Once the commotion between Twilight and Rainbow died down, I decided to begin the next round. With the princess having a 3-point lead over me and three others, I knew this would be an interesting round. I drew the next card and said, "What's the new fad diet?"

Rarity looked a bit concerned. "...Mmmmine's not that great, unfortunately," she said, obviously unsure of her decision as she floated her card over to me.

"Dang it!" I heard AJ shout as she looked at the next white card she drew.

"Let's see..." I continued, "One, two, three, four, five, six. We're ready. What's the new fad diet? Another shot of morphine. Possibly. A dollop of sour cream. Probably not as possible. The safe word? Well then... Being fat and stupid." A few giggles were the result of that card being read. "Boogers."

"EWWWW!!!!" Rarity and Pinkie said in unison.

"And the last one is...bullshit. Well, let's see... I think I'm gonna have to go with another shot of morphine."

"YEAH, BABY!!" Rainbow exclaimed, "Keep 'em coming!"

"Well, Rainbow," Twilight began, "If you really want it, just play your best card right now. I have a strict policy. First date, dinner. Second date, kiss. Third date, _____."

"Yyyyeahhh... I don't think I can play my best card right now. It doesn't work. Maybe this one will, even though I don't know what it is," the cyan pegasus finished...or so I thought. "HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!" she laughed after drawing a new white card.

"Okay, then, here we go. I have a strict policy. First date, dinner. Second Date, kiss. Third date, figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin. That's a weird third date, isn't it? First date, dinner. Second date, kiss. Third date, being a dick to children."

"HA!" Rainbow laughed, "Wow!"

"Seriously, Rainbow," Fluttershy said, "It really isn't funny."

"Come on, Fluttershy!" Pinkie Pie butted in, "It's just a game, remember?"

"Ummm..." Fluttershy responded, hesitantly, "I...I guess you're right, Pinkie..."

"Anyway, third date, me time. Well then, sucks to be that guy. He'll NEVER hold a relationship if he does THAT. Third date, cr-cru-crucif-crucifixion?" Twilight finished as she looked up at me.

"It's a way of being killed by suffocation. I'll explain it to you later," I said.

"Okay. Anyway, third date, bingeing and purging. Ewww... Third date, a botched circumcision. Sooooo...they had a foal...er, baby, I'm sorry...that quickly?"

"Who knows?" I replied.

"You're right. Anyway, I don't know why, but figuring out how to have sex with a dolphin is jumping out at me. Who had that?"

"I did!" AJ replied. She then took the next black card and said, "During sex, I like to think about _____."

"Ummm..." Fluttershy began, "I'm not really sure I should play this, but holy Celestia, do I wanna win..." she finished as she handed her card to Applejack.

I heard Rainbow Dash go, "Awww..." at her next draw. Not sure why...

"Alright," Applejack continued, "Let's see. During sex, I like to think about the ooze."

"Don't you mean The Smooze?" Pinkie asked.

"Nah, it really says, 'the ooze'." AJ responded, "Anyway, During sex, I like to think about being nine years old. WOOOOOOOWWWW... That's pushin' it," she said while chuckling, "During sex, I like to think about the boners of the elderly. NNNNGH.... I like to think about flying sex snakes. Okay, that's a little better. I like to think about December 21st, 2012." Another custom card. "What's this day all about?"

"It was supposed to be the end of the world..." I replied.

"Yeeesh...Anyway, I like to think about spending lots of money."

"Well, I certainly wouldn't want to sleep with anyone who thinks about that," Rarity said.

"Me, neither," replied AJ, "That's why I'm goin' with bein' nine years old. Even though it was a bit harsh, it was still pretty funny."

"Yay!" Fluttershy exclaimed silently, reaching over for the card.

"Geez, Fluttershy!" Rainbow said.

"Oh...um, did I offend you, Rainbow?"

"Hay, no! I meant that in a, 'Wow! That was awesome!' kind of way!"

"Oh, okay. Anyway, here's the next one." After looking at the next card, the yellow pegasus turned to the white unicorn next to her and said, "Oh, Rarity, I think you and I could both relate to this! What's making things awkward in the sauna?"

"Awww, yeah, here we go!" Rainbow continued, "You GOTTA pick this one, Fluttershy!"

"We'll see, Rainbow," Fluttershy replied with a smile. Soon, she had all six cards. "Okay," she continued, "What's making things awkward in the sauna? Becoming a blueberry. Well...that might work. Menstrual rage?" I couldn't help but giggle, despite that being my card. "The human body. Actually, I'd be fine with that, given that I've spent a lot of time with you already," she said while looking up at me. I smiled. "A sad fat dragon with no friends. Well, at least Spike's not actually like that. A homoerotic volleyball montage? I don't really get that one. And the last one is..." she gave a dramatic pause, but for good reason, "The biggest, blackest dick."

