Chapter 2

It was the start of another beautiful day in Ponyville. As Celestia's sun rose over the quaint little town one could notice a general air of positivity to the day. The sun seemed sunnier, the flowers more flowery, and Twilight more...

Never mind Twilight was Twilight. But even so the purple princess was immensely enjoying her morning. She was tucking into a breakfast of pancakes (courtesy of her #1 assistant) while reading the paper. Something she hadn't been able to do very often since she was crowned. Er, tiara-ed

"I wonder how Scootaloo's doing?" She thought to herself. A total of four days had already passed since she and the filly made the poster together, leaving just three more days until the actual event. "Did she get them printed off alright?"

She still had a nagging feeling that she had forgotten to tell Scootaloo something relatively important.

She let out a sigh and reached for her tea, taking a sip of the soothing beverage. "No use in letting it get to me I suppose." She reasoned, and returned to her paper. Eager to make some advancements on her current research topic she had directly skipped to a column on microbes. In her haste she had barely even bothered to look at the front page. It was about some scandal anyways. Something neither likely true, nor relevant to her.

Nonetheless it was front page news so after reading through her article (which, Twilight being Twilight took no time at all) she prompted to view what was considered important this morning.

She took another sip of her rather deliciously brewed tea, turned the paper over, and-

Performed that year's second most stunning spit-take.

The former beverage, now projectile splashed the entirety of the luxuriously spacious table sprawled out in front of her. After all the fluid had settled, Twilight still trying to recover attempted to make sense of what she just saw.

Adding a few more coughs to her already impressive streak, Twilight re-seated herself and pored over the headline that was the cause of her sudden upheaval of liquid.

Shocking News!

New Princess Sparkle already looking for suitors?

"W-what?!"Twilight managed to sputter out indignantly. She was completely sure she had neither said, nor done anything that remotely suggested the statement boldly displayed on the newsprint. Trying to make sense of the news she began to read the full article.

All of us should know about the new princess by now. She used to be Princess Celestia's personal student, but now she's a fully fledged member of royalty. Wings, horn and all!

But what do we really know about this mysterious mare? Well a recent turn of events may show us a closer look at the personality of this overnight royal. Posters were found all over Equestria, including Canterlot, manehatten, and the current residence of the princess herself; Ponyville. These posters contained a most scandalous proposal from the fresh princess herself!

To see the poster in question for yourself, an image of one can be found below or by simply looking outside your window!

Twilight looked further down the page as instructed and was puzzled by what she found. It was the poster she had made with Scootaloo. The first thing she was met with was her picture. Although it was undeniably a very noticeable photo, it certainly did not imply in the least that Twilight was ready for any romantic activities of the sort. Deciding to press on she surveyed the rest of the poster. It wasn't until near the end that she saw any irregularity.

... And the first pony to successfully finish the race will be awarded with a huge ~~Hershey's~~ kiss from Princess Twilight!

She raised an eyebrow at this. Some of the ink had simply smudged, most likely during the print-out. She looked through the poster several more times, but her search came up empty hooved. There was still nothing that suggested that she was looking into courtship, nothing at all-

Oh wait.

After another read through the truth hit her with all the subtlety of Rainbow dash wearing a blood stained lab coat boasting about her 20% increase in coolness crashing into her at a barely sub-sonic speed.

Speaking of Rainbow dashes wearing blood stained lab coats boasting about 20% increases in coolness crashing into her at barely sub-sonic speeds, that's exactly what happened.

Twilight was just about to let loose a blood-curling scream that would have broken several windows, but it was rudely interrupted by a more panicked yell.

"Hey Twilight heads up I'm going to crash into your castle SO WATCH OUT AHHHHHHHHH!

An [at the time] unidentified flying pony pierced cleanly through one of the rib vaults of castle at near mach 1 speeds. Unable to stop, the prismatic pony continued it's deadly trajectory right into the the non-awaiting hooves of the aghast Alicorn.

The initial collision clocked in at 0.2 on the Richart scale. Twilight, who received a hefty percentage of the force was promptly knocked unconscious.

