Carrying On

January 6th

        Once again, it’s been a long while since I wrote one of these.  Since my last entry, a lot has happened.  Or less, depending on how you want to look at it.  Life has started to slow down, in a way.  I’ve got straight A’s, but that’s not hard when it’s one of the only things I spend time on.  I have a problem, though.  I get all my homework done too fast and understand everything.  I hate it.  Over the past two months, I’ve been thinking again.  I get a lot of time to think.  It was really bad at night.  I tried playing music when going to sleep; give me something to focus on.  It was better than thinking.  That only worked for the first few weeks.  Then it stopped working.  I don’t know why.  I started filtering out the music even when I didn’t want to.  I gave in.  The past seven weeks I’ve gone to sleep thinking.  The first few times, I simply felt bad.  Then I started feeling sad.  I’ve cried myself to sleep for six weeks.  I tried to keep it from happening, but I realized that there’s no feeling better.  I almost feel better when I cry.  I’m afraid of when I’ll stop crying.  I started watching the news recently.  It makes me feel worse.  Ponies are dying every day, many times at the hooves of other ponies.  The world is filled with so many bad things.  Lies, deception, murder, theft, the list goes on and on.  Is this the world I live in?  My Hearth’s Warming Eve was special; I didn’t cry myself to sleep that night.  My parents are gone more and more at work.  They are being run ragged by their jobs, the economy, and trying to support our family.  I’ve gone days without ever having seen them.  I think things would be much harder for them if they had to constantly come see me.  I still haven’t heard from Rez.  I stopped writing letters to him.  I guess they never went through.  Either that, or he doesn’t care about me anymore.  Like everyone else.  Today was the first day back at school.  Nothing has changed.  The days have started to blur.  It’s always the same thing.  My father told me I should look into a mane and tail cut.  I don’t know why.  No pony cares.  Well, he might.  Not sure why.  Our food bill has gone down, apparently.  I’m only eating two meals a day.  I haven’t really been that hungry lately.  Maybe that’s a good thing.  I’m saving us money, so my parents can have more to keep us living in Canterlot.  They moved here to start an amazing new life.  I want them to have that life, so I’m glad I’m not getting in the way.

-Clear