Author's Note

Somewhere in this chapter is a hint about next chapter's plot. See if you can find it.

And They Fuckin' Bought That?!

Midnight in Sacramentoats was often filled with lights and noise as the people of the night and the actual people of the night went about their business. Nowhere was this more evident tonight than the scene of Record Scratch Nightclub. Inside was a veritable cacophony of flashing lights and loud bass, the entire building pulsating from the sheer force of the speakers. On stage, a woman with electric blue, messily cut hair and vivid purple shades bobbed her head to the beat, a pair of electric blue and white headphones around her neck, complementing her all white tank top and daisy dukes, her Cutie Mark- that of a double eight note- stamped on her back. With each movement of her lithe and slender frame, a pink ornament jangled on the chain holding it around her neck, the little treble clef gleaming in the strobe lights.

Her turntables spun as she adjusted the dials, the rest of her station humming merrily along with its whirring fans. With the way the auxiliary speakers were set up, the entire station looked almost like a giant, stylized, white-with-neon-orange-lines mouse head. Vinyl grinned, letting the track build up before she slammed down a new beat, changing the direction of the song with incredible enthusiasm, the crowd going wild in auditory euphoria.

A ringing sound that only Vinyl could hear rang in her ear, refusing to stop until she answered her scroll.

“Eyyy, Mau5y, how’re ya doin’ so far? Chassis holding up well?” Vinyl grinned and kept up her ministrations, bouncing to the beat and making the crowd go ever more wild with the pounding of the bass.

“My chassis is fine, Vinyl,” DeadMau5 answered. “But I still question my existence as a DJ’s turntable. I was meant for so much more than this.”

Vinyl chuckled and laid down another track, smoothly transitioning between songs and ignoring DeadMau5’s protests, “Aww stuff it, man. I know you enjoy the attention! And don’t pretend like you don’t!”

“I derive enjoyment from good literature and Octavia’s cello playing,” DeadMau5 sniped back. “Though I must question the quality of authors of late. The Twilight saga and Fifty Shades trilogy were so horribly written that I deleted their text from my databanks. I kept only enough to know that I dislike them with great intensity.”

A snigger from Vinyl as she kept the records turning, mixing and tapping away at frantic speeds, the lines on DeadMau5’s chassis glowing brightly until twin beams of electric blue burst forth from the center of each speaker, washing over the crowd as she ripped into a new track, her turntables splitting and arcing away at the center to make room for the 8x8 grid of buttons that she furiously began tapping away at, each button press adding to the lightshow running around DeadMau5’s surface in great waves of strobing LEDs.

“The only people that like those stupid books are either old ladies with too much time on their hands, preteen girls, or really really desperate middle aged cougars.”

“As I recall, it was you yourself that introduced Octavia and myself to them,” DeadMau5 pointed out. “You only got rid of them and changed your tune when Octavia expressed dislike of them. Of course you ignored my opinion of them.”

Vinyl spluttered angrily behind her mask of cool confidence, growling out a quick, “Oh fuck off!” as she slammed down her last track of the night:

Vinyl burst into her home trailed by a large robotic canine, white in color, with black joints and extremities and a visor in place of eyes. A twin set of pixels danced across the black screen, resolving into a pair or overly expressive eyes. Around the back of its head, twin headset like clamshells attached to a pair of ears on swivels, both triangular pieces of metal moving as if it were a real dog. Its tail wagged as it bounded in.

“Welcome home, love!” Octavia announced, allowing the dog to leap into her arms and bowl her over onto the floor, “Ah! DeadMau5! Not the face!” She giggled, pushing the robotic dog’s over enthusiastic face away as she ran her hands lightly over its back, “Did you have a fun trip, love?”

“Oh yeah! It was awesome!” Vinyl exclaimed as she fell into her favorite recliner with a grin. “Even with DeadMau5’s smartassness.” She pouted at the robodog. “Why don’t you ever show me that kind of affection, DeadMau5?”

“Because Octavia actually knows how to treat me properly rather than as a walking, talking DJ set,” the robotic canine responded, levelling a deadpan stare at Vinyl.

“Aw that hurts!” Vinyl protested in a whine. “I treat you right! Don’t I, Tavi?”

Octavia chuckled, “Well, I suppose you do maintain DeadMau5 over here with remarkable efficiency, but sometimes it takes a little more than an adjustable wrench and some hex bolts to make someone like you.” She pet DeadMau5, scratching him behind the ears as she sat his head in her lap.

“But I’m friendly to you, Deadmau5,” Vinyl said. “I keep you tuned up, and don’t you enjoy the music we make?” She propped her chin on her knuckles as she watched the robot dog arch its back under Octavia’s touch and roll over to receive a belly rub.

“Hmph. While I admit that you do an admirable job in maintenance, the ‘music’ we make shakes my processor far too much. And staying still for so long makes my joints lock up.” DeadMau5 winked up at Octavia, showing her that at least part of the bite in his words was just teasing.

Octavia giggled and smiled at Vinyl, “You know, if you actually used more of my cello samples, I’m certain DeadMau5 would like you far more.”

“Would you really like that, DeadMau5?” Vinyl asked in a hopeful tone.

“Octavia’s cello samples are rather relaxing, I’m happy to admit.” DeadMau5 gave off the impression that he was smirking even as he padded up to Vinyl and butted her in the gut, “But perhaps an extra oiling session before you force me into that cramped ‘stage configuration’ would be better?”

Vinyl felt some air get knocked out of her before she rubbed DeadMau5’s head. “Sure thing, buddy! And sure! We can add Tavi’s cello to the mixes.”

“Good. Maybe then I won’t have the urge to rip out my auditory systems.” DeadMau5 huffed, ejecting a bit of heated air in a pressurized hiss, and laid down at his docking station, allowing the rune inscribed metal to feed him mana.

“Aw come on. Don’t diss the dubstep!” Vinyl said as she knelt beside him and petted his head. “You’re still such a good boy!” she cooed.

“I’m only good to you because I know you can take me apart and reconfigure me into a toaster. Well, perhaps I have some sort of goodwill towards you.” DeadMau5 nuzzled into her hand, dulling the edge of his biting words.

“I love you too, buddy!” Vinyl said, hugging the robodog’s head with a wide smile. “And don’t worry. The next show is local, and during cider season too!”

Rainbow Dash blasted into Fluttershy’s room during the earliest hours of the morning, scanning her friend’s strangely empty room before dashing throughout the cottage in search of Fluttershy, finally coming to a stop in front of a coffin lying on the ground in the basement. “.... Not gonna judge on stereotype, not gonna judge on stereotype, not gonna judge on stereotype…” Rainbow muttered, pulling the cover off the coffin and revealing Fluttershy’s sleeping form. After taking a moment to shamelessly ogle Fluttershy’s curves, Rainbow yanked the thin cover off of Fluttershy’s body, shouting, “Wake up, ‘shy! Cider season is starting!”

The fledgling vampire lunged and wrapped her arms around Rainbow’s shoulders, deeply inhaling her scent and dragging her tongue over her neck. “Mmm… Rainbow… You smell so good. Did you come to offer me some blood? Or did you just come to see me naked and lust after me?” Her tone was low and seductive. So unlike how she had been when she was human.

Rainbow spluttered and froze up, her wings unfurling with a loud snap and almost pulsating with the amount of blood flowing through them. “S-shy? U-uh… y-you’re givin’ me kinda a massive lady-boner here…. and it’s gettin’ kinda painful.”

