so I found myself sticking close to Rarity all night as she introduced me to various ponies. I probably couldn’t tell you a third of their names if I tried.
To be honest, I was bored. I found myself not really knowing why I was there. It seemed like it was going to be a bit of a waste of a night, until I broke off from Rarity to grab a drink. That’s when a voice I didn’t recognize said ‘Hello.’
Your voice.
I turned to see you standing there, as if it were nothing at all, and I was shocked. The ruler of Equestria? Wanting to talk to me? Why? I wasn’t anything special. I said ‘Hi,’ back and our conversation began.
It began just like all of the other conversations I’ve made with ponies in the past. What was I? A human. How did I come to Equestria? I didn’t remember. What was life back on Earth like? More of the same. Except the critical difference between this conversation and the other citizens of Equestria was that you seemed to care about what I was saying. You were really, really interested. I found myself blushing and looking directly into your eyes a few times and I just felt.. I dunno. Special.
At one point, you asked if I would like a private tour of the castle. I was really taken aback. I practically shouted ‘Of course!’ and followed you.
As we walked through the halls, you asked me about what my life was like back in Ponyville. I coughed and shook my head. I really didn’t want to get into it, but you said that you would have been more than happy to listen, no matter what it was.
The fact was, I was unhappy with myself. I’ve felt like a doormat for everypony since day one. A part of me knew it too. I wanted to be accepted and loved by all of the ponies in town at all costs. I suppose at some point… I stopped thinking about myself. I shook my head and put on my normal forced smile, saying that you didn’t have to worry about my petty troubles.
But when I turned back to look at you again, I saw genuine care and concern written on your face. I felt relieved. In fact, I suddenly felt comfortable. Which is more than I could say that I felt lately in Ponyville.
“Is it just that you feel like you are being used?” you asked.
I rubbed the back of my head as we stood in the empty castle hallway, far away from the party.
“Well, I mean. I guess I don’t really feel like I belong here. I keep trying to fit in and get in the good graces of all the ponies, but I just can’t do it. I don’t feel good enough,” I sighed, looking to the floor. “I feel… lonely. And frustrated. And-” But I couldn’t finish my sentence. You gently placed a hoof to my lips, lifted my head to meet your gaze, then kissed me.
I felt the world disappear around me, for just a split moment as my wide eyes stared at you. Why? I didn’t understand what was happening. Was this okay? Was a I breaking some sort of unspoken law? Was it something I said? Why me?
Then, I closed my eyes, and lost myself to the sensation, because it suddenly didn’t matter to me. I moved one of my hands to your cheek and stepped in closer, our tongues intertwining into a passionate, unforgettable dance.
You broke the kiss, then looked back into my eyes as I smiled dorkily. I had no idea why this happened or what I did to deserve this, but I wasn’t going to ask any questions.
At least, not right at that moment.
You asked me a simple question. Do I want to become more confident? I instantly replied ‘Yes’
You asked, Did I want to feel strong? I snapped back another ‘Yes’.
Finally you asked, Did I want to be your plaything? I paused, unsure of what you meant.
I asked you what it meant to be a plaything. The short answer you gave, was that it was a little complicated for those without an open mind.The long story short was that it had to do with BDSM. Which was a little offsetting for me. I heard about that stuff before, but it always kinda intimidated me. I was under the impression that it was all about whips and chains and stuff, but you gave me an odd look when I told you what I thought it was. I mean, I thought it was all about rough sex. Which, I mean, I’d totally be into. But apparently, I wasn’t really on point. You smiled and said that we could go over some of the finer points later on.
So, then I was curious. Perhaps it was that curiosity or maybe a little bit of ‘I haven’t gotten off in forever’ that led me to agree to be your student, but now I just want to know. How can learning about these things change my life so drastically? I guess all I can do is my best. I just hope that’s good enough.
Let’s be honest, I’ll probably mess this up.
Uhm. My temporary move into the castle went really well. It will be really nice to get away from Ponyville for a little while. Thanks again for that. That town has me so stressed out. Between work and just trying to make ends meet. Ugh. Don’t get me started on that. You already got enough of an earful of that at the Gala. I’m still not fully sure why you said I could stay at the castle for a few weeks because of it, though.
Tomorrow is supposed to be our first lesson. I’m really nervous. I’m just going to hope for the best.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned about topspace. Topspace is like... a power deep inside that you always had, but never really knew how to unlock. The way to get into that headspace was a little difficult at first, but the more that I work on putting myself in it, the more I can manipulate it. In the end, I had to feel like I had power over someone.
You asked me if there was anyone that I knew that I had power over. I honestly was at a loss. Me? Having power over someone? I laughed at the idea. Then you asked if there was anyone in the castle I could give orders to. I shrugged.
“The kitchens?” I said. You smiled and shook your head.
“Come now, Anon. You’re my honored guest. Who in this castle could you give orders to, and they would have to obey?” she asked. I thought carefully, and everything began to come together.
“The maids?” I said. You nodded. “The guards?” I asked. My eyes widened and I sat up straighter. “I could control the guards. I could tell them to do anything.”
“That’s right,” you said. “Now, how does that feel?”
Being in that headspace was such a rush. I'm not sure my description could do it justice. I was filled with this well of confidence that I never had before. Words flowed out of my mouth with ease, instead of stuttering or having to pause and think of what to say. I felt myself predicting what the guards would say and lead maids into asking the questions I wanted them to ask. I felt so... in control for once.
It was absolutely crazy to see the difference in how I could hold a conversation. Then, you demonstrated for me the way you act towards others in topspace. You approached some of the guards and gave them orders to perform while they were in front of you. I’ve never watched a set of guards buckle the way they did at your command. It wasn’t just commands they were following. It was like they were hanging off your words. There was a tone in your voice that was gentle, but threatened to turn acidic at a wrong move. I could feel shivers run down my spine. I remembered that Rarity would use these same tactics against me in order for me to do things for her, like hemming a dress. The worst part was, I -wanted- to do it. How could I have been so blind?
After watching you do that to the guards, I practiced getting in that headspace all day and staying in it. I wanted to control that power so much. Today I even got a letter from Rarity in the mail, asking when I could come back and help her build her new summer line. There was nothing I wanted to do -less- than to go back to Ponyville.
So, I got into topspace and wrote back a letter telling her that ‘No, I won’t be going back.’ Once I tied the scroll and gave it to the postmare, I had this sudden rush of power, again. I felt like I could do anything. I felt like I had the power to control my life. I had the power to control my confidence. I could control my fate.
I might even be able to control the people around me.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that it's important to watch the small reactions and subconscious acts of ponies when holding a conversation. Reading those actions is the key to unlocking what their unspoken feelings may be. It’s much more than just recognizing the actions though. You have to use them and understand what they can mean for each individual. If bringing up a topic makes them uncomfortable, you know that you can recreate that feeling by bringing up that topic again or pressing for more info. In a way it's like being a lawyer. You watch and listen to their cases for small inconsistencies or anything they put emphasis on. Because, those things can be used as ammunition later.
I was curious about how we were going to find an example of this in our lesson today, but I didn’t even have to ask the question. I have no idea what my face must have looked like, but you were able to pull words out of my mouth for almost twenty minutes. Somehow, you were able to point out all of the subtle little things I did and what it meant I was thinking and feeling without me having to tell you. A slight head tilt when I was curious, a dart of my eyes when I was guilty, embarrassed or uncomfortable, and even something like direct eye contact when I wanted something. You could read me like a book.
I felt almost… violated. You intruded into my mind and picked me apart like an index. At the same time, I was in awe. How could you do that? I wanted to learn and the only answer I got was that it took time. I’d have to watch the other ponies and learn their different reactions to things. You had thousands of years to practice and hone your craft. Hopefully I can learn a thing or two in the next few weeks. I think I can do it. I think I’m beginning to see some of the subconscious reactions around me already. Like the servants at dinner wanting to comment that I was using the wrong fork for the salad. I knew it was wrong. I just wanted to see them react. It worked. I think I can get the hang of this.
Your Faithful Student,
P.S. I also learned and permanently burned into my mind to ask Princess Celestia what's on her mind when she bites her lip.
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today was a very different sort of lesson. I suppose, in a sense, it was more quality time than a formal lesson.
When I came to your study for today, I sat in front of you and you looked at me curiously. I was nervous from your gaze. I felt like I did something wrong or that I was going to be punished for something. So, I opened my mouth.
“Uhm, is everything okay, Princess?” I asked.
You hummed under your breath then looked into my eyes.
“Well, I’ve been thinking of the path that’s ahead for you, Anon,” you replied.
“My path?”
“The things you will be learning,” you replied. “And, I’m a little concerned about you.”
