"You know," I began, "I'm getting bored. Let's stop playing."

"NO!" Rainbow and Twilight shouted in unison and desperation. Instantly, I knew that they were definitely at war with each other, in a way.

"Don't worry, I'm just joking," I continued, "I just wanted to see how you guys would react." The alicorn and the pegasus only frowned at me. I then began the next round by taking the next black card. "What gets better with age?"

"This!" Rainbow said as she handed over her card.

"Ha! You're just like me when I'm with my other friends, Rainbow!" I told her, "I usually end up putting a card in before they finish reading the black card!"

"Probably because you know all of these by heart, don't you?"

"Not entirely. Anyway, you guys ready?" They nodded. "Okay. What gets better with age? Chunks of dead hitchhiker. Uhhh...not sure which direction to go with that one. Pumping out a baby every nine months. Wouldn't it be more like a year for you guys?"

"Around 11 months, more or less," Rarity replied.

"Alright," I continued, "An overwhelming variety of cheeses. Wow. You know, if you think about it, that really makes sense."

"It sure does," Fluttershy said.

"Nunchuck moves. Maybe. White-man scalps. Ha! Good one! My relationship status! Wow! This ended pretty nicely!" I then looked over at Rainbow, who was giving me a sly smile, and then I looked back at my choices. "You know, I hate to be that guy, but there are some cheeses that really do get better as they age, so I'm going with the cheese card."

"YES!" Twilight exclaimed.

"WHAT?!?!?" Rainbow shouted in response, "COME ON!!!!"

"Rainbow," Rarity began, "You simply can't expect to win every time, now, can you?"

"I don't!" the cyan mare replied, "But...but...he really liked my card!"

"Which one was it?" I asked.

"White-man scalps!"

"Oh." Eventually, after I finished, Rainbow slowly sunk in her chair.

"Don't be sad, Dashie!" Pinkie said, "Twilight can't win the next card!"

"Hey, you're right!" Rainbow responded.

"Don't get your hopes up, Rainbow," Twilight said, "This one may be a bit of trouble for you. _____. Betcha can't have just one!"
Rainbow then stared intently at her cards, determined to find the perfect one.

"I...I really shouldn't play this one," Fluttershy said.

"But you really want to win, right?" I asked.

"Absolutely. That's why I'm playing it, anyway."

"Awww..." was the sound Pinkie made at her next draw.

"Let's see," Twilight continued, "An icepick lobotomy. Betcha can't have just one! Uhhh...actually you can. It makes sense to only get one lobotomy in your life."

"Crap..." I thought to myself.

"A sex comet from Neptune that plunges the Earth into eternal sexiness. Betcha can't have just one! Hmmm...maybe. Catapults. Betcha can't have just one! Again, maybe. A box-shaped man. Betcha can't have just one! Probably not. A mopey zoo lion. Betcha can't have just one!"

"I certainly wouldn't mind more than one," Fluttershy said.

"A bloody pacifier. Betcha can't have just one!"

"OOOOOOOOO..." the majority of us went in unison.

"And here I thought we were done with the dark ones," Applejack said.

"That last one nailed it. Who had a bloody pacifier?"

"Ummm...I did," Fluttershy responded.

"WOW..." I said in shock, "You're the LAST pony I'd expect to play that card." Fluttershy didn't have much of a response, though she did smile.

"What's that smell?" Applejack asked.

We each looked at each other. "I don't smell anything, AJ," Rainbow said.

"Neither do I," said Pinkie Pie.

"Ha! Gotcha!" AJ responded, "That's what this here card says!" she finished while showing us the black card she had just drawn.

"Nice one," I said.

"I must say, this is the only card I have that shows something you could smell, and I'm playing it no matter how bad it is," Rarity spoke.

Soon, AJ was ready to read the cards. "What's that smell? Immortality cream. Is there even such a thing?"

"Not in this world," I said.

"What the?!? Boy, your mind is sick!" she said while looking up at me with a slightly annoyed expression on her face, "Eating squirrels for dinner." Another custom card.

Fluttershy gasped audibly. "Oh...those poor little squirrels! Why?" she exclaimed, obviously in total shock of seeing that card.

"A good sniff," AJ continued, "Wait, how can you smell a sniff? That doesn't make sense. Drinking alone. Well, if 'ya drank enough and the place smelled like over-fermented cider, I guess that would make sense. Sniffing glue. Again, 'ya can't really smell a sniff. Kale. Well, I guess so, but I gotta go with eatin' squirrels for dinner. That would certainly smell weird."

"YES!" Rainbow Dash shouted, "I TOLD YOU I WAS GONNA WIN, TWILIGHT!!!"

"Rainbow, you're only at nine," the princess replied.

"Doesn't matter! I'm still gonna win this whole thing!"

"Oh, I think we all know who's going to win..." Twilight finished, an average look on her face while she faced away from the pegasus.

"Hmmm..." Fluttershy began, "_____ would be woefully incomplete without _____." I had no two cards that worked together, so I put down two cards that were just harsh in general.

"Hehehe!" Pinkie giggled as she put her pair of cards in.

"Okay, here we go," the yellow mare continued, "An alternate universe where boxes store things inside of people would be woefully incomplete without shiny objects. Hmmm...I guess that could work. Necrophilia would be woefully incomplete without whipping it out."

"Too obvious," Rainbow pointed out. I had to agree with her.

