Chapters Breaking my heart strings.
I opened the door to my New York apartment, not bothering to turn on the lights as my dripping wet clothes from the hard summer rain outside which was still drumming on the window outside, came pouring down. I made my way to my fridge which I tore open a reached out for a silver metal bottle of Coors light. I go into the ancient bathroom that hadn't been redecorated in like a century; placing it down on the sink as my face looked back in me in the mirror. my flat, straight brown hair, my boyish and almost "baby faced" complexion gazing back. My eyes had gone a harsh red and it wasn't from the rain, I had been crying.
Yes I said it, I'm a guy and I had walked all the way home crying, why was I crying? well that's kind of a long story but I guess I may as well tell it since...Nothing better to do right?
I had gone over to my girlfriend's...ok my friend who happened to be a girl...actually I guess you could say ,marefriend or friend who was a mare, because that's just what Lyra Heartstrings is. She like a lot of her..."race" I guess you could say where all part equine; colloquially called ponies, despite being fully grown, they had all come to my world long before I was born. So I'm sorry to say but if you want an intricate and detailed backstory on how or even why these anthropomorphic ponies co existed with humans in the world, I'm sorry but I honestly don't know how or why that is possible. What I do know is that they all came from another world far beyond the moon and the stars long ago from a place called Equestria. Lyra was born there but her and her family came here to earth when she was young to get a new start and see the strange land of human beings. Lyra and I Actually met when she was a little girl (or filly) and I was just a boy. It all happened the first day of 8th grade. When she walked into our classroom; Lyra was the only pony in the school.
She stood there in a simple white pressed shirt and long black plaid and red skirt; her books in her hands and some somewhat oddly shaped shoes on her hooves, (I say odd because they didn't jutt out the way a shoe on a human foot would) a lock of her mane obstructing one of her eyes as our teacher asked her to tell a little about herself. The little green filly hid behind her books shyly and looked around, when her big yellow eyes locked with mine, I smiled at her. It seemed to give her a boost in her confidence as she cleared her throat; brushed the loose bit of mane out of her eyes and said.
"Well, my family just moved here from Canterlot in Equestria, so my father could do some anthropology with The Museum of Natural history, I plan on trying out for choir, but I also love helping my father in his anthropology work and I have a personal knack for etymology." She said flashing us all a great big smile, most of the other kids just clapped out of empathy than interest. Lyra took her seat right behind me but I could almost swear as she made her way past me I could hear her whisper in my ear, "Thank you."
Flash forward to the now, the mantle over the fake fireplace in my apartment lined with pictures of the good times me and that mare had together. Her 12th birthday party where I was beside her at the cake table; the last birthday party Lyra ever held, she never even had a sweet 16. The two of use arranging a collection of insects in amber fossils in her bedroom, and just last week. When we went out to the movies together, yeah not the most monumental of things when compared to everything else on the mantle but with her, It was the best moment of my life. Now As I sat their with my eyes stinging red with hot tears streaming down my face. I looked at them; so tempted to get up and rip them off the walls in anger, so tempted to take the best friends forever ring she gave me, all silver with "Lyra" engraved in fancy script on it and toss it across the room. I even thought about opening the window with the hard rain pelting into the room hard and mercilessly as winds whipped my face, and jumping out it to the eight floors below. The rush of the cold air and the whooshing in my ears in those last few moments before I hit the ground and...but I didn't. Thought about doing it, but didn't have the stomach to go through with it.
A Few hours ago I had gone over to Lyra's; a bouquet of thorn less roses from Roseluck and Lily's shop on 53rd in my hand, and I could Picture it all in my head. I'd knock on her door flowers in hand behind my back; a smile from ear to ear as I slowly bring the bouquet out to her, her eyes would light up in delight and maybe hunger, (hey the girl's part pony, it's in her nature to want to munch some flowers) I would give them to her before placing my hand on her soft minty green and white mane, look her in the eyes after all these years of spending time together and being "just friends" I'd say to her, "Lyra? I love you." And we'd kiss, My soft lips on her full and luscious ones; not caring that their pony lips because she's my Lyra, and I love her.