“Concerned? Am I not ready?” You smiled lightly and shook your head.
“Ready or not isn’t what I’m concerned about. My concern is a lot more simple than that,” you answered.
I decided to remain silent and wait for what you were going to say. I didn’t want to sound dumb by asking too many questions.
“Anon, do you trust me?”
“Trust you? Of course I trust you. Why wouldn’t I?” I questioned. “You’re the ruler of Equestria. Of course I trust you.” You shook your head again, this time with a slight air of disappointment.
“No, you trust me as a ruler. You trust my title, but do you trust me personally? Do you trust me with the deepest, darkest parts of yourself? We’re going to learn a lot about each other during your training and you need to trust that I won’t hurt you.”
I could feel the air escape my lungs. The idea of opening up my most well-kept fears and secrets to someone was terrifying. How would I know it wouldn’t be used against me?
“What do you mean?” I asked cautiously.
“I mean exactly what it sounds like,” you said. “I need you to trust that I can keep you safe and wouldn’t hurt you. Right now… I’m not completely sure you do.”
I tried to respond, but I couldn’t find the right words. I remember thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts. How could I open up to someone who I’ve only actually spent less than a week with? What if I said something you didn’t like?
“I guess not…” I said.
“Then, I have an idea of how we can work on that,” you said, a gentle smile forming on your lips. “A trust exercise.”
“A trust exercise? Like what?” I asked, curious yet slightly scared.
All of this seemed to be coming on a little fast, but I wanted to see where this would go. Your horn glowed with a golden energy and several long red ropes levitated onto a desk in your study.
“Rope tying. I would tie you up deprive you of your free range of motion. You would be completely helpless. I could do anything I want to you. Would you trust me to do that to you, if I promised I wouldn’t hurt you?”
I sat in my chair, my eyes wide and my body weightless. Anything? The first thing I thought was that I was studying BDSM. You probably had whips and chains. There was a distinct possibility this could hurt somehow.
“It’s alright to say no, but remember. I’m not going to hurt you,” you said softly.
I shifted awkwardly in my seat. A part of me was worried about all of this. A part of me was scared of what could happen, but honestly, there was a deeper part of me that was saying ‘Go for it!’
I decided to listen to that other part of me.
“Alright,” I said, taking a deep breath. “Let’s do it.”
“You sure?” you asked.
“I’m sure.”
“Just remember to say ‘Stop’, and I’ll stop what I’m doing immediately,” you said, your horn lighting up once more.
“Okay,” I said, a little more reassured.
The ropes lifted into the air and swirled in the air beside me.
“Stand up, please,” you asked.
I stood up from my chair and turned to face you.
“Fold your hands behind your back.”
I moved my hands behind my back and folded them comfortably as your magic went to work. I felt the rope wrap around my wrists, up my arms and across my chest. Once the rope was at its ends, the two stubs met in the center of my chest and wrapped themselves into a large bow.
“There. Can you move your arms? Is that too tight?”
I tried to move my arms and hands, but they only moved about an inch or two. The rope felt like it was only gently holding me, but I couldn’t move at all. I felt my heartbeat quicken, but none of this really hurt.
“No, I can’t move. And it’s not too tight,” I replied.
“Good,” you answered happily. “Now then. Feet together, please.”
I put my feet together and another made it’s way around my ankles and tightly bound my feet together and through my legs. I could feel the rope press into my clothes and tighten around me.
“How’s that? Is that too tight? I know I prefer it tight.”
“Yeah, a little bit,” I said.
I could feel the rope loosen until it felt like it’s brother.
“Better?” you asked.
“Much,” I said, a little calmer now.
You smiled, then circled me, admiring your handiwork. I felt vulnerable and began to sweat a little bit. I chuckled and reflexively tried to tell a joke.
“The little bow makes it like I’m a present to you, huh?” I said, trying to lighten the mood.
You laughed and stopped in front of me. Then, I felt my whole body become warm. I looked down and I saw I was glowing a gentle gold and immediately looked to your horn with concern.
Then, the floor slowly moved away from the bottom of my feet. I became weightless as you lifted me into the air. I took a few deep breaths and watched you carefully as I looked around the room. Your magic turned me so my back was to the ground and I got a good look at the ceiling. That’s when I noticed two medium-sized hooks there.
“What are those hooks for?” I asked with concern.
“They are going to hold for you a little bit,” you said.
“Are they strong enough?”
“Would I hurt you?” you said tenderly.
I looked at the hooks cautiously, but a little bit of concern left my mind.
“No.”
You raised me higher and looped a few of the strands of rope around the hooks and let me down. I felt the warmth around me leave as the only thing that held me up was the two hooks and the rope that wrapped around me. I tried to move, but the only success I had was to wiggle my toes.
“There, how’s that?” you asked.
I looked around and assessed my situation.
“Well, the ceiling’s nice,” I said. “I’m not really worried about falling, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Perfect.”
I heard a few pops of magic from down below and a part of me was nervous about what I couldn’t see. I listened closely, but all you did was gently hum as more magical pops filled the room. After a few long minutes, you spoke again.
“How are you doing up there?”
“Oh, you know. Just hangin out,” I said.
“That was a terrible pun,” you snickered.
“Well, you set me up for it,” I replied. “What’s next?”
“I’m going to drop you,” you said.
I felt my blood run cold for a second. Drop me? The ceilings were extremely tall in the castle. I could get hurt, but...
I knew you wouldn’t hurt me.
“Okay,” I said. “I trust you.”
I felt the warmth of magical energy surround me once more as I was raised up and off the hooks.
“Now then, on the count of three. One. Two,” you counted
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“Three.”
The warmth disappeared and I felt the air rush on my back for a split second, before the feeling was replaced by soft fluffyness. I opened my eyes and looked around me. I was on top of an extremely large stack of pillows and completely unable to move. I looked up as you approached me.
“So, how was that?” you asked.
I remember just smiling and asking one thing.
“Can you do that again?”
“Only if you tie me up sometime,” you answered with a smile.
I had a lot of fun today and I’m really happy I decided to take a chance and trust you more. I feel a lot more comfortable about our lessons now. I think I could definitely get used to rope tying. I can’t wait for tomorrow’s lesson.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today's lesson... Where do I even begin?
There were two parts to the lesson today. First you taught me how to not let ponies, who aren’t close to me, get into my head to manipulate me. The answer was remarkably simple. It was almost hard to grasp. Basically, you have to be aware of how much information you share with the ponies you don't know. Not just verbal information about yourself, but the subtle cues that you give off as well. I'm seeing a common trend where a lot of these things that I’m learning are social skills that need practice and patience to master. I’m not sure what all the subtle cues I give off are yet, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I don't think this part will be as hard as the next one.
The second half of this lesson hit really close to home. Almost... Too close to home. How to not let those who are close to me, manipulate me. The minute you introduced this part to me, I was on the edge of my seat. This was exactly what I wanted. With Rarity in mind, I pushed forward into this lesson, ready to build a shield. I was ready to learn how to control myself around her.
Manipulation usually comes in pretty predictable packages. Leading questions and statements, peer pressure, and guilt trips are major red flags that I will have to watch for. In addition, falling for basic social cues, where there's no other option than to be polite, is another red flag. In a sense, these are all bait. And you can’t go for it. The minute you indulge in the bait, you’re on the hook.
That’s when it all began to fall into place. I can’t tell you the number of times Rarity has said: ‘Oh, wouldn’t you be a dear and do X thing for me, darling? It would mean ever so much to me.’ She was packaging what she wanted me to do for her in tiny little bows that would make me feel good. She probably doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.
Honestly, this is going to be a difficult one. I've been manipulated a lot in my life, and my friends know how to pick me apart like it’s nothing. However, I’m sure it doesn't necessarily mean that all manipulation by friends is bad. Some probably have good intentions. But by developing this skill, I can protect myself from the ponies who just want to use me. My life will be so much easier if I can just say no.
When. When I can say no.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I've learned something that extends way beyond the usefulness of our personal training. I've learned a life skill. Ponies will try to manipulate you. It doesn't matter whether it's subconsciously or on purpose, or whether it's something small like 'not going to bed yet' or for something bigger like monetary gain or making someone do something illegal. It’s not -always- bad, but many do use their manipulative powers for evil. Those are the ones to watch out for.
I learned that I have the tools to avoid that manipulation. It's really simple, when you think about it. When someone is trying to lead you in a direction that's very noticeable or can only end one or two ways, then the red flag should go up. There's more than one way to get yourself out of these situations, but today I used a method that just seemed to resonate with me. Throwing their attempt back into their court, with just a tinge of guilt, is the best feeling I’ve had in a long time. I felt so strong.
