Destruction, dysfunctions, damsels, and Discord

Chapter 1

School Fair Report

By Scootaloo

"Aaargh!" Groaned an orange pegasus filly with a ruffled magenta mane." Miss. Cheerilee why do I have to write this report? Nopony else has to!" The filly in question was currently in a elementary school classroom devoid of anypony except herself and another mare.

"Because Scootaloo" calmy replied the mare, presumably Cheerilee. "the only ponies who know fully what happened yesterday is you, Princess Sparkle, and Discord. The princess is too busy fixing damages and Discord is off doing... Discord things and nowhere to be found. That leaves you as the only pony who can write the report."

"dang it" mumbled the still groaning filly. "But I still don't see why I need to fill a report. Can't I just tell you what happened?"

"Hmm... Maybe. If you do a good job describing what happened then the report won't be necessary." Though the real reason she agreed was that she was very curious herself. "What exactly did happen? Last time I saw you you were setting up your little maze. Next thing I know there's a crowd of ponies so thick I couldn't get through, and they were all lined up to enter your maze. How did you manage to attract such a big crowd for a maze that size? I'm pretty sure I even saw some nobleponies in the crowd!" Miss. Cheerilee asked confused.

"Printing error" Scootaloo replied blankly.

The mare tried to make sense of this statement. She failed. Choosing to ignore the blank response she continued. "alright then what about the explosion?"

"Implosion actually." Scootaloo said in the same fashion as before. "Discord closed a door too fast and it imploded."

Cheerilee now completely lost conceded to the fact the short story won't cut it. Instead she decided to compromise. "you know what? Lets just start from the beginning. A week ago we announced the fair and..."

"Woohoo! I can't wait for the fair!" Scootaloo whooped with joy. She was walking home from school along a worn dirt path with her friends and fellow crusaders, Sweetie belle and Apple bloom.

"What 'cha so excited about Scoots? We have the fair every year." Applebloom asked in curiousity at her friend's exuberance to the annual school fair that was announced today. "We have it every year but ya never get this riled up 'bout it ".

"It's because this year's prize is a new scooter." Sweetie Belle explained.

Every year the school that the three fillies attend hosts a fundraiser in the form of a fair. Local businesses participate and students are encouraged to produce their own attractions. The pony who raises the most money in the school gets a prize, this particular year in the form of a scooter.

"It's not just the scooter!" Scootaloo defended. "I mean I really really want it. It's a brand new Superscoot ultra air-time 3000 with top-of-the-line suspension and chrome plating along the-"

"Scoots your going off topic" Sweetie Belle sighed.

"right sorry. But anyways it's not just the scooter! Diamond Tiara wins every year but that's only because her daddy just dumps a bunch of bits on her fake jewelry stall!"

Applebloom considered this. Scootaloo definitely wasn't wrong. Their classmate Diamond Tiara won every year since her father would donate a ridiculous sum of bits on her stall. Giving her an unfair advantage over the other students.

"And plus I really need a scooter! My old one broke."

"yeah, because you broke it" Sweetie Belle said pointedly.

"Hey! How was I supposed to know my chemistry set would explode?"

"because it said right on the front of the box "Warning: some contents contents may explode. Keep away from small fillies."

"Umm guys?" Applebloom interupted. "Y'all mind telling me what happened? Ah was sick that day."

Sweetie Belle thought about the day of the explosion.

This year the school fair was going to be especially large to raise extra bits. This was due to an event that started with Scootaloo. Scootaloo, eager to show off her new "in-depth" chemistry set for show and tell, strapped the set to her scooter with some rope and raced towards the school. Unfortunately her classmate Snails who also brought an item for show and tell brought his impressive marble collection in a not-so impressive pouch. The pouched ripped open and spilled it's contents directly in front of Scootaloo's path. Scootaloo unable to stop decided to bail from her scooter which gave the high speed scooter all the freedom to crash into the school's third grade classroom. And explode. Fortunately nopony was hurt but the third grade classroom was given a extremely large hastily built window.

Shuddering Sweetie simply replied "You don't need to know."

At Sweetie Belle's strange reaction Applebloom decided to change the subject "Well then, Scoots? How are you going to raise more bits than Diamond?"

Scootaloo brightened at this. "Glad you asked! I'm going to build the greatest, best, most awesometacular maze ever!"

Scootaloo's friends just gave her blank stares.

After a period of silence Sweetie Belle was the first to break it. "First of all that's not even word, and second how are you going to build a maze big enough on the school grounds?"

"Oh about that!" Said Scootaloo seeming to remember something. "Apple? Can I use Sweet Apple Acres as the maze grounds? That place is huge and the trees can act as walls. That way building the maze will be a cinch!"

