A Janitor's Duty

Wednesday, the day that signified half a week has passed, and also known as hump day (for some apparent reason). The sun was slowly ascending above the horizon, giving the sky a luscious orange and blue texture. The flowers began to bloom, the birds began to sing and the bees started to hum. Morning has arrived to Equestria.

The sun's rays were slowly piercing through the windows of the many homes in Ponyville and through the glass panes of Canterlot, giving everyone the nod to wake up to a brand new day. The ponies wake up to either eat breakfast, open their shop's doors, or take Alka-Seltzer for their hangover. Either way, it seemed that today was going to be another clear and crisp summer day, which was always nice.

And then there was you.

Unlike others, you were not a spring/summer person. You preferred fall and winter, for you were one of those kinds of people who were "cold-blooded." You loved the chilly breeze that blew across your face and the cold air in which you could see your breath as you exhaled.

However, you didn't mind it being summer as you were in Canterlot most of the time. So, it wouldn't feel like you were being baked from the scorching sun and it's deadly rays...of death. But that subsided from the real subject at hand. It was something you hated waking up to, everyday since you jumped through that portal and ended up in Equestria...

You were a janitor.

That word followed you everywhere, no matter where you were. It clung to you like a bad tick, which you could never rid yourself of. For most, it wouldn't be a burden, but you were the "special" one. You were a human. The first one to ever exist in Equestria. Sure there were parties to welcome you to their land, and you even got acquainted with the Main 6, whom you became friends with in a short time span.

That was nothing compared to what happened during those parties. You were greeted by the royal sisters who ruled over the land, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, two of the most powerful alicorns that existed on the planet. They even offered you a job and a home in their beloved castle known only as Canterlot, which was the biggest, brightest palace you've ever seen. But of course that joy was cracked when you discovered what your job was. Kinda wished you thought twice about the decision, eh?

Regardless of that buzzkill, there were some good perks: you had a place to eat and sleep, the job surprisingly pays well compared to what you would get in Ponyville, and you occasionally had an opportunity to speak to one of the royal sisters. Specifically Princess Luna.

She was by far your favorite pony to see and talk to, although many of those opportunities were from royal balls and weddings, which always seem to happen once or twice every month. Adding the fact that she had such luscious curves, a great chest, and the most firm, round, bubbly behind you ever laid eyes on. Not to mention those eyes of hers. Oh man, those eyes, those dark turquoise eyes... you felt like she was staring into your soul and exploring your memories; reading you like one of her many books and scrolls. If you had a chance with that flank, there would be nothing that would have told you otherwise. You really couldn't put it into more words but three in particular. You loved her.

That all disappeared into your brain when your alarm clock came into the mix and began to ring those annoying bells on top of its head.

Your eyes slowly opened up, trying to regain your vision; removing the crust from your eyelids. Your right arm slowly reached for the alarm clock and when you came into contact with it, you...threw it at the wall and it shattered to pieces. Needless to say, you hated that clock. You kinda wished they had the digital clocks you had back in your world, but you keep forgetting that Equestrian technology was about a century behind, which was kinda the reason you got so many blank faces from the ponies you talked to when you told them about your '67 Ford Mustang.

They thought you were talking about an old horse...

Getting your mind back to reality, you removed yourself from the blankets of your slightly rusty bed, which you didn't mind really, though you wished the springs weren't so freakin' loud. You stood up and gave yourself a good and long stretch as you yawned at the ceiling. Scratching your lower back and smacking your lips, you took two small steps to your sink and mirror. All you could see was a moderately toned man who was in his early twenties, a five'o'clock shadow on his face, and eyes that looked bloodshot to hell.

You didn't know what it was about morning that got you looking all cranky and tired. Although, you did remember how much you partied not only in Equestria, but also in your world as well. Let's just say you could really hold your liquor. Part of you thought if you got fired from your job, you could always partake in drinking competitions, just as long as you didn't die from alcohol poisoning.

You looked at the mirror again and speaking to your reflection you said,"Today is a new day." There wasn't a need to be grouchy for no reason. That you always said in your mind. Grabbing a towel, a shirt and some used boxer briefs, you went to your assigned bathroom which was only a couple of rooms from your bedroom. There you did your three S's (the sh*t, the shave, and the shower), and afterwards you would go and have a quick breakfast before beginning your day as a....janitor.

After all that jizz, you went back to your fairly small room to get on your uniform. It was amazingly comfortable and it fit like a glove. You had to thank the element of generosity for making it for you. You had to go pay a visit to her sometime in the future. Maybe you can get yourself a nice tux for the next royal ball--- oh crap.

"Ah damn! I almost forgot about that!" You yelled in your mind.