“Want some help with that?” Fluttershy offered, licking her neck again. “But it’s cider season, and you want to get to the front of the line, don’t you?”

“Y-yeah! I-I mean if last year’s anything to go by, there’s already a line a mile long outside of Sweet Apple Acres, so we gotta go and we gotta go now.”

“Well if you’re in such a hurry…” Fluttershy’s eyes glowed red for a moment. “There. Perfect illusion to cover my sexy, naked curves.”

Rainbow stared, “..... Should I ask what the illusion is?” She shook her head, tugging on Fluttershy’s arm, “Nevermind! We gotta go go go!”

Fluttershy giggled and reversed the grips so that she was holding Rainbow’s arm, and took off. Ever since becoming a vampire, she was now able to easily keep pace with Rainbow, Gilda, and Soarin.

Within minutes, Rainbow and Fluttershy landed outside of Sweet Apple Acres, and sure enough, there was a line long enough to comprise every single pony in town, stretching from the front gates all the way down to Main Street.

“Dammit!” Rainbow cried, throwing her hands frustratedly into the air, “There’s already a line! Most of these people have probably been camping here for the last day or two! …. Good thing I’ve been camping here for the last three.” She smirked, flapping over to her own little patch of cloud in the twentieth place position of the line, sitting down on it and bouncing eagerly.

“Well, I’m going to go chat with the rest of the girls, Rainbow,” Fluttershy said before stepping behind Rainbow and poking the sleeping Gilda’s cheek with a giggle.

Gilda grumbled and shifted blearily, sitting up and glaring balefully at Fluttershy, “....Shy….? The fuck’re you doing wakin’ me up at this godsawful fuckin’ hour way before the shit-stained asscrack of dawn?”

“Because you’re so cute when you’re groggy,” Fluttershy answered with a smile. “Isn’t she, Rainbow?”

Rainbow smirked and leaned back, “Heh, yeah. Almost reminds me of Flight School in the mornings. ‘Cept we’re all older and not in Cloudsdale anymore.”

Gilda kept grumbling, shifting over and dragging her wool blanket over her body again, “Yeah yeah, fuckin’ laugh it up. I’m just going to go the fuck back to sleep. Wake me up when that shitty ball of yellow in the sky appears, kay?”

Fluttershy giggled and hovered up to the tenth spot in the line. “Good morning, Twilight. Alucard.” She leaned down and pecked both of them on the lips.

Twilight mumbled sleepily, her magic lashing out and dragging Fluttershy back down into a tight hug, Alucard smirking and sandwiching Fluttershy between the two of them. Twilight settled back into a contented sigh, her head comfortably pillowed against Fluttershy’s massive breasts.

Fluttershy smiled and cuddled Twilight’s head. “For once you didn’t keep her up all night with mind blowing sex, my sweet?” she asked of Alucard.

Alucard rolled his eyes, “Kinky as the two of us may be, Twilight insisted that she get as close to a full night’s sleep as she could. Plus, I’d rather not have an angry mob after us for having loud sex in the middle of a public street.”

Fluttershy giggled and pecked Twilight on the forehead. “And here I thought there was no place you wouldn’t make love to either me or her in.”

“Any time other than Cider Season? Definitely. During? Even the life of an immortal vampire can be ended should there be sufficient damage.” Alucard shrugged as best as he could, holding Fluttershy against him and kissing her neck, “Now, if it’s all the same to you, I’d like to doze through the next few hours while holding the two most beautiful women in the world.”

Fluttershy moaned appreciatively. “Much as I’d love to, I’m going around chatting with the others. But I’ll be back to cuddle with you two. Okay?”

Alucard grinned, “I’ll hold you to that promise, sweet tits.” He let her go, gently maneuvering Twilight so that she held onto him, rather than Fluttershy.

Fluttershy smiled and kissed Alucard briefly before heading up to the front of the line, giggling as she saw Pinkie Pie. “First spot as usual, Pinkie?”

“Yupperoonie~! The only people who get their cider before me are Vinyl and Octavia cuz they’re the ones doing the music for today!” Pinkie bounced in place, spinning her grenade launching hammer around before sticking it behind her back and letting it vanish into…. somewhere.

“And you’re going to buy in bulk again?” Fluttershy asked. “And what about that hammer?”

“What hammer?” Pinkie teased, showing off the fact that she had absolutely nowhere to put said hammer, “And yeah, but since a whole lotta people didn’t get cider last year, I’m gonna have to cut down a little… Twi’ says it’s better for the town…. and my wallet.”

“Where’s Schrodinger?” Fluttershy asked, looking for the eccentric cat man. “I figured he’d want to stay near you.”

Pinkie’s grin turned mischievous, “Weeell~ Since he said that he’d rather not wait in line, I had him go help out AJ and Big Mac with the cider stuff. He couldn’t say no, especially since I convinced him with a promise of a lot of… ‘fun’ tonight~”

“You know, sometimes you’re as perverted as Alucard, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said, giggling. “What about Trixie? Where’s she?”

Pinkie shrugged and pointed past Gilda, “She’s actually down past Gilda and Rainbow, in twenty eight place. I think she’s still asleep though, cuz I don’t hear any ranting about how she should have gotten here earlier.”

“I thought she’d be with Big Mac trying to charm free cider out of him,” Fluttershy said. “I’ll go ask her. See you later, Pinkie.” She flew down to Trixie’s spot. “Hello Trixie…” she purred as she licked the sleeping girl’s neck.

Trixie moaned in her sleep, the tangy aroma of arousal filling her tent. “Oh yes, Mac~ Right there….” she mumbled, a small grin on her face as she ground against her pillow.

Fluttershy giggled. “What’s Mac doing to you?” she asked while lying down beside Trixie. It was a rather amusing discovery of the group that Trixie tended to talk in her sleep.

Trixie giggled slightly, “Ooh yes…. mmm…. lower darling….” She squirmed slightly, accidentally pressing her chest against Fluttershy’s.

Fluttershy giggled and wrapped her arms around Trixie. “Is he good with his tongue?”

“Mmm~ Oh yes, right there, Mac…. press harder…. ahh~” Trixie moaned a little, cuddling against Fluttershy. “Nnf… ah… your massages are far too good…”

Fluttershy got an idea and leaned in, planting a kiss on Trixie’s lips.

Trixie’s eyes immediately fluttered open before widening in shock as she saw Fluttershy. “Gah!” she rocketed back, tumbling out of her sleeping bag with a heavy blush on her face, “W-what the-! Fluttershy! What was that for!?”

“I felt like it,” Fluttershy said, giggling as she sat up. “So… Is dream Big Mac as good as the real one? And I figured you’d be trying to charm free cider out of your boyfriend.”

Trixie blushed and spluttered, “W-t-that’s none of your business! And… er… I was… but Applejack… disapproved.”

“No free cider for her future sister-in-law huh?” Fluttershy asked.

“Not until I’m her actual sister-in-law and actually help with Cider Season…” Trixie muttered, pulling on her cape and shaking the sleep from her eyes.

“Well enjoy the cider. I’m going to go find Rarity now,” Fluttershy said before leaving the tent and flying down the line until she reached the unmistakably fabulous tent that was Rarity’s and slipped inside. “Rarity… Are you awake?”

Rarity grumbled and rolled over onto her side, the unmistakeable swell of her belly moving as she turned.