"Huh, that's actually not a bad idea. I'll ask Granny Smith if ya can use th' farm for the fair."

"Great! Now all I need to take care of is advertisement!" Scootaloo thought for a moment before coming up with a solution. "I'm going to go ask Twi if she can help me make posters so bye guys!" With the curt goodbye Scootaloo bolted off in the direction of Twilight's castle.

Sweetie Belle promptly tried to call after her high velocity friend. "Scoots wait! You can't just ask Twilight to help you make posters! Shes' a princess now! She has princess-y stuff to do!"

Applebloom tried calling for her as well but Scootaloo was either beyond earshot or not paying attention. "Ah geez" sighed Applebloom.

*knock knock knock*

Twilight Sparkle was startled by the sudden knocking on her door. Ever since she became a princess nopony would visit her except her closest friends and diplomats. She supposed it was due to the castle being a little on the intimidating side with it's grandiose spires and crystalline structure. However, regardless of which of the two were visiting neither of them knocked.

She hastily removed herself from her studies to answer the door. Upon opening she was further surprised to find Scootaloo waiting at the castle doors barely keeping still from what seemed like excitement.

"Well hello Scootaloo." Twilight greeted.

"Hey Twi! Could you help me make posters for my school fair stall? Could you? Could you? Pleeease~?" Scootaloo pleaded making her eyes grow impossibly wide.

"Oh! Umm... y-yes?" Twilight responded slightly startled by the sudden onslaught of cuteness. After a short recovery she answered in a less fragmented manner "Sorry, I wasn't expecting you to ask that, but I'll be happy to help."

"Awesome!" Scootaloo cheered energetically and trotted inside.

"so what exactly do you need help with?" The newly crowned princess asked.

"The school fair is coming up and I'd appreciate some help creating posters for my stall." explained Scootaloo.

"Well give me the details and I'll see what I can do. In the meantime would you like anything to drink?"

"Large half caff scalded almond milk latte, four pumps vanilla, one pump cinnamon with an extra half shot, sweetened with agave nectar at 167 degrees, with room for cream." Scootaloo answered immediately in an almost robotic way

"What?" said Twilight unable to follow or comprehend what Scootaloo just said.

"Just some orange juice please" reiterated Scootaloo innocently.

"O-okay then?" said Twilight making her way into the kitchen. As she made her way she mumbled to herself. "Large half calf Scottish almond milk latte- no that's not right...

After fetching the orange juice Scootaloo began telling Twilight the details of her project. The two ponies then began to design the poster and a few extra ideas for the maze. The finished product was a poster of Twilight (despite her embarrassed protests against it) inviting everypony to try out Scootaloo's maze at Sweet Apple Acres. Everypony who completes the maze will be given a candy and the first pony to complete it will be given a huge chocolate that they could purchase at the Sugarcube corner.

"The poster looks great! Thanks Twi!" cheerfully thanked the filly.

"No problem Scootaloo, but how are you going to advertise with just one poster?"

Upon Twilight's insight Scootaloo froze up as realization dawned on her. "Uhh" She let out as she noticed the flaw in her plans.

Seeing Scootaloo's lack of forethought Twilight breathed a mental sigh and sought to think of a solution. Fortunately it wasn't very difficult. "Tell you what, the Ponyville post office has a printing press for local papers. Since the morning papers should have been delivered by now so it shouldn't be in use. If you explain to them that it's for the school fair I'm sure they'd let you to use it."

Scootaloo immediately brightened at this. "Really? Okay! bye!" With the abrupt farewell Scootaloo did a repeat performance of after school and dashed out the castle doors.

"Wait!" Twilight tried to call after the young filly but it was in vain. "Hmm... She really is taking after rainbow dash" She thought to herself. She felt as if she was forgetting something. Something along the lines of a certain pony that worked at the office. "Oh well, if I forgot about it it can't be very important." She shrugged.

Oh how wrong she was.

Some close calls and startled passer-by later, Scootaloo successfully arrived at the Ponyville post office (although it's "success" may vary from pony to pony). In her mad dash she had narrowly avoided whacking several pedestrians with the new poster, but thankfully it seemed unscathed. After the quick review of her cargo she looked towards the post office. It wasn't a very impressive building and was relatively small in size, but it definitely had a certain "charm" to it. Scootaloo approached the worn wooden door and proceeded inside. A quaint bell rung to signify her entrance. The interior of the building was slightly cramped and the peculiar smell of stationary wafted throughout the room.

"I wonder why letters smell so different. They're just made out of paper aren't they?" Scootaloo thought absentmindedly. "And why is there special paper for letters in the first place? Paper is paper, nothing special about-"

"Hello!"

