I Have Vacation Days?!

“Spike, it’s been five months. When are you gonna stop moping over Rarity?” Twilight asked, arms crossed and expression flat. “Seriously, it stopped being funny three months ago. It’s just pathetic and unbecoming of you at this point.”

“SHE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED!!!” Spike snapped from the burrow he’d dug out near the library, refusing to leave except for a bite to eat, and only after nightfall, so that he wouldn’t have to chance encountering Rarity or Blueblood.

“Psshhh, fine. ‘She who must not be named’.” Twilight patted her belly, giggling slightly at the percussive tones it gave off. “Seriously though, it’s pathetic as all Tartarus. And the mayor is giving me shit about you ruining the foundation of the library.”

“I don’t care!” Spike answered. “The mayor can fuck off! What’s she gonna do? You’re a would be vampire queen, your husband’s a vampire king, and I’m A FUCKING DRACOLICH!” The sound of Spike curling up more could be heard coming from the burrow.

“Well, she can legally evict us, and if we refuse to move out we’ll be wanted criminals after a while. Princess Celestia might actually get called down to deal with the scandal, even.” Twilight shook her head and looked up, blinking in surprise, “... Wait what.”

High above, a seemingly never ending fuckton class flight of dragons winged across the sky, heading east towards their annual migration destination.

“... Well there’s something you don’t see every day,” Twilight muttered, slapping herself over the fact that she forgot that today was the start of the Dragon Migration.

Spike stuck his head out of his burrow, seeing daylight for the first time in months, wincing as his eyes adjusted. Once they did, he looked up in awe as he watched his brethren pass overhead. “Yeah… That’s just what I need…” Fully emerging from his burrow, he shifted to a medium size about the size of a house and took to the air, starting to head upward to join the flight.

“Fuck!” Twilight jumped back, shouting up to Spike, “Hey! Where do you think you’re going young man!?” She shook her fist angrily, pointing at Spike’s burrow, “You’d better come back here and fill this back up before you leave!”

“I’m joining the Migration!” Spike yelled back, making no change to his current course. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back! But I’m definitely gonna be gone for a few months at least!”

“They grow up so fast, don’t they, Twilight?” Alucard asked as he stepped out of the library and stood beside Twilight. “Our little bird has left the nest to find his own way.”’

“He’s neither little nor a bird, but I appreciate the metaphor,” Twilight muttered, turning back towards the burrow and pulling out her scroll. “Great, time to make some calls.” She dialed and put the scroll to her ear.

Vinyl’s scroll blasted out her usual bass filled ringtone, startling her into slipping in the shower. “Gah motherfucker!” she cried, managing to catch herself before she did something really stupid. After getting her footing back, she reached out and grabbed her scroll, putting it on speaker phone. “Sup? You’ve reached the one and only Vinyl Scratch. AKA DJ Pon3. You got some need for my kickass beats and mixes, whoever you are ‘cause I didn’t look at the caller ID?”

“Vinyl, I need you to tail Spike. I know you put a tracker on him back at the Empire, so I know you can follow him. He’s joined the Dragon Migration this year, since, y’know, he’s been pathetically moping over Rarity. I want you to make sure he doesn’t accidentally murder every other dragon there.” Twilight cut straight to the point, her voice commanding and firm, but belying the faintest hint of worry underneath her words.

“Little Spike’s all grown up!” Vinyl cheered as she finished rinsing and cut the water off. “You know, you almost made me slip in the shower, Twi,” she said as she got out and grabbed a towel, running it through her hair as she used her magic to vibrate the water off her body. “And you want me to make sure he doesn’t kill all the other dragons? By the way! How’s the baby? You like mine and Tavi’s shower gift?”

“It was great, thanks! But uh… what exactly am I supposed to do with a mix table and a cello…?” Twilight asked, audibly confused.

“Make music of course!” Vinyl said cheerfully as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Anyways. I’ll keep an eye on Spike. Later.” She hung up as she walked out of the bathroom stark naked. “Tavi! DeadMau5! We’re goin’ on a roadtrip!”

“Vinyl put some clothes on before the neighbors see you!” Octavia cried, throwing one of Vinyl’s spare hoodie’s at her spouse’s face, completely ignoring the fact that she herself was wearing a lacy camisole… and nothing else.

“Says my sexy wife who’s wearing nothing but seethrough lingerie,” Vinyl pointed out as she grabbed a pair of panties from her drawer and pulled them on along with the hoodie. “Don’t be a hypocrite, sweetcheeks.” She went looking in her closet for some pants. “So anyways… Roadtrip!”

Octavia leaned forward, intrigued, “Roadtrip? Where to, love? And on such short notice?”

“Well you know how Spike’s been all depressed about Rarity and Blueblood getting together and having their little family?” Vinyl asked. “Well, he’s finally outside that burrow in broad daylight, and he joined the Dragon Migration!”

“The fuckton class flight is passing over Ponyville as we speak,” DeadMau5 pointed out from the window, watching the dragons with interest.

Octavia looked out the window, inadvertently making many of the passerby on the street feel rather inadequate, and stared out the window. “Huh, well what do you know, that is a rather large flight of dragons. Although, is ‘fuckton’ really the best word you could come up with for it?”

“It is the official label for a flight that size,” DeadMau5 answered as he kept watching the dragons. “Also, you are making men and women alike on the street feel inadequate, Octavia.”

“Eep!” Octavia flipped back from the window, drawing it closed and blushing heavily in mortification. “Let us never speak of that ever again.”

Vinyl laughed from where she sat on the couch. “You tell me to get dressed before people see me, and then you go and put your goods on display!”

“Perhaps we should move on to the relevance of Spike joining the Migration to our proposed roadtrip,” DeadMau5 suggested, looking up at Octavia before rubbing his head against her palm.

Octavia sighed, patting DeadMau5’s head. “Yes, let’s. I’m going to get dressed first, though.” She walked over to her closet and dug through it, throwing on a simple button up shirt and a skirt without even bothering with her normal boxers underneath. “Now, back to business.”

“Well, Twilight’s worried Spike might kill all the other dragons, so she wants us to tail him while he’s traveling,” VInyl said. “She liked our shower gift, by the way.” She got a soda from her minifridge and popped it open. “We bringing Facet and Maud with us?” she asked after taking a drink.

“Maud is six months pregnant. She is no condition to travel the distances required for this sort of task,” DeadMau5 reminded.

“Facet is, however, calling me right now,” Octavia mentioned, lifting her scroll to her ear. “Hello, Facet. I assume Twilight called you earlier, or some other important matter has come up. How are you?”

“A little irritated at Twilight for waking me up at this hour,” Facet answered in a groggy tone. “I was having a wonderful dream. Maud and I were enjoying a romantic trip to a tropical island on top of the fact that she and I were cuddling in the waking world.”

“I see, well, are you up for tailing Spike or would you rather stay home with Maud?” Octavia asked, then grinned, “Actually, bad question. We know the answer to that. The question is… what will you do?”

“As much as I’d love to stay with Maud and go back to sleep, I noticed the undertone of worry in Twilight’s voice. In a way, Spike is her son, and she wants to make sure he’s alright. But her pregnancy keeps her from tending to it personally. So I suppose I’ll be joining you and Vinyl on this little trip. Must be my budding instincts as a father causing me to imagine my own child in Spike’s situation or similar,” Facet said. “Shall I meet you at your house in half an hour?”

“Of course, Facet. Thank you for your sacrifice,” Octavia smiled and hung up, sliding her scroll closed and moving to the back of the closet. “Well, we have half an hour before Facet gets here. Shall we suit up?”

“We goin’ dragon slaying?” Vinyl asked with a grin as she started packing for the trip. “Haven’t slain a dragon since Nightmare Night!” She paused in her packing. “Hey where were you that night anyway?”

“I was out covering your tracks, love. After all, you did leave the house… through the second story front window,” Octavia leveled a deadpan stare at Vinyl, packing her own clothing, as well as camping supplies and her combat gear.

“What excuse did you use for me?” Vinyl asked with a bashful grin as she kept packing her own supplies. “By the way. You ever consider getting your sneaking suit connected to your neural implants?”

Octavia scoffed, “I used the same excuse I always use- that it must have been a figment of their imagination. And no, not really. Sneaking suits are different from exosuits, afterall.”

