"Here you go, Pinkie," I said to the party pony as I handed her a few big bags of chips. I knew she and her friends were getting hungry, and I was glad to have been prepared.

"Woo-hoo!" she exclaimed as she sat back down next to Rainbow Dash, "Anypony else want any?"

"No thank you, darling," replied Rarity.

"I'm good for now, Pinkie," Applejack said.

"That's okay, Pinkie," said Fluttershy.

"Not right now, but thank you," Twilight said.

"I'll have a few," Rainbow Dash said as she reached into one bag and soon came out with a hoofful of chips. Pinkie basically buried her head in another bag as I began the next round with a new black card. "The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in _____."

"Oh, you're all gonna HATE me for this..." said Twilight, slyly.

"Oh, yeah?" Pinkie Pie responded with a mouthful of chips, "Mine's definitely gonna win!"

The cards were soon in front of me and I began to read them. "The blind date was going horribly until we discovered our shared interest in public ridicule. Uhhh...okay? Until we discovered our shared interest in dying of dysentery!" I finished with multiple chuckles. "Wow!... Anyway, our shared interest in mooing. Mmmmmaybe... Our shared interest in finger painting? Only if you're like six or seven. Our shared interest in shapeshifters. Seriously, guys, you've gotta do better than this, except for dying of dysentery. Our shared interest in..." I stared at the card as I began to laugh internally, "...Making the penises kiss."

"HA!" exclaimed Rainbow, "A gay blind date!"

"Yeah," I replied, "Who had that one?"

"Me!" Twilight replied.

"Seriously? Well then, here you go!"

"Thank you very much," Twilight replied, her tone swaying from low to high as she finished her sentence. The young princess then took the next black card in her magic. "What's that sound?" she asked.

"Probably Pinkie's loud munching," Rainbow Dash responded.

"No, that's what the card says. What's that sound?" she said as she showed everyone what the black card said.

"Ooooohhhh..." Rainbow replied in a way that Pinkie normally would, "Okay."

I laughed to myself as handed my card to Twilight. "This card is too long, so I'm getting rid of it," said Rarity.

"Are we ready?" Twilight asked. She needed no further confirmation, as the six cards were already in front of her. "What's that sound? Geese. Okay. The Big Bang! Thank you, science!" As the alicorn looked at the next card, she began to laugh. "A m-man on the brink of orgasm!!" she finished while her voice was stammered by laughter. "Okay. Angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night. Thank you, Rarity..." Twilight said to her unicorn friend.

"Like I said, I had to get rid of it," the alabaster mare replied.

"Friction," Twilight continued, "And finally, a spontaneous conga line." She then looked over her options. "My apologies to whoever had a man on the brink of orgasm, but you know me, Twilight loves her science! Who had the Big Bang?"

"Meeeeeee!!!!!!!!" Pinkie Pie yelled as she reached out for the card.

"Alright, let's see what we got ourselves here," AJ said as she reached for the next black card. However, when she began to read it to herself, her smile faded. "Uhhh..." she began, not sounding too happy, "I'm not so sure I wanna read this."

"Here, let me see," I said as the farm mare handed me the card. I took one look at it and knew why she didn't want to read that card.

"So, are we skipping this one?" Rainbow asked.

"Actually, I have an idea," I continued, "Fluttershy, we'll save this one for you to read next, and Applejack can just take whatever's next in the stack."

"I like that idea," replied the yellow pegasus. I put the card in my hand to the side while AJ reached for the next one.

"Ah, now that's more like it!" she said, "What will always get you laid?"

"Ha!" Rainbow exclaimed, "Ain't no way I'm gonna lose this!"

"Mine's a throwaway," said Pinkie, blankly.

We gave our cards to AJ and she was quick to begin reading them. "What will always get you laid? Lactation. Well, I suppose if it was a fetish of yours... Anyway, Saying, 'I love you'."

"Awww..." Fluttershy cooed.

"The thin veneer of situational causality that underlies porn. Uhhh...I guess that kinda works... Out-of-this-world bazongas?"

"Boobs," I said, trying to save her the task of asking me.

"My vagina! Now were definitely gettin' somewhere! A bag of magic beans. Hmmm... 'Ya know, I said my vagina was a contender, but I'm lookin' at the card, and just sayin' that a vagina would get you laid doesn't completely add up. I gotta go with the one that makes the most sense in context, and that's gon' be sayin' 'I love you'."

"What?!?" Rainbow screamed.

"Yes!" Twilight exclaimed, "I didn't think my card had a chance!"

"Well, I had my vagina! It was perfect! Geez!" Rainbow finished, angrily.

"Ummm..." Fluttershy began, softly, "C-Can we continue?"

"Yeah, go ahead," Rainbow replied, still frustrated.

"Okay," the yellow mare said as she reached for the card that was put to the side. "Oh...oh my. Now I see what you were saying, Applejack. During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into _____." Applejack lowered her head slightly, the others, including me, giving her a sad look. After a while, she seemed to be doing better. I heard a giggle from Rarity as she handed her card over to Fluttershy.

Soon, we were all ready. "Okay," Fluttershy continued, "During his midlife crisis, my dad got really into wifely duties."

"That actually sounds decent!" Rarity said, "I wouldn't mind my husband doing all my work for me. In fact, I would probably MAKE him do all of it!"

"Good thing I don't live at the Carousel Boutique..." I thought to myself.

"During his midlife crisis," Fluttershy continued, "My dad got really into 10 incredible facts about...the anus..." she finished while her voice took a decrescendo. "Oh my. Anyway, my dad got really into...n-nipple blades? Gosh. My dad got really into the way white people is. That doesn't make any sense. My dad got really into brown people."

"HA!" I exclaimed before clapping my hands together one time.

