Twilight Sparkle Has a Penis

Thunder boomed throughout the night sky while packs of wolves howled at the moon. A great castle loomed over the valley, spreading its darkness and evil over the landscape like a blanket. Its high, gothic steeples pierced the blackness of night like a dagger to the heart. From within its stone walls, a petrified scream called out for a savior.

“Oh, won’t somepony help me!” the fair white-coated maiden cried as she rattled the chains that kept her clung to the dungeon’s wall.

“No one can save you, Maiden Rarity!” A menacing shadow formed before her deep blue eyes.

The shadow twisted and manipulated itself until it took on its actual form: the diabolical, ominous, and malevolent Count Hannibal. His jet black mane stopped between his shoulder blades, his long cape cascading on the ground beneath his unholy feet. His fangs grew sharper by the second as he hungered for the taste of his captured mare.

“You are but a spider caught in my web!” he said, flashing his sharp talons. “Continue on with your pleading and screaming, it will only tire you out, making you even easier to devour!” he hissed.

Maiden Rarity’s vocal chords screeched again. “If only there was a brave, heroic, and very handsome dragon to save me from my doom!”

Just then, the thunderous sound of galloping bombarded towards the wall. On his trusty purple steed, the valiant Sir Spike the Awesomeness raced towards the dreadful castle of Count Hannibal.

“Fear not, my dear Rarity!” his deep, booming voice called. “For I will rescue you!”

In a flash, his steed bashed in the door before he introduced himself with a magnificent breath of fire. He leapt into the air, doing a front flip to show that he meant business, before landing flawlessly on the ground. Puffing out his beefy chest, he pointed his sword directly at the beast that was preparing to consume his love.

“Count Hannibal!” his voice cannoned again. “Prepare to get your butt smashed in!”

The Count replied with a threatening hiss, “Foolish Sir Spike the Awesomeness! You cannot save Maiden Rar-”

Spike’s enormous boulder of a fist imploded the Count’s face, making him drop to the floor like a sack of bricks. He didn’t have time for monologues; he had a lady to save. He strode forward, flexing his biceps and pectorals as Rarity watched in awe.

“You…will not…win!” Count Hannibal said weakly, attempting to snatch at Spike’s thick ankles with his measly little hand.

Spike was already a step ahead, literally. He turned around, tossing his sword into the air, and looked over his shoulder. “Watch this, babe.”

Gripping his sword at the precise moment, Spike swiftly brought his arm down, slicing his blade right through Count Hannibal. Smoke emitted from his body as the sword cut through him, its wicked awesomeness simply too much for a loser like Count Hannibal to handle. When Spike put his sword back in its sheath, all that remained of the Count was a pathetic pile of ash.

“Spikey Wikey, I knew you’d save me!” Rarity celebrated with joyful tears running down her pretty face.

“Maiden Rarity, I would travel to the ends of Equestria and back just for one glimpse of your beauty,” Spike said, kneeling beneath her dangling feet.

“My hero!”

“Now.” Spike stood up with a triumphant smile. “Let’s get you out of these chains!”

Wrapping his large hands around them, Spike ripped the chains from their sockets, freeing Maiden Rarity’s wrists and ankles. She collapsed into his big, muscular arms, running her soft hands along his smooth scales. Never in her life had she been so mystified by a male’s body.

“You are safe now, my love,” Spike assured the maiden, straightening her fine, purple mane with his claw.

“Oh, my heroic knight!” she swooned. “Kiss me! Kiss me!”

The two puckered their lips, leaning closer to each other to share a powerful, spellbinding kiss of pure love…

“Eh…wha?” Spike groaned, rubbing his drowsy eyes. He looked around. The dungeon had vanished, there was no Count Hannibal and, unfortunately, no Maiden Rarity that needed saving.

“Aw man, it was just a dream,” he huffed, slopping back down onto his pillow in frustration. “It was a pretty good one though…” he said softly.

Now that he was up and his fantasy was over, Spike couldn’t force himself to fall back to sleep. The sheep refused to be counted and neither side of his pillow ever wanted to stay cool. Years went by and he still lied there in agony of sleep deprivation. He fully expected his friends to find him to be murdered by boredom in the morning.

“Eugh, why’d I even have to wake up?” the dragon complained, scratching his claws against his smooth scales. “I know! I’ll ask Twilight how I can fall back to sleep! She’s got to have some sleeping spell or something!”

Shuffling out of his covers and basket, Spike crept over to Twilight’s bed, clutching at her bedspread to hoist himself up onto her bed.

The covers were pulled up to her face, her horn and a bit of her wings peeking out from underneath. She nuzzled against her pillow as she breathed peacefully.

“Psst, hey Twilight, do you know any spells to help me go to sleep?” Spike asked as quiet as a mouse while he steadied himself on the bed.

He extended his hand to shake her leg. He brushed up against something that didn’t feel like her leg at all. In fact, it felt more like a…

“No way…!”

Overfilled with curiosity, Spike fiddled around the covers more, determined to find out if his suspicions were correct. He could see the outline the covers made, the wrinkles of the cloth extending outward, rather impressively as well. Twilight murmured in her sleep when he gave it a light squeeze, making Spike freeze in terror. When she remained still, Spike got the all clear to investigate some more. She had to have one; he was certain of it.