Twilight woke up with a start. Gasping awaking she whirled her head from side to side trying to find her attacker.

"Hey Twi!" The attacker cheerfully greeted. She appeared to had already made herself at home and was helping herself to the leftover pancakes and tea.

"Rainbow! You almost killed me! I thought you got got the hang of not crashing into my Library" She replied sternly, obviously cross with having her lights blown out.

"I did, but then you go a castle and it's a lot bigger than the Library. 'Besides your still alive" Rainbow dash nonchalantly took another bite of Twilight's pancakes.

"Arrgh" Twilight groaned. She was about to launch another mini lecture about flight safety, but immediately stopped once she noticed Rainbow's Apparel. "Uh, Rainbow? Why are you wearing a lab coat?" And upon further inspection "And is that blood?"

"W-what? No! I-it's umm... liquid rainbow?" Was her awkward reply. "Yeah! I was uh... In charge of red today!"

Relieved that the stains were not caused by hemorrhage she continued her inquiry. "Okay then, why are you wearing a lab coat in the first place?"

"C-classified information!" She sputtered out alarmed. "Definitely nothing to do with the true origins of rainbows and the mysterious disappearance of young foals and fillies!" Nearing the verge of hysterics she let out a nervous chuckle that more resembled dry-heaving while her eyes started to drift apart.

"Okay, okay I believe you. Calm down!" After some breathing exercises and a refill of tea, Rainbow dash slowly did so. With the peace back in place the two mares shared a period of companionable silence. However it was soon broken by Rainbow dash.

"Say Twilight, was there anything wrong before I uh- 'landed'...?" She asked obviously trying to avoid the subject of her impromptu entry.

She gave Rainbow dash a questioning look in response

"Well its just that while you were... 'napping' your face was all like this." Rainbow dash gave her a supposed impression of her face. It appeared to be a face of absolute shock. As if she had seen a poster of herself offering to smooch the next pony to traverse a maze created by a grade school filly.

"But that can't be possible." She contemplated. "Although, that was an oddly precise simile on my part. I wonder why I used such a specific-

Oh dear Celestia no"

"Oh dear Celestia no!" Twilight exploded. Showing the exact same hysterics as Rainbow dash was a few minutes ago.

Rainbow dash, unaware of the turmoil occurring inside the mind of Twilight asked her distraught friend. "What? What's wrong?"

The silenced princess, shaking with a virtual concoction of emotions handed the morning paper to the pegasus. Rainbow raised an eyebrow at this but read the paper anyways. Just as it was for Twilight, the problem did not register for her immediately. She took a large sip of tea, intent on finishing the cup when the truth hit her with all the subtlety of herself wearing a blood stained lab coat boasting about her 20% increase in coolness crashing into Twilight a barely sub-sonic speeds.

At that moment Rainbow dash performed that year's fourth best spit take. Emptying the entire contents of her mouth onto the unfortunate mare beside her. Completely drenching her in a way reminiscent to a cartoon. The ejected fluid then became the catalyst to allow Twilight to let out the scream that was previously interrupted.

That morning, all the residents of Ponyville that were still peacefully slumbering were not awakened by a rooster's call, but instead the psychopathic siren's call of their new princess of friendship.

GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Applejack was startled out of her apple bucking reverie by a ear-splitting wail. After her ears stopped ringing she let out angrily "Darn it! Who startled the witch?"

"Pills here!" Big McIntosh dressed casualty in dress shirt was going around finding bottles in seemingly random spots "Ee-yup! Peeeeelz."

"Well it ain't him" She tsked disapprovingly. "Horseapples! Gotta' find out what crazy pony is leaving all these dang pills 'round here!"

Since Big Mac was the only pony that was near her vicinity she decided there was nothing more she could about either matters.

Letting out an angry huff she returned to her work. Intent on finishing bucking the row of trees she was on before noon ended. She turned around to give one of the trees a deft kick, but she was halted by another interruption.

"Applejack! Applejack! You gotta see this Twilight's on the paper and- Oomph!