Yes, it was another royal ball, but this one was super special. It is Princess Cadance and Shining Armor's second anniversary together, and like last year, they're celebrating it with, you guessed it, a royal ball. Who doesn't love balls (no pun intended)?

Now why is this a problem to you? Simple. 1. The ball was on Friday; 2. You're taking a day off on Friday; 3. The ball was the only way you were able to even say hi to Luna; and 4. You had no tux to wear.

You wanted to look presentable. You wanted the ponies who would attend the ball look at you and say,"Wow! Now there's a person who knows how to dress for success!" You wanted to go up to Luna with no fear, no doubts and a big pair of cojones to say to her face," I LOVE you!" and give her the biggest kiss she ever gotten!

That confidence and energy slowly descended as you saw yourself in the mirror again, and started facing the facts...

"Ah, who am I kidding?" You said to your reflection with a depressing tone."What chance do I have with her? Easy, none. She wouldn't go for a guy like me. I mean look at me. I'm a janitor! What kind of pony, person...whatever would go for a man who cleans up messes and sanitizes the public toilets? Maybe I should just work on Friday and forget my plans were ever thought of..."

"Or maybe you should get that sh*t out of your mouth and grow a pair for once in your pathetic life, you sorry excuse for a decent man!!" That voice nearly startled you, for you had no idea where it came from. It didn't take long for you to realize that your reflection had changed from a janitor to a drill sergeant barking at you from the mirror. You thought you were just crazy, but you remembered that you were in Equestria. Crazy stuff tends to happen on a daily basis.

"Uhh, hi?" Those were the only words you could muster at the moment.

"Don't you 'hi' me with those horrid garments you call a uniform! If I could, I would pop out of this reflection and give you a brief history of pain with the back of my hand!"

You just stood there looking at your drill sergeant self, wondering if you were still awake. Then words came out of your mouth.

"Uhh, I don't know what's going on, but I'll ask anyway. Who are you exactly?"

Your response was one you'd expect from a drill sergeant. "Do you have dumbass written all over your forehead!? I'm your inner conscience, maggot! Everybody has one! You didn't think you had one or something given how dimwitted and blind you are right now!?"

"No, I knew that. It's just that I didn't think an inner conscience would normally be a drill sergeant."

"Everyone has their own image of their conscience, son. I took this form from the the fact you watched so many goddamn military movies!"

Well, that you couldn't deny. You were more of a military person when it came to flicks, no matter how cheesy they were.

"Now that that load of crap is out of the way, a little birdie told me you were planning on giving up your plan to woo Miss Luna because you thought you didn't stand a chance with her."

"I wouldn't put it exactly like that, but--" immediately you were cut off.

"Well I'm telling you that is a load of horsesh*t! And if I see a smirk on your face because of that pun, I swear to god I will rip off your lips and use 'em to kiss my hairy ass!"

"But...you're a reflection," you corrected your conscience.

"Well look who's an Observing Oscar! You want a medal, dipsh*t!? But let's not go on a tangent that you just LOVE to do all the time!"

"Man, for an inner conscience, this guy is kind of an asshole," you thought.

"I HEARD that, dead man!! Unless you have a severe case of amnesia, remember, I'm your conscience! I can hear anything and everything that does or does not come out of that flappy vagina you call a mouth!"

"Can you just get to the point already!? I'm gonna run late for my shift," you demanded impatiently to your reflection.

"Very well then. Now, who are you?"

"Well, uhh, my name is---" again you were cut off.

"You are a MAN, soldier! Now say it!"

You followed his command. After all, he is your conscience."I am a man?"

"Louder!"

"I am a man."

"I can't hear you! Louder!"

"I am a man!"

"Louder!"

"I am a MAN!"

"YELL IT TO THE WORLD!!"

"I AM A MA--"

A few thumps on your door stopped you from having to replace your voice box. It was the royal guard. They must have heard you as you were screaming your lungs to your reflection in the mirror. But then again, who could not hear it from the way you were yelling about it?

"Sir, I think we all get what you are, so there's no need to shout it."

"Sorry..." you said in a whisper as you slowly close your door till you heard the click on it.

You returned to your reflection, actually hoping your drill sergeant conscience would still be there. Alas, upon doing so, all you saw was the janitor. You thought maybe he will return when needed, because isn't that what a conscience does? That little session though had proven to be effective for you, as your confidence had ascended back to its original position. Now you were ready to take on the world again. You said it before,"Today is a new day." Grabbing your cleaning equipment, you left your bedroom with your head high and in hopes that what your reflection said will help you fulfill your one true dream. You now finally began your day...

...as a janitor.