Thunderlane flew through Ponyville’s park along what appeared to be the path of a small tornado. There were trees with broken branches, one partially demolished gazebo, and the occasional shattered flower pot. The black-coated pegasus wound his way along the trail of destruction to where the grass was disturbed by a straight, shallow, muddy trench ending in a pony-sized pile of hooves, wings, and feathers half-embedded in the ground.
He landed next to the pile and nervously inquired of its health.
“Um, you alive?”
“...ow,” the muddy pile whined in response.
Thunderlane decided this was a positive response given the current situation. Cautiously he continued his inquiry, “that... ‘landing’ looked like it hurt. Are you….okay?”
One wing-shaped protrusion twitched as the pile replied with a painful, “...no.”
“Didn’t think so. Um….”
Thunderlane scratched the back of his silver and blue-maned head and debated what to do next. All things considered, the pile was a fellow pony, and a fellow pegasus at that; or at least it used to be before it met with some uncaring high speed dirt. He felt obliged to help somehow but wasn’t sure where to start. He’d seen, as well as been involved in, some nasty crashes, but, just looking at the muddy pony-pile made his own extremities hurt! He didn’t want to just reach in and just start yanking on limbs. No, that didn’t seem like a healthy thing to do.
Thankfully, the pile made the decision for him. A dirty hoof rose out of the mud.
“...little help, here?”
Thunderlane hesitatingly wrapped a fetlock around the proffered hoof. He was not convinced that pulling on the hoof wouldn’t make it separate from the rest of the pile, but pull he did. Reluctantly, and with a few groans, the rest of the pile followed.
Out of the mud arose a battered, bruised, and twisted pegasus with a mud-encrusted, rainbow-colored mane and tail. He had seen Rainbow Dash make serious crash landings before, but this one may have just raised the bar for most personal injuries sustained at one time. Now that Rainbow Dash was standing, she almost looked worse than before when she had been one with the landscape. Nothing looked broken but her wings were definitely bent in all the wrong angles; feathers were going every which way but straight, she was coated in mud, her mane was doing things that normally required at least two bottles of hair gel to accomplish, and her right front hoof couldn’t, or wouldn’t, rest flat against the ground.
Thunderlane looked into her eyes and watched Rainbow Dash try to focus on him; her eyes wobbled. “Uh, Dash, I know you’d rather not bother, but,” her head start to wobble out of sync with her eyes, “I think you may want to visit the doc and get checked out. That was a really nasty crunch.”
She swayed a bit before answering. “Nah… I’ll be…”
Her eyes rolled right and her body rolled left.
Thunderlane jumped next to her, threw a wing over her withers and pulled her into him. She remained standing, but only because he was holding her up.
“Rainbow…?”
She shook her head to clear it. “Uh, yeah,” she wheezed. “Maybe visiting Doc Stable isn’t such a bad idea after all.” With a nudge from Thunderlane, she started limping towards Ponyville Hospital with him right by her side.
Thunderlane helped his fellow weather pony into the hospital waiting room. As they entered, Nurse Redheart looked up from her desk. She noticed the pegasus stallion guiding the smaller injured mare. Taking stock of Rainbow Dash, the nurse just closed her eyes, shook her head, and sighed.
“Rainbow Dash, what did you do this time?” Nurse Redheart asked incredulously.
One of Rainbow Dash’s ears perked at the sound, the other flicked limply. “Huh? Who? What?” Her head, eyes, and ears tracked for the source of the voice separately; all eventually agreeing on the same general direction. Her eyes finally focused on the white earth pony nurse. “Oh, hey, Nurse Redheart! Just a bit of a bang up from another bad landing. Heh. Ooooh…” Her legs started to buckle but Thunderlane tightened his wing-grip and kept her mostly upright.
“Again? Oh, dear,” Nurse Redheart sighed. “Please bring her this way; room 2. I’ll find the doctor.”
Thunderlane carefully helped Rainbow Dash into the assigned exam room. She grunted as she crawled onto the bed and found a reasonably comfortable position, carefully cradling one hoof which still wouldn’t straighten completely.
“Ugh. Thanks, T,” Rainbow said trying to clear her head with a shake. “I have to admit, that was one heck of a wipeout. I appreciate the assist.”
“No problem, Dash. Glad I was able to help. You know, you really need to work more on the landing portion of your aerial routines and less on the crashing parts.”
“Ha, ha. Ow.” Dash grimaced as she stretched out a wing. ‘Ya know, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want. Redheart and the doc will get me fixed up quick.”
“Well, it’s not like I had anything else going on tonight. I just gotta pack Rumble off for a sleep-over with his friends and then find myself dinner. Might as well kill time watching them wrap you up like a mummy from Saddle Arabia.”
The door opened and Doctor Stable and Nurse Redheart entered. Thunderlane stepped out of the way and next to the nurse as the doctor began his examination of his patient.
“So, what’d she do this time, Thunderlane?” Redheart asked him in a low voice.
He shrugged. “It was quitting time for the weather team. She offered to show off her current ‘Guaranteed to Impress the Wonderbolts’ stunt and she wound up impressing herself in the dirt. I don’t think she noticed a couple of mallards flying into her flight path before she started.”
Redheart winced at the implications. “Oh, dear! Were the mallards all right?”
“Yeah, they ducked.”
She gave him a half-lidded glare then rolled her eyes.
“Heh. Sorry.” He scrubbed at the back of his head with a hoof and gave a sheepish look to the earth pony next to him. They looked over to see how Rainbow Dash and the doctor were fairing.