Now then, -how- did I use this? It’s simple. Today we didn’t have a lesson, since you had to go to another city for a public appearance. So, I decided to take the day to go to Ponyville and pack some more clothes for the rest of my stay. When I got there, it was only a matter of time before Rarity came knocking on my door. I audibly groaned, and immediately realized that I was beginning to show subconscious signs of my submission. It was then I realized I could put some of our lessons to use. I took a deep breath and shifted into topspace.
I answered the door and Rarity acted as if she had stopped by for some sort of pleasant visit. She asked questions about my time in Canterlot, but her attention wasn’t focused on me or what I was saying. She was deep in thought. I could tell.
Then at one point, she sighed heavily. And I knew what that meant. It was one of those sighs that showed that something is clearly wrong, but the ‘sigher’ didn’t want to say anything directly. She was baiting me. Every red flag went up in my head. So I just smiled and acted like nothing happened. She stared at me curiously, then sighed again, but I wasn’t going to take it. I was going to be kind to this mare because she was my friend, but I wasn’t going to cave to her. Finally, she threw her cards on the table, and asked if I would go to Manehattan with her in the next few days to help her with a fashion show.
I’ve never felt so happy to say ‘No’ before.
She tried to guilt me into going, saying she didn’t want to be alone in the big city, or that it would be more fun with a friend going as well. Of course, I wasn’t going to have it. I just replied: ‘Sorry! Maybe you should ask Spike?’ She was shocked. She was sure I would agree to go with her. It was one of the biggest rushes of power I’ve had in a long time.
I can still see a lot of benefit in letting yourself get manipulated on your terms and while you realize what they are attempting to do. But at the very least, now I have the tools to dispatch with anything that I know I don't want. Preventing myself from being manipulated is just one more little step at closing off my mind to external control. I'm beginning to feel... free. Like I can independently rule myself.
Now that I can control myself... maybe it's time for me to take the next logical step.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm a little shaken after today's lesson. I know that was exactly the point…but still. Today, you taught me aftercare and we did this in two parts. In your room. On your bed.
To begin, you told me that you were going to demonstrate an important concept called ‘aftercare,’ and to do so you would have to hurt me. I was confused, but I said okay. I remember thinking, ‘Is this were the whips and chains come out?’ But, I was wrong. Dead wrong. I don’t think you could have prepared me for what you were going to do.
I watched you take a deep breath and close your eyes for a moment, like you were centering yourself. Then, when you opened your eyes, you glared me down with a vicious, violent gaze. I was immediately off-guard from the sudden change. You leaned in towards me with a malevolent smile. You asked me to tell you what it was like to be gone from all of my friends and loved ones back on Earth, permanently.
Except, you wouldn’t let me answer. The minute I winced in pain, you rounded on me. Your tone was filled with acid, but you were so calm and your voice came out soft and silky like poisoned honey. Every time I backed away, you moved closer to me, not allowing me to retreat. You told me how betrayed they probably all felt that I’d vanished so suddenly. That they thought I’d just walked out the door one day and had never come back, without even a word of explanation. My friends had probably all moved on by now. My work probably didn’t even notice. I stopped trying to move away or speak, too caught up in the force of your words, and sat numbly staring at the floor. It was like being hypnotized or watching a train crash and being unable to cover my eyes.
But, that wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was the finishing blow. The fear that I’ve dreamed about and cried over during my first few months in Equestria, but never allowed myself to say out loud. Something I’ve kept locked away and didn’t tell anybody. You told me, with a simple dark smile, that my friends and family probably hated me for abandoning them. That I’d hurt them, that they couldn’t find a way to forgive me for leaving them worried and confused. All because I came to this stupid, stupid world. And that I would never be able to tell them that I was sorry.
I was broken. I couldn’t think anymore. My muscles burned, and my lungs felt sore just trying to breathe in and out. I wanted to curl into a ball and hide away from the world, to stop existing. I didn’t feel like scum. I -was- scum. I knew that I had been and always would be scum. I wanted to say sorry, to make it up to all of them, but I knew that I couldn’t. And I knew they’d hate me for it. Tears pooled in my eyes, ran down my face in crooked streams, and dripped onto your sheets.
However, right as I felt that I was nothing more than a burden on the face of this tainted patch of dirt, that I was worthless and horrible, I felt your wings wrap around me and pull me close, like a blanket. Your gentle voice assured me none of that was true. That I knew it wasn’t true, that my friends and family loved me and could never hate me. That you were here for me and it was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay. And I believed you. The negativity slowly escaped my system as I buried my face deep into your soft, warm fur. I have no idea how long I needed, but neither of us tracked the time.
Once I stopped crying and began to feel like myself again, I sat up straight. You gently explained to me that what you did to soothe me was called aftercare. It was to ensure that I felt safe and could let go in an environment I felt comfortable in. The pieces quickly clicked in my head. The gentle words, your embrace, and how personal the whole experience felt helped me let go and feel protected even though you’d made me so vulnerable. In a way, it felt nurturing.
It was fantastic. I could see where aftercare would be important after a really vicious scene like that. However, when you told me that it was my turn, I was really confused. You sighed and gave me a wary smile. It was my turn to tear you down and practice aftercare.
I was shocked. What could I possibly say to destroy you, a Princess? How could I do that to you? Especially knowing how it made me feel. I didn’t want to hurt you. I told you I couldn’t do it, that I couldn’t hurt you. You reassured me and said that this would be the only time I had to do it, and that you would be okay. I sighed and looked down at my hands. I was worried about what sort knife I’d be driving into your chest, but I wanted to prove I could do this. Not just to you, but to myself. Shaking my head, I set my mind to work.
I thought carefully about what I could say and one idea stuck out in my mind. You’d existed for thousands of years. A normal pony’s lifetime was much, much shorter than that. Which meant…you had probably lost someone who was special to you before. Many times. So, I decided to target that.
I had to take a few moments to prepare my little speech. Even as I went over my plan, I couldn’t believe what I was about to do. Hurting you like this just felt wrong, but I sighed and shifted into topspace. The confidence swelled within me, and I asked what it was like to see so many ponies come and go over the years. I saw you blink. I asked how well you knew some of them, how many of them enjoyed your company, and how many you dearly missed. I saw a muscle twitch in your brow, but there was hardly a reaction. Then, I asked, how many of them you could have saved. That was when your posture faltered, shoulders slumped and the tension left your muscles. How many of them could you have done more for? You looked down for a moment, but then you sat up straight again, fighting back in your own head. I couldn’t have that. I needed to strike, and strike hard. I looked around the room, trying to find another means to get under your skin. I guessed there was a loved one you could have saved. Maybe, a stallion you’d lost and would never get back? Your head tilted down in minor defeat, but I knew I wasn’t done yet. Then, my eyes fixated on picture of you and your sister as fillies. The words popped into my head instantly. So I said them.
“And the only pony who could understand how you felt? The only pony who could listen and try to help you? You drove her away,” I said, my words loaded with bile.
The change was immediate. I watched as your eyes went glassy, and I could tell that you were a million miles away. Your lips quivered, and I knew the deed was done. I’d broken some part of you.
“Nicely done,” you said distantly, trying your best to hold a proud smile.
And I hated myself for what I had said. I moved over and wrapped my arms around you and held you close to me. I whispered that it was okay. That Luna was here and happy now. Everything was okay. You held me tighter and I felt like there should be something else for me to do. Something that was missing. On the bed, I saw a few extra blankets, and it made me think of your wing-hug. So, I wrapped a blanket around you with one arm and held you close. After a tense moment of hating myself, the shaking stopped and you sat up straight again, mostly back to yourself. I’m still not sure if it was you or me that was shaking. You told me that I’d done a good job with the aftercare and I was a bit relieved.
Your final question was: Did I get enjoyment out of hurting you? My immediate answer was ‘No’. Watching you hurt did nothing for me. However, performing aftercare was nice. Feeling like I was someone’s rock to lean on was a great sensation of power. I was happy to be that rock for you. I wouldn’t mind feeling that strength more often.
You asked me if I figured out what else we learned through today’s exercise. I wasn’t sure what you meant, so you kindly explained. Since I didn’t enjoy hurting you, we learned that I wasn’t a pure sadist. I took a breath of fresh air in relief, but at the same time, I was concerned. Some ponies enjoy that? That gets some people off? How could jamming a finger into a deep wound be enjoyable to someone? I can’t understand that. I suppose, that’s not inherently a bad thing. You seemed relieved I wasn’t a sadist, but I’m sure there are masochists out there that love to be destroyed emotionally or physically. I just can’t do that.
The power aspect though…that definitely did something for me. So that would make me more like a dom, right? I wonder if the love of power and control has the same appeal for you, or if it’s something else that really gets you going.