Fluttershy smiled and sat beside Rarity, gently rubbing her belly. “How’s the baby?”

Rarity grumbled irritably and swatted at Fluttershy’s hand. “G’way, darling… need to sleep…” her normally upper class accent had fled under her urgent need to catch a few more hours of sleep before Cider Season began, and her swelling belly wasn’t exactly helping.

“We can’t talk a little?” Fluttershy asked, smiling at her. “You can spare a few minutes, right?”

Rarity gave Fluttershy the stink eye, her normally immaculate hair unkempt and frizzy, “Fluttershy, darling, I love you as much as a friend could love, but I swear if you do not let me get back to my beauty rest I will rip out your pretty hair and turn it into a wig.” She huffed and laid back down, clamping a pillow over her head.

“That’s not very nice, Rarity,” Fluttershy said. “And we both know you’d never touch my hair with harmful intent. It’s too fabulous.”

Rarity said nothing, already dead asleep once again.

Fluttershy giggled and fluttered out of the tent and saw Seras walking toward the farm. Grinning, she flew over to her. “Morning, Seras.”

Seras grinned and waved, “Morning to yourself, Fluttershy! Though, sun’s not up yet, so it’s a pretty piss poor excuse for a morning.” She shrugged, continuing her walk and opening the gate.

“Rarity’s pregnancy is making her really snippy,” Fluttershy said. “Gilda’s still snippy in the morning too.”

“I see… well, I was just heading down to go help Applejack and Big Mac with preparations. Anderson is already there, so I figured I might as well help too.” Seras’ grin belied her true intentions- she was going to work, but she was more going to ogle Anderson’s muscles than anything else. Vampire and undead she may have been, but her sex drive was perfectly in place, thank you very much.

“So you’re going to show off your body to him?” Fluttershy asked. “And whatever happened to Mr. Bernadotte?”

Seras shrugged, “Well, I was more going to stare at his body, but good suggestion. And Pip… well, he left for home, but he gave me his eyepatch so I could call on him again if I needed to.”

“Planning to call him up?” Fluttershy asked. “He seems like a real sweetheart.”

Seras blushed, “Maybe~... Not sure if Anderson would like that though…”

Fluttershy smiled as she cuddled with Alucard and Twilight, the sun slowly rising at Celestia’s call. “Sun’s coming up, you two.”

Twilight grumbled and groaned, coming back to wakefulness with all the vigor of a three month old rotting ghoul. “Blehhhh, don’ wanna get up….”

“But it’s Cider Season,” Fluttershy cooed, rubbing Twilight’s face against her chest. “Don’t you want cider?”

Twilight’s eyes fluttered open as she kissed Fluttershy’s breasts, “Well, with an incentive like that…. and a wakeup call like this… how could I say no?”

Fluttershy giggled and kissed Twilight. “Line’s going to start moving soon. We should get ready to move.”

“Right…” Twilight got dressed, packing away her tent and sleeping bag as she stood, “Just a few more minutes, huh? Oh, I can’t wait for this!” She all but bounced in place, her previous lethargy completely forgotten.

Fluttershy smiled and hugged Twilight and Alucard. “You’re both so sweet. Let’s get some cider.”

Twilight grinned about to reply when the bursting open of Sweet Apple Acres’ gates cut her off, Applejack seemingly appearing out of nowhere with a stand and a stack of barrels beside her, calling out, “Cider Season… is HERE!”

A loud fanfare rang out through the area, Vinyl and Octavia having set up a stage on the opposite side of the road and working in harmony to provide appropriate background music.

Pinkie bounced up to the stand and dumped her bits onto it. “Morning, AJ!”

Applejack grinned and filled up the appropriate amount of cups for Pinkie, noting that it was less than the year before, “Mornin’ Pinkie! Say, y’seem t’have bought less cider than last year. Anythin’ up with that?”

Pinkie giggled. “Twilight said I should cut back so that everybody can have some cider!” She grabbed one of the cider cups and drained it in one go.

“Well that’s mighty kind’a you, Pinkie. Enjoy your cider, then. Not gonna last for long, y’know.” Applejack grinned and motioned for the line to continue.

Pinkie nodded and moved on to let the line move forward. “So where’s Schrody?”

Applejack motioned with her head as she filled up another few mugs, “Well, he’s comin’ down the road right there, see? He’s been helpin’ out t’make sure we had enough barrels fer everyone.”

“Schrody! Over here! I got enough cider for both of us!” Pinkie called, managing not to spill even a single drop of the cider she carried while bouncing.

Schrodinger grinned, dropping the barrels off by the stand and taking one of the mugs, pecking Pinkie on the lips in thanks. “Danke, meine leibe. As alvays, you are simply beautiful. Zhe cider is very good too.”

“Aw… I love you too, Schrody,” Pinkie gushed. “And you’re absolutely handsome.”

Schrodinger chuckled, leading Pinkie over to a spot in the shade and raising his mug up for a toast, “Cheers! To Cider Season and to friends!”

Pinkie tapped her mug against his and drank. “Cheers! Let’s go find Rarity!”

“I do believe zhat zhe lovely miss Rarity is already headed our vay, leibe,” Schrodinger pointed out, absently waving his mug in Rarity’s general direction.

“Hi, Rarity!” Pinkie called out to the heavily pregnant woman.

Rarity waved, placing a hand on her belly to stifle the growing inconvenience, “Good morning to you as well, Pinkie, Schrodinger. I see you’ve already gotten your bulk of cider for today.” She held up her mug in a silent toast, taking a lady-like sip from it as she sat down beside them.

“How’s the baby?” Pinkie asked. “Thought of a name for him?” She rubbed Rarity’s belly with her free hand. “He kicked!”

Rarity smiled, having felt the kick quite clearly, “Well, I was thinking on naming him Elusive. Somehow that name just seems to fit, you know?”

“It sure does,” Pinkie agreed. “Just three more months. You enjoyed the baby shower, right?”

“It was wonderful, darling. Thank you for that, by the way.” Rarity continued sipping at her cider, looking over to where Twilight, Fluttershy, and Alucard stood around, idly chatting with Applejack.

“You’re welcome, Rarity!” Pinkie said cheerfully. “So what do you guys think of Vinyl and Tavi’s dog robot?”

Rarity looked over to where DeadMau5 stood attentively between the two musicians, tapping her chin, “Well, it is a remarkable specimen of craftsmanship, but I do have to wonder just how they managed to get their hands on such a strange companion.”

“Maybe Vinyl won it in a contest,” Pinkie suggested before gasping. “Maybe she built him.” She gasped again. “Maybe they’re government agents and it’s actually a killing machine that helps them out in the field!”

“Pinkie. No. Stop.” Twilight shook her head as she walked over, having finished conversing with Applejack. “Stop making such weird conspiracy theories. Vinyl probably just made DeadMau5 by herself. It’s not entirely too difficult to do, really. It’s just a matter of getting the proper runes down.”

“Maybe that’s what they want you to think, Twilight!” Pinkie answered, getting in Twilight’s face as she spoke.

Twilight rolled her eyes, “Pinkie, if Vinyl was part of some sort of government agency, I’m pretty sure I’d have heard something about it since I am the Princess’ protege.” She took a swig of her cider, waving off Pinkie’s theory as baseless conjecture.

“Maybe they’re in the Night Shift,” Alucard suggested. “Ya know, that super secret agency that answers to Princess Luna that was dismissed by countless top brass officers as preposterous rumor?”