Scootaloo was jolted out of her muse by the sudden salutation. She looked up to see a grey pegasus with a tan, yellow mane looking expectantly at her. Or rather looking to the sides of her as the pegasus' eyes were oddly unaligned most of the time.

"Oh hey Derpy"

"Do you have any muffins?" Derpy responded

"Er... No?" said the filly caught off-guard.

Derpy's face fell a little at this by this but more of a return to neutral than actual disappointment. "So what brings you to the post office?"

"Could I use the printing press? I need to make a lot of posters for the school fair and so far I only have one."

Derpy looked a little apologetic at Scootaloo's request. "Sorry Scootaloo. Only staff and ponies with permission are allowed back there and the chief is out right now so you can't get permission."

"Aw ponyfeathers" Scootaloo huffed dejectedly. She was hoping that she could get it done today while she had else nothing to do.

"I know!" Exclaimed Derpy. "I can print the posters for you! In fact, tomorrow I'm on flyer duty so my load will be extra light. I won't mid some extra weight so I'll even put them up for you while I'm on my route!"

"Really? Alright!" Scootaloo was ecstatic about Derpy's offer. Not only would they be printed, but they'll be delivered for her! "Thanks Derpy! I'll be sure to have a muffin for you next time!" Scootaloo put the poster on a nearby counter and started to trot towards the door. Eager to capitalize on her free time.

"Yay muffin!" Derpy all but squealed, clapping her hooves together like an excited school filly. Offering to help the young filly was definitely looking like a win-win in her books. "Where do you want them put up?"

"Oh you know, everywhere!" Scootaloo replied vaguely with an equally vague hoof gesture.

"Everywhere?" Derpy said shocked at the filly's request.

"yeah everywhere!"

After her confirmation Scootaloo exited the building leaving Derpy to her own devices. She picked up the poster and placed a bell on the reception counter in case anypony else came in that day. She then made her way into the printing room, keen on starting the posters immediately. After entering she saw that the usual pony ink blot was giving his beloved press an impromptu check-up.

"That stallion does waaay too many of those" Derpy thought while making her way to him She approached the printer fanatic to talk to him. "Hey Ink blot."

The stallion jumped a little at Derpy's voice and after a quick recovery, turned around. Noticing who she was he gave her a smile. "Well hi Derpy. What can I do for you?"

"I need this poster copied off" She explained.

"Well sure, I can do that. how many copies do you need?"

Derpy thought about Scootaloo's request. "Well she did say everywhere" She reconfirmed. "About three hundred should do."

"E-excuse me? Did you say th-three hundred?!"

"Give or take" Derpy verified.

"B-but Why in Celestia's name do you need so many? He exclaimed bewildered by Derpy's instructions.

"fifty for ponyville, fifty for the neighbouring towns and cities, and a hundred for Canterlot".

"Who in Equestria needs that many posters?" Ink Blot asked Derpy, still confused about the outrageously large order.

"Important client" She answered distracted. Instead of focusing she was daydreaming about muffins. Specifically a fresh muffin. A perfectly baked soft, fluffy, moist, fresh muffin. A fresh muffin with a golden crust that'll give the texture a heavenly crunch to it's already rapturous chew. How it'll steam when the paper covering is removed and spread it's warmth along the entirety of her personal bubble. She was thinking about all the different flavours that the muffin could be. Blueberry muffin, chocolate muffin, maybe even muffin muffin! All these delectable treats swirly around in a delicious orchestra of- (time-out, lets move along)

"Just print the posters off. I need to go arrange them to be delivered to the other post offices"

"Okay just umm... put the master copy at that end of the press and it should do the rest."

Derpy went to said end of the machine to feed it through. Before she did so she did a quick skim of the poster. Curious to what it said. "Huh, first person to finish the race gets a big fat Hershey's kiss." She was about to leave it at that before she noticed by chance that the name "Hershey's" was rubbing off. "Eh, It'll be fine" She thought and fed the poster into the press.

She then went home to finish fantasizing of the muffin Scootaloo was going to give her.

That night all three ponies: Scootaloo, Twilight, and Derpy underwent their daily nightly routines uneventfully. They all went to bed comfortably and peacefully, completely unaware of the chaos that would be unfolding in following week. Completely unaware that it was put in motion on that very day.

The following morning in the postal storage room there lay three hundred copies of posters. All with Princess Twilight clearly visible on the cover offering the first pony to complete the maze a big fat ~~Hershey's~~ kiss.

Author's Note

Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed this story! It's the first one I've written and I really hop it didn't make your eyes bleed or anything.
First off thank you for reading!!
It really means a lot to me. The only thing that could make this better would be if you left a review! (please?)
There will definitely be more chapters so stay tuned! (wait this isn't television... Stay paged?)