The things I need to remember aftercare are: 1) Keep it personal. If it's not personal and doesn't resonate with who is being cared for, then the experience will suffer for it. Meaning every word you say is also vital to building trust between a dom and sub. Not that I’d lie to you. 2) You need to create a bubble of support and safety. This is often done with hugs and other physical contact, but blankets do well too.
Actually, hell with it. All the blankets. All the time. Blankets are cool. Heh. On a serious note, I really see the importance of aftercare. The scene certainly brought back... memories, but I feel good now. I’m excited for what tomorrow may bring.
Your Ever Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today, there was no lesson. Instead, I was tested. I was supposed to use everything I’ve learned so far to try and get into your head and trigger you into subspace. I remember thinking that this test was going to be impossible. I had no idea what to do or how to make you submissive to me. You assured me that you weren’t going to make it very easy, which didn’t make me feel any better.
So, I started the only way I thought I could. I got into topspace and started to brainstorm. The goal here wasn’t to hurt you, not like the last time. Just to make you feel submissive. So I didn’t want to do anything that could be considered a low-blow.
I started by asking some intrusive, sexual questions. I expected these to set you off guard and you would try to avoid them, but I was shocked at how you answered. When I asked if you enjoyed when my eyes lingered over the contours of your body, you calmly replied yes and sipped your tea. When I asked if you had considered what it would be like to fuck me, you didn’t even have to think twice when you said yes. Then when I asked what the scenario was, you didn’t spare a single detail. Delivered with a possessive gaze in my direction, you told me how you brought me to your room and I didn’t have the guts to make any moves on a Princess. So, you would kindly guide me through every step that we took. How my trembling hands would hesitate before every caress of your body.
Though I was very flattered, your story made me feel weak and destroyed my confidence. I felt owned. My topspace was gone. I had no idea where to go from there.
Then, I had an idea. It was probably the best shot I had to try and get under your skin. Well, fur. I thought, maybe I should try a sneakier, more subtle approach, rather than being so blunt and forceful with my attempts.
So, when your story was done, I let out a sigh. I tried to disguise it as me giving up, but it was a sigh meant to recompose myself into the right mindset. You asked with a smile if I was giving up. I replied quietly,
“No, that just wasn’t the scenario I had in mind.”
And I’d planted the seed. I’d set out a piece of bait and sat back to watch if you’d take it.
“Oh? What did you have in mind?” you asked curiously while sipping your tea.
I knew I was in.
“Well, in mine, I was a lot more physical. I pushed you against a wall and held you in place as I ravaged you. My hands ran all over and I wasn’t afraid to get rough.”
You choked on your tea and set the cup back down, your eyes glancing away.
“Oh? Did that strike a nerve?” I asked. You remained quiet and looked back to me. “I didn’t even get to the spanking.”
You lightly gasped and I could tell that I had you.
“Do you want to hear about that part? I bet you do, don’t you?”
You looked at me with just the faintest hint of a smile as you opened your mouth, but remained silent for a moment.
“Answer me,” I commanded in a low voice.
Another gasp and you looked away. A blush slowly covered your face. Finally, you turned back to me with a proud look.
“Nicely done. That concludes today’s lesson,” you said gently.
At first, I was just confused, but looking back, I couldn’t believe what I had done, and with surprising ease. Everything I did just felt natural. I saw the signs and just acted on them in the best way I could. I feel so proud of myself. Also, It was pretty comfy in your head. Maybe next time... I can stick around for a little while.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia
I’m not sure how to talk about today’s lesson, to be honest. When I woke up this morning, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I felt… dead. Something felt wrong with the world, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I decided to resign myself to my room for the day. In some way, it felt like I belonged there, hiding away from the world. Away from where I could ruin something or everything. I felt sad, but there wasn’t something to feel sad about. I laid there, trying to figure out what was going on in my head, but I couldn’t. I really didn’t have anything that was making me sad, which confused and angered me. How could I not know what was wrong?! Then I beat myself up and made myself sad for being so stupid. And so the spiral continued. So, it was a weird cycle of anger and depression that looped in on each other.
About an hour after our lesson was supposed to start, I heard a knock at my door. You asked if I was alright. I replied. ‘I guess.’ Which apparently you took as. ‘No, I’m not okay. Please come inside and talk to me.’
Which, in hindsight, thank you for that.
You sat on the bed beside me, gently caressed my cheek, and asked what was wrong. I explained that I had no idea. I couldn’t quite place it. You asked if anything that had happened yesterday left me uncomfortable. I instantly replied no. I’d had a great time yesterday. I went to bed feeling great!
“It must be drop,” you said gently, as if to yourself.
I asked you to explain, and we began today’s impromptu lesson. A ‘drop’ is a very normal, large hormonal discharge after a scene. When a sub or a dom goes through drop they find themselves feeling sad, anxious, or stressed, often for reasons they can't explain. In fact, it may be difficult for them to work out that they are experiencing drop in the first place. A sub that is in drop may feel powerless or helpless. This is where aftercare is important. It's the dom's job to ensure that the sub is feeling confident and safe. It might not stop the drop from happening, but it can help how harsh it is and how long it lasts.
On the other side, the dom can feel drop as well. They can feel as if they are overwhelmed by stress or have the weight of the world on their shoulders. This seemed odd to me at first, but it makes sense. And here I was, bundled in a blanket burrito of sadness, experiencing my own sub-drop. I could easily see the roles being flipped around for a dom, having to be in control all the time.
In short, these are normal, but can be remedied with time. The first step is constant communication after a scene. In fact, I’m finding that communication is the biggest piece of this whole puzzle of BDSM. Not just directly after a scene, but an hour after. The next morning. The next day. It's important to know the other party well and keep the conversation flowing. Trust is a major factor of all of this. Every person, well, I suppose pony for this world, has to figure out their own means of dealing with drop. Most of the time, it involves indulging yourself for the day and doing things that make you happy, or just putting yourself in a situation where you feel safe.
I finally feel like I'm beginning to get a handle on some of this stuff. I finding myself feeling stronger every day. In fact, today at dinner, after my drop had worn off, I caught you baiting me to volunteer to do some paperwork for you. I threw it back into your court pretty easily and played the entire situation coolly, saying that you knew it wasn’t my job and that only you could really do it all correctly. That was when you pointed out that I had been in topspace during the entire meal and I hadn’t even noticed.
I’m having fun setting out bait for some of the maids and guards to take, and I love finding tiny little ways of manipulating them. It's downright fun. I still need to work on the constant awareness of what subtle reactions I show, though. It bothers me that I might still have some tells that I can’t control. I’m sure I’ll have this down in no time though. I’ve been able to get everything down correctly so far.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia
Well, I was wrong.
Today, I learned that I had a bit of a misconception regarding aftercare. I thought that aftercare was more of therapeutic process, in the sense that you are aiming to fix problems and bring the opposing party out of a bad headspace. Well, I was wrong. This was made apparent to me during today's lesson on afterglow.
Afterglow is that feeling you get when you experience something so magical that everything is awesome afterwards. The world is a fantastic place to be in and not a single thing could possibly bring you down. It’s a warm fuzziness that just envelops your body and makes you feel on top of the world. This is relevant to aftercare because, if the other party is experiencing afterglow, there isn't anything to 'fix.' But aftercare can still be needed to help protect that moment of afterglow, or even extend and enhance it.
In this sense, there doesn’t have to be anything wrong in order for there to be aftercare. It's about reassuring the sub that they are safe and comfortable. Complimenting them and assuring them everything is alright, and they are in good hooves are just a few small parts of the process. Which is very similar to the process I wrote about before, but it's under a different light. Instead of being a tool made to fix something, the dom acts as a therapeutic shield. Almost like one of those warm, damp towels you get to wash your face with at a salon. It's all about comfort and safety and wellbeing.
I’m not sure if there’s a better way for me to explain what afterglow is, so I’ll use the example that I suggested in our lesson. It’s like when you get off and you just float on air. Nothing else matters. You close your eyes and just let go of the world for a moment. With someone else beside you, performing aftercare, that entire process feels protected, and you don’t worry about little things like “How long have I been laying here?” or “Oh god, I better wipe that off before it dries.” You just relax and lose yourself to the sensation because someone else is taking care of you.
I'm a little embarrassed that I had such a skewed view on aftercare, but I'm sure it would have been corrected eventually. The important factors to remember are to hold and caress the sub, use calm and gentle words, and ensure what you say is personal; just like every other step of the process. You also told me that pets and scratches behind the ear are really nice too, at least for you.
