After a small break, I began the next round, fully aware that this had turned into a full-on battle between a princess and a Wonderbolt hopeful. I looked at the next card, not thinking that there would be any extreme answers for this one. Little did I know that would be far from correct. "Hey baby," I began, "Come back to my place and I'll show you _____."

Rarity began to chuckle. "Please forgive me, darling," she said to me, "But I just can't resist playing this card! Hahahahaha!" she laughed while floating her choice over to me.

"Should I be nervous?" I asked, quizzically.

"Mmmm...I don't know. Just wait and see."

"Alright. Everypony ready?" They nodded. "Hey baby, come back to my place and I'll show you a bucket of fish heads. Hmmm... Come back to my place and I'll show you ambiguous sarcasm. Nah. And I'll show you the dentist. Probably that dentist from 'Little Shop of Horrors'," I thought to myself. "I'll show you...mom? That could go a couple of ways, but...to me it sounds like, 'Oh, look, mom's here. No big deal.' Anyway, I'll show you erectile dysfunction! HA! Perfect!" I laughed while Rainbow and Pinkie Pie joined me, "And I'll show you meaningless sex. No, this one goes to erectile dysfunction! That was amazing!"

"Give it here, partner," AJ said in response before I handed her the card.

Twilight was quick to take the next black card, but paused soon after. "Ummm...this one says, 'Draw 2, Pick 3'," she said.

"Okay, so for this one, before we put any cards in, we each need to draw 2 cards," I said to everyone. They did as they were told, except for Twilight, of course, as I took two more cards for myself. "Now, it's just like the 'Pick 2' cards, except you place one more card on top of the second one this time."

"Okie Dokie Lokie!" Pinkie chirped.

"Which one is it, Twilight?" I asked the princess.

"You guys, I saw this crazy movie last night. It opens on _____, and then there's some stuff about _____, and then it ends with _____," Twilight said. I looked at my cards, not seeing any three that went together in a situation like this, even though they didn't really need to with this card. I basically stacked three random cards on top of each other and handed them over to Twilight, right as the others were doing the same thing. "Okay, let's see what we have here," Twilight continued, "You guys, I saw this crazy movie last night. It opens on ghosts, and then there's some stuff about too much cocaine, and then it ends with 90 miles per hour and no brakes." Another custom card I made. "Hmmm...that does sounds crazy," the purple mare finished.

"It sure does," AJ replied.

"Anyway, it opens on daddy issues, and then there's some stuff about...Scien...togoly?" She looked at me curiously.

"Science-centered cult," I responded.

"Oh!" the princess replied, "Sounds exciting!"

I immediately slammed my hands on the table and stared wide-eyed at Twilight. "No! Absolutely not!" I yelled, "Don't ever get involved with anything like that! Ever!"

"But...but, it's science, right?"

"Oh no, it's more than science, and from what I've heard, I think it's more than you can handle. Trust me," I finished.

"Ummm...okay. Anyway, and it ends with dying. Daddy issues, Scientology, dying. Seems reasonable from what I've just been told. It opens on a sad handjob, and then there's some stuff about a peyote-fueled vision quest?"

"I have no idea what that is," I said to nopony in particular.

"Me neither," Twilight replied before continuing reading, "And it ends with running out of semen. Now, if the first and last were the only two there, it would have worked. Anyway, it opens on my first period, and then there's some stuff about cool, relatable cancer teens, and then it ends with the light of a billion suns."

"Ouch!" Rainbow said, loudly.

"Not only that," Pinkie began, "But Princess Celestia would have her work cut out for her if that happened!"

"You're right, Pinkie," replied Fluttershy.

"It opens on nubile slave boys, and then there's some stuff about owls, the perfect predator, and then it ends with...a turd. Weird. It opens on...The Great Depression?"

"It's when our economy collapsed a long time ago," I explained, "The majority of the population was homeless and/or without work for the longest time."

"Oh my..." Fluttershy said softly.

"That must've been horrible," Rarity said.

"How would anyone have any fun?" Pinkie asked.

"Probably however they could," I finished.

"Anyway," Twilight continued, "And then there's some stuff about exploding pigeons, and then it ends with the most ridiculous thing you could ever imagine." Another custom card. "Wow. these are all pretty wacky movies. Hmmm... You know, given what you said about Scientology, that one makes quite a bit of sense. That one wins."

"YES!" exclaimed Rainbow Dash, "Thank you! I'm so gonna beat you now, Twilight!"

"Don't get too excited, Rainbow," Twilight responded while flashing the cyan mare a coy smile, "I'm still four cards ahead of you."

"Doesn't matter! I'm still gonna win!"

"We'll see..." Twilight finished nonchalantly.

"Alright, let's see what the next one is," AJ said, "Hmmm... did you write this one?" she asked me.

"Read it and we'll see," I replied.