The whole scene played out in my head as I rung her doorbell to her apartment. The overcast day not bothering me because I was too happy to notice. A scratchy electronic voice came out from the buzzer after I rang.
"Hello? she called from inside."
"Hi Lyra; it's me, James. Can I come in I brought you something." I said happily adjusting the black tie on my white shirt I threw on for the occasion.
"James? What are you doing here so early?" She asked sounding a little surprised to see me at this hour. I arched my brow at her question but shook it off as being her at this time was a bit unusual.
"I...just wanted to see you is all Ly, that's okay isn't it?" I asked not in the least distracted by her asking.
"Well ok...there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about anyway...and someone I want you to meet," she said suddenly giddy and cheerfully again. "Come on up, She'd love to meet you." and her door buzzed me in. She? Another mare was over with Lyra? Oh it must have been an old friend from school or something like that. Was what I naively and innocently thought at the time; looking back, if I could go back and change history, I'd make my past self run away from that place and never look back...well ok maybe almost never...almost. I made my way to the green door that Lyra painted to match her lime green coat with a key lime pie like white molding, I knocked softly expecting my green faced, yellow eyed love to be on the other side. Instead a creamy white mare looked back at me; with her purple and blue poofy mane, those tight skinny jeans on her hips and that pink tank with the three candies on the front.
"Oh hi!" She said happily holding a hand out for me. "You must be Lyra's friend, James right?" She asked as i took her hand shaking it keeping my roses behind my back.
"Yes Ms. I'm James Hughes, are you...like Lyra's sister or cousin?" I asked smiling back at her softly. She looked at me softly smiling back not a change in her tone or manner as if what she was about to say as as casual as saying "I'm from Ponyville too."
"No, My name's Bon Bon, and I'm Lyra's Marefriend." She said with a happy smile. Almost as soon as her words left her muzzle; I dropped my flowers, stopped shaking her hand, and it felt like someone just stabbed me in the heart with a really big, sharp knife.
Breaking my heart strings.
"Hello? Mr. Hughes? are you ok?" Bon Bon asked me gently waving a hand in my face. I had practically been staring off into space with the bouquet of flowers still on the hall floor. She bent down and picked them up. "Well...these are lovely." She said taking a deep whiff of their fresh cut rosy scent, blushing and smiling in bliss as they pleased her as she inhaled them. The first thought that was finally able to get out was.
"Did you say you're Lyra's marefriend?" I asked he slowly adjusting my shirt and following her into the apartment. Lyra had a thing for keeping the decor simple; not much different than most Upper central park flats, the cheap as you can get living room furniture that still looked more gaudy than practical, the white humming fridge from like thirty years ago, I loved this apartment.
"Yes, I did. You see Mr.Hughes; Lyra and I knew each other back in Equestria, and when she moved I wrote to her everyday, always telling her about everything from the return of Discord to the ascension of Princess Twilight Sparkle, She wrote so much about you in her letters too. You've been such a good friend to her, and I appreciate everything you've done for her while I've been away from her." She smiled at me softly; and we entered the kitchen, Lyra was there sitting at the table, she had a book cradled in her hands reading intently her yellow eyes darting across the page as she used her own breath to puff a few locks of her mane out of the way as she read, she was so pretty.
"James?" She said turning her head up to me, "I..I wanted to tell you about Bon Bon and myself for some time now," She looked up at me softly twirling a lock of her mane in her fingers innocently before she took my own in hers. "Please, I like you, I still really do, I want to keep in touch, be friends maybe best friends you know?" She looked deep into my eyes, and I stared right back at hers, the windows to the souls. I had come here finally with all the gall and gumption to ask the best friend I've known for so long to spend the rest of our lives together, now she drops this kinda bombshell on me? expecting me to be ok with it?...Well scratch that, I was ok with it.
"If this is what you really want Lyra, then...okay, I really want to still be your friend too." I said softly giving the side of her cheek a little nudge before turning to her photo she kept; unlike mine, She kept her pictures in frames along the walls. "Do remember that time we went to the bronx zoo? we saw that guy who.." She places a finger over my lips to shush me. "Well what about the time..."
"James..." She hugs me softly just as a friend before her purple and blue maned marefriend returns.