In that sense, I have something I very much need to work on. Panicking. I'm a perfectionist. Anyone who knows me would agree. If I make the slightest mistake, I curse myself, stutter, apologize profusely, then come back with a vengeance. As a dom, this would be unacceptable and would ruin many a scene.
So, the lesson that I need to learn is that: Mistakes happen.
I know, it sounds basic, but hear me out. Things are going to happen during scenes that accidentally tread on bad ground. It's a fact. It happens. Especially when just starting out. I'm only a week and a half into training and I'm already aiming to be perfect. It's impossible. However, panicking in the middle of a moment like this can be devastating to a sub and a dom. The sub is placing their full trust in you. They expect you to know exactly what you are doing. They have confidence in you. If you waiver, the sub waivers. If I panic, they panic. I have to be able to push through the nervousness or panic if I make, no, -when- I make a mistake and ensure that they are okay in a calm, collected manner.
Also, reaffirming that things are okay when a mistake is made is never optional. That said, it -cannot- be done in a panicked way. The calm, collected domspace must be active at all times. This will be hard, but I can do it. I know I can. It'll just take work. I'll make mistakes along the way, but it's not about what happens, it's how I react to it that counts.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
If the previous lessons have been giving me a way to protect myself, today’s lesson was all about the offensive. Planning.
Planning is taking an end goal and slowly working your way towards it without making your intentions obvious. It takes a very keen sense of subtlety, patience, experience, unexpected directness, and all of the manipulation tactics I've learned up until this point to make a plan successful. Today, I was going to create a plan to manipulate a maid. It was my test to see if I’d learned my lessons properly.
Now, the first step of planning is to have an endgame. Usually, this is something specific. For instance, 'I want X item for free.' For my first plan, I wanted to start off small. I was going to have the maid pony do something special for me. Something that not every other guest would have the luxury to enjoy. The problem was… I didn’t know what I wanted yet. I was still figuring it out.
After this step, you need to decide what that pony needs to do in order for you to achieve your goal. This could involve them purchasing the something, making the item from scratch, or doing a specific task you want them to do. I wasn’t going to have my maid do anything risky enough to get her fired, but I did want her to bend the rules for me.
The next step is to consider how you need your target to feel in order to get them to act. This means putting yourself in their shoes and guessing how they will react to different things you will do to them. Do you guilt them or do you make accomplishing your endgame feel good to them?
Of course, there is one more important detail to keep in mind: What would stop them? What roadblocks, mental blocks, or opposing parties could interfere with who you are manipulating, and cause your plan to fail. Of course, the maid is going to feel like she’s breaking rules and doesn’t want to get in trouble. You assured me that I could namedrop you and convince any maid in the castle that Celestia wants her guest to be as comfortable as possible. Who knows, she could even be rewarded for her service.
Then, there is the meat and potatoes of the plan. It can be difficult to keep the other person on track and following the path you set for them, especially if they aren’t engaged. You have to push them to a point where your end goal isn't just the only option for them to take, but it's what they -want- to do. Plans don’t necessarily have to be about taking things from someone else either. They could also have external endgames, such as making someone else feel more confident come to think of it.
Now then, with crafting my first organized plan in mind, I headed up to my guest room. After being here over a week, I knew when the usual maid came in to do her work. Her name was Autumn Skye, likely for the gentle yellow shade of her long mane that contrasted against her robin’s egg colored fur. All of it fit very nicely with her black and white maid uniform. Standard issue for the castle. Nice choice, by the way.
She walked in, saw me, and immediately paused to back out, saying she’d come back later. I invited her in, saying now was fine, that is, if she didn’t mind company. The mare smiled and entered with her cleaning supplies. I started out simple, with kind introductory conversation. I learned her name, learned that she dreamed of living in the castle since she was a filly and that she loves her job. Of course, I complimented on how good of a job she does and how happy I’ve been with my room. The smile on her face was more than enough to tell me that my flattery was working. I was making her feel good about herself.
Which meant I could set my plan in motion. I needed to figure out what my endgame was, so I figured I would try a little…window shopping.
I told her that I’d bet she knew every little detail about all of the special rooms in the castle by now. Surprisingly, that was enough to open the floodgates. She was more than proud to tell me every single thing she knew. Blueblood’s teddy needed a washing every week. She mentioned you would have special sheets placed on your bed now and then. Oh, how I’d love to know more about that, but I’ll stay on point. What caught my attention was when she talked about Luna’s special pillows that help her sleep more restfully.
Don’t get me wrong, I like my pillows, but pillows fit for a Princess of the Night? How could I resist? I was sure there were plenty on hand for ‘just in case’ scenarios, and there was no way that any of the other maids would notice if one of the pillows went missing for a little while. I redoubled on the ‘pillow talk’ and mentioned that those sounded so nice. I offhandedly mentioned how I hadn’t been sleeping well and made a point to mention how it had been hurting my stay at the castle. Maybe because I just couldn’t get comfortable with what I had on my bed.
She gave me a questioning look and then a little smile curled on her lips.
“Hold on,” she said gently.
Jackpot.
She left the room and came back with two pillows, each one with little embroidered moons in the bottom-right corner. I laid my head on them and it was like placing my head on a cloud. No, better than a cloud. A cloud that would massage you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear as you fell asleep.
“Nopony would notice two missing for a week or so. We have plenty on hand... And you -are- Celestia’s special guest of honor after all,” she said.
I assured her that I would be putting in a very, very good word for her and her face lit up like I’d told her she’d won a million bits. She smiled, walking away from my room feeling like she’d gotten a new puppy, while I laid my head on one of my trophies, feeling the pride of sweet victory.
This feeling of power from subtly controlling others just gets better and better as days go by. Sure, today I successfully completed a small plan, but I’ll be aiming upward and trying something more daring next time. Plus, the beautiful part of it is...
If I do it right, you won’t even catch on until it’s too late.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today was… a really fun day. I don't know how else to describe it. Today was my first real, full scene with you. The idea was to experience what an actual scene was like and see all of the pieces of the puzzle that I've learned put into action.
A scene is an agreed upon scenario that’s done between a Dom and a Sub. It has a defined start and specific kill-switches to end things. These kill-switches are called safewords, and to use them is called safewording. What a shocker. Our scene was going to be kinda like some of the things we did before, but this was going to be much, much more intense.
The first step before anything happened was negotiation. This step is unskippable when entering into a scene with someone new. Doing so ensures that everything during the scene is safe, sane, and consensual, which is one of the creeds of BDSM.
The three most important things for a dom to learn about their sub during negotiation are triggers, health conditions, and the safeword of their choice. This has to be explicitly laid out and nothing can be assumed. After that, we talked about hard limits. Hard limits things that under no conditions will a sub do. These are final. Period, no compromise. Now, a sub may have soft limits, which are not to be done unless specifically discussed, but we didn’t go much into that today. In addition, we talked a little bit about what I should expect from the scene and what I was hoping to get out of it, that way it could be mutually beneficial. Really, I was just hoping to enjoy myself. And you said, with a knowing smile, that you could manage that.
When the scene began, you started by asking probing questions that put me on my back foot. Embarrassing things. Things I had trouble forming words to, such as how often I thought about you. What it felt like for me to hold you. What it felt like when you kissed me. Just imagining these made my mind clouded and hazy.
You caught me fidgeting with my hands. So you ordered me to fold them, warning me that if you caught me fidgeting again, I would be punished. My gut leapt into my throat as I obeyed. While the idea of being punished excited me, I didn't want to displease you. I couldn’t. I couldn't bear to hear you say I was a bad servant. So I kept my hands folded and focused on them. I hardly realized how quickly or how deeply you’d sent me into subspace.
I continued to answer your questions as quickly and honestly as possible. I only wanted to please my Princess. Then I had an accidental slip of words and said that I wasn’t actually invited to the Gala. That I’d snuck in without the ticket that Twilight gave me. You rounded on me and said that meant I’d lied to you at the Gala. I was mortified. I’d made a mistake. A mistake I needed to remedy. I begged for forgiveness from my Princess, but just begging wasn't good enough. I had to prove I meant it.
So, I got on my knees and begged like the dog I was, kissing your hooves for a second chance.The second chance that you graciously gave to me. And one that I was sure not to waste.
Then, you asked more probing questions. Deeper and deeper until you finally got to the point. The question that you were aiming for. You kept me talking until I said something you could work with, until I used certain words. I described the last kiss that we had as 'heavenly'. Then, your face immediately lit up in self-satisfaction. I knew that something big was about to happen. A smile crawled at the edges of your lips and you asked gently,
"If it was heavenly, then what does that make me?"
I paused, then whispered the words that you had so carefully crafted for me to say.
"An angel."
The smile grew even larger as you looked down towards me malevolently.
