I Have Vacation Days?!

Thomas Lancaster spun in place and took in the sights and sounds of MCM London Comic Con. Truly, it was heaven on earth for a man like him. Beside him was a pair of twins, one his best friend, the other her brother. The three of them had decided to do a group cosplay this year, or at least try for one, and had gone as, respectively, Alucard of Hellsing Ultimate, Seras Victoria, and Schrodinger.

“So, Chloe, what are we gonna do today?” Thomas asked, looking around from behind orange tinted sunglasses.

Chloe smirked, “Same thing we do every day, Thomas. Try to take over the world.”

“Bah! You and your American cartoons, I swear,” Thomas grumbled good-naturedly. Chloe merely giggled and skipped away, fake breasts bouncing with every step. Thomas watched her go, shaking his head.

“Honestly Alex, you think she’d’a chosen Integra as a cosplay but no, she had to choose the one cosplay that required her to go get a massive pair of fake knockers. What’s up with that?”

Alex, Chloe’s twin, shrugged, “My sis is a bit of a loon, as you can tell. What’m I supposed to do about it?”

After a few moments of standing around, both men realized that Chloe had left and took off after her, forcing their way through the crowds and finally coming upon Chloe buying an absolutely perfect Harkonnen prop at some creepy Merchant’s booth. Thomas clapped a hand on Chloe’s shoulder, panting lightly in his costume. “Whew, hah… found you…”

Chloe merely blinked at the sight of her friend and her brother panting. “What, did you two forget to follow me or something? Anyway, look at this beauty! Only thirty pounds, too!”

“Wow… that’s spectacularly cheap for something so accurate and well made,” Alex muttered, turning around and finding, of all things, an SS knife with the words ‘Meine Ehre heißt Treue’ inscribed upon it. “Well hello gorgeous…” he whispered, whipping out his wallet and holding up the knife, “How much for the knife, my good sir?”

“Twenty pound,” the creepy man replied, a thick Russian accent spilling through. Alex paid for the knife as Thomas looked over the wares, eyes sliding from prop to prop until they finally came to rest on a full scale model Jackal.

“How much for the gun?” Thomas asked, picking up the Jackal and marvelling at its weight.

The Merchant looked up from his X-Ray and Vav comic and eyed the pistol before shrugging, “Forty pound, my friend.”

“Sweet!” Thomas exclaimed, all but shoving a wad of bills at the Merchant. As the three secured their props and gave their thanks to the Merchant, none of them saw him smirk as they turned away.

Seconds later, they all vanished from sight, one by one. First Alex, then Thomas, and finally, Chloe, who had enough time to spin around and stare worriedly at the smirking Merchant.

And as the crowd finally moved on from the altogether forgettable disappearance of three people, the Merchant’s booth disappeared, returning a small clothing stand back to its proper point in spacetime.

Alex, also known as Alexander Kirby Anderson, appeared in a humid and hot marsh absolutely buzzing with insect life. He shook his head, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of sensory information coming through his new ears. As he groaned, he took stock of his situation, eyes taking in the present as past and future flickered in the background.

He smirked, mentally sifting through potential timelines and futures. Oh the perks of being everywhere and nowhere at once, he thought, taking a step forward and making his appearance exactly two hundred years into the future. He continued walking, crossing millions of years in the span of singular minutes.

Alex, or rather, Schrodinger hummed to himself as he walked, the dulcet sounds of An Die Freude (Ode to Joy) echoing across spacetime.

"Freude~, schöner Götterfunken~..."

Thomas appeared in a forest just outside a small town. His guns felt a lot heavier now, but strangely enough, he could heft them even more easily than before. Curious, he drew them, his enhanced senses taking in everything around him and disorienting him for but a moment.

Taking aim at a tree with the Casull, he pulled the trigger, a bullet firing out and tearing the tree a new hole, the oddly satisfying report of a gunshot rending the air. Eyes wide, he pointed the Jackal at another tree and pulled the trigger, the bullet completely obliterating the tree and sending the top falling toward him. Reacting on instinct, he batted it aside.