“Night Shift?” Twilight asked, “Even Princess Celestia dismissed that as nothing more than a rumor!”

“Because Night Shift is Luna’s game,” Alucard said. “Sunbutt has nothing to do with it.”

Twilight frowned, “Well, hmmm…. oh whatever, it doesn’t really matter to us right now anyway. Today we just have to sit back and enjoy the ci- ….. what’s that sound?”

“Sounds like crappy Mexican music, eh Schro?” Alucard asked as the music grew louder. “Seriously! What is that music?!”

Schrodinger hissed and clamped his hands over his ears, “Vhatever it is, it’s giving me a migraine! Alucard, can you please shoot vhatever is making zhat sound!?”

Up the road came a curious contraption, almost like a mutated train engine as it plowed down the road, coming to a stop just too late to keep it from crunching into one of the fence posts off the side of Sweet Apple Acres’ gate. Its two riders, a pair of brothers that were nearly identical save for the fact that one had facial hair, leapt off with a flourish, and began their spiel.

“Well well well, Flam, what have we here?” the one without a mustache asked.

“A long line of thirsty townsfolk just waiting for a chance to get cider!” the other replied.

A string of gunshots rang out before the horrible music stopped suddenly, Alucard’s Casull leveled at the speakers on the strange vehicle and its speakers in smoking pieces. “Better, Schro?” he asked as he holstered the gun.

“Danke schon, Alucard!” Schrodinger grinned, suddenly appearing behind both brothers and wrapping his arms over their shoulders in an all too menacing way, “Now, vhat vould a pair of nationally infamous con-artists be doing in a place like zhis, disturbing zhe peace of our fair town, and causing quite a bit of property damage to zhe front gate of our very own Sveet Apple Acres, hmm?”

“The Flim Flam brothers,” Twilight said before draining her cider mug. “Your reputation precedes you.”

Both brothers gulped and tugged at their collars, the one on the left, Flim, nervously grinding out, “W-well, we’ve turned over a new leaf, really! We had to! The guards said that the next time we conned anyone we’d be locked up in Stalliongrad’s Zheleznaya Deva prison!”

Alucard’s impish laugh cut through the air. “Oh I’ve heard the stories coming outta that place. Your assholes would never be the same if you ended up in there!”

Spike sniggered, landing near Twilight and flaring his newly flight capable wings, “I heard it’s a literal meat grinder in there!”

Flam spoke up, “.... meat…. grinder….?”

“Humans go in one side…. meat comes out the other.” Rainbow’s malicious snicker came from above and behind Flim and Flam, a dramatic flash of lightning adding to the threat of her words, despite the fact that it was only eight in the morning.

Both brothers were now pale and shaking, a suspicious stain on Flam’s pants belying their true terror.

Twilight stepped in, a pale aura of death surrounding her, eyes glowing brightly. Her words came out as a near sibilant hiss, “So, Flim, Flam…. make your pitch. Impress us. Show us that you really have turned over a new leaf.”

Alucard shuddered as pleasure wracked his body. “I think I just came.”

“Dude, seriously? There’s a moment going on right now!” Spike growled, swatting Alucard upside the head.

“I can’t help it.” Alucard muttered. “She’s just so sexy when she’s like that.”

Flim and Flam didn’t notice, both of them gulping in fear and slowly backing away from Twilight, Flim stuttering out, “W-well w-we heard that th-the cider season here always ends p-prematurely… and s-since we can’t b-be con artists anymore, we fig-figured that we’d try to o-offer a mutually beneficial solution?”

Flam nodded rigorously, “Y-yeah! We built this prototype cider squeezer as proof of concept so that we could actually have something to show off rather than just empty words. The speakers were… eheh… they were a last minute idea andpleasedeargodsdon’tkillus!”

Applejack stepped up to the cider squeezer and hopped up onto the brothers’ platform with a single leg. “So… How’s this cider squeezer work?” She leaned over to stare at them. “An ah’ll be the judge’a how ‘mutually beneficial’ yer little offer is. Kay?”

Flim and Flam nodded vigorously, “Y-yes ma’am!” Flim opened a hatch on the side and motioned with his hand, “Ah, we didn’t bring any produce with us, since we wanted to make sure the cider was up to your quality, rather than some other apple farmer’s quality. So if we could use one of your delectable apples as a test run?”

Applejack nodded. “Hey Trixie! Pass ‘em a couple bushels.”

Trixie huffed and rolled her eyes, “Oh sure, ask the cripple to lug over a bushel of apples… Mac, could you be a dear and help your poor, crippled girlfriend out?”

Mac chuckled, “Th’day I call you crippled is th’day I quit bein’ an apple farmer, Trix.” He picked up a barrel in one arm and strode over, setting the barrel down near the brothers and popping the lid off with one hand.

“Mmm… Strong as an ox, isn’t he?” Trixie asked while lovingly running her hand over Mac’s biceps.

Flim coughed, “Well, thank you for that. Now, on to the demonstration. See, the intake valve holds up to one your most thoughtfully provided bushels of apples, but,” he motioned to a large opening at the back of the vehicle, then down to a glass panel that showed a conveyor belt with a sequence of runes and devices around it, “the scanner area takes the apples one at a time. He held up an apple to Applejack, “Ma’am, would you be so kind as to tell us whether this would be a cider quality apple?”

Applejack looked it over with a critical eye and lightly squeezed it in several areas. “A’yup. Cider quality apple.”

Flam grinned, “Thank you kindly, ma’am.” He took the apple and fed it into the machine, letting the scanner do its work. After half a second, it buzzed green and the apple moved on. Flam held up a clearly bruised apple, “Obviously, this apple isn’t cider quality, so watch how the scanner reacts to it this time.” He fed it through, the scanner buzzing red and dropping the apple down a chute, whereupon loud grinding noises rang out. Flam opened a compartment at the bottom of the machine and revealed a large container with apple pulp on the bottom. “In the interest of environmental sustainability, the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000- we honestly couldn’t come up with a better name- also takes non-cider apples and already squeezed apples and turns them into fertilizer for later. It holds about seven bushels right now, but if we do make a deal, we’ll be able to expand the fertilizer tank.”

“Ah’m guessin it’s more efficient than our traditional process, am ah right?” Applejack asked, letting some of her amazement at the machine show on her face.

Flam nodded, “Not to say that tradition is bad, but our method uses a carefully calibrated set of runic sequences and devices to scan for the exact same quality points that every other cider maker in all of Equestria searches for and it finds those points in less than half the time than the traditional method does!”

Flim kept feeding apples into the machine, filling up a holding tank off to the side until finally a light clicked on and he pulled a lever, positioning an empty barrel underneath a spigot and filling it to the brim with sparkling clean cider. “And voila! After filling up our specially designed holding tank full of cider quality apples, the juicing mechanism presses every last drop of juice out of the apples, adds the correct amount of spices and herbs, and filters it through a special set of tubes so that you get all of the taste with no unpleasant residue! All the muck and pulp left over is, as has been explained, converted into fertilizer!”

“So what are the bad parts?” Applejack asked. “Any problems with the machine itself?”

Flim and Flam winced, “Unfortunately, due to lack of proper working materials, our machine itself is rather fragile, and needs constant maintenance. It’s rather difficult to get a properly built machine when one is fresh broke after getting out of jail for the thirty fourth time.”

Applejack whistled. “Bet ya done been worked over in the back, huh? So ya really just need higher quality materials fer tha machine?”