"And finally, my dad got really into New Age music. Ummm...I have to agree with Rarity. Who had wifely duties?"

"I did!" I said to her before reaching over for the card.

Rarity was quick to take the next black card. When she saw what it said, she flipped her hair, narrowed her eyes slightly, and turned her head slightly to her right. She then began in a high-class Canterlot tone, "I'm not like the rest of you. I'm too rich and busy for _____."

AJ, Rainbow, and Pinkie all laughed at her tone. As we set our cards in, I heard Twilight giggle and say, "Don't kill me, Rarity."

Rarity raised an eyebrow at her friend before reading the white cards. "I'm not like the rest of you. I'm too rich and busy for riding off into the sunset. Hmmm... That actually works. I'm too rich and busy for a man-shaped box. I guess that works, too. I'm too rich and busy for eugenics. Wow. I may have more than one that works! I'm not sure what to choose at this point! I'm too rich and busy for world peace."

Everyone, including me, began laughing hysterically, even Fluttershy. "Seriously?!?" exclaimed Rainbow Dash.

"Hmph," Rarity continued, sticking her snout up and closing her eyes like one of the Canterlot Elite. "Anyway, I'm too rich and busy for interspecies marriage."

Everyone went silent for a few seconds, then Rainbow exclaimed, "So you're too rich and busy to marry Spike?? HA!" the rest of us, except Rarity, of course, continued laughing.

"Oh, please," the white unicorn said, "He's too young for me anyway."

"But it's still hilarious!" Applejack yelled before continuing her laughing fit.

"ANYWAY..." Rarity continued with a slight grumble, "I'm too rich and busy for rabies. Oh my, all of these seem to make some sort of sense. Hmmm..." She remained in thought for a good ten seconds. "I'm going with interspecies marriage."

"Yes!" Twilight shouted.

"Geez, Twilight!" Rainbow exclaimed, "Stop playing all the winning cards!"

"How many black ones do you have?" asked Fluttershy.

"Let's see," the alicorn began before counting her cards, "One, two, three, four, five, six. I have six."

"First one to ten wins," I brought up, "Looks like you're already more than halfway there, Twilight!"

"Woo-hoo!" the princess replied.

"Alright, let's see what we got here," Rainbow began. After taking the next black card, she said, "Life's pretty tough in the fast lane. That's why I never leave the house without _____."

"Yes! Perfect time!" exclaimed Twilight again as she floated her card to the cyan pegasus.

"Mine's a throwaway," Applejack said.

"Too bad," I told her, "You're gonna lose to this card right here!" I continued as I handed my card to Rainbow Dash.

When the rainbow-maned mare had all the cards, she began to read them. "Life's pretty tough in the fast lane. That's why I never leave the house without being marginalized."

"Oooohhhhh...." a few of us went in unison.

"That's why I never leave the house without a piñata full of scorpions. Eh...maybe. That's why I never leave the house without crystal meth."

"Woooooowww...." I said, "Whoever played that got it right on the money."

"Hey!" Rainbow yelled.

"Hey, relax. It's just a joke."

She sighed at me. "Fine. That's why I never leave the house without flesh-eating bacteria. Ewww... That's why I never leave the house without...science? I think we know who THIS one belongs to... And, that's why I never leave the house without a manhole. Eh...some of these didn't really work. I'm gonna go with crystal meth."

"Yay!" Pinkie cheered. She immediately took two black cards, one from Rainbow and one from the stack. She then put on a slightly annoyed face and said, "I work my ass off all day for this family, and this is what I come home to? _____!?" We all laughed at her tone of voice. I always loved how comical Pinkie was.

"Hehehe..." AJ chuckled as she passed her card in.

"Okay," the pink party pony continued, "I work my ass off all day for this family, and this is what I come home to? A face full of horse cum!?" Instantly, all seven of us (yes, all seven of us) laughed our hardest in quite a while, and some of us even fell backwards. That card made WAY too much sense.

After we all calmed down, Pinkie continued, albeit still giggling. "Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers!? Ha! That works, too! The...A-Apo-Apophis Asteroid?" It was another one of my custom cards.

"It's an asteroid that was thought to hit the Earth sometime in the future and change the worldwide climate for at least a hundred years," I told her.

Everypony just looked at me with slightly wide eyes. "Anyway," Pinkie continued, "An oncoming train!?" Another custom one. "A box!?" The pink pony couldn't help but giggle at such a minimalistic implication. "Crumbs all over the god damn carpet!? Wow! You know, I wish I could pick all six of these! They're all perfect! But which one will it be?"

"You know," I began, "One thing you could do is shuffle those six cards again and pick one at random. It's something my buddies and I do when we're in the same situation."

"I like that idea!" Pinkie chirped in response. She then shuffled all the cards again. "Alright. I work my ass off all day for this family, and this is what I come home to?" She then took one random card and placed it face-up. "Actual mutants with medical conditions and no superpowers!?"

"YES!!" Twilight exclaimed once again. We all stared in amazement at her.

"What?!?" Rainbow began, "You gotta be kidding me!"

"You didn't bribe anyone during that last break, did you, Twilight?" Rarity asked.

"No way!" Twilight responded, "Why would I do that!?"

"Look, guys," I began, "Twilight won the card and that's that."

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash continued, "But she's three away from winning!" The cyan mare had a very concerned look on her face.

"That's just how the game goes, Rainbow," I finished.

"Well, Twilight, you better look out, 'cause I'm totally gonna come back and win!"

"Bring it on, Rainbow!" Twilight replied.

Author's Note

At the end of the third round, the score is:

Me: 3
Twilight: 7
AJ: 2
Fluttershy: 1
Rarity: 2
RD: 2
Pinkie Pie: 4