After several minutes of bathroom breaks and coming down from a laughing fit, the seven of us were ready to begin the next round. I quickly reached for the next black card and read it aloud. "2 AM in the city that never sleeps. The door swings open and she walks in, legs up to here. Something in her eyes tells me she's looking for _____." The six mares looked curiously at their cards, slowly but surely giving me their choices. "Okay, here we go," I continued, "2 AM in the city that never sleeps. The door swings open and she walks in, legs up to here. Something in her eyes tells me she's looking for an ether-soaked rag."

The card earned a few giggles. "Ha!" laughed Twilight, "All that buildup and she ends up getting suffocated??"

"I guess so," said Rainbow Dash.

"Something in her eyes tells me she's looking for daddy's belt."

"Whoa, nelly," Applejack spoke, "Who knows what she's gon' be doin' with that?"

"...She's looking for anal beads. NNNNNGH..." I said along with some of the others, "...She's looking for a magic hippie love cloud. Meh, maybe. She's looking for a cat video so cute that your eyes roll back and your spine slides out of your anus."

"Oh, I don't anything could be THAT cute," Fluttershy said.

"Oh, Fluttershy," I responded in a tone that resembled Discord's voice, "You have no idea how wrong that statement is. Anyway," I continued in my regular speaking voice, "...She's looking for a live studio audience. Hmmm... That's a possible contender." I then looked over the cards as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie stared rather intently at me, as if they new that their cards would win. "I'm gonna have to go with an ether-soaked rag."

A long silence ensued. "Um," came a quiet voice, "That's mine."

"Fluttershy?!?" Pinkie exclaimed.

"That was you?!?" Rainbow Dash screamed.

"Um...yes, it was," the yellow mare replied, louder this time. I handed Fluttershy the black card, happy that she seemed to be getting into the game better than I had expected.

Twilight grasped the next card in her aura and said, "If you had to describe me, the Card Czar, using only one of the cards in your hand, which one would it be?"

"Mine's a throwaway," said Rarity as she floated her face-down card over to the princess.

"Same here," Pinkie Pie said as she passed her card over, as well. My own card could have been considered a throwaway, but I felt there was a slight chance of it being able to win. As Applejack handed her card over to Twilight, I couldn't help but hear a mischievous giggle come out of her mouth.

"Okay, let's do this," Twilight said as she began reading. "If you had to describe me, the Card Czar, using only one of the cards in your hand, which one would it be?" She then looked at the first card. "Frolicking? Nah. A sassy black woman."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!" I laughed out loud as I slammed a hand down onto the table, causing it to shake slightly.

Pinkie Pie then seemed to take some unknown initiative. "Okay! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!" she laughed while falling backwards.

Twilight only stared blankly at me and Pinkie. "Anyway..." she continued, "A falcon with a box on its head."

"More like a book on its head!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash.

"Unquestioning obedience. Not sure how THAT makes any sense. Genetically engineered super-soldiers. I get it, but whoever made this game really needs to get their grammar straight." I groaned silently at her comment. "Classist undertones?"

"It's something video game-related," I told her.

"Okay, some of these weren't quite what I had expected. I think I'm going to go with a sassy black woman, no matter how wrong that sounds."

"Yee-haw!" Applejack cheered.

"I can't believe you did that!" I said to the farm mare, "That was perfect!"

"Actually, it was the only good one I had and I wanted to get rid of it. Anyway," she said while reaching for the next black card, "You haven't truly lived until you've experienced _____ and _____ at the same time."

"The bottom one is first, right?" Rarity asked me.

"Yes, bottom one for the first blank," I replied. We then proceeded to do just that, getting our combos ready for Applejack to read. Mine was a bit contradictory, but at least it made some comical sense.

"Ev'ryone ready?" AJ asked. We all nodded. "Alright, you haven't truly lived until you've experienced old people smell and doo-doo at the same time."

"Oh, how disgusting is that?!?" Rarity wailed.

"Ewww!!!" Pinkie Pie followed up.