“I guess,” Vinyl said. “So… Noticed you’re going commando today,” she noted with a grin at her wife. “A little risque for you, huh sweetcheeks? One wrong breeze or too high a kick and your goods are on display for all to see.”

“Unfortunately for you, my dear, I shall be wearing something quite a bit more sensible when Facet shows up,” Octavia teased, still searching through her closet. “Although, my sneaking suit does have a zipper that goes from one ankle to my neck~ And it’s a double zipper, meaning that I can leave any part of the zipper open at a time with the rest closed.”

Vinyl grinned wider and came up behind Octavia, teasingly groping her. “Oh you know just how to grab my attention. If you’re not careful, I’ll be too busy riding you to pack for the trip, then Facet’ll show up and it’ll be a little awkward for you and him.”

Octavia hummed, smirking and pulling away, “Well, as an incentive to pack faster, why don’t you think about all the sex we’ll have when we get back from the Migration, hmm?”

Vinyl laughed and packed with her telekinesis while hugging Octavia. “You’re not thinking of kids now are you? What with the recent baby boom that Princess Cadance caused? All our friends having kids. You feeling jealous of Facet and Maud?”

“Mmm, perhaps not, but I do know we’ll both be in need of blowing of quite a lot of steam by the time the dragon migration is over~” Octavia giggled and shut the closet door behind her, pulling on her sneaking suit and making sure her weapons were all in working order.

Spike breathed deeply of the air as he flew alongside his fellow dragons. In merely two hours since leaving Ponyville they were now passing over Appleloosa. He glanced down and grinned at the townsfolk and natives going about their business when not watching the dragons in awe.

“Hey! Newbie!” A raspy, pubescent voice called out, one of the smaller dragons approaching Spike and flying a lazy arc around him. “What’s up with your chest, dude?”

“Had that all my life,” Spike said. “ Or rather, unlife. Probably the only dracolich in the flight. Not that I really care. Just had to get away from Ponyville for a while. Get my head together, you know?”

“What in the name of Tiamat were you doing in a human settlement!?” the pubescent dragon asked, a bit shocked and curious. “... And what the Tartarus is a dracolich?”

“I was in Ponyville because I live there,” Spike said. “And a dracolich is what Alucard so bluntly calls a zombie dragon. I’m undead. Not quite living, not quite dead. Somewhere in between. I was reanimated using a wiped human soul and my bones by a necromancer.”

“.... Dude…. respect, bro…” the pubescent dragon flapped backwards in front of Spike and held out his claws, “Bump it, wyrm! Name’s Garble. What about you?”

Spike grinned and met the clawbump. “I’m Spike. First time in the Migration actually. Reason for joining was kinda petty now that I think about it. Girl troubles.”

“Ahh, I feel, bro,” Garble patted Spike’s shoulder in sympathy, “my wyrm Crusher here just got outta a bad matin’ situation with this chick. She was toxic for him, yo.” He shook his head, indicating the violet dragon a few wingspans over, with a mohawk shaped row of spines on his head and a pronounced underbite. Crusher waved idly, a small grin on his face as he flew.

“Rough,” Spike said with a nod. “I got friendzoned by this girl I’ve had a thing for for a while. I was not happy when I found out she was taken. By this guy that used to be a complete asshole no less!”

“Harsh, bro,” Crusher nodded, coming up on Spike’s other side to pat his other shoulder. “Man, girls are nothin’ but trouble, y’know? Us dudes, we gotta stick together!”

Spike laughed and clapped Crusher and Garble on the shoulders. “Yeah! We gotta stick together. It’s us against the world!” He grinned at his newfound buddies. “Ya know… I can do stuff that other dragons can’t. The necromancer that reanimated me is kinda, how do I say it? Oh yeah. She’s insane. Like, batshit insane.”

Crusher chuckled, “No shit, bro. Necromancers are all crazy in the head. Ain’t a damn one of them that ain’t and there never will be. But hey, least you’re still… uh… sorta alive.”

“I’m used to it,” Spike said. “Best part is not having to shit!” he said with a wide grin as he laughed at his own joke.

“You lucky son of a lizard!” Garble roared, doubling over in his flight and dropping down a few feet before he gained control of himself. “That means you ain’t gotta chance of any fucking diarrhea! Lucky motherfucker…”

Spike noticed they were passing over uninhabited mountains now and grinned. “Hey! Check this out!” He inhaled and shot out his positron cannon at the mountainside, blasting a huge hole into it.

“Whoa who the- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!?” Crusher gasped, flailing about in midair from the sheer force of the detonation. “How the hell’d you learn to do that and can you teach me that!?”

Spike roared in laughter. “That my friend is called a positron cannon! And no, I can’t teach it to you. It’s one of the tricks the necromancer that made me put in. I can breathe anti-matter! And it is awesome! And that’s not all I got!” He shot out a lightning bolt and shattered more of the mountain. “Got lightning too!”

A sleek dragoness, noticeably older and larger than the boys, though still young, winged over to Spike and flew a tight barrel roll around him, examining Spike from all angles with an appreciative glint in her eye. “Well hello there,” her voice rumbled, smooth and seductive with a deadly edge to it. “I’ve never seen any dragon quite like you before. What’s your name, whelp?”

“Spike,” he answered, blushing a bit under her scrutiny and obvious power. “Nice to meet you. What’s your name?” His gaze wandered over her sleek form. Definitely an older dragon. What was it with him and cougars? “And I imagine you haven’t. I’m a dracolich. I’m undead.”

The dragoness frowned thoughtfully, winging under Spike and examining the hole in his chest with a critical eye. “Selten, whelp. What an interesting affliction you have upon yourself….”

Garble and Crusher started forward, intending to push the dragoness back into the rest of the cloud. “Hey lady! That’s our bro you’re talkin’ to!” Crusher snorted, a bit of fire leaking from his nostrils. “Y’ain’t got no right to look at him like he’s a fresh kill, y’hear me!?”

Selten threw her head back and laughed, her brilliant white scales gleaming in the sun and her amethyst spines rattling from the movement. “Boys, boys, don’t you know not to talk to your elders like that?” She waggled a claw at Garble, noting the way his eyes followed her every movement and smirked.

“Guys, guys, it’s fine,” Spike said, trying to play peacekeeper. “She’s just curious about the hole like you two were.” He looked at Selten. “That’s not an affliction. That light is the soul that was used to reanimate me and there wasn’t enough biomass to form a complete body. The necromancer left it there so she could have easy access to the soul if she needed to do something.”

“Is that so, whelp? Color me impressed,” Selten mused, huffing teasingly and winging away with nary another word while Garble and Crusher stared at her retreat.

“Friggin’ girls, man...” Garble muttered, shaking his head.

Crusher nodded, “Who gets them, dude? Not me.”

Spike stared at Selten for a few seconds. “I think she likes me.”

“I think she likes him,” Octavia muttered, lowering her binoculars and retreating back into the stealth jet that the three of them had commandeered for this mission. “Or at least, she’s somewhat interested.”

“I caught her name,” Facet said from the pilot seat. “Selten. Old draconic word. Get this. Its loose translation to Equestrian is Rarity.”

Vinyl laughed from her spot in the co pilot seat. “What is it with him and girls named Rarity?!”

“It’s just the two of them,” Octavia frowned, batting Vinyl upside the head. “And besides, it’s not that fu- oh I can’t finish that sentence with a straight face.” She giggled as she sat back, taking the time to snack on a protein bar. “Well, at least he seems to be doing better.”

“Indeed,” Facet agreed as he ran a routine check on the instruments. “He’s doing well for this being his first meaningful interaction with his own kind. And maybe he’ll have luck with that dragoness. Could be just what he needs to get over Rarity.”

“Maybe they’ll bring a clutch of eggs back to Ponyville,” Vinyl said with a grin. “Ya know. I’ve never seen dragons have sex. Can we stick around to watch if they do get down and dirty? Ya know… for science?”

Octavia sighed, “No Vinyl. That would be an egregious disregard for dear Spike’s privacy. And also, why do you need to even know these things?”

“Because your wife is a shameless pervert?” Facet offered. “Still don’t know how you two ended up a couple.”

