How I Lived In Equestria

“And… how exactly did you score a vacation at the Canterlot Sands Resort?” Dash raised an eyebrow. “That place is expensive as heck!”

“I may have gotten a little something from the royal bank of Celestia…” Godson smirked softly.

“Is that also why we’re taking a carriage there?”

“What? Too much?” Godson looked at the mare.

“Just how big was this ‘prank’ of yours, anyway?” Dash asked curiously.

“Imagine Luna chasing her crown throughout the castle, having it vanish in front of her face, and then finding me wearing the crown, my legs crossed.” Godson explained. “And then I called her Moonbutt the minute she saw me.”

“That’s actua—”

“And I was eating a banana during the whole thing.”

“What?” Dash blinked. “Why?”

“I was hungry, and Celestia didn’t give me any lunch.” Godson shrugged. “Besides, it allowed me to make things even better by not letting Luna talk until I finished eating it.”

“You didn’t let Luna talk?” Dash giggled softly. “You didn’t even care you were telling a princess not to talk until you were done eating a banana?”

“Uh.” Godson paused for a moment. “Yeah, pretty much.”

Dash simply gave a blank stare, trying to imagine how that would’ve went.

“Celestia literally fell on the floor, laughing.” Godson added. “It was a really funny sight to see.” He wrapped an arm around her. “You would’ve loved to have been there just to see it.”

“I can imagine.” Dash laughed softly, leaning her head onto his shoulder. “So, how long did you say this vacation was again?”

“A week.”

“A week, huh?” Dash uttered. “You mean to tell me we’re gonna be in Canterlot Sands Resort for a whole week… Just us?”

“Just us.”

“No Celestia or Luna?”

“No Celestia or Luna.”

Dash blinked at the answer she was given, and smiled. “Great. I wouldn’t mind the extra alone time…”

“Knowing you, I’m not that surprised.”

“Shut up.”

Once the carriage had landed, the two were pretty much ditched by Celestia’s royal guard. They could only assume they would return once the week was over. They had walked up to the registration desk, where they had instantly noticed the pony at said desk was already trying to reach over to a button not far from her.

“I just realized something…” Dash spoke up.

“Is it the same thing that I realized?” Godson asked.

“Not being mentioned to Celestia during your time in Ponyville means that nopony outside of Ponyville knows who or what you are...” Dash replied.

“Yep.” Godson nodded. “We both realized the same thing.”

“STAY BACK!” The registration pony shouted as the two got closer. “I’M NOT AFRAID TO CALL SECURITY!”

“Y’know. We could either explain the situation like normal ponies would…” Dash spoke softly. “...Or we could mess with them just a bit.”

“If you’re up for messing with them. I may have an idea.” Godson added. “You may or may not like it.”

“Oh?”

“Follow my lead.”

“What’re yo—” Dash was instantly interrupted as the mischievous human spun slowly, grabbing the mare by the base of her forelegs, pulling her into a deep kiss. At first, the mare was surprised by his actions, but then seemed to lost any care at this point.

“LEAVE THAT POOR MARE ALONE!” The registration pony shouted once more. “I’M NOT AFRAID TO PUSH THIS BUTTON!”

Godson simply continued making out with his marefriend, whom had already wrapped her hooves around him, letting her ears fall back as they continued their show of affection.

Eventually, the two broke apart. Dash was left with a dumb smile on her face, only to be caught off guard once her lover began pecking her lips every so often, once he had teased her enough, he looked over to the registration pony.

“We’re here for our reservation…”

After proceeding through all of the boring registration. They finally made it to the door of their room.

“I can’t believe you pulled a stupid stunt like that, Godson…” Dash mumbled.

“So you mean to tell me you didn’t enjoy that kiss?”

“Shut up…” Dash rolled her eyes. “Let’s just go to our room and then argue about it…”

“As you wish, Dashie.” Godson chuckled, twisting the doorknob, and opening the door to reveal their room. They were greeted by quite a lavish sight. Lush carpets hugged the floor, a plush couch occupied the center of the room, and a curtain covered the back wall. Opening the curtains revealed a window that dominated the entire wall, illuminating the space brilliantly, and giving them a fantastic view of the beach and surrounding ocean. Off to the side a door opened to the bedroom. The bed was soft and feathery, and would support the most rowdy of activities. Soft, plush pillows covered the bed, but upon further investigation Godson discovered a banana, perched atop the mound of pillows. A note was attached, which said, “Enjoy your stay ;p”.

“Ignore that.” He muttered to Dash, putting it off to the side for now.

Godson returned to the main room, and sat down on the couch, closely followed by Dash.

“Woah…” Godson exhaled, as he and Dash gawked in awe, amazed by the complete beauty that was now their temporary room.

“Celestia really went all out returning the favor after that prank of yours…”

“Yeah…

“Hey what’s that?” asked a curious Dash as she looked around the room and noticed a small object previously hidden behind the opened door.

