A Mess of Titanic Porportion

"THATS HORSESHIT AND YOU KNOW IT!" For the 28th time, I slammed my hands on the table. Damned pony vocabulary.

"OUR EXRCEMENT HATH NO REVELENCE TO THIS TOPIC INSOLENT KNAVE!" Luna mimicked my motion.

For the last half of the day, this has been no more than a yelling contest between myself and luna, both sides with a crack in the table from the repeated abuse. The others by the table were wearing earmuffs to try to reduce the sound.

Would you believe we were still on square one?

I was about to launch into another spiel when I heard a voice, "Kenny" Goddamnit mason, I'm going to beat the shit out of him later, and if he doesn't shit, I make him shit. "Kenny, I need your help. Its a matter of Global security" Then tell me in my head goddamnit.

With several seconds passing and no response, I decided to-

"Sir?" EVEN IN MY THOUGHTS! WHY!? Looking towards the voice, I saw the business pony, for the first time since we started, "You seem like something is wrong. Are you Ok?"

"I'm fine, I just had an insignificant insect in my thoughts, never mind it." As expected, they all looked at me strangely.

"Well, um, its been a long day, I think my sister and I will return to our rooms. We were apparently wrong in the matter." Wait, Celestia's admitting she's wrong. What is happening. At least it gives me an excuse to go beat up mason.

On my way to the medical room, I reached out and grabbed the first thing that came to hand... which I let go of when I heard a squeak. Putting that thought out of my mind, I tried again, and got a crystal lamp. Once I got to the med room, I saw it was empty of patients. Knowing mason, I slammed the door to the wall, and nothing happened. After finding a nurse, I asked 'where the hell is that damn moldy balls' before correcting myself.

"Oh, he was released about an hour ago, perhaps one of the guards can tell you where he went."

After several minutes which could only be described as a fetch quest, I was ready to beat something into a wall, preferably mason. "Yes, he went this way, follow me." And finally finding a guard that knows where he is.

"Kenny, its good to-" FALCON PAWNCH!

"Stay out of my mind!" Maybe, I went too far... nah. He got up and reset his nose before 'talking' which once more was him speaking in my head.

"Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, princess. If you haven't noticed," He pointed to his neck which was covered in bandages, "Speaking is a little out of my grasp at the moment."

"There's something called a pen and paper" He preceded to walk to a wall, and carve a picture of him flipping me off. He then looked at another pony in the room. He was an elderly cream white pony with a black mane, in a greenish brown, uniform?

"Ah, yes my metallic frund, my  name ist Elemental Rectreation. Und I haf created ze most amazing creation EVER! After months of planning und testing, I haf finally done it! This device can spread large amounts of anything you want over large areas! I call it, ze megaspell!" What is this Doctor Frankenstein? General Deathhead? Plankton? The Red Skull? Doctor Richtofen? I placed my hand on his head and said in my most german accent,

"Ve are going to get along, very vell." I was cut out of my moment by a voice in my head, and the doctor leaving.

"yes well, that's all well and good, but do you know what this is?

"A case of zombies?" He glared at me. "What?! Its a genuine question!" He face palmed.

"Kenny, this is a nuke"

"..."

"..."

"So, what You're saying, is that we have a magical nuke." Again, not really a question.

"Well, I'm sure that was not his intention for this. But, do you honestly believe that people wouldn't see this as a way to destroy everything? May I remind you what happened when the Soviets found out we had a nuke?"

"You think I don't know that? That's why we hide it." He looked at me, more relieved than anything else. I wonder what he thought I would do... I'm not that warmongering.

"I suggest that we hid it in my plane of oblivion, its safer than keeping it here with the terrorists."

"..."

"..."

"OK." He looked both surprised and relieved. Why do you think so badly of me mason?

"Well, now that that's out of the way, what about the heart?"

"Safely under my bed!" I was proud of that answer, until he facepalmed.

"I don't even want to know your logic for that one, so we need to find a suitable location to build a shrine for me." Narcissistic much? He silenced me with his hand, "You know I don't die, I'm banished back to oblivion. And for me to come back, I need a shrine and a..." He looked a little uneasy.

"Out with it"

"A "Sacrifice". I am not a fan of Molags titles." I'd ask which one, but I think I know.

"You sure we can't do it another way?"

"Unless you want a brutal murder to bring me back, no." The things I do for this idiot. There was only one thing left to do, I turned around, and I punched him again.