“I am rather curious myself about the nature of dragon procreation,” DeadMau5 said, speaking up for the first time in several hours.

“Yes! DeadMau5’s on my side!” Vinyl cheered as she threw her arms up above her head. Somehow managing not to hit any switches.

“Ugh. Fine. If you absolutely must,” Octavia groaned, finishing her protein bar and throwing the wadded up wrapper at Vinyl’s head.

Vinyl caught the wrapper and stowed it in a trash bag for later disposal. “Thank you, Tavi! And maybe this’ll give us ideas for the bedroom.”

“We’ve got movement from Spike,” Facet said. “Looks like he’s moving to chat with Selten again.”

“Hello again, whelp. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Selten asked, languidly flapping and bursting through a cloud. “Did we not last speak but mere minutes ago?”

Spike nervously chuckled as he blushed a bit. “Yeah well… You seem interesting, and I uh…” He cleared his throat. “Was kinda hoping to get to know you better.”

Selten smirked, blue eyes narrowing in mirth. “Oh? You would presume to initiate a courtship ritual even without knowing the proper motions?” She skimmed along Spike’s underbelly, her scales rasping smoothly against his. “Such an interesting whelp indeed. Perhaps your home with the humans has made you more interesting of a prospect…”

Spike blushed at the close brush of scales and implications of Selten’s words. “C-Courtship? N-No. Just wanting to talk is all. Really.” He chuckled in nervous embarrassment, completely at the older dragon’s mercy.

Selten snorted, “Talk is cheap, as the humans say. To know a fellow dragon properly, one must initiate a rite of combat. What more can talking do than to muddle the mind with fanciful words and lies?”

Spike chuckled a bit at that point. “I guess that makes sense. Looks like I’ve got a lot to learn about my own kind. Humans don’t know a lot about us or our culture.”

“Of course they do not,” Selten stated imperiously, flaring her wings and gaining a bit of altitude. “How could they? So wrapped up in their petty words and politics… we are dragons! We have no need for such frivolities! Now come, whelp, let us truly, as you say, ‘get to know each other’.” She grinned ferally, fangs and claws bared as she hovered in front of Spike.

“Oh shit! I think they’re about to throw down!” Vinyl exclaimed, her shades lowering as she stared at the two dragons. “What did he say to piss her off?!”

“I suspect we’re about to get a firsthand look at dragon cultural norms,” Facet said. “Better take notes. Gods know Twilight will kill us if we don’t.”

Octavia lifted her binoculars again and tapped her collar, activating her speech-to-text function and connecting to a data tablet. “Data entry one, date: June twelfth, 1003 ANM. Today’s topic: Dragon Culture. It appears as though dragon culture revolves heavily around combat. From what the instruments detected, the dragoness that Spike attempted to initiate conversation with is rather more experienced in dragon culture, stating that dragons prefer physical altercation rather than conversation when getting to know each other. Further updates when observed. End log.”

DeadMau5 nodded, also connected to the data tablet and streaming its contents live to Twilight’s scroll as text documents. “Twilight is going to be so pissed that she isn’t here when she gets these files…” he chuckled and laid down, content to just let his subroutines take over the heavy lifting.

Selten roared as she crashed bodily into Spike, clawing at his scales for a grip even as she aimed to tear out his throat with her fangs. Spike reeled from the blow, beating his wings futilely as the pair of dragons toppled from the sky in a tangle of flailing limbs.

Spike roared in return, using his stronger limbs to pry Selten away and throw her off to the side as he righted himself in midair, darting forward in a tight arc and pulling up at the last second to slam his claws into her back.

Selten folded backwards, screeching and flailing. She swung her tail around, the leaf shaped spines on its end catching Spike in the face and gouging deep furrows into his scales. With a draconic smirk, Selten swung her neck around and unleashed a blast of brilliant blue fire into Spike’s unprotected abdomen, launching herself off with the recoil and sending Spike hurtling towards the ground with a trail of smoke.

“Dammit….” Spike muttered, just barely pulling out of his dive before he hit the ground. He hovered in place for a moment to get his bearings and rushed forward again, this time using his back claws to gain a stranglehold around Selten’s neck and dig his claws into the scales around her face. With barely a moment’s thought, he blasted a line of fire down her back, scorching her white scales black and blistering the skin beneath.

Blood flew through the air, black and red droplets shimmering in the sun as Selten and Spike clashed again and again, their fierce roars ringing out over the landscape even as they continued to follow the Migration.

Spike huffed, rumbling in frustration as he felt himself lose ground once again, Selten bodily flinging him into the side of a mountain and slamming into his belly. She pinned him down, her maw glowing as she lowered it to his throat.

“I believe that’s my win, whelp,” Selten murmured, sending a wash of gentle flame over his scales and backing away, preening in victory. “You put up a marvelous fight though, Spike of Ponyville, one far greater than a whelp your age should have done. Congratulations.” She rolled in the dirt, cleaning the soot from her scales as she atomized the dirt away with cleansing flame. As she cleaned herself, she posed flirtatiously, winking at Spike, elegant even with her minor wounds.

Spike felt a blush come further onto his face as she pulled himself from the mountain and landed in the dirt, mimicking the elegant dragoness’ cleaning of soot from his scales and burning it off. His body moved on its own however. He was more preoccupied with his gaze traveling over her alluring form that screamed of beauty. It was a different sort of beauty than Rarity’s, though. Rarity was refined, proper. Selten’s beauty was of a more primal sort. One that spoke to him on an instinctual level.

“Shall we go, Spike?” Selten asked, smirking at Spike and stretching lazily, showing off her curves and scales in the best possible angles. “Or shall you just continue staring like a newborn wyrmling hungry for a meal?”

Heeding the prodding of long dormant instincts, Spike let out a playful growl as he approached the reclining Selten. “Careful with that teasing. I just might go for your generously offered throat.” He let out a chuckle at his joke as he lowered his open mouth over her throat and breathed the same sort of gentle flame over it that she had done to him.

Selten snorted and looked away, hiding the blush that shone faintly through her scales. “Initiating a courtship ritual right after a greeting ritual, how forward,” she muttered, twining her neck around Spike’s and rubbing it just so.

Spike froze at the sensation that traveled up and down his spine, blushing heavily as he suppressed a groan of pleasure. “W-Well uh… the necromancer’s husband was always a bad influence. So she said.” He was once again at Selten’s mercy. He could act suave, but he wasn’t quite there yet.

Selten smirked and pulled away, patting Spike’s chin with her tail. “Come. The Migration continues without us.” She took to the air, spiraling in her flight and blatantly showing off to Spike.

Spike quickly shook his head free of the stupor and flew up after Selten, soon finding himself between Garble and Crusher again. “Well… That was… Intense…”

“Holy shit, bro…” Crusher muttered, staring after Selten’s passing, “I think you got a chance with her…. and lucky you, she’s a fine piece of tail!” He snorted in laughter and slapped Spike’s shoulder, prompting Garble to cheer Spike on loudly, much to the exasperated amusement of the older dragons nearby.

Vinyl stared at Spike in wide eyed silence. “Shit… Dragon flirting is fucking intense!” She laughed a bit. “Can only imagine how much rougher the sex must be!”

“Indeed,” Octavia muttered, jotting down another data log, “Data entry two, date: June twelfth, 1003 ANM. Today’s topic: Dragon Courtship. Though it’s barely been ten minutes, it appears as though Spike has a legitimate chance of wooing the dragoness he met earlier today. Dragon flirting appears to contain a mix of violence as well as a multitude of physical cues gained through physical contact. Fire is involved as well, though to what extent cannot be ascertained without further research. Rubbing necks in a certain spot seems to arouse male dragons, though. Further updates when observed. End log.”

Facet tuned in to the document stream himself. “Addendum to data entry two. Dragons appear to place the luster, coloration, and overall body shape as high priority criteria of physical attractiveness. Instruments picked up a description of the dragoness in question as, and I quote, ‘a fine piece of tail’. Said dragoness is, at best guess, approximately five years older than the describing dragon, is of sleek body shape, in excellent health, and possesses pure white scales with dark purple spines. Physical cues seem to have observable analogues in human interaction. The aforementioned rubbing of necks appears analogous to a woman hugging a man while rubbing her leg against his groin, based on Spike’s exact reaction. The gentle flames exhaled onto the throat seem equivalent of affectionate kisses. And males appear to have a similar wingman type of interaction among themselves, which seems to make their elders nostalgic.”