Well now, that was unexpected. His tongue passed over his teeth, finding them all sharp. Grinning, he let out a chuckle, and another. And another, until finally he was laughing like a madman. Catching the scent of the townsfolk on the wind, he felt an overwhelming hunger kindle within his stomach. Turning in its direction, he grinned even wider and started running toward it, the forest around him a blur and he jumped high into the air and landed in the center of a group of people. No doubt woken by his earlier noise. Scenting the aroma that drew him coming from their veins, he laughed again. Thomas, no… Alucard, laughed loudly as he began his slaughter and feast.

Roanikstead fell in minutes, washed away in a tide of blood.

Chloe woke up halfway inside a bush, her bum pointed straight up and her face almost smothered under the weight of her now suddenly very real breasts. She extricated herself from the shrubbery, only to come face to face with a pair of somewhat irate looking men in heavy armor. She backed up, somehow sensing that both of these men could probably kill her quite easily. Chloe gulped nervously, her senses now acclimatized to the area and allowing her to hear, smell, and even see the blood pounding through their veins. Her eyes wandered to the mens’ jugular veins as her mouth watered.

Her contemplation of whether or not to just lunge forth and use her newly gained strength to tear their throats open to drink their blood was interrupted by the guard on the left coughing to gain her attention. “Ahem, excuse me ma’am, you’re trespassing. This is the private training ground of Her Royal Majesty Princess Celestia’s Infantry Corps, Baltimare Division. If you were separated from a tour group, my partner, Flash Sentry, and I would be more than happy to guide you back to the public areas.”

Chloe shook her head and stood, idly noting that her enhanced strength meant no undue stress due to her now massive breasts. “Sorry, gentlemen, I must have something stuck in my ears… did you say Baltimare? Eh, erm, also, if this doesn’t sound too weird… what country is this?”

The left guard, this one had an emblem of a blue shark printed on his pauldron she noted, looked at her strangely while the right guard, Flash Sentry, looked back and forth between the other guard and her. “You’re in Equestria, ma’am. Now, please, let’s get you back to the tour area and maybe we can call up someone to maybe treat whatever amnesia you seem to have.”

Chloe frowned and crossed her arms, deep in thought. When she spoke up, she did so with an air of conviction about her, “Gentlemen, I have every right to believe that, provided that this isn’t some practical joke… I am no longer on my home planet.”

Both guards stared at each other before bursting out into uproarious laughter, drawing the attention of another guard, this one dressed in far more elaborate armor. “Sentry! Orient! Why is there a civilian in our training grounds!?”

“S-sorry Sergeant Shield! W-we were just about to escort her back to the public areas!” The left guard, Orient or something, Chloe noted, stammered out, barely able to contain his fear.

Chloe looked at the sergeant and spoke up, stammering a little bit herself, “U-uh, sir, this may sound ridiculous… but I think I might have wound up here from another world…”

The sergeant took a good, long look at her, eyes somehow glowing a cold, steely blue. He looked her over, eyes widening after every pass, before the glow suddenly cut out and he grabbed Chloe by the arm. “Come with me, we need to speak to the Princess,” he growled out, dragging a very confused Chloe by the arm, off deeper into the training area.

Flash Sentry and his fellow new recruit, Squalus Orient, looked at each other in confusion before simultaneously shrugging and continuing on their way back to the barracks.

Alucard chuckled as he tossed his latest victim aside and turned to the only remaining occupant in the room: the wife of his latest meal. Grinning, he slowly walked toward the woman cowering in fear in the corner. “P-Please… No…” His grin only widened at her terrified pleading. Grabbing her by the throat, he picked her up and pressed her against the wall, tearing her shift off and dragging his tongue along her smooth skin. Grabbing her arms and lifting them above her head, he opened his mouth and exhaled on her throat. Letting her beg a bit more, he clamped his jaw shut. His teeth tearing through her flesh and allowing her warm blood to flow down his throat.

He let out a low groan as he drank, soon draining her completely and tossing the limp body aside. Still grinning, he walked outside, savoring the carnage he had created yet again. The last 30 years he’d done nothing but slaughter and feast, leaving bodies impaled on whatever he could find to impale them on. Sniffing the air, he caught a pair of new scents. And they smelled delicious and powerful. Letting out a dark chuckle, he sat down on a chair surrounded by corpses as a makeshift throne, awaiting the new arrivals.