"I...She...meant nothing by it....I know she's yours now Bon Bon." I instantly regret what I say, but neither of them look even the least bit angry at me. I can't tell what they are.
"It's...a semi open relationship right now, and it may indefinitely be so." More room for more mares to take turns pummeling your marehood with dildos if you ask me. I only thought inside my head; what is it with that double standard anyway? How many gay women actually watch the so called "Lesbian pornos" that get made so much? Its actually more likely that completely straight men are the ones watching the idealistic crafted "actresses" doing all those things to their co stars, not actually gay women. Why is it a double standard? well men can fantasize about two women doing all those things to each other but when it's a woman fantasizing two men doing things like that it's..not the same. like not even meant to be like that, because gay erotica specifically caters to actually gay men. This world makes no sense so many times, I just...I don't even know what to make of it.
Not an hour ago and all I knew was I had A beautiful pony girl on my side, now all that coursed through my mind was her being ravashed and taken by this other mare I had only just met and had been the one break this news to me, and it wasn't in a way that I was enjoying. Not just because of the fact there was a seventy-eight chance that they'd never want me near them when they did those kinds of things, but because...in a way...It felt like Lyra was stollen from me.
Stollen by the purple and blue maned...And never again would I ever be able to grow close to her, noever could it be that I could love her as I once did. It was just her and...Bon Bon.
"James?" One of them called snapping me out of my daze, "You alright?" Lyra said gently patting my head like a dog.
"I'm fine Ly...can...can I still call you that?" I asked turning my head to Bon Bon as if I directed the question at her.
"Hey...Listen...Mr. james; I know this may be hard for you to....but I just want you to know, I think you're a great guy and things between us are...not all they seem. I love Lyra, yes in that way, but if you can accept that...then well maybe."
"I can accept that, whatever gave you the impression I can't?" I said getting up and walking over to the large French lattice window, visioning it open and the fall to the ground making a statement to them both how I really felt.
"I...just had to be sure." She said joining me as another vision came to mind.
I'm dancing with my Lyra her hooves and my feet in perfect harmony sync across her apartment floor; she wears a floral patterned blouse and tight black pants, I'm still in my shirt and tie, but as my left hand holds hers there's also a pistol cradled in my hand, the sight of it neither makes her flinch or scared as I draw her close in an embracing turn, and I speak.
"You know Lyra; without you..I just...wouldn't wanna go on." I say with the aire of Maude Pie's deadpan monotone mannerism. As I point the gun at my head...and pull the trigger...CLICK and a little white flag with bang written on it in black ink pops out of the muzzle neither of us notice it as we continue our dance.
"Love is love, we all bleed the same you know...human and pony alike. I say in a still very monotone manner."
"James?...are you sure everythings okay?" Lyra says looking at me with the utmost concern for me, as I Want only to hug and nuzzle that lusciously soft coat of hers and tell her "I love you" a thousand times over wouldn't even begin to convey how much those words had meant to me. "Just...give me and Bon Bon some time to catch up? Get our relationship up to speed and see how things have been for her since I've been gone." She places a little kiss on my cheek, but it's very platonic in nature, like a child kissing his teddy goodnight...or goodbye. "We can all still be friends you know, and if you give us some time as just friends..." She says suddenly changing her attitude; it's more, playful but with a hint of..mischievous or even...devious underneath the seams. "Maybe down the line we could all...get together and see where it goes from there?" She says like she's a little filly again, flirtatiously fluttering her long eyelashes as she cuddles her mare friend who softly strokes her mane and kisses her head.
"Woah there Ly, one foal step at a time you know?" She says giggling and softly kissing my Lyra's muzzle. A sight would have made any other man mad with desire, in me it only made my lonesomely broken heart bleed and twinge in pain and agony at the crushing blows that they both seemed insistent on delivering to it.
"Okay...I've gotta get going though anyway...I...left some laundry in the washer at home, will you both excuse me please?" I walk over to them, with half a mind to smack them clear across the faces and call Bon Bon a "filthy whore." But I don't and I instantly feel shame and remorse in everything that, instead I hide behind my masque of indifference as I bid them both a casual "Goodbye." I leave them the door slowly closing behind me; I make my way to the stairs but only get so far down them before I collapse on the landing, bury my hands in my face, and let the hot and pained tears of sadness streak down my face, a stifled cry muffled back in my hands as my lungs feel like they're about to explode, as is my heart, right out of chest like a grenade.