Octavia blinked, “How did you pick up all those details, Facet? Our instruments can barely pick up what they’re saying at this distance.”

“I’m an artist, Octavia. A keen eye for details is an absolute necessity,” Facet answered, not looking up from what he was doing.

“... Good point,” Octavia muttered, turning back to her binoculars.

Selten landed on the rim of a volcano and sighed, breathing deeply of the sulfuric fumes and basking in the warmth of the lava. All around, dragons of all ages wrestled, flirted, bathed, relaxed, a good few of them even got an early start on mating season in the more hidden alcoves. “Now, where has the whelp landed, I wonder…” she murmured, easily maneuvering through the crowd while searching for Spike’s distinctive coloration.

“Right behind you…” Spike’s voice whispered to Selten before he tackled her into a lava pool, moving to get a good grip on her. He was determined to have the win this time around, and the lava felt amazing on his body too.

“Oho~!” Selten cooed, easily turning the tables on Spike and dunking him into the lava beneath her. “Very forward indeed, Spike of Ponyville! I’ll have you know, though, I am a dragoness with very high standards.” She smirked and nipped at his ear fins, sensually sliding against his body as she stepped out of the lava pool and shook herself clean, raising her tail just a tad as she strutted away, come hither eyes at full blaze.

Spike climbed out of the lava after taking a moment to appreciate the sensations of her nipping and close rubbing and followed after Selten. He wasn’t giving up yet. Not by a long shot. “You’re quite the tease, Selten,” he said in a low growl as he tackled her again, wrapping his tail around her hind legs and pulling them out from under her while trying to pin her to the ground.

Selten, fully expecting the move, rolled with it and sprung up behind Spike, latching onto his back with a harsh bite to the nape of his neck. “Tsk tsk, whelp. Such an obvious move just begs for retaliation,” Selten smirked and lowered her head, tongue lolled out as she dragged it upwards along the curve of Spike’s neck.

Spike arched his neck as he let out a groan of pleasure, unable to hold it back this time. Following his instincts on making openings, he lifted his tail and dragged its side along Selten’s belly, right above her hind legs.

Selten’s eyes went wide, a massive blush streaking across her face as she let go of Spike and snorted heavily. “My my, so your instincts prove true indeed,” she purred, wrapping her wings around Spike’s neck and pulling him forward until their chests touched. “Perhaps you truly are worthy of a proper courtship, whelp,” she murmured, arching her neck up and back, meeting Spike’s forehead as he mirrored her movements.

Spike stared into Selten’s eyes as he moved with her, following his instincts in what to do. He had many different thoughts going through his head. How beautiful Selten was, how charming her teasing and seizing of control were, and that he was on his way through the dragon version of getting married. If Alucard were here, he’d comment on how fast I work…

Selten flicked Spike’s nose with her own, grinning teasingly and nuzzling his neck. “Fly with me!” she commanded, stepping back and flaring her wings. She looked at Spike expectantly while Garble and Crusher cheered him on in the background.

Spike grinned and flared his wings, following Selten into the sky, keeping his eyes on her and her every movement. “A dance in the sky! I like!” He tuned out his wingmen and focused solely on Selten.

Selten spiraled gracefully around Spike, bursting through the few clouds in the sky and creating a contrail behind her. She looped around and glided, leading Spike through a complicated series of maneuvers and acrobatics.

Spike kept up with Selten throughout the flight. He couldn’t help wondering in the back of his head what Rainbow would think of these tricks, but he pushed that back down and looked into Selten’s eyes more deeply as they flew.

Selten abruptly changed course and began ascending, taking a spiraling path up as she passed the clouds and burst into the orange sky above, watching the sun set from the very heavens as she waited for Spike.

Spike was quick to join Selten above the clouds, watching the setting sun beside her. “A beautiful sight, isn’t it? Though nothing compared to your own beauty, Selten.” He grinned at her as they hovered.

Selten tossed her head pridefully, shaking out her spines and letting them catch the dying light. “Hmph. Flattery will get you everywhere, Spike of Ponyville.” She turned back to the sunset and sighed wistfully, almost lost in nostalgia.

Spike moved in front of Selten and set his forehead against hers as he twined their tails together, staring into her eyes and seeing his magenta irises reflected in them. “Guess I’ll just have to keep flattering you.”

Selten smirked and breathed a gentle jet of flame over Spike’s neck and up to his jaw, rubbing her head against the heated scales. When she pulled away, she nipped the nape of his neck and breathed more fire into the tiny puncture, turning a portion of Spike’s scales a deep navy blue. “Come, the night is yet young and I wish to see what lies in store back in the caldera.”

Spike groaned in pleasure at her flames and returned the favor, turning the mirroring portion of her scales a dark green. “Of course, my radiant jewel.” He rubbed his blue glowing scales against Selten’s green glowing ones and nipped her ear fins.

Selten’s eyes widened as she jerked away slightly, “What did you call me…?” She shook her head and huffed, blushing brightly even as she gave Spike a fond smile. “Well, I did say that flattery will get you everywhere.”

“I called you my radiant jewel,” Spike said, smiling back at Selten. “Do you not like it? It suits you perfectly. You’re so beautiful that you might as well be a flawless gem that has taken on a dragon’s form.”

“....” Selten froze, a dumbstruck look on her face as she just barely managed to keep a steady hover. “I-ahem. Your words are greatly appreciated, whelp,” Selten managed to keep her dignity, smirking haughtily as she pulled back and began descending. “Tonight’s activities were most enjoyable. Perhaps I shall call upon you again, Spike of Ponyville.” With that, she pulled into a dive, spinning back down to the caldera and splashing deep into the biggest lava pool with barely a splash.

Vinyl let out an impressed whistle. “Damn. Rarity doesn’t know what she missed out on. That drake sure knows how to charm a woman.” She bit into a protein bar and chewed slowly as Spike disappeared back below the clouds.

“Data log 15. Date: June twenty seventh, 1003 ANM. Today’s topic is once again Dragon Courtship. It appears that dragon courtship involves romantic flights together as well as hovering together in a large heart shape,” Octavia smirked and chuckled a little, attaching a picture of the scene to the data log and continuing. “Courtship also apparently uses the equivalent of hickeys, wherein one partner pierces through the neck scales of the other and ‘kisses’ it until it glows with the color of the partner’s flame.”

Facet chuckled at the picture. “I could turn that into a lovely portrait,” he said as he connected to the data stream. “Addendum to data log 15. Female dragons appear fond of putting on a show of haughty confidence and superiority, as though the male courting her is lucky to be given even a few minutes of her time. But they appear just as susceptible to poetry as any other species’ females. I suppose some things are universal.”

Octavia shot Facet a flat look, “You do realize that I hate poetry, right?” She raised an eyebrow at him and sniffed, “It’s all about dropping the bass just so for me.”

“I don’t understand how a classy woman like you can hate poetry, Octavia,” Facet muttered. “Though with that revelation I can understand how you were drawn to Vinyl.”

“Words are cheap. It takes real skill to drop the bass for maximum euphoria, now doesn’t it, love?” Octavia grinned at Vinyl and sat back, watching Spike wrestle with his new bros.

“Got that right,” Vinyl said with a grin. “It’s all in the body and its subtle vibrations. Tavi can’t get enough of my magic fingers.” She grinned at her wife and looked at the wrestling match. “So… Any idea what he’ll do next?”

“Hmmm… I don’t know, love… I don’t know…” Octavia murmured.

Spike laughed and threw Garble from the top of the treasure horde they were using for King of the Hill. “All mine!” He grinned and looked at his bros, daring them to challenge his rule again.

“Aww man, bro! That ain’t even fair!” Garble grumbled good naturedly, crawling up the pile and punching Spike’s shoulder. “Your muscles are way bigger than ours!” He shook his head and plopped down below Spike, grabbing a gemstone and casually chewing on it. “Man, the crazy bitch who made you really must have wanted a scary lookin’ bodyguard.”

