A Mess of Titanic Porportion

"Mason, That is the worst idea you've ever come up with."

"Listen, we have to maximize our efficiency. If I tend to the ponies that fainted, you can determine what era we are in so we can prepare for what will come. We have to split up."

"You expect me to break through walls, to look around the castle." I say as I stare at him, my eyebrow raised.

"Yes, or you could, I don't know, use the doors. The interior doors are very big." I'm going to have to do a lot of bending, aren't I? "Well, there goes my back."

"Just go." he said almost pushing me out.

"Fine, fine. Just don't scare the crap out of them this time." He mumbled a response. Its weird, his hands are on my back, normally, his hands would be on my shoulders. Its probably nothing though.

After going through several doors, crawling through on my hands and knees; I finally found another pony. She was about middle-age, light gray Earth/crystal pony. She was wearing a maids outfit which covered her cutie mark, not that I was looking at her ass or anything.

After several minutes of what could only be described as a staring contest, I finally said, "Hi" she responded, by pissing herself. Really? After all the shit I go through, this is what I get...

I wonder if Mason is having an easier time...

No no! I'm not going to hurt anyone! Look, I just want to make sure she's fine, No I don't want to eat her! For fucks sake! I wonder if Kenny is having a better time than this...

He probably is. So, my options, 1) Continue to talk to the pissing maid, 2) continue to the door. After a while of intense decision making that consisted of enie meenie miney moe, I decided to continue talking to the mare.  "I don't want to hurt you, but you will answer my questions, got it?" I say deadpan.

"Y-yes sir" she stopped pissing herself and was bowing with her nose in the puddle. Mental facepalm.

"Question number one, Where am I?"

"Y-you are I-in the C-crystal Empire s-sir." Double mental facepalm.

"I meant in the castle"

"T-the hallway s-sir" Epic mental facepalm.

"...Besides the hallway" She seemed to stop shuddering

"In the East wing. You... aren't actually going to eat me, are you?" She looked up, her muzzle still slightly wet.

"No, I wont. So, what's your name?" I ask, kind of wishing she had a napkin.

"I'm Shining Star" Seriously, what the hell is up with these names. I know its a kids show, but seriously?!

"Hi Ms Star, How well do you know your way around the castle?"

"Well enough I suppose." Good enough.

"Well, how about you show me the rooms."

"Um, sure..." So she lead me through a couple rooms, none of which were very important to me, until we got to one room. "And then there's this room. moving on-" I dropped my hand in front of her.

"What is this room for?"

"oh, well, its really nothing." She said while trying to look away.

"What is this room for." I say more sternly.

"S-sir, REALLY, its nothing..." Her coat was turning seriously red.

"What is this room for."  I command. And I wish I didn't. As soon as she open the door, I closed it again. Every damn palace has one. I need to keep mason away from this. So we continued on, mostly in silence, with me wishing for more brain bleach.

"Well, that's mostly it, is there anything else you need?"

"How do I get back to the throne room?" She sighed, and pointed to a door.

I "walked" Through the door and, it was surprisingly quiet. I looked around and saw mason leaning against a wall reading a: law book? after looking around and seeing the ponies all rather calm, despite. Looking back towards mason, I saw another middle-aged pony, Pointing out things in the book. I could guess what happened. I Whistled to him, he didn't even flinch, though many ponies covered their ears.

"I'm not a dog, I don't respond to whistles." he says, face still in the book.

"Its the Spanish whistle language." He looked like he was going to say something, be instead he completely covered his face and tried to crawl away.

"Damnit Kenny, what the hell?! Why do you smell like piss?!"

"I though I washed it off the armor!"