I cry
Breaking my heart strings.
Now here I sit; in a large green chair staring blankly into the fire burning away in the grate of my apartment. I was tempted to throw every picture, every present, and even token of our friendship that she'd ever given me into the grate. The flames could burn the items and images of the past, but they'd never be able to burn the memories from my mind. So I just sat watching the crackling of the fire thinking.
The nylon rope holds in a tight noose supported by the brace of the piping just above my stove; I place my neck in the loop and consider blessing myself. I never was all that big on religion; especially with the Equestrian princess basically being immortal sun and moon Goddesses. Never the less, I ask what ever forces in the universe to be merciful to me in death, even if I'm rejecting their greatest gift in spite....I jump
A lift the cheap bottle of Wild Irish rose to my lips and drink, the stuff burns like acid going down but I don't care. My glazed eyes travel over to the embers as they crackle and pop, I fall to my knees burying my face in my hands sobbing into them, my tears hot and drizzling into the rug. I stop; I catch my breath, and I laugh. It's a soft and cheerful at first, but then I gets louder and more ...sporadic. It's a laugh of delusional denial, a fully fledged descent to madness as more images flash in from of my eyes.
"Oh yes! Oh Bon Bon! YES! More! HARDER" Lyra cries out as that...Takes her again and again with a giant strap on. The sweat dripping down her muzzle eyes closed in lust. Bon Bon smirks evilly and turns her head to me;, and she flips me off. Then holds a picture of me and her in central park on the day the Equestrian/Earth world peace accord was signed, she rips in half as she cackles and speeds up taking the mare I loved more than life itself mercilessly.
"You....WHORE!" I scream at the top of voice chucking the Irish rose (Shit's dirt cheap anyway) at the hallucination. There was a shattering of glass hitting the wall it got a treatment of cheap brewed hybrid of wine and whiskey; followed by a shattering crash as my lamp, impacted by the bottle hitting it and knocking over and falling flat on the floor. A puff of smoke as the outlet shorted out from the booze seeping into it; part of myself wishing a fire would start, I'd only watch and wait for the flames to take me home, it never did.
I went over to the window and took a look outside; It was still raining, it was like ever since they told me it refused to stop, people and ponies running for shelter from the hard and heavy drops like they where bullets from the archangels machine guns on Judgment day. I picked up a miniature bottle of a shot of vodka; I looked at it with a frown as I unscrewed the cap and took a sniff of the oily clear toxin.
Lyra was standing there looking at me, her expression clearly sadness. Bon Bon was their with her but she was equally grim as they looked at me. "James, please don't do this." Bon Bon begged me holding a hand out.
"You're not real; why should I even listen to the inner workings of my own Schizophrenic ramblings?" I said the bottle inching to my lips, before the poison could touch my lips, a green hand pushed it away and I turned to look at the big pleading eyes of Lyra. She looked at me with a pleading sense old saying 'For me; stop hurting yourself.' While Bon Bon's conveyed a plea to stop thinking she was mercilessly hurting the sweet and loving Lyra day and night in a twisted web of dominance and submission; neither existed in their relationship, it was an equal exchange of love, understanding and compassion from mare to mare.
"I know you're both equally sound of mind and level headed, but I don't know why my mind can't comprehend that." I said keeping my vodka close to my lips but not taking a swig, I wanted to see where this would go first.
Lyra looks at me crying tears of glistening sapphires from her glowing golden eyes, she's so pretty. "James; you promised you'd give us a chance, a chance to get back in touch with my best friend from home, A chance to get a grip on our relationship."
"Which is no different that any other kind of relationship." Bon Bon added gently stroking Lyra's hair and nuzzling her gently. The image of what she did a few pages of my journal of insanity ago, rubbed out, like an artist working on a comic book erasing his hours of painstaking work with a can of turpentine.
I dumped the clear acidic shot of devil's mouthwash down the rusty drain, my head pounding and stinging like a needle had gone to the very center.