“What’s what?” Godson questions, glancing around like an idiot as he tried to find whatever Dash was looking at.

“That, in the corner... behind the door...” She pointed at it’s direction.

“Uh… It looks like a mini-fridge… I wonder why I hav—”

“What do you think is in it?” Dash interrupted, her eyes widened as she thought of something.

“I don’t know, in my world... it would probably be alcohol, but here I have no clu—”

“Does that mean...” Dash immediately cut him off. “...it could be filled with cider!?”

“Probably.” Godson shrugged. “I dunn— Dash…” He eyed the mare, who was already leaving the couch he was sitting on. “...What are you doing?”

“I’m checkin’ the mini-fridge!” Dash replied sharply. “Because if there’s cider, we’re drinkin’.”

“But—”

“No buts!” Dash interrupted, throwing the mini-fridge open.

Godson simply sat and watched as the mare quickly began digging through the contents of the mini-fridge.

After enough waiting, the human lifted an eyebrow. “Well, Dash?”

“Hm?” Dash turned her head, her hoof already carrying a bottle of cider on her lips as she drank the contents of the bottle.

“Why am I not surprised…”

“Dash. That’s like your tenth bottle… I think you’ve had too much, already.”

“Oh yeah?” Dash raised an eyebrow, her face covered in a bright red tint. “You wanna tell me that I’ve had too much?”

Godson nodded, an eyebrow raised at the mare’s question.

“Well…hic— y’knowwhatIthink?”

Godson shook his head.

“I shay… I need more!”

Godson narrowed his eyes at Dash’s retort. “Yeah no, that’s not happening.” He quickly snatched the bottle from his marefriend’s hoof, and held it behind him.

“H-h-h-heeeeeey!” Dash barked, immediately reaching over to the bottle in his hand, only to get blocked by his other arm. “Give—hic— it back! I’m not finished wiff it!”

“Dash.” Godson monotoned. “Look at you, your face looks like a friggin’ tomato. Any more cider and your face will pop.”

“What—hic— are you shaying?”

“I’m saying, Dash...” Godson rolled his eyes. “You’re drunk.”

“Oh yeah?” Dash gave up on the bottle, but instead aimed at a new target. “Weeell, wanna—hic— know what I think about that?”

Godson let go of the mare, his eyebrow raised over her sudden shift in target. “What?”

Dash immediately pressed her lips against his, forcing her tongue into his mouth as she made out with him, after she had enough, she pulled away. With a large, dumb grin, she spoke once more.

“You’re shexy.”

Instantly, the drunken mare fell to the floor, leaving her boyfriend to wonder what exactly just happened. He stood up, placed the bottle on a nearby table, and kneeled over to get closer to her.

“Dash?” Godson timidly spoke, he looked at her face, which still carried her dumb grin, though her eyes were closed. He slowly placed a hand slightly above her nose, and felt warm air tickle his hand. “Well, at least she’s breathing… That’s good…”

“I believe she’s doing this thing called ‘sleeping’.”

“Yeah.” Godson nodded. “That’s pro—” He immediately cut himself off, quickly realizing he wasn’t alone. He jerked his around, looking at the source of the sound. He jumped back, falling onto his back upon realization of who it was floating above him.

“Surprised?” Discord chuckled. “If anything, I should be the one who’s surprised. I was expecting this magical disturbance to be a lot more interesting than… whatever it is you are…”

“W-Wha…”

“Though, I suppose introductions are in order.” Discord slowly brought himself closer to the ground, quickly making a top hat appear out of thin air, and lifted it from his head with his paw. “The name’s Discord.” He quickly smirked. “Though I suppose you already knew that…”

“What gave you that idea?” Godson raised an eyebrow.

“I know a lot of things.” Discord bluntly replied. “The only thing I don’t know is…” He got uncomfortably close to the human. “...What kind of creature are you?” He looked over to the unconscious mare. “...And why is Rainbow Dash here with you? Shouldn’t she be with her friends, or something?”

“First off…” Godson deadpanned. “You’re in my bubble. Get out of it.”

“Ah, yes.” Discord stepped back. “Your imaginary ‘bubble’. The bubble that’s supposed to represent your personal space, am I right?”

Godson crossed his arms. “Got a problem with that?”

“Not at all.” Discord shook his head, throwing his hat off to some random corner of the room. “I’m just really curious.”

Godson scoffed, getting back onto his two feet. “I find that shocking. Someone with as much power and chaos as you must know a lot of things, even things from outside of this world.”

“You make a good point there…” Discord placed a thinking claw onto his chin. “I do know quite a lot of things from other worlds… So let’s see if I can use that knowledge to good use.”

Godson eyed the draconequus as he slowly started eyeing him, going around him to get every possible angle of the human. Godson rolled his eyes as he waited for the chaoting being to finally finish whatever it is he was doing.

“Black hair…” Discord began to analyse aloud. “Wears clothes… very pissy attitude.”