From the sky descended two sisters, one shining gold with righteous fury, the other with a navy blue aura of pure, icy hatred. Celestia and Luna touched down upon the scorched earth and glared at Alucard. Both sisters were armed and armored in their respective themes of sun and moon, and as they issued their silent challenge to Alucard, they drew their weapons. Celestia pulled forth a massive broadsword of glorious, shining sunfire from the air as Luna traced out a silvery bow of moonlight and took aim at Alucard’s grinning form.

Celestia spoke, words echoing across the desolate town, “No-Life King! We stand before you today to defeat you once and for all! Surrender now and we may spare your life as is dictated by the Knight Codex of the Throne of Princess Platinum!”

Luna said nothing and merely glared further, a shaft of moonlight sliding into place on her bow and forming into a gleaming arrow.

Alucard was silent for a moment before a chuckle escaped him, followed by another, and more until he was laughing madly. “Well aren’t you a classy pair of sisters?!” He grinned as he stood from his seat, looking over the very attractive goddesses. “I’ll enjoy drinking your blood, my darling nemesi!” His form began shifting as he raised his gloved hands, sigils glowing on them. “I am the Bird of Hermes…” His form further shifted as a fel power could be felt in the air. “Here standeth the Bird of Hermes! Eating my own wings!”

Before Alucard could fully release his own power, both Celestia and Luna nodded at each other and floated into the air, a brilliant glow surrounding the both of them as a set of five stone orbs flashed into existence behind them. Immediately, a rainbow lashed out from between the two sisters and struck Alucard’s form, stripping away the power he had gained over the course of thirty years of unchecked destruction and using it to seal the vampire’s form away for as long as the power would last.

With a last scream of pure hatred, Alucard was silenced, possibly never to wander Equestria’s surface ever again.

Twilight Sparkle, protege of Princess Celestia herself, fled through the gardens of Canterlot Castle, a mob of angry, older, academy students chasing after her.

“We deserve to be Princess Celestia’s students more than you, you lowborn scum!” they cried, jeering and tossing what little magic they knew at Twilight’s feet in an attempt to trip her up. Twilight’s footing remained uncompromised, however, and the little girl only sped up, her natural talent for magic allowing her to unconsciously propel her faster, violet tears streaming from her eyes as she fled from the bullies that had been haranguing her for weeks.

Her vision blurred as one of the bullies managed to score a glancing blow with a thrown rock, and she tripped, tumbling through one of the walls in the hedge maze that was the central garden, and rolling to a halt at the feet of a stone statue, her head cracking against its surface and leaving a spot of slightly glowing blood behind. Twilight regained her wits just as the bullies started crawling through the hedge, and hid behind the statue’s carved greatcoat, huddling into a tiny ball and hoping that the bullies wouldn’t see her shivering form.

(POV shift, Alucard)

Another dull, boring day in that damned statue garden. The only company he had was that snake thing that was made of a bunch of animals and shit. And he was even crazier than Alucard. His attention was drawn as the monotony was broken by a young girl crashing through and hitting her head on the pedestal he’d been set on all those centuries ago. As a group of kids started crawling through, she hid under his coat. Bullies hunting her maybe?

Then he sensed it. The girl was bleeding, and some of that blood was on him. And it had power. Power that he could use. Concentrating, he sensed more than felt the blood begin to slowly flow up the pedestal and up his boot and onto his leg, making its way toward his mouth. He savored the looks on the bullies’ faces as they noticed the trail of blood flowing from boot surface to mouth and smiled internally. When the blood finally reached his mouth, he grinned for real, the stone cracking and splintering until it finally burst off in a spray of shrapnel.

The rest of his stone casing soon followed as Alucard took his first steps of freedom in over fifteen hundred years. He grinned maliciously at the bullies and drew Jackal and Casull from his coat.

“Run,” he whispered, barely audible to the bullies.

They ran, tripping over themselves in their haste to get away. Alucard sniffed in disdain and turned back to the fearful form of Twilight. He could feel that damn seal in his hand reacting to her blood, binding him to her.