"You haven't truly lived until you've experienced a zesty breakfast burrito and an oversized lollipop at the same time. I'm guessin' this is Pinkie Pie's. Anyway, you haven't truly lived until you've experienced powerful thighs and gettin' your dick stuck in a Chinese finger trap with another dick." I laughed loudly at that. "What in the hay is a Chinese finger trap?" AJ asked me.

"Hold on," I replied as I went up to my bedroom. Less than half a minute later, I returned with a Chinese finger trap that I had laying around on my dresser. I demonstrated how it worked, and knew that it quickly clicked in everypony else's mind what that would look like with stallionhoods. I heard a few audible shivers from a few ponies, and AJ soon started reading the cards again.

"You haven't truly lived until you've experienced a fat bald man from the internet and vegetarian options at the same time! Well, that'd be pretty interestin'! He wouldn't be eatin' a darn thing!"

"He'd probably be complaining the whole time!" said Rainbow.

"Yeah, you're right!" continued AJ, "Anyway, you haven't truly lived until you've experienced pussy and balls at the same time."

"Doesn't that sound like a bisexual three-way?" I asked.

"It sure does," replied Twilight, "And it's pretty funny."

"You haven't truly lived until you've experienced being rich and doing the right thing at the same time."

"It sounds like Filthy Rich giving all his money to charity," said Fluttershy.

"You're right, it does," I responded.

"'Ya know, I don't know why I'm doin' this," Applejack continued, "But a real fat guy havin' a fit over purely vegetarian options sounds like somethin' I'd like to see, so I'm goin' with that one."

"That's mine!" I exclaimed, happy to have finally gotten an awesome point. As AJ handed me the card, Fluttershy took the next one from the stack. "The 6 things I could never live without: Oxygen, Facebook?" She looked up at me in confusion.

"Social media site," I replied.

"Chocolate, Netflix?" She looked up at me again.

"Movie website/company."

"Friends, and _____." It didn't take long for this six white cards to appear in front of Fluttershy, and she quickly began reading them. "Let's see. Gloryholes." Rainbow Dash once again gave an audible laugh at that. "Having anuses for eyes. Oh...my..."

"Uuuggghhh!!!" Rarity exclaimed, her eyes closing as another look of disgust crossed her face.

"S-Sexual...p-peeing. Umm...no thank you. Backwards knees." I immediately thought that would be the winner, until I remembered that what looked like backwards knees on horses' hind legs were actually their ankles. "Centaurs...and...Subduing a grizzly bear and making her your wife? Oh, I could never do that. Let's see." Fluttershy looked over her choices, and it was clear that she was a bit uncomfortable with her decision. "Oh, I hate to have to go with this, but who had gloryholes?"

"I did," I replied, reaching out and taking the black card, "Why did you feel bad about it?"

"It just sounds so wrong," the timid mare replied, "But, you know, I think a few more rounds and I'll feel comfortable with everything."

"Very well, then, darling," Rarity said before taking the next black card. "Alright bros. Our frat house is condemned, and all the hot slampieces are over at Gamma Phi. The time has come to commence Operation _____."

After putting in my choice, I looked at the next card that I drew, and I giggled helplessly. "What's so funny?" asked Pinkie Pie.

"I...I...I...really can't tell you right now," I responded, still chuckling.

"Is everyone ready?" Once again, everyone just nodded. "Alright bros. Our frat house is condemned, and all the hot slampieces are over at Gamma Phi. The time has come to commence Operation...mouth...herpes? My goodness, doesn't anyone have any shame? The time has come to commence Operation going around punching people. Okay, that sounds better. Operation social justice warriors with flamethrowers of compassion. Hmmm... Operation chainsaws for hands."

"Ouch!" said Pinkie Pie and Twilight simultaneously.

"Operation smallpox blankets. What is this?"

"Smallpox is a disease from the past. It gave everyone a whole bunch of bumps."

"Oh my..." Rarity continued, "And finally, Operation pixelated bukkake."

"OW!" I yelled, "That's gotta hurt!"

"What is it?" Rarity asked again.

"You don't wanna know..."

"Well, considering that, I'm going to choose that one."