"Okay. Instead of 3 7's, you need to get 3 _____'s in order to win at the slot machine." She was right. This was one of my custom black cards.

"Yep, that's mine," I said before looking at my cards. I had absolutely nothing that would work. "Here, this one's a throwaway," I said while giving my card to the orange earth pony.

Once the other cards were in, AJ began reading. "Instead of 3 7's, you need to get 3 tongues in order to win at the slot machine. Okay, I can see that happenin'...kinda. Instead of 3 7's, you need to get 3 opposable thumbs in order to win at the slot machine. That also kinda works. Instead of 3 7's, you need to get 3...a ball of earwax, semen, and toenail clippings in order to win at the slot machine. If that said 'balls', it would have sounded better. You need to get 3 tiny nipples in order to win at the slot machine. Ha! Now that's funny! You need to get 3...vigilante justices in order to win at the slot machine. Nah. You need to get 3...the color..."puce"?...'s to win at the slot machine. I think this one's pretty obvious. Who had tiny nipples?"

"I did!" Rarity replied in a sing-song tone once again.

"Wow, Rarity," I said, "You seem to be enjoying this more than I thought you would!"

"Well, even though it's rather repulsive at times, I can't help but fell giddy as I see everything! I wish I could play this game every day after a long work day at the boutique!"

I smiled at her while Fluttershy took the next black card. "Step 1: _____. Step 2: _____. Step 3: Profit," she said.

Rainbow Dash didn't look too happy as she handed her cards over to her long-time friend. "There's no way this is gonna win, but it's all I got," she said. I had the same feeling as I put my cards in.

"Okay, here we go," Fluttershy continued, "Step 1: Fabricating statistics. Step 2: The systematic destruction of an entire people and their way of life. Step 3: Profit. Oh my... Step 1: Jumping out at people. Step 2: No clothes on...p-penis in vagina. Step 3: Profit. Wow. It's sad to think that actually works."

"No, it's hilarious because it does work!" Rainbow exclaimed while laughing.

"Step 1: All these decorative pillows. Step 2: A zero-risk way to make $2,000 from home. Step 3: Profit. That definitely works. Step 1: Getting so angry that you...p-pop a b-boner. Step 2: Your weird brother. Step 3: Profit. Oh my goodness... I can already picture what happens afterwards. Anyway, Step 1: Natural male enhancement. Step 2: Such a big boy. Step 3: Profit. Ummm... I think I see what you're getting at. Step 1: Being a busy adult with many important things to do. Step 2: The economy. Step 3: Profit. Well, if you think about it, if you work hard enough and the economy's in good shape, you'll make a lot of money, so I'm going with that one.

"Are you kidding me?!?" Rainbow shouted.

"Oh..." Fluttershy responded, "Um, did you think yours was better, Rainbow?"

"No! That one's mine! I didn't think it would win! AWESOME!!!" She immediately took the card from Fluttershy and gave Twilight a mischievous glare, which the alicorn returned.

"Okay then, what do we have here?" Rarity asked herself as she took the next black card. "Oh, how lovely! This will definitely apply to me once my business expands across Equestria. It says, 'When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate _____.'"

"I...I don't know what this is," Fluttershy said, "But I'll put it in, anyway."

"Darn it!" Rainbow shouted as she drew another white card after putting her choice in, "This would've been perfect!"

"Please, Rainbow, settle down," Rarity continued, "I'm about to start reading. Anyway, when I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate..." she put a hoof to her mouth, "D-dead babies..."

"NNNNGH..." went Pinkie Pie. I knew of two "babies" in particular she may have been thinking of at that moment.

"When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate...September 11th, 2001."

"Auuuuggghhh!!!" I went.

"What's the matter, darling?" Rarity asked me.

I had one hand partially covering my face as I said, "Finish reading the cards and I'll tell you."

"Okay. I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate a pizza guy who...f-f-fucked up. Pardon me..."

Pinkie Pie giggled at Rarity's hesitation, as did AJ, Rainbow, and I.

"I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate Hurricane Katrina. I'm assuming that was a really bad one?"

"Wow, you guys actually know what hurricanes are?" I asked.

"Of course we do!" Rainbow said in a loud voice, "We just don't make 'em happen very often."

"Once a year at maximum," Fluttershy added.

"Interesting..." I finished.

"Anyway, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate a whole new kind of porn. Well...maybe not. I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate the primal...b-ball-slapping sex your parents are having right now..." The rest of us burst into laughter at that. Never had I seen a statue of two people getting at it, but I could only imagine what would happen after one was put up. "So, what is it about the date on this card?"

"Look," I began, "There are plenty of statues that already commemorate what happened on that day."

"What happened?" asked Fluttershy.

"Remember that thing that I told you the terrorists did? It was on that day."

"Oh my..." Fluttershy finished.

"What did it look like?" Twilight asked.