Spike laughed and popped a ruby into his mouth, crunching it and swallowing it. “Oh Twilight already had a scary bodyguard when she made me. I was made to be an aide/son. And that bodyguard I mentioned? She’s married to him now, and she’s more than capable of slaughtering armies by herself.” He shuddered a bit. “You didn’t hear this from me, but she helped kill a dragon that lived in the Everfree, and before that, she killed an Ursa Major by herself.”

“Holy shit…” Crusher muttered, “You gotta be shitting me, dude! Ain’t no way a puny human coulda taken down one’a those monsters! Not even my dad coulda taken one down!”

Garble snorted, “Wyrm, if half the shit you just spewed is true, I gotta say that your entire family’s badass, even if it’s full’a tiny little humans.” He chewed another gem and savored the taste, still shuddering with laughter.

“Well, Twilight’s said by many to be the most powerful sorceress on the planet, second only to Princess Celestia. Alucard’s the king of all vampires, Shining Armor and Cadance rule the Crystal Empire, and since Shining Armor is Twilight’s brother and he married Cadance, that basically means I’m part of Equestria’s royal family by his marriage, so add Princesses Celestia and Luna to the family tree.” He crunched an emerald with a grin. “Yup. My family is 100% badass, and partly vampires.”

“Duuuuude! Wicked!” Garble and Crusher chorused in unison, just as another violet dragon landed nearby, with a fringe of yellow mane covering his eyes in lieu of a crown of spines.

“Yooo, bros! Wassup!?” the dragon called out, stopping in front of Spike with a confused expression. “Ay yo, didja guys get a new bro while I was flyin’ here? Who’s this swole punk?” He poked Spike’s shoulder to indicate that he was, in fact, talking about Spike.

“Aww man, Grunge! The hell have you been, wyrm!?” Garble roared, slapping Grunge’s back and sending him face first into a lava pool. Grunge sputtered as he surfaced, flicking his claws at Garble in an obscene gesture as he fixed his lava soaked fringe.

“Who’s this guy?” Spike asked as he regarded Grunge from his perch, popping another gem in his mouth. “Based on that mane, he seems kinda prissy for a dragon, doesn’t he?”

“Tch, as if, brah!” Grunge flipped his mane and made a rude gesture. “Just got too lazy t’style this thing, y’know? Let it hang loose n’free and all’a that good shit.”

Spike grinned. “Let’s test that.” He flapped his wings and took to the air before tackling Grunge, aiming to pin him down at the base of the treasure pile.

Grunge flinched back and rolled with the motion, “Yo dude! Watch it, bruh!” He rolled down the pile and launched backwards, using his wings and tail to slide across the rocky ground with an expression of utmost casualness. “Gonna hurt yourself like that if ya ain’t careful, brah.”

Garble chuckled, “This is Grunge. He’s a cool sunuvabitch. Ain’t much of a fighter, but he’s pretty fuckin’ good at finding the best shit.”

“That so?” Spike asked as he looked at Grunge. “So… What’s the best thing I can give to a girl I’m courting?”

Grunge shrugged, “Gotta follow your heart and your dick on that one, brah. Hey, maybe I can help, though. What’s this chicky like, yo?” He leaned forward, brushing his fringe up and staring at Spike intently.

Spike gestured toward Selten with his thumb. “Her. Got any tips? She’s amazing, honestly.” He looked at Selten with a longing look as she lounged beside a lava pool.

Grunge took one look at Selten… and flopped on his back, gasping for breath. “Holy hell, brah! You’re seriously courting that fine piece of tail!? Tiamat’s tail, bro, you gotta go for the best with a chick like that!” He shook his head, gathering his thoughts. “Gems and gold won’t do for this shit, nah… you gotta go for something big. An Ursa carcass, maybe, if you can find one. Ah, y’gotta be kiddin’ me with this shit, brah…” He tapped his forehead and thought deeply, sitting almost unnaturally still.

Spike stared at Grunge. “Uh… What do you suggest then? I don’t know if any Ursa Majors live around here, so what have ya got for me?” He waited while chowing down on a sapphire.

Garble patted Spike on the shoulder, “You’re gonna have to wait a bit, bro. Grunge takes his sweet-ass time when he’s thinkin’. In the meantime, sit back, relax, and enjoy life, yeah?” Garble sat back, idly rolling Crusher out of the way and halfway burying himself in the pile of gems.

“I guess,” Spike said with a shrug as he returned to the top of the pile and popped several rubies into his mouth, chewing them slowly as he watched the reclining Selten, a smile gracing his face.

Selten looked over and smirked, winking and flicking her tail flirtatiously at Spike before turning away to chat with the other dragonesses.

Grunge, meanwhile, continued thinking.

Spike chowed down on more gems as he waited for Grunge to speak again. “Sure thinks a lot, doesn’t he?” he asked of Garble in a whisper.

“Naahhh,” Garble shook his head, fishing around for something deep in the gem pile. “Only when he’s tryna think of somethin’ real good.” He pulled out a massive diamond from the pile and started gnawing on it.

Just then Grunge shot to his feet with a loud cry of, “Got it!” He flapped enthusiastically, hovering around the pile. “I got it bruh! I know exactly what you gotta give her!”

“And that would be?” Spike asked, not wanting to prolong the suspense of the moment. “What should I give Selten?”

“Ya gotta give her a phoenix egg, wyrm!” Grunge enthused, bobbing up and down in his flight. “Ah dude, I know exactly where we can find one too, brah!”

“Then lead the way, bro!” Spike exclaimed in excitement as he took to the air again. “Where are these eggs?!” He was bristling with glee at the thought of finding the perfect gift for Selten.

“It’s a couple hours out, brah, so chill.” Grunge began drawing in the ash covering nearly every surface, “If we’re here, then we gotta go west-ish for a while, turn south, n’then we gotta go low and slow from there. S’not gonna be easy t’find that egg, but I think we can do it.”

“If it means getting the perfect gift for Selten, then I’ll do whatever it takes,” Spike said with a determined tone. “So let’s find some phoenix eggs!”

“Oh dear….” Octavia murmured, setting her binoculars to the side. “I get the feeling that Spike just did something very stupid. Does anyone else think that way? Anyone?” She looked around the ship, at least expecting Facet to back her up.

“That depends on how aggressive phoenixes are in defense of their eggs, but it does seem like Spike has decided on something monumentally stupid,” Facet said in agreement. “But if the firebirds are anything like normal birds, then he’s likely in for some trouble securing a phoenix egg.”

“I just checked as many resources as I could,” DeadMau5 muttered, laying his head down in Octavia’s lap. “The kid’s doomed. Phoenixes have been recorded to chase people to the ends of the planet for their eggs.”

Octavia blinked, “.... Oh dear, that’s not good at all…” She sighed and jotted down some quick notes on a separate data pad. “Facet, could you follow Spike for this? I get a feeling we’re going to need to step in at some point.”

“Shiiiit,” Vinyl interjected, looking at the readout that DeadMau5 had provided. “Yeah, kid’s boned. We’re gonna need to save him.”

“Maybe. Maybe not,” Facet said as he followed Spike and his friends. “They might find a nest that’s unguarded for the moment and manage to swipe an egg from it. Why do phoenixes reproduce anyway? They’re immortal.”

Octavia shrugged, “How should we know? We never studied this kind of thing.” She sat back and sighed, idly watching Spike follow his group of new draconic friends across the night sky.

“I dunno, maybe they’re like… resurrected souls of dead phoenixes or something?” Vinyl mused, boredly scrolling through radio stations in hopes of finding something good.

“What in the name of Celestia’s sun could kill a phoenix?” DeadMau5 deadpanned.

“.... Good point…” Vinyl muttered.

Spike looked around as Grunge led the quartet through the forest on the ground. “We got much further to go?” he asked in a whisper as he leaned closer to Grunge.

“Nah bro, not much farther than this,” Grunge pointed down at a rocky outcropping nearby, diving towards it and circling around slowly to bleed off momentum as he landed on it. “Lesse…. gotta be here somewhere… Aha!” Grunge pointed off into a single patch of trees, where two shimmering, reddish gold things could be seen in the branches of a tree.

Spike looked closely at the creatures, a pair of phoenixes in a nest. “Oh yeah. Definitely a phoenix nest. They look just like Philomena.”