"Yes!" exclaimed Twilight. The black card was floated over to her while Rainbow took the next one.

"Oh, this oughta be good. Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with _____." I immediately placed a decent one in, and everypony else was quick to put theirs in as well.

"I would never do this under normal circumstances, but I can't wait to see the looks on all your faces. Ha!" exclaimed Rarity.

"Alright," continued Rainbow, "Before I run for president, I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with throwing a virgin into a volcano. Nah, sounds kinda old. I must destroy all evidence of my involvement with burning down a hospital. Wow..." It was another custom card I had made, and I couldn't help but laugh at the hilarious, yet slightly sad, implication. "...All evidence of my involvement with cheating in the Special Olympics. What are those?" Rainbow asked as she looked me in the eyes.

"They're basically the Equestria Games, except these are for the handicapped," I explained.

"Okay. Anyway, involvement with white people."

"Oh my god! Seriously?!?" I exclaimed while laughing, "That's so racist!"

"Sounds like it," Rainbow replied, "...involvement with the eighth graders." I slowly lowered my head to the table after she read that. "Are these really that bad?" she asked.

"No, they're just ridiculously funny," I replied.

"You know what else is funny?" Pinkie Pie asked, "Watching your reactions to all these! You're hilarious!"

I chuckled. "Haha, thanks, I'll be here all week..." I knew that was cheesy, but I couldn't resist.

"Anyway, involvement with slapping a racist old lady. Geez, these are pretty good. Hmmm...I'm gonna have to go with burning down a hospital."

"That's me!" Pinkie Pie said in a sing-song tone, "Plus, now it's my turn!" She reached for the last black card for the round and read it out loud. "In a pinch, _____ can be a suitable substitute for _____." I had no two that went together other than two cards that were music-related, so I put them in. Once we were ready, Pinkie began reading the cards. "In a pinch, figgy pudding can be a suitable substitute for lockjaw. Yeah, that actually makes sense. In a pinch, how awesome I am, thank you, Rainbow Dash, can be a suitable substitute for my inner demons."

Everyone else, including me, went "OOOOOOOO....." in unison. Whoever played that had been right on the money. Needless to say, I wasn't hungry for any cupcakes at that moment.

"An unforgettable quincañera can be a suitable substitute for land mines. Again, yeah, but kinda lacking oomph. Nickelback can be a suitable substitute for Neil Diamond's greatest hits. Who are these guys?"

"Musicians," I replied.

"Oh, interesting. Anyway, Buying the right pants to be cool can be a suitable substitute for seeing grandma naked." I laughed into both my hands again upon picturing that horrific card. "And last but not least, quiche can be a suitable substitute for chugging a lava lamp. Wow. That REALLY works." The party pony then looked over her options, looking as if she didn't know which ones to select. "You know, these all work in some way, but given how everyone here wears clothes, I can imagine how scary it might be to see your grandma naked, so I'm going with that one."

Everyone else, except Rarity, who had won, only stared at Pinkie Pie as if they had just witnessed the most idiotic show on the planet. "Really, Pinkie?!?" Rainbow exclaimed, "You went with THAT one?!?"

"Why not?" the party pony replied, "It fits perfectly with the society around us!"

"Pinkie," I began, "You shouldn't change how you play the game based on where you are. That kinda takes a bit of the fun out of it."

Pinkie's poofy mane deflated slightly upon hearing what I had to say. "I-I'm making the game less fun?"

"No, no, no, not at all!" I quickly replied, "Just play the game like you would if you were in Equestria! It's as simple as that!"

"So, you're all still enjoying this?"

"I hate to say it, but this game is becoming rather amusing," said Rarity.

"'Ya got that right, partner," AJ responded.

"Great!" Pinkie chirped as her mane went back to it's joyous state.

"How about another break?" I asked.

"Yeah, I need to stretch for a while," Rainbow Dash said as she extended some of her limbs.

Author's Note

After 2 rounds, the score is:

Me: 2
Twilight: 3
AJ: 2
Fluttershy: 1
Rarity: 2
RD: 2
Pinkie Pie: 2