"You're right," Fluttershy said, pushing the pair of white cards aside. "A kiss on the lips would be woefully incomplete without a hopeless amount of spiders."

"Hahaha!" Twilight giggled, "Imagine if that happened to Rarity!"

"I beg your pardon?!?" the white unicorn responded, somewhat displeased.

"Police brutality would be woefully incomplete without...ummm...ejaculating live bees and the bees are angry. Oh my..."

"HA!" Rainbow laughed.

"A boxing match with a giant box would be woefully incomplete without something that looks like a box but turns out to be a crate. Yeah, I guess. A crazy little thing called love...awww...would be woefully incomplete without..." Fluttershy paused as she looked at the other white card. It looked like she had just witnessed the most horrifying event of her life. She soon threw the cards on the table, fell back onto the floor, and started crying. "AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!! WHY?!? WHY?!?" she wailed.

"Fluttershy, darling, what is it?" Rarity asked, trying to comfort her friend. She then looked over to the card she had just thrown onto the table. It was face-down, so she took it in her magic and read it to herself. "Oh my..." she said, somewhat silently while her face cringed, "It says...'Ripping a dog in half'."

Nearly all the rest of us went, "NNNNNGH!!"

"Aw, geez..." I said out loud, "I've seen that card before. I don't even wanna think about that..."

After about a minute, Fluttershy finally ceased her crying and sat back on her chair. "I'm sorry," she began, "I just never expected anything like that to come up as a card. I'm not going with that one, as you may have already noticed. Who had the pair of cards about boxes?"

"I did," AJ replied. I could tell that Fluttershy was ready to get that card out of her sight and move on.

Rarity took the next black card in the stack. "The Five Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, _____, Acceptance."

"Crying over a tortoise?" I asked while chuckling.

"Hey!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist."

"Ugh..."

"This should be funny!" Pinkie said while handing her card to Rarity.

Soon, the white unicorn was ready. "The Five Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Jerking off into a pool of children's tears, Acceptance."

"EWWW!!!" Pinkie and Rainbow exclaimed in unison.

"Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Doin' it in the butt, Acceptance."

"Ha!" AJ laughed.

"Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Dying alone and in pain, Acceptance. Well, I think dying alone and in pain is acceptance in itself. Anyway, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Indescribable loneliness, Acceptance. Maybe. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Blowing some dudes in an alley, Acceptance. Ew! No! Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Alcoholism, Acceptance. Oooooo..."

"That's deep," AJ said.

"Yes, it sure is," Rarity continued, "I'm going with that one."

"That's me!" I said, excitedly.

"Let's keep this thing rolling!" Rainbow said while taking the next black card. I could tell that she wanted to get being the Card Czar over with so she could have a chance at beating Twilight once it was Pinkie Pie's turn to read a black card. However, when the pegasus looked at the card she had just taken, she frowned. "Aw, great. How did I lose my virginity?" she asked in an unamused tone.

All of us started laughing hysterically. Even Fluttershy mustered a few giggles. All Rainbow did was stare blankly at us. After a while, we got down to business. "Mine's a throwaway," I said.

"Same here," said Fluttershy.

"And here," Pinkie said.

"Ready? Alright," Rainbow continued, not looking quite as unamused as earlier, "How did I lose my virginity? Beefin' over turf? Nah. Snorting coke off a clown's boner. Close, but no. Fucking a corpse back to life! HA! That's funny! Overcompensation?"

"I say, some of these are just horrible!" Rarity said.

"Yeah, they are," Rainbow said, "Ha! But not this one! Firing a rifle into the air while balls deep in a squealing hog!"

Pinkie and AJ started laughing pretty loudly at that. "Now THAT is amazing!" I said.

"The last one is carnies. Nah, I have to go with fucking a corpse back to life. That was pretty funny!"

"Yee-haw!" AJ exclaimed, reaching for the card.

"Alright, Pinkie," Rainbow said after giving AJ her awesome point, "What's next?"

"What ended my last relationship?" Pinkie read aloud, "Darn! I had the perfect card!"

"Oh my, this is quite dark, but I'm playing it anyway," Rarity said.

"There's no way mine's gonna win..." I said, not sounding too happy.

"Okay, let's go!" Pinkie chirped, "What ended my last relationship? Vehicular manslaughter."

"WOW..." I said loudly, "That's pretty harsh."

"Poopy diapers. Ewww...no. Moral ambiguity? Nah. Wearing glasses and sounding smart. Maybe. A constant need for validation. Hmmm... Licking things to claim them as your own."

"This wasn't a very good outcome," AJ said.

"You're right, it wasn't," Pinkie continued, "You know, even though vehicular manslaughter was decent, having a constant need for something that the other isn't willing to put up with is something that's almost guaranteed to end a relationship. Who had a constant need for validation?"

"I did!" I said, happily. I then pointed to both Twilight and Rainbow. "You two still tied?" I asked.

"Yep!" Twilight said.

"Unfortunately..." Rainbow said, bemused.

"Well, this next round has a real good chance of being the last, so you guys just wanna get right into it?"

"Sounds good to me!" Twilight replied.

"Let's do it!" Rainbow exclaimed.

Author's Note

Well, no winner yet, but we're getting close! Stay tuned for the next round!

At the end of the seventh round, here is the score:

Me: 8
TS: 9
AJ: 6
Fluttershy: 5
Rarity: 7
RD: 9
Pinkie: 5