“The hell is a Philomena?” Garble asked, scratching his head in confusion. “That some kinda food or somethin’?”

“Princess Celestia’s familiar,” Spike clarified. “A phoenix named Philomena. She’s a bit of a prankster like the princess. So… What’s the plan?”

“Wait wait wait,” Crusher spoke up quickly, shaking his head quickly. “You know a phoenix? What the fuck, wyrm!?” He looked at Spike incredulously, as if Spike had secretly been a celebrity the whole time.

“Yeah. Why? Is that a big deal for dragons?” Spike asked, arching one of his eye ridges as he looked at Crusher. “I never thought it was a big deal.”

“Phoenixes are hella scary, yo! They got fire that burns through dragon scales! Dragon scales!” Garble waved his arms enthusiastically as he explained, a note of terror entering his voice, “Shit man, you ain’t seen what happens when phoenixes get mad, bro…. my sire told me it ain’t pretty.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Spike said as he looked at Grunge. “So what’s the plan then? We gonna distract them or charge in and snatch an egg?”

“Little bit a’both, wyrm. Little bit a’both.” Grunge pointed at Garble and Crusher, “Bros, you’re with me. We’re gonna do a bit’a bird hunting.” He shifted his attention to Spike, “When we give the signal, you’re gonna snatch that egg as soon as you can, got it?”

Spike nodded and got ready. “Got it.” He grinned at them. “Try not to get yourselves killed, boys. I still need my wingmen after all.”

“You got it, wyrm!” Garble saluted mockingly and dove off of the outcropping, pulling into a sharp curve with Crusher and Grunge following close behind. “Yeehaw!” he cried out, blasting flames into the air and startling both phoenix parents from the nest and into a furious aerial chase.

Once the two phoenixes were chasing his friends, Spike quickly closed in on the nest and snatched one of the eggs before flying off, trying to avoid being seen by the phoenixes as he headed up into the clouds. “Okay. Got the egg. Now why would Selten value it so highly?”

The egg twitched in Spike’s claws pulsing warmth and the abject feeling of life into and between Spike’s reanimated cells. It even seemed to glow from within, as if whatever was inside the shell was asking him to keep it alive, even if just for a bit longer.

Spike’s eyes widened as he landed in a clearing, staring at the egg. “Wow. This thing is coursing with life energy. Almost makes me feel like I’m actually alive and not just undead.”

Garble was the first of the distractors to make it back to the clearing, huffing and puffing as he rested his hands on his knees and took deep breaths. “Alright, you got the egg! You the wyrm, wyrm!” Garble flopped back, his knees giving out underneath him. “Ah crap, I’m tired.”

Spike looked between Garble and the egg. “Tell me something, Garble. Why would a phoenix egg be the best thing I could offer Selten?” He was having second thoughts, and needed to know what he could end up doing without all the facts.

Garble panted silently for a few moments, raising a single claw in the universal gesture for ‘give me one minute’. After a few seconds, he took a deep breath and sighed, “Phoenix eggs are basically like, shit wyrm, like saying you want your partner t’live basically forever, bro. Like, the eggs make dragons… and uh, I guess just about everything…. more alive, y’know?”

“I certainly feel alive just by holding this egg,” Spike said with a nod. “And to a being that was never really alive to begin with, it’s jarring. I was hatched as a magical construct, but only survived moments without a soul. Nine years later, I’m reanimated with a blanked human soul and given a form of existence as a dracolich. Now that I actually feel the warmth of true life, even if only second hand, it gives me pause.” He frowned. “What will Selten do with this egg if I offer it to her?”

“.... Dude, it’s a fucking egg.” Garble palmed his face and looked away from Spike, “Save that philosophy shit for the Elders and just give it to her, wyrm. Even the puny humans know to eat their eggs, not care for them!”

That got Spike’s attention. “So let me get this straight. We stole an egg from expecting parents so that I can offer it as a meal to Selten, as an engagement gift?! He started slowly growing larger as he held the egg protectively. “You want me to snuff out an innocent life before it even starts just to get a mate?” His shadow covered Garble, Crusher and Grunge as the latter two arrived. “How would you feel if someone stole one of your eggs as a present for someone to eat?!”

“.... It’d pretty fucking suck,” Grunge muttered under his breath, just as Garble rolled his eyes and tossed his wings out angrily.

“Come on, wyrm! You aren’t thinking straight! It’s like taking a fucking chicken egg, you moron!” Garble roared, even going so far as to spit a wad of flame over Spike’s snout.

Spike roared and spread his wings as he fully reached his adult form, dwarfing the three dragons in front of him. “One thing I didn’t tell you about what I can do! I can change my size and power output at will! Right now, not only do I have the size of one, but I’m just as powerful as an Elder Dragon right now! And you! Just! Pissed! Me! Off!” He lifted his left claw and curled it into a fist before bringing it down and smashing the three into the ground. He then started beating them into a crater, each blow sending a quake through the ground for miles as his other claw carefully cradled the egg.

Miles away, Selten perked up from the vibrations in the earth and peeked over the lip of the crater at the source. Her lips curled into a grin when she saw Spike beating down at something. “My my, but that whelp does have such wonderful secrets…” she mused, taking wing and flying in Spike’s direction.

Spike didn’t stop beating his former wingmen until the crater was twenty feet deep and they were groaning in agony. With a grin, Spike loosed a triumphant roar that shook the air around him. Once he was done with that, he looked down at the tiny phoenix egg in his claw, now just a pebble compared to him.

“My my my,” Selten’s voice rang out, the dragoness herself winging down and startling Spike into all but tossing the egg into the air. “You never cease to impress, do you, whelp?”

Spike rapidly shrunk back down frantically trying to catch the egg without breaking it, only to fumble it and allow it to fall into his open chest cavity, starting to interact with his core. “Okay this is gonna be new territory.”

The egg started pulsing, absorbing the raw necromantic life energy swirling and cascading through Spike’s soul orb and exuding it as pure, golden life energy in massive quantities. The new energy surged through Spike’s form, invigorating him and infusing him with unfiltered, unrestrained life. The magenta glow in his eyes and core faded out slightly as the process drained out all the necromancy holding him together and stitched his soul back into the metaphysical aether, replacing it with functioning organs and, in lieu of a heart, a pulsing golden orb of light. As the egg was fully subsumed into the mass of life energy it emitted, it hatched and shot forth a brilliantly glowing baby phoenix, its plumage not the vivid reds and golds of its parents, but rather a startling mix of magenta, black, and highlights of gold.

The newly hatched firebird shrieked with joy, its loud trills and whistles interacting with its former egg once again and drawing out the fragments, melding them together with Spike’s form and sealing his chest shut, leaving Spike whole and untarnished, the same jet black as always, with a patch of gold in the shape of a phoenix over the former hole in his chest. When all was said and done, the bird landed on Spike’s back and nuzzled him twice, before ignoring him in favor of preening.

Spike stared at his chest in wonder. “Wow… I feel… alive…” He deeply sniffed the air. “I’m not undead anymore. I’m a living, flesh and blood dragon!”

Vinyl stared at the scene in shocked silence. “Uh… What the fuck just happened? Does Twilight know anything about what just happened?!”

“WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED TO MY DRACONIC SON!?” Twilight screeched, forcibly hacking her way into Vinyl’s public scroll and belting out the phrase out of sheer confusion.

“If I were to venture a guess,” Facet offered. “And mind you, I’m no expert on the magics of life and death, but I suspect that the phoenix’s inborn life magic that provides their resurrective immortality interacted with the necromantic energies of Spike’s core and supplanted them using all the mana coursing through his body to not only hatch the phoenix, but also turn Spike from an undead dracolich into an actual, living dragon. But, I’m just guessing.”

“Your guess is as good as mine at this point, until I can run some tests and confirm the results for myself. Well, at least I get to tease Spike about his new ‘birthmark’...” Twilight sighed and hung up, most likely to go to bed since it was already almost two in the morning.

Octavia sighed, “Why can’t anything normal ever happen in our lives? Is it because we’re secret agents that operate outside the law? Is that why things keep going to shit around us?”

“You could always retire and start a family like Facet and Maud,” DeadMau5 suggested.

“Maud and I haven’t retired. We’re just on paternity leave,” Facet clarified.