Out of the corner of her eye Applejack saw a red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple streak collide with one of her prized apple trees. It wasn't uncommon that this happened, but strangely this time the streak had a few strokes of black and white added to the mix.

"Howdy Rainbow. How's yer morning been?"

"Totally awesome!" The pegasus hopped out of the tree, not in the least fazed by her second crash of the day (fourth if you count clouds). "But that's not important. Here, look at this paper!"

Applejack took the newsprint with a skeptical look. "Dash I know yer fast and all-"

"The fastest!" She confirmed

"Yes, the fastest pony I know but what the hay is so important that ya had to come all the way here ta show me?"

"Just look-

oh wait I take that back, don't! I'll be right back!" She bolted into the Apple family farmhouse. Startling Applebloom who was halfway through sucking down her bowl of Apple Jacks (cereal not the pony), she did a quick search of the pantry and rushed back to Applejack (pony not the cereal). "Here" She said handing Applejack a mug of cider."Drink this"

Applejack wanting to know what in Luna's moon was going on, raised the mug to her lips, flipped the paper over,

And performed that year's third most impressive spit-take. Rainbow Dash narrowly dodged the fountain of cider as her friend had a sudden need to clear her lungs.

"Twilight's lookin' fer suitors? But why? Why now? And why advertise it?" ~~A few~~ a lot more "Why?"s later Applejack hurriedly read the rest of the article. "Anypony? Are ya kidding me? Any old pony can just waltz through this maze and win Twilight? And it's the maze being hosted on ma farm no less?"

"hey Apple? Equestria to Applejack? Helloooo~

"Wait. It says anypony... I'm anypony! I still have a chance! I could kiss the mare I like-"

"Apple you know I'm still here right?"

"-AND I MEAN THAT IN THE MOST FRIENDLIEST, PLATONIC WAY POSSIBLE." Applejack yelled as a blush started to appear, remembering she had company.

"Suuure... Just, do you have any ideas how to fix this? I already talked to Twilight and she said this is all just a misunderstanding."

Hearing this Applejack was greatly relieved that her friend wasn't "putting herself out there" in such a blatant, almost illegal way (as well as a little disappointed at the loss of her opportunity, but she wouldn't admit to that).

Unable to think of ideas she looked back down at the newspaper and noticed something that might be useful

"Hey Dash, it says that this 'here poster was printed at the Ponyville Post office. Maybe y'all could ask fer a recall or somethin'?

"Hey that might work! I'll go tell Twi about your idea!"

"Wait! Whatever ya do... Don't tell Twilight about what I said earlier" The mare looked down nervously

"... About what?"

Applejack groaned, not wanting to repeat her embarrassing confession. "Y-ya know, how I said that I-I... Like Twilight"

"You like Egghead?" She tilted her head. She didn't remember Apple anything like that before

Applejack facehoofed at Rainbow's density "You know what? Forget I said anything."

"Okay. Bye then." The pegasus launched herself into the air and started to fly back to the castle. Before she got too far she turned back to the farmer and hovered in the air. "Oh, and could you tell the other girls about this too?"

"Sure thang sugarcube."

"Thanks AJ!" Rainbow continued her flight to Twilight.

After shaking her head at her friend's lack of perception, Applejack she went to find her brother. It was far from a difficult task as he was still lying on ground mumbling about pills, or rather "peeeelz".

"Mac? I'm goin' ta go run a errand. Could ya finish bucking the rest of these trees?"

Big Mac gave his sister a hazy nod and stood up. He started his bucking again, all the while looking for more bottles of questionable "medicine".

Content, Applejack made her way to Fluttershy. Thinking that of the three that were still uninformed she'd overreact the least.

"Peeelz" mumbled the red colt again.

"Celestia help that boy. He's gone loopier than Pinkie on a sugar high...

On second thought that's a lie. Ain't no Pinkie like a sugar high Pinkie"

Rainbow dash retrieved Twilight from her castle, and this time with considerably less property damage. The two mares then set off for the local post office at first at a near gallop. Rainbow explained Applejack's suggestion along the way. Twilight, greatly relieved by the appearance of such a simple solution slowed the pace to a comfortable trot.