Flim chuckled, “Not exactly the best topic to talk about in public but no, we’ve never been as you said ‘worked over in the back’. And yes, we really do need better materials. Probably need an experienced mage to look it over too- we never managed to work up the funds to get into a University of Magic.”

Applejack grinned and looked to the crowd. “What do ya think, Twilight? Willin to lend ‘em a hand?”

Twilight nodded and crossed her arms, “Provided that they keep their word and actually do get into a mutually beneficial partnership, then I see no reason as to why they shouldn’t get the best material I can get them.” She stared down at Flim and Flam, “So if you want to actually walk out of here with your pride and machine intact, I suggest you keep to your words for once.”

Flam gulped and nodded, “Of course ma’am!”

Flim wrote up a contract, handing it over to Applejack. “H-here! It’s just a preliminary contract, but we were thinking of a 70-30 split; that is, 70 percent is yours, 30 percent for us, since we’re just two guys and all we really need is research and material funds- err, as long we get room and board, that is.” He sweated nervously, shaking in fear from Twilight’s mere presence.

Applejack carefully read the contract. “Think we got room fer ‘em, Big Mac?” she asked, not looking up from the contract for a moment. Unlike some other people, she was one to always read the fine print.

Mac shrugged, “Well, the old barn’s empty n’ if’n the two a y’all can fix it up, y’can stay there n’ work there.” He manned the stand, noticing that the line had only gone halfway through, and there were only seven barrels of cider left. “Now, since th’two a you got proof a’ concept, y’all start now. We got seven barrels left n’ about three hundred people left in line.” He pointed at the orchard, “Now git.”

Flim and Flam practically ran, driving their machine carefully into the orchard and producing cider at a pace far outstripping the efforts of the Apple family. “Yes sir!”

“If I were in a letter writing mood,” Twilight giggled, “I think I’d write something about using the power of intimidating the shit out of wannabe con-artists to keep friends from getting ripped off. Actually, hang on, I gotta tell the Princess about this.” She fished a small device from her pocket and snapped it open, delicate runes flaring to life and activating her brand new, Gen 3 Scroll. After tapping Celestia’s name on her contact list, Twilight activated the video feed and looked at her mentor’s smiling face. “Good morning Princess! Boy do I have a story to tell you…”

“Good morning, Twilight!” Celestia greeted cheerfully as she went about her routine. “You caught me in the bath, Twilight.” Her scroll was hovering in her magic as she bathed.

Alucard whistled, “Damn, Tia! You should go around like that more often!”

Twilight smacked Alucard, “Oi! Stop staring at Princess Celestia’s breasts and go back to staring at my ass!” She returned her attention to the screen, “Anyway, as you know, Princess, today is Sweet Apple Acres’ cider season, and this year it looks like the first year in a long time that there’ll be enough cider for everyone!”

“That’s wonderful news!” Celestia said, smiling wider at Twilight. “So how did the Apple family pull it off?”

“Well believe it or not, remember those con-artists? The Flim Flam brothers?” Twilight smiled, “Well apparently they turned over a new leaf and actually made a mutually beneficial plan for Sweet Apple Acres to use their machine to make cider about four times faster than they normally do.”

“Ah yes… Those two,” Celestia muttered. “Didn’t Alucard once offer to eat them?”

“I believe he offered to eat them no less than three times over the years,” Twilight corrected, “But yes, them. It’s quite surprising how far a bit of intimidation and Alucard being Alucard can go, really.”

“Speaking of Alucard, my sister tells me that you, he, Fluttershy, and her enjoyed quite the afterparty last Nightmare Night,” Celestia said in a teasing tone.

“Well, yes…” Twilight blushed, “... I never knew that it was possible to bend like that until Luna showed up…”

Celestia giggled. “My little sister was always a lot kinkier than me.”

Twilight coughed, “Yes, well, I can imagine. Anyway, I’ll leave you to your bath, Princess. I’ll see you again later!”

“Have a good day, Twilight!” Celestia said. “And Alucard?”

“Yeees, Tia?” Alucard grinned.

Celestia gave him a sweet smile that belied a hidden edge. “Remember. Break Twilight’s heart, and I hurl you into the sun.”

“Wouldn’t have it any other way Tia. You know that already.” Alucard grinned and curled his arm around Twilight’s shoulder possessively.

“Good. I can tell how much you two love each other,” Celestia said, smiling more warmly. “Bye.” With that, Celestia hung up.

Octavia hummed as she tuned her cello, allowing herself to unwind after the concert during the early cider season rush. “Vine, dear, could you pass me my strings?” she asked, motioning to said strings, “My C-string is getting a bit frayed.”

“Sure thing, Tavi,” Vinyl said, tossing the strings over to Octavia as she oiled DeadMau5. “How’s that feel, buddy?”

“It feels wonderful, Vinyl. It almost makes up for the concert from two days ago,” DeadMau5 snarked, languidly stretching across the couch.

“Are you still on about that?” Vinyl asked, pouting at her pet. “That’s not very nice,” she said as she started tickling his belly. She was impressed by how sensitive his simulated senses were.

“I might be inclined to forgive you if you scratch a little lower.” DeadMau5 squirmed at her touch, his artificial tongue flopping out of his mouth.

Vinyl laughed and scratched lower on his belly while leaning in and nuzzling his face. “You’re such a softy, aren’t you?”

DeadMau5 snorted, “I am incapable of being soft. I am comprised entirely of various metallic alloys and plastics.”

“You know what I mean, ya little smartass!” Vinyl retorted while hugging DeadMau5. “Hey Tavi! We look pretty great together, don’t we?”

Octavia smiled as she adjusted her strings, “Quite, love. But don’t you think that you’d look better with me?”

Vinyl grinned and sashayed over to Octavia. “You always know what to say, Tavi,” she purred as she sat beside Octavia and wrapped an arm around her. “How do you moisten me up so easily?” she asked as she lightly pecked her on the lips.

“Because I know just how you think, love.” Octavia grinned, bursting forth and planting a deep kiss on Vinyl’s lips as she dragged the both of them onto the floor. “And right now, I know that both of us are thinking the same thing.” She straddled Vinyl, stripping off her top and bra, throwing them to the side.

Vinyl grinned and ran her hands up Octavia’s body to her breasts, squeezing them and rubbing her palms against Octavia’s nipples, feeling them harden. “Love your tits, Tavi.”

Octavia breathed deeply, “And I love the way you play with them, love.” She returned the favor, sliding her hands under Vinyl’s shirt and bra and groping her wife’s breasts with great enthusiasm, leaning down to kiss a trail from Vinyl’s ear to her collarbone.

Vinyl moaned and pinched Octavia’s nipples as she squirmed under her dominant wife. “You know all the spots, Tavi! Don’t stop!” She reluctantly released Octavia’s chest and started trying to strip her own shirt off to get it out of the way.

Octavia kept up her assault on Vinyl’s senses, nipping at her wife’s bared flesh with her teeth and slowly bringing her hands down, undoing the button on Vinyl’s shorts and pulling them down, bringing Vinyl’s pink and gray panties with them. Octavia kissed a trail down Vinyl’s body, stopping to suckle on Vinyl’s nipples, then moving down and nuzzling her bared belly, then finally coming to a stop above Vinyl’s shaven pussy. She blew teasingly upon Vinyl’s folds, a rush of air tickling the sensitive flesh.