“You’re one to talk.” Godson huffed.

“...has quite the smart mouth.” Discord added. “Pale skin… Yep. I know exactly what you are.”

“Took you long enou—”

“You’re a talking hairless ape.” Discord concluded, finishing his sentence with a large smile.

“Annnd you’ve successfully offended me…” Godson groaned in disapproval. “I was wondering how long it would take…”

“Relax.” Discord laughed softly. “I’m only messing with hu, man.”

“That…” Godson struggled not to crack a smile. “...was such a terrible pun. And you should feel terrible just for making it.”

“Well, I thought it was a great pun.” Discord crossed his paw and claw together. “But, fine. Whatever floats your boat.”

Godson chuckled. “By the way.” He extended a hand. “The name’s Godson.”

“Hm?” Discord hummed in curiousity. “Strange. That’s not the name I was expecting you to say...”

“What were you expecting? Bo-bo?” Godson crossed his arms, giving up on the handshake he had offered.

“No. I was expecting… nevermind.” Discord shook his head.

Godson shrugged, looking back at his still knocked-out marefriend, then quickly remembered something. “Hold on a sec.” He shifted his view back to Discord. “You said something about a magical disturbance.”

“Indeed I did.”

“But the only magical disturbance that occurred recently was something from Twilight.”

“Not the only magical disturbance, but it did bring me closer to one I felt four and a half months ago.”

Godson widened his eyes. “Are you calling me a magical disturbance?”

“Well, considering you have no magic in you, yes.” Discord bluntly replied with a nod. “Yes I am.”

“Huh.” Godson placed a thinking hand on his chin. “I suppose that makes sense…?”

“Good!” Discord clapped his paw and claw together. “Glad we got that all figured out.”

Godson rolled his eyes, and proceeded to focus his attention back to his marefriend. He lifted her up, holding her tight as he made his way to the bedroom.

“Oh. Right.” Discord blinked. “I nearly forgot she was here…”

Godson ignored that last statement, and continued in his efforts to return Rainbow Dash to the bed until she would wake up once again.

“I never did figure out why she’s here though…” Discord thought aloud. “Especially here with you.”

Godson immediately stopped in his tracks, and turned around. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, for one, she’s a pony, and she has friends back in Ponyville…” Discord spoke. “And two, you’re…”

“Human?”

“I was gonna say repulsive.” Discord shrugged. “But human works, too.”

Godson narrowed his eyes. “Right. I’m not taking any of this from you.”

“Really?” Discord raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were enjoying my company!”

“No… I’m pretty sure that’s only Fluttershy who enjoys your company.” Godson bluntly replied, turning back around as he continued to take his still sleeping mare back to the bedroom.

After gently putting Rainbow into bed, and wrapping her in the bed’s blankets, he slowly proceeded to hop onto the other side of the bed, laying down next to her.

“Why, I’m hurt, Godson!” Discord chided behind him. “You mean to tell me you aren’t enjoying the little time I took away from my schedule to visit you?”

Godson turned around. “What schedule? Don’t you just do random stuff whenever you’re bored?”

“That’s none of your concern.” Discord huffed. “What’s my concern, however, is wondering why Celestia only gave you two one bed to sleep in this room, rather than two separate beds…”

Godson rolled his eyes with a groan. “We’re dating.” He sat up to correctly face the draconequus. “For being such a smart, near-omnipotent creature such as yourself. You sure do love asking questions for things you should already know.”

“Let me get this straight.” Discord shook his head, he immediately pointed a claw at him. “You. Are dating…” He pointed his claw at the sleeping mare. “Her?”

“Why exactly is that so hard to understand?”

“Because you’re… so…”

“Repulsive?”

“I was gonna say human, but repulsive works, too.”

Godson crossed his arms once more. “Well, you saw what the ‘magical disturbance’ was. Now could you please leave me alone?”

“Fine.” Discord grumbled. “But only because you asked nicely.” He looked at the mare behind the human. “Besides, it’s starting to look like your marefriend is having plans of her own.”

“What’re you—” Before he could finish his sentence, he was immediately blinded by his marefriend’s wings, covering his eyes as she gave him a backwards hug.

“Y’know…” She whispered softly. “...I just realized how comfortable this bed ish…”

“D-Dash?” Godson spoke quickly, pulling the mares wings off of him. He looked back to where Discord stood.

And found nothing in its place.

Dash immediately wrapped her hooves around him. “I think we should take advantage of this bed…”

“Am I gonna like where this is going, Dash?” Godson asked worriedly. “I can’t tell if you’re still drunk or not.”

“Doesh it matter?” Dash practically purred into his ear. “You and I still get to have some fun~...”

“I have a feeling you’re gonna kill me for letting you get this drunk either way…” Godson shrugged. “Y’know what… screw it, since I'm gonna die anyway… lemme just take off my glasses...”

“Good boy…”