"If I'm an angel, does that mean you’re praying to me?" you asked gently. Lovingly.Your end-game so close, just a single step away.
And I was. I was on my knees, hands folded, waiting and wanting to please you. Your faithful, pious disciple. You asked me to pray to you. And I did.
"I am yours. You own me. I am your servant and I worship you."
And I felt alive for the first time in years. I felt like I had purpose. I couldn’t help the proud smile that wormed its way across my face. With every compliment of a job well done, I felt more and more helpful to my Princess, and with every remark about me being your devout follower, I felt my pants tighten.
Of course, you were merciful and felt that I should be rewarded for my devotion and good work. You told me to take off my pants. I looked at you in shock.
“Don’t make me repeat myself.”
I took off my pants and let them drop uselessly to the floor, then my underwear followed. I stood at attention as your eyes focused on your prize. I blushed and looked away, feeling myself pulsate with anticipation. I knew what I wanted, but didn’t ask for it. I didn’t even dare to move. I didn’t want to take a step you didn’t allow me to take, even though I began to ache with desire.
“Relieve yourself.”
In that moment, I’ve never felt more out of my own control in my entire life. I was a puppet that was being played with for someone else's enjoyment. Every single step I was making was pre-calculated and predicted according to an unseen plan. Nothing I could do would break that plan. I was yours. I was a toy. So, I began to stroke myself.
I breathed, groaned, and grunted as you moved closer to me and sat beside me on your bed, whispering into my ear. You never touched me, but I could feel your body heat there beside me, hear every hissing word you crooned. My mind was filled with impure thoughts of being submissive to you. That I was doing this for you. That I was being a good servant and doing my job. This was what I was born to do. I moaned your name as you breathed into my ear that I was yours. I felt myself getting close, and I told you I was. You giggled with delight, continuing to whisper encouragement to me. My every action was at your whim.
Even when I finally relieved myself, I did it with permission and on your command. When I did, suddenly and violently, I immediately afterwards drifted into a realm of pure safety, security, and bliss. The afterglow began. Everything surrounding me faded to black as I felt pristine accomplishment and purpose rush through my veins like sweet morphine. Stress was nothing. Worldly troubles did not exist. All that remained was the pulse of my heart, beating faster than my most vigorous exercise yet so slowly at the same time. It was as if time slowed just to extend that moment I was able to spend in my own private Nirvana.
To say I enjoyed our experience would be an understatement. To say I loved it doesn't feel like good enough praise, since the the word is most often overused to a point where little meaning is derived from it.
Yet, if I must use a phrase, I would say I was evangelized. As a new follower of a church would be when they first join, I can feel that experience flow through me and take me to a place that I cannot touch or describe, only feel.
And now, just like morphine, I hunger for more. But I can be patient. I will wait. For I am only a servant, and servants are only rewarded when they have done a good job.
Your Devout Servant,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned a very valuable lesson. Do. Not. Challenge. Princess Celestia.
I decided I would try to test you. I was going to rebel against your orders and break your authority. I thought I would be able to get into your head and see what you thought of your student acting out. I made a terrible mistake.
When you realized what I was doing, you were in my head in seconds. I was completely wrapped around your hoof. It wasn't when you talked about all the embarrassing things I did during our last scene that put me into submission. And it wasn’t when you attempted to get in using the gentle, unsure side of myself as an anchor. I've been better at closing those options off to you. I've been getting better at avoiding your baits and deflecting your manipulations.
No, what got me, almost instantly, was when you brought out the big guns. It was when you said you knew how much I enjoyed being submissive to you. How I loved serving you and doing your every command. That I enjoyed worshiping you. That you owned me, and I knew it.
And that I craved it.
It was as if I never stood a chance, like a children's toy caught in a vicious tornado. I was immediately on my knees, begging your forgiveness. However, the damage was already done. I had displeased my Princess. I was to be punished. You told me how disappointed in me you were. Not because I challenged you, but because I buckled so easily. You’d expected a little more of a fight.
I was tasked to hard labor as punishment. I was sent to work with the guards, to shine their armor and take care of their equipment. So I would ‘toughen up.’ For what felt like hours, I worked in discomfort as I constantly reminded myself that I was being punished. If I didn't do a good enough job, the consequences would have been even more severe. I couldn't stand the disappointment. I could feel the judgmental glare on my back at all times, even when I wasn't being watched by the guards. I questioned my work. I questioned my quality. I was a good servant. I knew I could be. I just needed to hear it. If I did a good job, and accepted my penance like a good disciple, maybe everything would be okay.
When I completed my work, I returned to you like a scolded puppy. I could feel my body shake as I awaited your verdict. I told you that I had I shined every single helmet in the guard’s armory and even was complimented for how good of a job I did.
You smiled down at me, with a cruel, yet nurturing gaze. I could tell you were thinking of what would have been a suitable final act of faith for me. You smirked gleefully before you spoke.
I was to return to the guard changing room. I was to relieve myself while I was there. In silence. Without a single soul noticing. I was to remember that you knew what I was doing. Lastly, I was to remind myself, as I did this, that it was my punishment
I trembled as I entered the stallion filled hall. The guards lined the lockers and showers, but I knew what I had to do. I had to be forgiven. I was a good servant. I was. I had to be.
I made my way to a bathroom stall and closed the door behind me. I took a deep breath as I sat down, my erection already throbbing. I did everything I had to do. I bit my lip, closed my eyes, held my breath. Everything I was told until I released myself without making a single sound. I breathed heavily as I looked down at the fluids covering my hands, and my heart stopped for a moment. I had done it. For you.
I exited the stall, washed my hands, and left the locker room without making eye contact with a single one of the guards, but none seemed any the wiser to what I did. At least, I thought so. After exiting, the soft gentle haze of afterglow settled in and I sighed gently the whole way back to your throne room.
When I entered, you knew the deed was done simply by how I carried myself. You asked if I was okay, if I got caught, and that I was forgiven. I must have melted to the ground in a puddle of relief.
I was a good servant today.
Except, I'm learning that maybe I don't want a servant all the time. Surely I can't be learning these ways to avert manipulation and struggle for power in conversations to just provide you more of a challenge. In fact, that’s something that’s been bugging me lately.
I’ve noticed something… When we’ve had our practicals on you being a sub, so I could practice whipping techniques, you seem to be enjoying yourself a lot. More than I would think a pure dom would. Oh! Plus, when you were giving me examples of what it’s like to be a sub, your face lit up in a way that I haven’t seen before. I figured it was because you enjoyed making ponies feel that way, but now I’m not sure. There has to be something else. Something I'm missing.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
I'm sure you've been secretly looking forward to this one, waiting patiently for the letter to arrive. With bated breath, you’d look to the door and see if an assistant was bringing you a new scroll, and shiver at the thought of seeing this one, since you know exactly what this one is all about. But, I suppose I'm simply delaying my message. Aren't I? I shouldn't keep you waiting, should I?
Shockingly, this message isn't about a lesson.
No. Today was a practical. Today I dominated you for the first time. Oh, and how sweet it was... Seeing you in a submissive state made me feel stronger than I ever had felt before. Your body quivered at the slightest word or fluctuation of my voice.
It began with a struggle for power. You attempted to put me in my place and make me submissive to you, but I acted out. I fought back with my own attempts to make you feel weak. However, every time I thought I had finally struck a nerve, you had the perfect retort ready to put me back on my heels. I asked how badly you wanted to be punished by my hand, and you giggled that it wasn’t as bad as I wanted it. I questioned myself. I stuttered and blushed, but I wasn’t going to lose. Not today.
Then, I finally found my opening. I asked how it felt to be wanted by every stallion in Equestria. You paused and I saw the slight lip bite that you quickly tried to conceal. Vainly, you tried to dodge the question, but I had to strike.
“No, answer the question,” I said.
“What question?” you asked, trying to play coy.
“How does it feel to have the eyes of every stallion in Equestria ravaging your body every time they see you?”
“I don’t think I remember the question being worded like that…” you said.
“Answer me,” I growled. Then, you fell silent and looked away.
I counted in my head, knowing that it would only take one more good nudge to push you over the edge. You opened your mouth to reply, but you didn’t have anything to say.
“Now.”
“It feels good,” you whispered.
“I’m sorry, what was that?”
“It feels good,” you said more confidently.
“That’s better.”
Your eyes stayed down and you listened intently, waiting for me to say something.
“Now then, do you imagine these stallions doing something about the way they think about you?”
You shuddered as a smile curled on your face.
“Yes,” you said.
“Yes, what?” I asked.
You let out a quiet gasp and looked up at me with a gaze that I hadn’t seen before from you.
“Yes, sir,” you answered obediently. Then I knew you were mine.