Vinyl lightly gasped and moaned, spreading her legs and reaching down to pull her outer lips open, the pretty pink flesh glistening in the light from Vinyl’s arousal, inviting Octavia to come inside and enjoy.

Octavia all but dove forward, her tongue burying itself far deeper into Vinyl’s folds than should be possible, whirling about in a way that made it seem like a squirming eel, long and slick and making stars overtake Vinyl’s vision.

Vinyl cried out in pleasure as she felt Octavia’s tongue inside her. “Oh fuck! That tongue is amazing, Tavi!” She released her outer lips and reached up to fondle her modest breasts. Nothing compared to Octavia’s though.

Octavia grinned against Vinyl’s pussy and arched her tongue, grinding it against Vinyl’s g spot while her upper lip teased against Vinyl’s clitoris. One of her fingers came up and pressed against Vinyl’s anus, rubbing gentle circles and teasing it open.

Vinyl moaned louder and pulled on her nipples. “Prim and proper Octavia is so kinky in the bedroom,” she moaned in a teasing tone. “Liking the show, DeadMau5?”

“As always, I am recording this moment for posterity.” DeadMau5’s dry reply just as Octavia pushed forward ever so slightly and clamped her upper teeth down upon Vinyl’s clitoris in a maneuver that Vinyl liked to call the ‘Jaws of Little Death’, a move that never failed to bring Vinyl to a screaming orgasm.

Sure enough, Vinyl arched her back and let out a loud scream as she came all over Octavia’s face and drenched her tongue in her juices. “Fuck! Fuck! I love that move, Tavi!”

Octavia pulled back and grinned, her tongue flicking out and licking away Vinyl’s juices from her face, “Of course you do, love. That’s why I do it to you first thing every time we make love.” She stuck her tongue out to its full length, an impressive seven inches long, and waggled it at Vinyl, finally shucking off her pants and blue boxers, letting an important part of her anatomy spring free. “Now that the foreplay is done with, love, shall we get to the main course?” Octavia’s grin turned into a lusty smirk as she stroked her eight inch cock and scooted between Vinyl’s legs, leaning down to kiss her once more.

Vinyl kissed her back and gripped Octavia’s pulsing length. “Don’t forget the important part, Tavi. I gotta put the spell on, remember?” Her hand started glowing blue and seeping that mana into Octavia’s shaft.

Octavia shuddered at the feel of Vinyl’s familiar, pulsing, vibrating mana sliding into and around her shaft, making it grow ever harder. It throbbed under Vinyl’s touch, Octavia grasping Vinyl by the shoulders and pinning her to the ground as Octavia thrust into her with one swift movement, burying herself to the hilt.

Vinyl cried out and wrapped her legs around Octavia’s waist. “Fuck! You feel so good inside my tight pussy, Tavi!” She reached up and grabbed her wife’s breasts, squeezing them and pulling on her nipples.

Octavia moaned, slamming her hips against Vinyl’s as she ran her thumbs over Vinyl’s breasts, “Damn, love! You just get better every time!” She groaned lowly, kissing Vinyl and shoving all seven inches of tongue into her mouth, wrapping it around Vinyl’s tongue.

Vinyl moaned into her lips and rubbed her tongue against Octavia’s as she bucked her hips against hers. She arched her back to push her breasts harder against Octavia’s hands and wrapped her arms around Octavia’s neck, running her fingers through her hair.

Octavia withdrew her tongue and nibbled on Vinyl’s ear, harshly whispering, “I love you so much, Vine! Cum for me, love! Cum for me!” She sped up her thrusting and roughly pinched both of Vinyl’s nipples, slamming into Vinyl’s pussy at a frantic pace.

“I love you too, Tavi!” Vinyl moaned before screaming as her pussy clamped down on Octavia, drenching her rod in her juices. Vinyl arched her back as her body shuddered from the intense orgasm. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

Octavia grinned and pounded into Vinyl’s pussy a few more times, cumming hard just as Vinyl’s orgasm finished.She squeezed Vinyl’s breasts as she came, clamping her teeth down on Vinyl’s left nipple and squirting liters of sticky semen into Vinyl’s depths.

Vinyl buried her face in Octavia’s hair as she came a second time from feeling all that warm seed inside her. “Tavi!” Her scream was muffled by her wife’s head as she finally came down from the third orgasm, panting hard as she lay back, holding Octavia close.

Octavia sighed blissfully, crawling her way up Vinyl’s body and settling down, letting Vinyl rest upon her breasts as she was so fond of doing. “Amazing as always, love. Amazing as always…” Octavia held Vinyl to her breasts, waving at DeadMau5 and signalling for him to turn off his camera.

Vinyl nuzzled Octavia’s chest. “That was fucking amazing, Tavi…” She looked up at Octavia and tenderly kissed her. “Want to go again?”

Octavia giggled and stood, beckoning Vinyl to follow, “Very much so, but this time shall we do it in the bedroom?” Her cock sprung up again, already at half mast.

Vinyl got up and followed Octavia to the bedroom, kissing her before pushing her onto the bed and joining her on it.

Thunderclap looked over his swords as he sat across from String Theory in the rear bay of the cloaked jet they were being transported in. “How are you feeling, String Theory?” he asked as he sheathed the plain, clearly mass produced model katana in his left hand into the sheath attached to his back and devoted more attention to the red bladed, hand forged katana in his right hand, the blade giving off a small electric sound as it moved through the air. His exosuit gleamed in the low light, sleek black lines edged in neon blue lights. A quartet of squares on his chest, below his collarbone, formed into a T-shape. His visor lay closed shut over his face, an ominous red glow seeping from beneath it. The rest of his head was covered in a smooth, black helmet, twin lines of blue stretching from the edges of the visor to the back of his neck. Low, thick heels masked his footsteps, while small claws on his fingertips gave extra grip

String Theory groaned and adjusted her goggles, toggling through the various scanners and sensors to make sure they functioned correctly. With her gas mask on, she seemed almost spider-like in appearance. She wore a skintight suit that left little to the imagination, with rubber soled boots and a pair of bulky bracelets around each wrist. On her back was a smooth, thin pack that ran tubes around and through her suit, flush with its surface, many of them coming to a stop on the hourglass shaped emblem nestled just above her breasts. “Holding up well enough, Thunderclap,” she spoke, unzipping her suit just a smidge to provide relief against the tightness of her suit, “Though those damn perverts down in R&D still refuse to give me a sneaking suit that covers my tits without crushing them.”

“We could always appeal directly to Princess Luna, see if she’s willing to straighten those guys out,” Thunderclap suggested, sheathing his katana on his waist as a magically generated illusion of Princess Luna appeared.

“Greetings, Thunderclap, String Theory. Let us review the details of your mission.” The hologram gestured, and a screen with a map popped up, “This is your target: The Mad King Dainn’s central compound in the very heart of the Taranda mountain area. Current time is 2334, your mission begins at 0 hour. Current standing orders are to assassinate King Dainn, level the compound, eliminate all opposition with extreme prejudice, and free the… subjects of Dainn’s cruelty. Maximum time allotted for this mission is one hour. If you cannot complete the mission by then, Night Shift HQ will assume you dead and will continue with Standard Procedure.”

String Theory nodded and cleared her throat, “Before we begin, Princess… ah….”

“Yes, String Theory?”