Like he was walking on eggshells, he tiptoed to the top of the bed. He’d be able to get a better glimpse of it if he looked underneath the covers. Twilight’s breath against his body served as a reminder that she could wake up at any time, so he had to be extra careful.

Come on, Spike, it’s just a few more steps. Think about the payoff!

As he neared the finish line, Twilight started to move again, this time more actively. Spike panicked, hopping around like the bed was made of hot coals. She started to turn over on her side, bringing the blankets with her. The fabric moving underneath him caused Spike to lose his balance and tumble off the bed. He was sure that his thump sounded like the explosion of an atom bomb. Grimacing and ready for a barrage of questions, Spike looked up; Twilight was still asleep.

“Thank goodness,” he said with a loud, heavy sigh. “I’m not sure how I could explain to Twilight that I was trying to see her pe-”

“Spike? What are you doing up? Who are you talking to? Why aren’t you in bed?”

There it was. The assault of questions came like bullets, each of them hitting the bull’s-eye. Twilight sleepily looked down at her pet dragon, who sat upon the floor with a dumbstruck, horrified look on his face.

“Uhh…I was…uh…I had to get some water. Yeah! Water! I was really thirsty and I needed a nice, cold glass of water!” Spike raced over his words, hastily walking back to his bed.

Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Oooookay. Are you sure everything’s fine? You’re acting out of sorts!”

“I’m great! Couldn’t be better! Boy, I sure am tired!” He gave a theatrical yawn as he crawled back into bed. “Nighty night, Twi.”

“Goodnight, I guess…” Twilight said, watching Spike plop down onto his pillow. “Maybe I’m just having a weird dream.”

Spike pretended to snore, waiting anxiously for Twilight to go back to sleep. Once he heard her snoring softly, he wiped away the sweat on his forehead. His eyelids lowered themselves slowly as the little dragon began drifting back off into dreamland…

Rose petals sprinkled the floor of Sir Spike the Awesomeness’s bedroom. Dozens of scented candles were scattered about the room, filling it with the lovely smell of lavender, pink things, and other stuff Sir Spike knew mares enjoyed like jewelry. A stereo crisply played a soulful guitar solo as a breeze danced through the wind chimes hanging in the window. An enormous, heart-shaped canopy bed sat in the middle of the room with the fair Maiden Rarity sprawled out on top in nothing but a black, lacey bra and panties that hugged around sexy hips.

“I’m forever grateful for you rescuing me from that wretched Count Hannibal, oh Sir Spike the Awesomeness!” Rarity cooed as she twirled some of her purple mane with her finger. “I must repay you!”

Sir Spike stood across the bed, eagerly looking upon his mare. He strutted forward, made a quick stop at the mirror to flex his muscles some more, and then crawled onto the bed. Using a claw, he unhooked Maiden Rarity’s bra before tossing it onto the ground. Rarity’s delicate hands took hold of his big, strong arms, guiding them from her shoulders to her breasts and, finally, to her hips.

“Ready for some real, nice lovemaking, Maiden Rarity?” Spike asked while raising his eyebrow seductively.

“My hero, I’ve fantasized about this moment for months, NO, years!” Rarity exclaimed. “Love me with all your lovey-lovey love, Sir Spike!”

“You got it, baby,” smiled Spike, showing off his gleaming pearly whites. “Ain’t nothing going to stop this very mature, very adult Spike!”

Sir Spike’s hands moved to take off Rarity’s panties while he leaned in to kiss the mare of his dreams. Something brushing up against Spike’s arms interrupted the two before their lips could meet. He glanced down, seeing something bob around underneath Maiden Rarity’s underwear.

“What the?” Sir Spiked asked himself.

Quickly, Spike brought down Rarity’s panties, ignoring her delighted yelp that he was waiting so long to hear.

“No...no...it can’t be!” Spike crawled backwards on the bed, completely terrified of what he had just seen.

Inches before him was a semi-flaccid purple horse penis resting on top of a pair of heavy testicles.

“Get out of my head,” Sir Spike screamed. “GET OUT OF MY HEAD!”

“Spike?”

The formerly brave knight’s eyes shot wide open. “No, that voice...please…”

Hesitantly, he looked back up. The Maiden Rarity had disappeared completely.

“I’m not here, this isn’t happening!” Spike shouted.

Instead of the mare of his dreams, it was Twilight Sparkle.

“What’s the matter, Spike?” Twilight asked as she slowly stroked her member with her hand. “Oh, this old thing? How could you have never noticed my giant horse cock, we’ve only lived together since you were hatched!”

“NO!”

Spike sprung upwards in his bed like a jack-in-the-box. His blankets were soaked with his cold sweat that streaked down his body. His heart raced with the speed of a bullet, his blood pressure probably soaring off the charts. He frantically looked around the room, hoping to Celestia that he wasn’t dreaming anymore. Twilight was still asleep in her bed, the bulge that caught his attention still there...just tempting his curiosity.

“Tonight is gonna be a long night…” Spike groaned. “But I gotta get some sleep…”

As soon as his head hit the pillow, the sunrise began peaking over the mountains. A few songbirds were getting an early start on their day’s melodies.

“Not fair, Celestia, not fair.”