Except, I had no idea where I was going. I had no endgame. I ended up floundering for some sort of way to follow up my words, but you smiled and said I’d done well for today. That ended today’s practical.
That sense of power was like a drug that flowed through my veins and made my blood hot. My brain ran at thousands of miles per second just to craft the most delicate command that would perk your ears and force you to close your eyes, just to follow it up with a clincher that would make you gasp and bite your lip. I have a smug smile just remembering it.
I can only imagine what thoughts swim through your head as you read the words I've written for you. I know how much you look forward to them. I wonder if you've been able to completely focus on the tasks you have at hand, or if the memories of our time together still worm their way back into your head. I hope you enjoyed our little fun that we had. If there is one absolute certainty that I can promise, it’s that this won't be the last time. Not by a long shot.
Your Scheming Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I owned you.
You read that right. You know it just as well as I do. I dominated you. And I'm going to tell you exactly what happened, from beginning to end.
It all began with a push. Not from me, but from you. Here we were, on your bed, doing our usual struggle for power. You said I was weak and wanted to be dominated. That I wanted to be a good servant. Except, today I fought back differently.
“Actually, today I think I’m going to make you my maid,” I growled aggressively.
Your eyes opened wider in shock and I could sense the hesitation in your response. I could feel the shock and awkwardness in your actions. I had the upper hand. I immediately had dominance. I had you uncomfortable and you were exactly where I wanted you to be.
You tried to fight me, and to get me out of dom-space, but I was having none of it. I sidestepped your baits. I ignored your little quips to distract me from my goal. My goal was to get under your skin and I was almost there. I just needed a theme. Somewhere specific to attack that was personal and that I could work with. Then it came as clear as day. Music.
Music was a perfect in. Given your history in Equestria, a world where everypony sings, and your beautiful singing voice, I knew I could accomplish exactly what I wanted and have you wrapped completely around my finger. It was more than that now though. I knew you wanted it. You craved it. You were starving, and my commands were sweet, delicious mana.
I knew I had to begin slowly, so I began mentioning that I was going to make you my instrument. And a wonderful instrument you were. You made such melodic answers to my questions. I was so proud when you finally began to give in and wait patiently for my questions and commands. Like a good girl.
After you gave enough answers and I made enough musical inferences, I decide to try to pursue my plan a little bit and apply some pressure. With you crafting answers that was music to my ears and here I was carefully guiding you along the way, I asked you simply: "What did that make me?"
You went silent, realizing that this was exactly what I aimed for. You knew the word. I knew the word. When you called me your Maestro, I wore a smug smile for hours even after we were done. I was so proud that I named you my first chair.
However, I wasn't done with you just yet. Not in the least. Since you did such a good job, I was going to reward you. A private performance for your Maestro. You were my instrument, and I was going to play you.
I circled you like a shark and positioned myself behind you, my fingers running their way through your fur. I leaned in and whispered into your ear to not hold anything back. I wanted to hear every little moan and whimper you had to give. I then traced my fingers teasingly towards your flank, asking you how long you had waited for this moment.
“Since the gala, sir,” you said, anticipation and excitement entering your tone.
I chuckled under my breath, my fingers only slowing to trace the circular cutie mark that decorated your backside. I tip-toed my fingers towards your marehood, but pulled back when a new idea entered my mind. You would have to beg for release. A disappointed grunt escaped your lips and I rounded on it immediately.
“Oh, is something wrong?” I asked. You remained silent. “Is my reward not good enough for you?”
Your head snapped towards me.
“No… that’s not it,” you said.
“Is there something that you want your Maestro to do for you?” I asked.
You were quiet, then opened your mouth. I could see your struggle to say what you wanted to say.
“Tell me. Now.”
“I want you to touch me…” you groaned.
“But I am touching you… can’t you feel me through your fur?” I answered.
“Well, ye-”
“Unless… you want me to touch you in a different way…”
You let out a deep breath, then resolved yourself to what you wanted to say.
“Please… rub me. Put your fingers in me, sir,” you moaned.
That's when the realization set in. I finally did it. I overpowered you. I dominated you. What I had aimed so high for, practiced for, planned for, and worked towards had finally become a reality. I tasted victory and it tasted sweet.
My hands worked my way down to your flower and I traced my fingers around it’s edges. Your breathing grew harder as I moved a finger to your opening and gently prodded it. That was when I saw your clit poke out. A slight shiver of sadism settled in my stomach, and I moved down to caress the small nub before it retreated back into it’s cave. With a single rub, you gasped in pleasure. I pushed a finger inside you. You laid your head down on the mattress, allowing me to have my way with you.
I worked my bow in and out of you as your tiny gasps and moans filled the room. Every time you made and especially loud whimper. I said how good of a job you were doing. How good of a girl you were. Then, your clit winked back out again. Quickly, using my other hand, I grabbed it and pinched it gently. Your moan must have been loud enough for the maids to hear as your hooves grabbed the covers and pulled them closer to you. I plunged a second finger into your sex and pressed onward, increasing my speed and the depth of my work.
I ordered for you to moan my name, and you did. All kinds of un-princess like language escaped your mouth as your succumbed to the pleasure and your body gently rocked with the rhythm of my thrusts. I was going to order for you to tell me as you were going to climax, but I didn’t have to.
“I-I’m… I’m close!” you gasped.
“Cum for me,” I ordered.
Your body bucked hard against me and then froze with one large gasp, your limbs went limp and a smile crawled on your face as you relaxed on the bedsheets. I pulled my fingers out and wiped them on my pants as your fluids poured onto the bed. I crawled up to your head and pulled you in closely to me.
“I’m right here,” I said gently. “I’m right here. You did a great job. I’m here for you. Just relax.”
The smug grin on my face stretched for miles, as I realized I had attained my goal. I got you off. And now, I just wanted you to enjoy every ounce of that afterglow that you earned. I stroked your mane and cooed sweet words into your ear as you relaxed in my arms.
I listened to your slow breaths and gently caressed your cheek. In that moment, you were more vulnerable and more beautiful than I had ever seen you. I brushed a stray hair behind your ear and murmured into your ear that you were a good girl. You sighed when you heard me say that, and I knew I’d finally done it. I had broken you and successfully put you back together.
That said, while I was proud of successfully creating and executing a plan on the fly, there was one thing that bothered me a little bit. It felt...almost too easy. Once we were done, you let me in on the secret. Not only did you want it, but you went easy on me and led me into doing what I did. You couldn't expect what the results were, but I pleasantly surprised you. The plan wasn't something you expected.
Our experience has branded these delicious memories into my mind and given me an even better taste of what it's like to overpower you. I backed you into a wall and kept you cornered. While you still kept me away from certain areas, I displayed an amount of skill that proved I've been learning.
And improving.
The power was a rush like nothing else...and I want more. Your gentle stutter when you are unsure of what to say is an addiction. The memory of you moaning my name is intoxicating at a mere mention.
I wonder, if I own you… the ruler of Equestria. Does that make me a Lord? I rather like the idea of that.
Your Equal,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia
Today was an awfully busy day. It took a very, very long time to move all of my things into the castle from Ponyville. Thank goodness that your day just happened to clear itself. I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have such an assistant with such powerful magic to help me with my things.
That new collar looks lovely on you by the way. It’s a shame none of the ponies that saw it said anything about that. Perhaps next time I’ll have to make you assist me without magic. I know I’ll be needing help with practicing my knots soon...
But I’m getting distracted. Shouldn’t side track, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about all that anyway, right?
During my time in Ponyville, I was able to see all of my old friends and tell them of my decision to permanently stay at the castle. A few of them seemed shocked to say the least. However, many of them weren’t necessarily shocked at my decision to stay in Canterlot. They seemed to expect that it would have been coming eventually. Apparently a rumor or two flew around town about Anonymous and the Princess having some sort of secret love affair. I made very certain to assure them that you and I are not a couple.
What caught me off guard was the ponies that were having trouble seeing me as the same Anon as the one that left a few weeks ago. I hadn’t changed my looks, but according to them, I was walking with a more confident stride. I stood up straighter. I looked ahead instead of staring into the dirt all the time. I spoke confidently and looked everypony in the eye when I talked to them. They felt like I was really listening to them. Physically, I was the same person, but my entire personality was reformed by confidence and a healthy dose of backbone.They weren’t sure what Canterlot did for me, but whatever it was, they said it was good.
If they only knew the half of it. Am I right? Or would you secretly like if they knew about our private little moments?
I’ve really come to enjoy our little dynamic. I must say that I can’t believe how different my life has become in such a short time. I’ve gone from a pushover, to a dom that can make you weak in the legs with just a few well placed words. And... it's all thanks to you. I couldn't have done this without your help. You changed my life for the better...and I have no idea how I'll ever pay you back. ~~I~~
I'm getting off track, aren't I? You know…now that I’m thinking about it. I don’t even know why I’m writing you letters anymore. Isn’t that a job for someone more…submissive?