Spike looked at Selten with an awkward chuckle. “Well… Things have not gone like I thought they would. I’m guessing you think I’m just weird now, huh?”

“Weird does not even begin to cover it, Spike of Ponyville,” Selten smirked, strutting around Spike and taking in his new, much more vibrant and healthy seeming, form, her tail flicking side to side in appreciation. “But, normality is so boring…. I think I like weird.”

Spike blushed at her attention and praise. “So… We’re still courting then, Selten?” he asked, unable to keep a nervous tone out of his voice. He could hardly believe this was happening to him.

Selten shook her head and turned towards Spike, nuzzling against him, “No. What has been proven tonight…” She crooned and breathed deeply of his scent, enjoying the new crackling smell of magic and flame over the muted smell of decay he had before, “.... you’ve proven yourself a good sire. Strong, protective, and very handsome. We consummate now, if you wish.”

Spike blushed darkly at that word. “C-Consummate? You mean…?” He felt a stirring in his now very much alive loins as the scent of arousal reached both their noses from the thoughts going through his mind.

“No,” Selten murmured, nipping at his ear fins. “Consummation is not as the humans call it. Consummation is as what humans refer to as marriage. We must be bound together body and soul during consummation, and thus, we remain together for life.” She hummed a nameless tune as she nuzzled him, simply content to rub herself against his body in every way she could, provoking wonderful responses between the both of them.

Spike smiled and rubbed against Selten in time with her movements in a sort of dance. “Then let’s consummate, my radiant jewel.” Spike affectionately breathed a low green flame on her neck.

Selten smiled and breathed out her own blue flame, the flames washing over both of their forms in a soothing warmth. Selten locked her neck around Spike’s and, faces pressed side to side, both dragons blew a stream of fire into the air, the combined magicks in the flames melding together and twisting it into an ornate heart shape wrought entirely out of flame.

Selten then guided Spike into laying on the ground, with herself laying on top of him and scorching a mark into his scales, the mark itself visibly glowing bright blue and in the shape of a five petaled rose. She bade Spike do the same, allowing him to unleash a green flame and scorch her own scales with a bright green skull mark.

One final burst of flame lit up the night sky, both Selten and Spike roaring into the air and tinting the dark sky turquoise with the force of their flame combined. When the ceremony finished, Selten cooed and snuggled against Spike, whispering, “As surely as the mountain crumbles with time, so too shall our love stand strong against it. Forever and ever.”

“No matter the obstacles we face, our love will never fade,” Spike whispered back, nuzzling his new mate’s cheek.

Octavia lowered her binoculars, a put upon expression on her face, “.... How come their wedding vows are so much better than our wedding vows!? They literally state that their love will last forever!”

Facet dabbed at his eye with a handkerchief. “If dragons weren’t so secretive about how they mate, the bards would have countless songs of their courtships.”

“.... Are you crying, man?” Vinyl asked, staring incredulously at Facet. She studiously ignored the half empty tissue box and the nearly full wastebin next to her.

“It was a rather touching scene,” DeadMau5 noted, surreptitiously dabbing at his own visor before realising that he had neither eyes nor tears. He quietly hoped that no one would notice his behavior.

“So… We recorded that right?” Facet asked. “If Twilight doesn’t even get a wedding video… She’s going to be pissed that she can’t see anything of her son’s wedding.”

“Recorded with all the best instruments we have,” DeadMau5 nodded, increasing the level of protection around the video until it was more secure than almost all of the heavily encrypted files sent out to Night Shift members. “And made extra secure to prevent corruption of any kind.”

“Good,” Facet replied. “So… What now? Do we go down and meet his wife formally?”

“I think… I think it would be better if we greeted them normally when Spike decides to come home,” Octavia mused, tapping her chin and frowning. “No need to reveal that we’ve been stalking him, after all… even though he’ll find out once Twilight watches the recording.”

“And he brings his mate home,” Vinyl pointed out. “Can we still watch them have sex? For science?”

“....” Octavia sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Must you always ask those kinds of questions?” The faint bulge in her suit belied her true feelings, however.

“I agree with Octavia,” Facet said. “You kinda killed the mood just now, Vinyl.”

Vinyl grinned, “That’s not what Tavi’s boner is saying~”

Octavia yelped and crossed her legs, blushing darkly. “Vinyl! Did you have to point that out!?”

“Yuuup!” Vinyl chuckled, moving over to Octavia and kissing her, sneaking in a quick grope as she did.

“Get a room,” Facet muttered as he rolled his eyes despite the small smirk on his face at their antics.

Spike smiled at Selten as they came into view of Ponyville. “This is our town. Our home. It’s small, but cozy. And there’s a cave over on that mountain we can settle down in. It’s got a great view of Ponyville.” He pointed to a nearby mountain that, while far smaller than the Canterhorn, was still tall and had a large cave carved into its peak.

Selten took in the quaint town and sniffed, preferring instead to focus on the mountain peak. “Such a wonderful location it is… but is it large enough for the both of us?” Selten asked, quirking an eyebrow and slowly changing direction to head towards the cave.

“It’s bigger than the entrance looks,” Spike said as he followed her change in direction. “More than enough room for us, the hoard, and the kids when they hatch.” He reached over with his tail and ran it over Selten’s lower abdomen in a loving caress.

Selten chuckled and nuzzled Spike’s neck, coming to a graceful landing at the lip of the cave and peering inside, sniffing it out and blowing streamers of flame in certain spots to mark it. “It certainly is impressive…” She scorched out a patch of dirt and laid in the embers, wiggling around to feel for the cave’s comfort level. “And certainly rather comfortable… Very nice, Spike.”

Spike smiled and nuzzled Selten. “Now we just need to put in the hoard. This seems like a good spot for it, don’t you think?” Opening his dimensional pocket in front of his chest, their treasure hoard started spilling out and piling up in the spot Selten had moved from.

Selten nodded, letting her own pocket spill open and empty the rest of their hoard. “It certainly does brighten the view…” She smirked and turned to Spike, “Even while I am currently with child… we haven’t mated in the traditional way, my love.”

Spike grinned and nuzzled Selten before pushing her onto her back on their hoard, his gentle flames licking her sweet spots. “One of the perks of being alive, my radiant jewel.”

Selten squirmed against the hoard, licking at Spike’s neck and brushing her own flame along his throat, “Mmm, and what a perk it is, my handsome-”

Alucard chose that moment to jump into the cave and onto Spike’s head. “My son is all grown up! Ya brought home a wife, Spike!”

Spike’s eyes narrowed at the shattered mood. “Alucard!” He swung his head and threw the vampire king onto the cave floor, glaring at him as a bolt of lightning began forming in his throat.

Selten reacted faster, a brilliant bolt of blue flame lancing out of her maw and slamming into Alucard, melting a hole into the floor with its intensity. “How dare you interrupt me and my mate!”

“She’s a real spitfire, Spike!” Alucard said, grinning as he regenerated and gave two thumbs up. “You inherited my taste in women.”

Selten blinked and glared, blasting another bolt of flame at Alucard. “Stand still and die you insolent worm!”

Spike sighed. “Save your breath, dear. He’s survived worse than immolation. Still don’t know what mom sees in him.”

Selten huffed and flopped back into the hoard, chewing on a diamond. “Perhaps it is because he wore her down with his infuriating refusal to die?”

“Actually he wore me down with loving care, blood that’s the best tasting I’ve ever had, and by being an absolute beast in bed,” Twilight said as she walked into the cave and strode toward Selten. “So you’re my daughter-in-law?”

Selten blinked in confusion, her tail swishing back and forth to denote her feelings. “What is this… ‘daughter-in-law’ of which you speak?” she asked, huffing quietly.

“Since you’re my mate, what humans call a wife, then that’s the human parental term for you,” Spike explained. “In-laws are the respective spouses’ parents. So mom is your mother-in-law, Alucard your father-in-law, and you’re their daughter-in-law.”

“Hmph, such pointless terms…” Selten muttered, idly flicking her wings and sending up little showers of gems. “When dragons mate, there is no need for such terms. All is under the terms of whelp and sires.”

Spike chuckled. “Well humans may be complicated, but they grow on you.” He lovingly nuzzled Selten before smiling at Twilight. “Hi, mom.”