"I...don't think you want to see it. It's really hard to watch. How about I put it this way? Imagine the entire city of Canterlot breaking away from the cliffside that it's on and falling into the valley below."

The only immediate respone was six pairs of wide eyes, one of them beginning to well up in tears. "Oh my, those poor people!" Rarity said, sadly, "I think it's only appropriate that I go with that card."

The room went silent before we heard a small squeak. "I...I played that card," Fluttershy said, quietly. Never had I thought that Fluttershy would play that card. Then again, she didn't know what it was, but still... I wanted to say something right then and there, but I felt it would be kind of inappropriate.

"Moving on," Rainbow said as she grabbed the next card. "When all else fails, I can always masturbate to _____."

"Oh snap!" I said. There was one card in my hand that I so badly wanted to play, but I had a feeling things might go badly. Still, I couldn't resist. After handing my card to Rainbow Dash, I got up and went into the next room.

"Where 'ya goin'?" AJ asked me.

"Don't worry about it," I said while chuckling, "I don't want to be in here when the cards are read."

"Uhhh...okay?" she responded.

I then heard Twilight say, "Mine's a throwaway."

"Okay, let's do this!" Rainbow said. I could still hear them in the next room. "When all else fails, I can always masturbate to insatiable bloodlust? Nah. When all else fails, I can always masturbate to Ennui. Who knows what that is..." she said, not seeming to care about that card, "When all else fails, I can always masturbate to same-sex ice dancing. Geez, doesn't anyone have any good cards? Anyway, when all else fails, I can always masturbate to..." she paused. I sat in the other room, waiting for a response. Then, it happened all of a sudden. "OH, COME ON! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?" I knew then and there that she had read my card. It was a custom one that read, "Impure thoughts about My Little Pony." I almost didn't want to play it, but I really wanted to see how they would react to it.

I slowly went back into the dining room. "Are you kidding me?!?" Rainbow exclaimed to me as she showed me the card in her hoof. It was indeed the card I was thinking of.

"I'm sorry, I just had to make that card," I explained, preparing myself for a fit of rage from the pegasus.

"Don't be sorry!" she continued, "I can't believe you made this! It's so funny!"

"Wait, you're actually okay with it?"

"Yeah! I mean, I've heard you say that other people have those same thoughts, and I just thought of it as every stallion in Equestria eyeing me and seeing how awesome I am! I wouldn't mind the attention!"

I breathed an enormous sigh of relief. "Wow. I'm surprised."

"Don't be," Twilight said, "With how this game's been going, I wouldn't have been surprised if there was a card about us."

"Great!" I replied. I then turned back to Rainbow as I sat down. "What are the other cards?"

"When all else fails, I can always masturbate to a big black dick. Probably if you're female. When all else fails, I can always masturbate to concealing a boner? No. No way. This one goes to impure thoughts about My Little Pony."

"That's me!" I said to her.

"I thought so..." she responded right as Pinkie Pie grabbed the next card.

"OOOH!!" Pinkie exclaimed, "Hold on!" She then vanished for a split second, literally, and returned wearing a hat that looked exactly like Trixie's. She then began reading the card in her best possible impression of the great and powerful unicorn. "For my next trick, The Great and Powerful Pinkie... Hehehe!" she giggled, "Sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway," she continued in her impression, "For my next trick, I will pull _____ out of _____."

I looked at my cards, not really being able to make a combination of two of them. I just threw in two that only slightly went together just as the other last few cards were being given to the party pony.

"Okay," Pinkie continued, ceasing her Trixie impression but still wearing the hat, "For my next trick, I will pull a fetus out of every box in the world." Another custom one. "Ewww... For my next trick, I will pull a really cool hat out of an evil man in evil clothes. Wait, out of an evil man? No. For my next trick, I will pull an abnormally small, black dick..." Another custom, "...Out of a vagina that leads to another dimension. Hmmm... I can see that happening. I will pull graphic violence, adult language, and some sexual content out of celebrity gangrape." Another custom. "Nnnnnah... I can't really see that 'cause you can't really pull that out of anything. I will pull some god damn peace and quiet out of the homosexual agenda. No. Last but not least, I, The Great and Powerful Pinkie...Tee-hee!...will pull synergistic management solutions out of a middle-aged man on roller skates. Hmmm... I'm going with...the small black dick and the interdimensional vagina."

"That's me!" Rarity said, excitedly, but still ladylike.

"Hey, Twilight, 'ya better watch out!" Rainbow exclaimed in a sarcastic tone, "I'm gaining on you!"

Twilight gave the pegasus another mischievous grin. "Just your luck I didn't get any this round. But trust me, that will all change very soon..."

"Oh, I'm ready for it!" Rainbow finished.

Author's Note

The fourth round has ended, and here is the score:

Me: 4
Twilight: 7
AJ: 3
Fluttershy: 2
Rarity: 4
RD: 4
Pinkie: 4