I’m waiting.
Your Lord,
Her Most Faithful Servant
My dearest Anon,
I cannot tell you how long I’ve wanted to write this letter to you. I’ve seen myself in fantasies, daydreams, finally putting quill to paper at your command. I’ve craved it, hoped for it every step of the way and waited for the day you’d finally order me to do it. And now that it’s finally happening, I find I’m almost at a loss for things to say. I suppose you expect me to tell you how much I worship you, how much I just want to serve you, and I will do some of that, to be sure. But there’s something else you should understand now.
I’ve always been serving you as my Lord, in my own way. Since the day you told me you wanted to be more confident, every little thing I’ve done for you has been a service. I first kissed you because you were sad and you needed something good to happen in your life. Giving you a first true experience with afterglow, though I did it by making you a sub, was but a subtle act of giving and fealty. Teaching you how to manipulate maids, so you could chase your own personal goals, was all about me finding a way to give you things that would make you happy. Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought to myself ‘how can I make him smile today? How can I give him another gift, another tool, another new experience to help him grow and feel good about himself? How can I further serve him?’
As you once wrote to me, if you do it properly, no one will even realize what you’re up to till it’s too late.
It would be easy enough for me to take credit for your transformation over the past month. But it wouldn’t be fair, and it wouldn’t be entirely correct. The fact is, you’ve worked hard. You’ve pushed yourself, your realm of knowledge, your boundaries, your perceptions. You’ve made efforts to become the person you wanted to be rather than the person you are, and the world can see it. Ponies look at you differently, I’m sure you’ve noticed, and they respond differently to you now as well. And the most important thing? When other ponies look at you like you’re something magnificent, you believe it too now. You can see in you what I’ve seen all along. And you worked so very hard to realize all that, so the credit in truth lies with you.
To say I am proud of you would be an understatement. I have watched this change and quietly applauded you along the way. I have seen fire begin to burn inside you, and have fed it whenever I could. You tend your own fire well now, and I am content to enjoy its warmth and bask in its light. All with your permission, of course.
I am also quite pleased with your decision to stay in the castle from now on. As you put it, I too have come to enjoy this dynamic, but I’d be foolish to say that’s all it is now. I have been around too long not to recognize my own weaknesses and feelings when they emerge, and I know how I feel about you. And...I know you’ve come to feel the same way. The intimacy our give and take fosters, the level of trust and connection required there are something very special. This is not something I could feel and have with just anybody, and while we’ve never truly been lovers, I think of you far more fondly than I would think of any plaything.
If I am being completely honest, I cherish you. I light up when I see you smile, I find I am seeing things with new eyes as you first experience them yourself. I find my breath quicken when you walk into a room, and I can’t look at you too long in the company of others, because my blush is far too telling. And when I serve you, openly and truly now, I shudder to hear you whisper my name or that I’ve been a good girl. A part of me shatters inside each time, and I find I want nothing more than to please you, for as long as I may.
And I know that we are very different, you and I. We come from different worlds, we have very different viewpoints on many subjects. Your lifespan is far different than mine. Your goals are not exactly the same as a pony princess. But the moment I said ‘yes Sir,’ I gave a part of myself to you. I pledged that I would want only for you to have a good life, and that if I could ever help make that happen in any way, then it would be so.
For as long as I may live, I will never get that part of myself back, and I would never want it. It belongs to you now, as do I.
As you once said to me, back when you were the one who knelt in prayer, I worship you. I am yours. I am your faithful servant, and you own me. And...I care more deeply about you than you may ever truly understand. You know the words I would say here, fraught with meaning though they are, so I don’t feel I need to write them all out. Just know them. I mean them.
I do not know how long you will stay with me at the castle, or in general really. I do not know when you will go off on your own adventures, seek out everything that life has to offer someone so confident and strong now. I do not know how long I will have with you, but for as long as it is, I will serve you. I will love and celebrate each day I have with you, that we are together. Looking back on all that I did, on everything that happened to reach this point, I have no regrets about you. As different as we may be, what we have works, and that’s what really matters. I am...just so happy that you took a chance and said yes all these weeks ago. My life has been brighter for it.
But my apologies, Sir, you were looking for a more submissive letter, were you not? You wanted to hear what I’d love to have you do to me, how I need pats on the head and to be told I’m a good girl when I serve you well. You wanted to hear about all the things I will do to please you, both emotionally and physically. The way I will moan when you touch me again. That’s what you wanted, right?
Well my dear, I am afraid I must disappoint you. This is my first letter to you, and I can’t let myself be too easy so soon. While I do enjoy being your sub, more than you might even suspect, to assume I don’t have any fight left in me is quite silly. I am still a princess, and while you are my Lord, I will not fall at your feet each time without a bit of a fight first. I will not always give you power, so I challenge you to take it from me. So, do you still have it in you to put me in my place?
I know we’ll both enjoy finding out.
So until tonight, until you read this and decide how best force me to submit to you once more, know that I adore you. Know that I am so happy, and if I may be selfish for a moment, that this is all I ever wanted from you. For you. With you. Know that I am yours, just as you have let yourself be mine. And know that even as I am a princess, a ruler, and a noble...you will always, always be my Lord.
Your faithful servant,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Hi, again. Still not used to this whole letter thing. I’ll keep doing them though, since you told me to. I guess I didn’t really mess up today. So that’s a plus. You wanted me to get more in depth in our letters. Sort of like a diary entry, so here goes nothing.
You called me into your study this morning after breakfast so we could have our first lesson. We first started out by talking about what it means to be your plaything. Apparently, the proper name is ‘a dynamic.’ Dynamics come in all forms, but it was important that all parties understood the terms of the dynamic before getting involved. So, we discussed that a little bit. In short, you were going to teach me what it’s like to be a Dom and what a Dom does, while in the mean time, I’d be your Sub, and learn what it’s like to be a Sub as well. Doesn’t that seem kinda backwards? Doms are supposed to be powerful, confident and are skilled at mental manipulation and control. By learning how to control someone, maybe I can learn to not be controlled? At least, I hope.
So then, why am I the sub? I don’t get it. I mean, I’m sure you know what you’re doing… but...
Nevermind.
So, after I agreed, we began with today’s lesson. Today you explained to me that subs get a lot enjoyment out of what happens to them, so there's no reason to feel bad for giving them bruises or mentally controlling them. They can ask for it to stop at any time. They wouldn’t be entering the situation if they didn’t want it.
So, that means I can make this stop at anytime, right?
Also, according to our lesson, it's important to keep the situations between a Dom and Sub very personal. Some Doms will even associate the pleasure to something that the Sub dislikes, to help the sub associate the bad feeling to a good feeling. The example that we used was feeling helpless. If I began to associate pleasure to the feeling of being helpless, then the hatred of being controlled would lessen over time. I think I remember that right. I shoulda taken notes.
Your Faithful Student,
Her Most Faithful Servant
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned something very, very important. It was sitting in front of me all along and I just hadn't connected the dots before.
I knew that I was right. There was something that didn't fully register in my head over these last few weeks. You managed to inch me into realizing it step by step. There’s some people out there that can switch between being a dom and a sub. These people are aptly named ‘switches.’
So, thinking of it this way, you have to be a dom all the time. Being a Princess must require being in topspace twenty-four/seven. Perhaps you wanted someone to finally turn the tides on you and make you feel submissive. Well, just wait. I can prove it. The first question I asked myself was: Why are you taking control of me?
Well, it was simpler than I thought. First, to learn through experience. Learn how the situation can quickly turn someone submissive or how to take control. Every time I fight against your attempts to push me into subspace, I get more and more resistant to it.
Then, as I get more resistant, I'm finding ways to turn that struggle for power in my favor and put you on the spot. Except, I can't keep you cornered for long. Plus, you don't necessarily...play nice. However, the message is pretty clear to me now. Eventually, I’ll learn your little tricks. Soon, you won’t be able to get into my head. And then what?
You want me to overwhelm you. You want to feel submissive. You want me to dominate you. You want me to make you feel powerless. To own you. The potential to be a dom was always in me. And you saw it. The trick was just unleashing that power.
If that means I have to challenge you, fight back, and try to trip you up while you are making me feel submissive, then I'm not afraid of the punishments that may result from it.
I'm going to be doing everything I can to fire back at your subtle manipulations and to break through your defenses. I know I can. Every time I try and fail, I learn. Which makes me just a little bit better. That means, it's not going to be a matter of if, but when.
You will be mine.
Your Faithful Student,