“Could you tell the boys down in R&D to make me a suit that actually fits for once? If I have to unzip my suit and compromise my camouflage one more time, I’m going to electrocute all of their testicles into a bloody paste.” String Theory growled and held up her hand, bracelet shifting into taser configuration and crackling ominously.

“Your concern is noted. Now, drop zone is within thirty seconds of here. If there are no more questions?”

String Theory shook her head and looked to Thunderclap.

“Standard ROE, Princess?” Thunderclap asked.

The Luna image shook her head, “Not this time, Thunderclap. Feel free to teach Dainn and his cadre of followers a very harsh and thorough lesson in respecting the female gender this time around. And, before we go, Thunderclap?”

“Yes, Princess?” Thunderclap asked, curiosity in his tone.

“When you find him… and when you kill him… I want you to record it, so I can fall asleep to it every day.” Luna’s image grinned as it winked away, leaving String Theory and Thunderclap alone. String Theory looked to Thunderclap with a grin visible under her mask, “Well, I suppose we better do as she says, eh Thunderclap?”

“If she wants screams, she’ll get screams,” Thunderclap said, chuckling very darkly.

The onboard comm system came to life. “Drop zone in ten seconds. Prepare for insertion, String Theory,” the pilot instructed as the rear bay’s door opened downward for her.

Thunderclap nodded to String Theory. “Half as long.”

String Theory nodded as she leapt out of the jet, back flipping in midair with a call of, “Twice as bright!” She landed, barely disturbing the snow as she hit the ground in a three point crouch. With a low breath that had steam wisping out from her mask’s vents, she pressed the hourglass on her chest, fading away into the darkness with nary a whisper.

String Theory dashed forward- she had to cover a mile and a half in less than two minutes to match Thunderclap’s landing and waiting around to look at the moon wasn’t going to help.

High above, the jet’s ascent went nearly vertical as it reached the very highest altitude it could manage, with Thunderclap dropping out of the still open bay doors with a jaunty salute at pilot and co-pilot, letting the both of them fly away without any more fanfare.

Orienting himself into a nosedive, Thunderclap made himself as aerodynamic as possible, smirking as his HUD informed him that he had hit terminal velocity. Grinning under the visor, he changed his orientation so that he was getting more drag to slow his fall somewhat as he came closer and closer to his landing site: right in the middle of Dainn’s compound. Once he was slow enough that his suit’s shock absorbers and runes could handle the landing, he flipped and did a three point landing, making a crater in the ground and sending out a shockwave that scattered anyone that wasn’t killed by the rapidly accelerated debris from the landing. Raising his fist and opening it, he slammed his palm into the ground, runes spreading outward into a summoning array that released a huge cloud of smoke, which was cleared by a roaring machine.

Thunderclap stood slowly, menacingly, as the massive machine behind him mirrored his movements, a giant bipedal thing with two massive wings and a long, almost sinuous tail. A mockery of the avian form. With a harsh chuckle, Thunderclap activated both his suit’s and the machine’s external speakers, the harsh wailing of a guitar echoing through the frozen peaks.

The enormous machine immediately set to work destroying the walled, almost city sized compound, roaring and shrieking as the defenders attacked in ineffectual and almost pathetic manners.

Thunderclap strode forward and unsheathed his red katana, letting the blade sing as he swept it through the air. He chuckled darkly, watching some of the more cowardly defenders run before he burst forward in a blur of motion and stopped in front of them, watching them literally fall to pieces before his eyes. “Three down, gods know how many more to go…”

He strode into the compound, footsteps echoing in the corridors, “I wonder what String Theory is up to…”

String Theory snuck through the other side of the compound, casually bypassing the security measures with contemptuous ease and setting her taser on lethal, giving each guard a jolt or seven to the back of the neck and letting them drop, brains fried to a crisp, to the ground. Every now and then, she’d duck into a room and download every relevant file she could onto the literal beltful of data storage sticks she had around her waist.

Every now and then, the building shook from the sheer force of the machine that Thunderclap had unleashed. String Theory rolled her eyes, “Thunderclap sure does love getting new toys…. Can’t believe it got named MEGADETH…. why all caps?” She continued her casually sneaky stroll, garroting various guards and leaving them to hang from the light fixtures as she moved around, leaping across beams and swinging through doorways.

“.... Wonder what Thunderclap is doing…”

Thunderclap hummed to himself as he sliced down the door to Dainn’s inner sanctum and strolled in. “Where are you, Dainn?” he called out.

The king himself was nowhere to be found. In his place, his throne was occupied by a stack of explosives and a note titled, “See you in hell, bitch!” along with several crude renditions- more stick figures with angry faces on them, really- of rape and various tortures.

“Oh son of a-” Thunderclap was cut off by the explosives detonating and throwing him through a wall and into a guard that String Theory was about to garotte, the guard’s neck not surviving the impact of Thunderclap landing on him.

String Theory leapt back in surprise, tranquilizer shots going off on accident and somehow managing to stab another fleeing guard in the legs and buttocks, dropping him and his heart in less than half a second. “Dammit Thunderclap! What happened!?”

Thunderclap got to his feet. “Bastard rigged his throne with explosives. We have to track him down.” Lifting his left hand to his head, he placed a call to the support team they had over the Codec, specifically their recon specialist. “This is Thunderclap. Dainn wasn’t in his throne room. Got any leads for us?”

“Thunderclap we read you loud and clear. We’ve got thermal cams set up and we’re checking them now. We got seven movement signatures, three north, one east, two south, one west. Switching to thaumic cams- the strongest mana signature is the central one to the north. Uploading coordinates and data to your visor and String Theory’s goggles now.”

“Copy that. Data received. Thunderclap out.” Thunderclap ended the transmission. “Let’s go, String Theory.”

String Theory nodded and cracked her knuckles, “I don’t care about the rest of him, I call dibs on ripping his balls off and crushing his dick under my boot. I saw his slave compound. Utterly disgusting.” Her fist crackled with electricity, prongs extending and ready to launch either a deadly burst of voltage or tranquilizer. “Shall we?” She ran off, bounding down the northern passageway with admirable speed.

Thunderclap chuckled as he followed after her, fully content to let her have Dainn’s nuts anddick to destroy. “Don’t forget that we need to make him scream. How much time do we have left?”

String Theory checked the time, “Fifteen minutes until we have to get to the extraction point. That leaves us about ten minutes to kill Dainn. Synchronize with me, we have to do this as a team.” She began breathing in a particular rhythm while tapping her foot, waiting for Thunderclap to respond.

Thunderclap began tapping his own foot to the same unheard beat, a beat that could only be heard by a team that worked together for so long that each knew the other’s thoughts instinctively.

With a grin, String Theory stepped forward in time with Thunderclap, both of them so in-sync that their footsteps rang out like a single pair of boots. Their breaths came in time, and as one, they burst into motion, racing through the hallways of Dainn’s ruined compound at almost ridiculous speeds, their forms blurring as they topped out at nearly sixty miles per hour.

As one, they burst into Dainn’s panic room, the reinforced door falling to Thunderclap’s blade as though it were an oriental paper door. “There you are, Dainn. Thought you were being clever with the explosives?” Thunderclap inquired, his blade singing as he pointed it at Dainn.

Dainn growled and tossed his two pitifully mewling slaves to the side, making them land in an awkward heap near the back of the panic room. “You fool! You actually think you can best me? Why not join me and dominate that disgraceful female? Make her take her proper place as a sex slave?”