“You had me worried, young man!” Twilight said with a frown. “And you missed your little sister’s birth!” She smiled at Selten. “Hello. I’m Twilight Sparkle. What’s your name?”

Selten stretched imperiously and leaned against Spike, a cool expression of disinterest upon her face, “I am Selten, sired by Mulstrunyol and the dame Qoiizven. It is a pleasure to meet the ones who have raised my beloved mate.” She smiled and extended a claw, holding it forward in a clear indication to shake it.

Twilight grasped one of Selten’s clawtips and shook as much as her greatly enhanced strength would allow, which was quite a lot. “Nice to meet you, Selten.” She shifted into researcher mode as she pulled out her tablet sized scroll. “Now please indulge your dear mother-in-law and tell me about dragon culture. Facet, Octavia, and Vinyl only got a few details.” She smiled widely. “I’m so happy that one of them was a wedding video!”

“You were spying on us?” Selten growled, her eyes narrowing and flames snorting from her nostrils. She began spilling flame from her throat, letting it flare up at the corners of her mouth.

Twilight’s smile didn’t waver even in the face of Selten’s hostility. “Technically I sent some friends to keep tabs on my son to make sure he didn’t slaughter all the other dragons. They took the initiative to study dragon culture from Spike’s interactions with you. Which reminds me. Where’s that phoenix that did something to my son?”

“You mean Kaagyollaas?” Selten smirked, just as said phoenix burst into existence behind her and trilled a greeting, perching atop Selten’s back and preening.

Twilight squeed at the sight of the firebird. “Oh he’s so adorable!” She jumped up onto Selten’s back and knelt near Kaagyollaas. “Who’s a cute phoenix? You are! You are!” she cooed.

Kaagyollaas chirped arrogantly, relishing in the attention and flaring out his wings, as if telling the world to bask in his radiant glory.

Selten, meanwhile, grunted disdainfully and flicked a wing to remove Twilight from her back, “I would appreciate if you did not get your dirty footprints all over my pristine scales.”

“You can scorch the dirt off and your scales will shine like new, Selten,” Spike said, chuckling at Twilight going fangirl over a phoenix chick.

“It is not the ease in which I may clean myself,” Selten muttered, swatting Spike’s rear with her tail, “it is about the principle of the matter. The only ones allowed to climb me are my children.”

Twilight let out a gasp that would be more at home coming from Pinkie Pie. “You’re pregnant?! When can I expect my grandchildren?!”

Selten smirked and waggled her tail, chuckling as she murmured, “Eighteen months.”

“What?!” Twilight gasped. “A year and a half?! Why?!” She clenched her scroll to her chest as she stared wide eyed at Selten.

“Dragon pregnancy lasts a long time,” Selten deadpanned, idly swatting a few gems into the air and snatching them in her jaws. “Hatching the eggs takes a long time as well.”

“About ten more months for the pregnancy, then eight for them to hatch,” Spike said. “Word of warning, the week spent laying the eggs will be one that you’ll want some really good soundproofing and earplugs for.”

“Why is that?” Twilight asked, taking notes on her scroll as she listened.

Selten smirked and stretched languidly, “There is a reason as to why your ancestors thought that the mountains they lived near were erupting volcanoes even when they clearly weren’t.” She shook her head, wincing slightly in sympathetic pain, “Birthing the eggs will be… painful.”

Twilight stared at Selten. “I’ve seen a dragon egg, Selten. How can it be painful for a reptile your size to lay them?”

“Imagine passing one of your… volley balls… through a length of pipe the size of a… Hmm, what is a good sized object, Spike?” Selten asked, idly holding up a single claw to illustrate the diameter of said birth canal.

Spike winced at the size. “Garden hose, Selten. Definitely the size of a garden hose.”

“... Yes, a garden hose.” Selten crinkled her snout and grimaced, “Now imagine it without lubrication. And the volleyball is covered in miniscule bumps and nodules.” She shivered, clearly not looking forward to the act of birthing.

Twilight shivered in sympathy. “Wow. Seems painful childbirth is universal. So that’s why it’ll take a week? How big is the clutch?”

“Seven eggs. One per day. Twenty four hours,” Selten muttered, holding her hind legs tightly together.

“Why is it that the number of eggs is a magically significant number? As is the number of days needed to lay them all?” Twilight asked. “How far along are you?”

“Three months,” Spike answered before tossing some gems into his mouth.

“Seven eggs in a clutch and a thirteen month pregnancy?” Twilight asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Dragons are tied to the leylines even further than the star bears are,” Selten primly explained, poring over the knowledge told to her by her sire and dame. “Leylines, as the olden tales proclaim, are the veins of the oldest and most powerful dragons, so deeply entwined with the earth that they have become it. It is no surprise that the magically significant numbers would become a part of our biology.”

Twilight noted that down. “Note to self: ask Ouroboros about the first dragons after him if I ever meet him.”

“Speaking of meetings…” Selten muttered, nudging Spike with a claw and pointing out towards Ponyville.

Spike flew over Ponyville’s market with Selten, sniffing around for that familiar scent. Finding it, he followed it over to Applejack’s stall, where Rarity and Blueblood were on some grocery shopping. Taking a breath, he angled down and landed with a gentle thud that shook the ground in the square. “Rarity?” He walked toward her slowly as Selten landed by his side.

“S-Spike?” Rarity asked faintly, leaning against a nearby stall. “I-is that really you? I’m sorry that we left on such a poor note, but… well… it was a bit of a surprise to all of us, I’m sure you understand?”

Spike looked away with a bashful smile before noticing a glint on Rarity’s left hand. “I see you and Blueblood got married while I was gone. Well… I did too.” He put his wing over Selten’s back. “This is Selten. My life-mate.”

Rarity gasped, putting her hands to her mouth and tearing up, “O-oh my word…. I’m so happy for you Spike! You found that special someone!” She leapt forward and hugged Spike around the neck, taking care to not jostle her belly.

Spike smiled and leaned into Rarity’s hug. “We’re expecting kids too. Seven actually.” He smiled and glanced at Rarity’s belly. “Boy or girl this time?”

“It’s a girl,” Rarity smiled, patting Spike’s jaw. “You seem different, Spike. And not just because you’re larger than before. Wherever did you get that strange patch over your chest?”

Spike chuckled. “That’s the spot where that gaping hole used to be. A phoenix egg fell in and the life magic somehow gave me true life. I’m not a dracolich anymore. I’m a living, breathing dragon.”

“Amazing….” Rarity breathed, then shook her head, “As amazing as that is, Spike, I’m afraid you’ll have to tell me the details another time. I have something very important to ask of you.”

“What is it, Rarity?” Spike asked. “I’ll still do anything for a dear friend. Selten too. Right, dear?” He looked at his mate with a grin.

“.... If that is what you wish,” Selten muttered, preoccupied with taking in the sights.

“Well then…” Rarity murmured, raising an eyebrow at Selten. “Anyway, Spike, dear, would you and your mate do us the immense honor of being the godparents of my children?”

Spike’s eyes widened as he stared at Rarity in shock. “Are… Are you serious, Rarity?”

“... What is a godparent?” Selten asked, tilting her head in confusion.

Rarity patted her belly and smiled a bit sadly, “It’s in case of, if both Blueblood and I are both unfit to be parents anymore- either through death or other circumstances- then you and Spike would be the children’s legal guardians until they were of legal age.”

Spike smiled at Selten. “Godparents are always someone the parents trust with their lives, and it’s considered an immense honor to be given that title.”

“Well, if it be such an honor…” Selten murmured, nuzzling Spike briefly, “then would you, Rarity of Ponyville, do the unimaginable honor of being the… godparent… of my children, should anything otherwise happen to me and my mate?”

Blueblood shared a smile with Rarity. “We would be honored, Selten.” He put his arm around Rarity’s shoulders. “We’re expecting Barb in a month.”

“Barb?” Spike asked, tilting his head. “Isn’t that another word for… my name?”

“Welllll… yes…” Rarity mumbled, blushing slightly, “I thought it was a fitting tribute to all that you’ve done these past few years and, well… it just felt right, you know?”

Spike laughed. “Are all your kids going to have versions of someone else’s name?”