Arriving not long after they went inside the mustard coloured building and were immediately bombarded with the strong odour of ink. Scratch that, the smell was so pungent that it was more appropriate to call it the taste of ink. In fact it was to the point where they could practically feel the fumes brushing up against their coats. It effectively dissolved any comfort they had like it was non-existent in the first place. The only pony who was unaffected by the onslaught of scent was the reception pony, who seemed oddly at ease.

"Hello your Majesty, Rainbow dash! Welcome to the Ponyville postal service department." He greeted in a complete 180 degree mood from the mares. All sunshine and rainbows (Or rather just sunshine while Rainbow dash was rainbows).

The two mares were beyond answering, and instead were undertaking the strenuous task of not coughing up their lungs.

Twilight was appalled by the stench of ink emanating from farther back in the building, and decided to have the conversation where she currently stood. Which was several feet away from the reception desk. Swallowing down her emerging bile she began.

"Hello- cough, cough, cough! H-hello Mister..." She squinted to see his name tag. "Mr. Blot"

"Oh please call me Ink!"

At the comment Rainbow dash excused herself from the premises in search of the nearest bucket and/or trashcan.

"Please, I'd much rather stick with "Mr. Blot" if you may" Twilight managed to hiss out through her teeth.

"Whatever you say your Majesty!"

"Well Mr. Blot I came here to request a recall on some of the posters that were printed here"

"Oh! Uh..." The happy stallion's demeanor dropped ever so slightly. "About that. Due to a recent order, the same one actually, I'm afraid we've ran out of paper." He said apologetically.

Twilight gave a slight twitch at this. "Out of paper?"

"Yeah! So many posters were printed that we've completely exhausted our supply 8.5 in. paper"

"What about paper of any other dimension?"

"Well we could use those, but the branches of some of the bigger cities get really cranky if you don't use legal paper for official requests such as these."

Twilight silently cursed her misfortune at not being able to settle her matters quickly, and thus escape the overpowering miasma of ink.

"We're really sorry about this Princess, but even if we sent the request I'm not sure if it can be done in the first place. Recall orders are usually done on unique items and not mass printed ones."

"How many were printed?" She asked afraid, of the answer. She was guessing around two hundred.

"About two hundred and fifty."

The Alicorn winced at the figure. "At least that isn't too bad" She thought trying to give herself a "glass half full" mindset.

"-And that's just the first print."

"What"

"Whatever was on those posters must've been a big success, because some news firm in Canterlot asked for a second printing. They seemed like nice enough ponies, and since I printed a few short in the first place I agreed."

Twilight steeled herself to ask the question that may seal her fate. "How much paper did you use up in total?" Twilight asked tentatively. She was nearing dangerously close to her wit's end.

"Oh... About a good 1600 lbs. or so."

And with that she was several feet past the point of no return. "Mr. Blot thank you for your time, you have been most helpful. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day." Twilight said in deadly calmness and ambled out the door.

Upon noticing her friend's exit Rainbow Dash, now one full breakfast lighter, flew over to Twilight. "So did it work-"

"No, no it did not" The purple mare finished curtly.

"... Twi you alright?" peered Rainbow cautiously

"Yes I'm quite fine. Why do you ask?"

"Well... It's just that your face is scrunching up all weird. It's starting to look like that Grinch guy from the Dr. Horse sheuss story.

"Rainbow can you move back a bit? I'm going to cast a silencing spell."

The prismatic pegasus obliged and took a few hoofsteps back. Twilight efficiently created a bubble of silence around her form. After a thought she added an opaque quality to the bubble.

Several minutes passed before Twilight stepped back out of the bubble and collapsed it. Without saying anything Rainbow Dash sidled up to the side of Twilight and they both began walking back to their respective homes. Twilight didn't tell Rainbow what she was doing in her bubble, but she didn't need to. When Rainbow reached her cloud home she made sure to close her door tightly. After a short left to right search for good measure,

She proceeded to laugh her flank off.

Author's Note

Yes I'm quite fine. Why do you ask?

Writing about crazy Twilight was fun