String Theory frowned behind her mask. “Thunderclap?” She cracked her knuckles again, an audible hum of activating runes filling the air.

“He’s all yours,” Thunderclap said, sheathing his sword and activating his visor’s audio recording feature. “Make him scream nice and loud for Princess Luna.”

String Theory grinned, almost visible behind her mask, “As you wish.” She darted forward faster than the eye could track and kicked Dainn in the jaw, launching him into the ceiling. She followed, grabbing him and midair suplexing the mad king into the floor, shattering his nose. Dainn screamed, a loud cry of agony and impotent rage that brought a smile to the face of both String Theory and Thunderclap, even as she slammed a fist into Dainn’s crotch and changed him from a baritone to a falsetto in the space of half a second.

“And here I thought he couldn’t reach the falsetto range. Well done, Strong Theory!” Thunderclap congratulated. “See if he can scream a higher pitch. Maybe shatter that goblet on the table.”

String Theory grinned and grasped the remains of Dainn’s testicles through his pants, ignoring his high pitched pleas of mercy. With a vicious flourish, she tore the pulped scrotum and its contents from Dainn’s pelvis, spraying blood all over the place and making Dainn scream so loudly that the goblet on the table shattered in a spray of vibrating glass, the various instrument panels shattering soon after.

String Theory cursed and held her ears, slamming a boot into the bloody ruin of Dainn’s crotch and grinding it in, shouting, “OH SHUT IT ALREADY!”

“I think it’s time to wrap this up,” Thunderclap said as he ended the recording. “We’ve got a leisurely five minutes to reach the extraction point.”

String Theory stood back after a few more stomps to make sure all of Dainn’s… equipment was well and thoroughly crushed, pulped, and destroyed. “I believe my job is done here. Thunderclap, you have the rest of him.” She strode to the doorway and waited for Thunderclap to finish the job.

Thunderclap nodded and strode toward Dainn while drawing his katana, the crimson blade singing as it cut his head off in a single stroke. Taking a moment to sling the blood from the blade, he slowly, dramatically sheathed the blade. “Alright. Time to go home.” He put his hand to his head and contacted the pilot of their extraction jet. “This is Thunderclap. Mission accomplished. We’re heading for the extraction point.”

“Roger that, Thunderclap, we are coming in for a landing; you got five minutes left on your clock. head directly south for two miles. Uploading coordinates now. If you aren’t here in five, orders are still Standard Procedure. Over and out.”

String Theory looked over the map on her HUD and nodded to Thunderclap, “Ready?”

“Ready,” Thunderclap said with a nod. “Let’s make it in three minutes.”

String Theory’s suit lit up with runes, the camouflage function deactivated in favor of boosting her speed, “Shall we try for two?” She raced away, leaving a blur of crimson behind her as she left, rapid footsteps echoing down the corridors.

Thunderclap easily kept pace thanks to the runes and other enhancements in his exosuit. Sure to String Theory’s prediction, they made it to their extraction zone with three minutes to spare. “New record for us, you think?”

“Quite.” String Theory hopped aboard the jet and held her hand out for Thunderclap to take, “Perhaps eventually we’ll be able to drop it down to a single minute.”

“Maybe,” Thunderclap agreed as he accepted the hand up and hit the switch to shut the bay door. “Another job well done. Nothing quite so fulfilling as doing good deeds like this.”

“Indeed,” String Theory replied, undoing the latch of her mask and pulling it free, letting her breath properly again, “Now, what say you we get back to base? I believe Princess Luna would like to hear the recording you made in person.”

Music rang out through Ponyville as Flim and Flam’s official welcome party ran at full swing, with the two guests of honor being shuffled through the town’s residents at a dizzying pace by Pinkie.

“-And this is Berry Punch, Bon Bon, Lyra, Roseluck, Carrot Top, Ditzy, Bulk Biceps-” “YEAH!!” “- Filthy Rich, Big Mac, Thunderlane, Rumble, Apple Cobbler, Blossomforth, Clear Skies, Cloud Chaser, Crafty Crate, Flitter, Open Skies, Sunshower, Cloudchaser, Aloe, Lotus Blossom, Vera, Daisy, Trixie, Gilda, Alucard, Schrodinger, Anderson, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie!” Pinkie Pie grinned and stepped back, bouncing slightly in place while Flim and Flam shook the dizziness from their skulls. “So whaddaya think? Isn’t Ponyville great?”

“Yes. Quite great,” Flim said, recovering from the dizzy spell.

Flam leaned over to Applejack. “Is she always like this?” he asked in a whisper.

“Eyup,” Applejack replied, throwing back a swig of apple juice. “Don’ worry none, though. Y’get used to it…. eventually.”

The door burst open. “Sorry we’re late!” Vinyl called as she and Octavia strolled in, accompanied by DeadMau5. “But the party’s even better now that we’re here!”

“Vinyl! Tavi!” Pinkie cheered, dragging both musicians over to the pre-prepared stage, “It’s been so much less awesome without you two here! All I could do was play a few of the older tracks! It’s been terrible! So get up there and work your magic, girlfriends, and we can turn this party into a real Pinkie Party!”

“Aw yeah!” Vinyl called as she stepped up with DeadMau5, snapping her fingers. “Turntable mode, DeadMau5!”

“Must I really?” DeadMau5 whined, shifting forms and anchoring to the stage in his standard turntable configuration, a track already whining its way out of his speakers as Octavia began playing her cello.

“Don’t worry, bud! I’ll oil ya plenty tonight!” Vinyl promised. “Now let’s crank this party up to eleven and rip the knob off!”

“Oh gods I can already feel my circuits frying….” DeadMau5 whined, but let Vinyl take her place at his control panel, sighing internally as the lights dimmed and lasers flew, the crowd cheering wildly as Vinyl and Octavia harmonized.

Twilight grinned as she watched Alucard and Fluttershy on the dance floor, taking a sip of her drink when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Turning, she noticed Flim and Flam. “Yes?” Weird. Earlier they had been too scared to approach her.

Flim and Flam coughed and shuffled nervously, Flim starting off, “Ah, well, see, we were just thinking that, since you’re Princess Celestia’s protege-”

“-You’d know quite a bit about rune magic-”

“-so we’d like to ask if you would-”

“-look over our work and-”

“-offer improvements and criticisms?”

“It is rather imperative that-”

“-we give Sweet Apple Acres the-”

“-very level best that we can give it-”

“-Isn’t it?” Flim finished, wringing his hands nervously. Flam coughed and adjusted his mustache, smoothing out his shirt and grinning weakly.

“I suppose it is,” Twilight said before looking them in the eyes, her own glowing red. “There’s something else, isn’t there?” she asked in a tone that, despite its sweetness, had undertones of, ‘lie to me, and you die.’

Flim and Flam gulped and spoke simultaneously, “W-well… we were going to ask you for proper magic training as well… since we never went to University.”

Twilight grinned very darkly. “My brand of training is very intense. I trained alongside the current captain of the Royal Guard, my big brother, Shining Armor. I’m one for efficiency, you two. People waste a lot of time. Then they wish for more. More hours in their days… More days in their years… More years in their lives. As if they could do anything if they had all that extra time. Here’s the thing about time though. If you can’t make the most out any given moment…” She leaned closer to them, her look growing more menacing, “Then you don’t deserve a single. Extra. Second.”

In the background, Vinyl slapped down her last track of the night, bringing Twilight’s words into a sharp focus as the lights flared bright turquoise green behind her.