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" I laughed out loud while slamming a hand on the table, "That's the best card in the game!"

"Oh, it is?" Fluttershy asked before taking a closer look at the card, "Is it because it's embossed?"

"Nah, it's just really funny and it's normally a win condition."

"Oh, well, I guess I'll pick that one."

"YES!" Rainbow exclaimed, "I'm almost there, Twilight! Brace yourself!" Twilight didn't reply, only giving the pegasus a competitive smirk.

Rarity took the next card in her magic and began to read it. "My teacher got fired for adding _____ to the obstacle course."

"Here," Twilight said almost immediately, "This one's a throwaway." I myself threw in a card that I was sure none of them would know what it was once it was revealed.

"Everyone ready?" Rarity asked, witnessing the rest of us nodding at her, "Okay, then. My teacher got fired for adding a nuanced critique to the obstacle course. Ummm... No. My gym teacher got fired for adding scrotum ticking to the obstacle course. Well, I can't argue with that. My gym teacher got fired for adding free samples to the obstacle course. No, thank you. My gym teacher got fired for adding an ass disaster to the obstacle course...Ewww! Absolutely not!"

"Darn," Fluttershy said to herself.

"My gym teacher got fired for adding fisting to the obstacle course. Too simple. My gym teacher got fired for adding a thermonuclear detonation to the obstacle course. Well, that escalated quickly, now, didn't it? I think I'll go with that one."

"Sweet!" I exclaimed, "I didn't think you knew what that was because it had the word 'thermonuclear' in it."

"Oh, believe me, darling, there have been plenty of detonations in Equestria. Maybe you just haven't seen them."

"You're probably right," I replied, considering that the time when Rainbow destroyed that barn wasn't really a detonation.

"Alright, let's keep this going!" Rainbow said out loud as she looked at the next card. "Why was school closed today?" It was another custom black card. It was pretty vague, but boy, had I seen results.

"Whoa, nelly, this'll DEFINITELY win!" Applejack said.

"Oh?" Twilight replied while giving the earth pony a sly smirk.

"Enough of this," Rainbow cut them off, "Let's do this. Why was school closed today? Some really fucked-up shit. HA! Yeah! A fortuitous turnip harvest? Thanks, Rarity... Black people."

"Hahaha!!" I laughed, "Why does this game have to be so racist?!?"

"How should I know?" Rainbow replied, "You're the one who introduced this game to us! Anyway, ethnic cleansing. Mmmm...nah. Unfathomable stupidity. Ha! Everyone was so stupid that they suspended everybody! Anyway, jobs. So...like, there weren't enough teachers?"

"Who knows?" I replied.

"Well, I'm gonna go with the funniest one here, and that's some really fucked-up shit."

"Yes!" Twilight exclaimed, "Thank you, Rainbow!"

"Wait! Wait! I-I changed my mind!"

"Too late, Rainbow," Twilight replied floating the card over to herself and smiling at the pegasus, coyly.

"Uggghhh!!!" Rainbow finished.

"Come on, Rainbow!" Pinkie Pie said, "You can do it!" She then took the next card, but when she looked at it, her face sported an angry look. "Do NOT fuck with me! I am literally _____ right now!" she screamed as she slammed the card on the table. Some of us were a bit taken aback, but we brushed it off and started picking our cards.

"This one won't work," Twilight said, "But it's the only one that makes grammatical sense."

"Same here, darling," Rarity responded, seeming to sigh as she spoke.

"Looks like we're ready!" Pinkie chirped before her angry face returned. "Do NOT fuck with me! I am literally sanding off a man's nose right now!" A few ponies giggled at that. "Do NOT fuck with me! I am literally being a terrible mother right now!" Rainbow Dash began laughing as she fell backwards once again. "Do NOT fuck with me! I am literally...YOU MUST CONTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS right now?"

"I don't remember where that came from," I told her.

"Well, it's not winning either way," Pinkie continued as she immediately put the card in the discard pile, "Do NOT fuck with me! I am literally epically failing at life right now!" Another custom. "Wow... that's deep. Anyway, do NOT fuck with me! I am literally getting shot out of a cannon right now!"

"Ha!" AJ exclaimed, "That's perfect!"

"That makes way too much sense!" Twilight said.

"Do NOT fuck with me! I am literally walking into a glass door right now! Wow, some of these are horrible, but the others really make sense. I think...getting shot out of a cannon works the best. Who had that?"

"I did!" Fluttershy said, happily. I was glad that she was finally seeming comfortable with the game.

"Listen, I really need a break right now," Applejack said.

"Yeah, me, too," Twilight responded.

"Ten minutes?" I asked.

"Sounds fine to me!" Rarity replied as we got up from the table and went in different directions.

Author's Note

After five rounds, the score is as follows:

Me: 5
TS: 8
AJ: 3
Fluttershy: 4
Rarity: 5
RD: 6
Pinkie: 4