Still, he might as well make the most of a bad situation.

He knelt in front of Twilight and offered his hand out. “Are you alright, my master?”

Twilight shivered, but nodded, taking Alucard’s hand. “Th-thank you, m-mister…” she mumbled, in awe of his towering, red form.

“My master, I have many names,” the vampire lord said. “But you may call me… Alucard.”

“Th-thank you mister Alucard,” Twilight repeated, slowly standing up and curtsying ever so slightly.

Once they were off the pedestal, Alucard prostrated himself before his new master. “Your orders… Give me your orders, master. Shall I slay your tormentors? I have their scents. I can hunt them down and slaughter them without a moment’s hesitation or a hint of regret. I am a monster in his cage. And you hold the key.” He looked up at her. “My sight finds the target. My hand holds the weapon. My magazines are full. I can chamber the bullets. I can pull back on the bolts and I can release the safety. But it is your will that commands the killing. So what will you do? What are your orders, my master?”

Twilight shrank back, clearly afraid of Alucard’s words, “Please… don’t hurt them! Just… just take me home….”

Alucard was disappointed at being forbidden from spilling and drinking blood, but orders were orders. Standing again, he offered her his hand. “As you command, my master. I will see you home safely.” Looking skyward, he noticed the rapidly approaching solar goddess.

Twilight’s eyes immediately widened in relief as she saw her mentor of about three weeks descend from the sky, clothed in a resplendent, white dress. “Princess Celestia!” she cried, “I made a new friend!”

Celestia’s eyes turned to Alucard and his opened hand, noticing the seal etched into the back of his other hand. Her eyes narrowed as she strode forth, stopping a few scant meters from the pair. “So it would seem,” Celestia murmured, tapping a manicured nail on her chin. As she examined Alucard further, her eyes lit up with a golden glow, allowing her to see the crimson bindings of blood magic tying Alucard’s full power into Twilight’s commands, binding the vampire to her tiny student in ways that even the solar goddess couldn’t comprehend.

She shook her head and offered Twilight a brief smile, “And I’m very proud of you for that, Twilight. Why don’t you head back into the castle for now, meet me back in my study? I need to have a word with your new friend here.”

Twilight nodded and scampered off, quickly finding her way out of the hedge maze.

Celestia turned back to Alucard, “So, No-Life King… it seems your seal has finally broken and you’ve bound yourself to a little girl who looks up to me in such a degree that I could order her to kill herself and she most likely would. What will you do now?”

Alucard laughed as he summoned a hat and a pair of orange tinted sunglasses onto his head. But this laugh was nothing like the psychotic sort he’d let out the last time they spoke. It was more impish. “Well the kid’s my boss now, so I guess I’m gonna be doing what she says. Probably clean out the dungeons. I am positively starved.” He didn’t see the other sister anywhere. “By the way, where’s that hot sister of yours? I was throbbing when I saw you two in armor and ready to fight.”

“.....” Celestia honestly couldn’t figure out whether to be relieved that Alucard was no longer homicidal or to slap Alucard silly for his remarks, so she settled on looking mildly constipated as she replied, “She… I was forced to seal her away on the moon a thousand years ago…”

Alucard laughed again. “What did she do, steal your boyfriend? I thought that was normal for goddesses.” He leered a bit as he looked over her body with a lecherous grin and licked his lips. “What say after my boss goes to bed we head back to your place and I show you what a real vampire can do?”

Celestia turned away with a huff, blushing furiously while storming away, trying to collect what was left of her dignity. “No, Alucard. It’ll be a cold day in Hell before I ever touch you.”

Alucard grinned as he snuck up behind her and slipped his hands under her arms to grab her mounds and squeeze them. “Ooh. DD36? Impressive jugs on you, Princess.”

Immediately, Celestia squeaked in surprise before growling and breaking free of Alucard’s unwelcome groping. She whirled around and slapped him with a palm full of sunfire before straightening up and teleporting away, sparing one last second to kick him in the crotch with her high-heeled sandal.

Though Alucard writhed on the ground, his were not groans of pain but pleasure. “Ah… Houston. We have no problems.”