“Well, Ms. Dash, nothing appears broken, but you are definitely in need some help. Let’s start with re-aligning those wings. Now, this may pinch a bit…”
*crick-pop-crack*
“Yeeouch!”
“Ah, that’s better, at least now your wings are both pointing in roughly the same direction! ...even if that’s the wrong direction. Hold still now!”
Thunderlane’s eyes screwed shut and his wings fluttered in sympathetic pain as he tried to ignore the uncomfortable sounds of pony realignment originating from Rainbow Dash. He turned back to the nurse next to him hoping for some type of distraction. Upon seeing Redheart’s profile he decided that was quite distracting. There was just something about a mare in uniform that always caught his attention, even if that uniform only consisted of a simple white hat with a red-cross on its front. Then there was her pink mane done up in a bun accentuating the curve of her snow white neck. He idly wondered how long it would be if she let it down.
Realizing he was staring, he quickly cleared his throat.
“So, um….”
“Yes?” Redheart asked. She turned and looked at him, noticing for the first time how much taller than her he actually was. There was just something about looking up a stallion that always interested her. Then there was that mane of his, always in a mohawk. Who wore mohawks anymore? Those went out of fashion when she was back in high school. Still, it was silver with light blue highlights and it did look good against his sleek, black coat. And, my oh my, he did look healthy. Obviously, being employed as a weather pegasus was more physically demanding than she thought.
“Uh, should I fill out any paperwork for her?”
Redheart blinked as the question broke into her thoughts. “Hrm? Oh, no, she’s in and out enough that we keep her information on file, in fact, we have certain forms for her already completed to save her time when she does come in. Just a friendly service we offer for our ‘frequent flyers’, you might say.” She grinned as she spoke.
Thunderlane returned her glare and eye roll from earlier. She just smirked.
From the other side of the room there was a groan, pop, and a quick intake of breath; all followed by a ponderous, “Hmm…. nope, that’s not right. We’ll have to try that again.” A quiet female whimper could just barely be heard.
Nurse Redheart leaned forward for a better view and grimaced. She shook her head and leaned back. “Oh, she’s going to feel that in the morning.” Cocking her head and looking at the fit and very much undamaged stallion next to her, she gave him a playful nudge. “Since the doc’s not working on you I have to assume you at least know where the sky stops and the ground starts?”
He snorted with amusement. “Can’t be a good flyer and role-model for my little brother, Rumble, if I’m crashing and burning all the time. I know to look for flying hazards before launching off a cloud.”
“Well, then, you’re being a very responsible older brother.” She nodded knowingly, then with a wicked leer quickly added, “so far the only thing crashing and burning here are your jokes.”
“Ouch!” he replied with mock indignity.
“Oh! Are you hurt? Well it’s a good thing I’m a nurse, now isn’t it?” Her muzzle held a smug expression.
“What? Are you offering to care for my wounded pride?”
“Of course!”, she said flippantly. “My cutie mark is a widely recognized symbol for care and comfort!” With just a hint of silk and leather in her voice she added, “...and I’m all about care and comfort.”
Thunderlane’s ears flicked forward. Her voice was enticing; this conversation was starting to get very interesting. “So, if I did find myself in need of care and comfort what would you do, maybe...” he leaned in just slightly, “kiss it and make it better?”
With the edge of a grin in one corner of her mouth, Redheart shook her head. “Oh, no. You never start with a kiss. First, you disinfect the wound. That means you apply alcohol before any kissing.”
Thunderlane looked up to the ceiling as he tapped his chin and pondered. “A little alcohol before kissing. That does seem to be the proper order of things.”
Rainbow’s wavering voice interrupted before Thunderlane could say anything further, “Doc, what about my hoof?”
“Hrm… has your hoof always been like that? No? Ah, well, let’s fix that next! Let see, does this hurt?”
*crack*
“AUGH!”
“I’ll take that as a yes. Hrm… ah, yes, I believe if I just twist here...”
Thunderlane wasn’t completely sure, but he thought that he heard Rainbow Dash cry for her mommy just then.
Turning back to Nurse Redheart Thunderlane said, “I’m amazed in all the years Rainbow Dash has been plowing into the ground in this town she hasn’t been made an honorary earth pony.”
“Who’s to say she hasn’t?” The nurse replied shrugging her shoulders. “The way I hear it, during planting season, Applejack strategically plans which parts of her fields to work based upon which trees Rainbow Dash is most likely to attempt to sleep in. So if she crashes, the Apples get that part of the orchard plowed for free.”
Nodding in agreement Thunderlane eyed the white-coated mare next to him. Dropping his voice slightly he said, “I have to admit, I don’t know of any earth pony who passes up a good plowing.” He thought he saw a shudder ripple across her coat. “But that sounds like Applejack. Not that I blame her; she might as well take advantage of free labor!”
“Speaking of taking advantage…” The silk and leather were back in her voice again, but now she was looking at him with heavily lidded eyes.
He grinned with all of his teeth on display. “What were we discussing before plowing? Care, comfort, and rubbing alcohol?”
“Alcohol, yes, but I never said anything about... rubbing,” she said slowly shaking her head.
“Well, that’s a shame,” he shot back.
She furrowed her eyebrows. “There are more interesting ways to apply alcohol, you know. And better things to rub.”
“You know, if you’re not careful, too much rubbing can lead awkward situations. I’d hate for something to come between us.”
Redheart’s eyes narrowed. “I should treat you for ‘hoof-IN-mouth’ disease.”
“And just how would you go about treating that?”
She smiled. “We find something else for you to put in your mouth instead.”
“Any suggestions?”
“I recommend starting with a light dinner,” There was a sly look on her face, “then move on to… the main course.”
Rainbow’s voice suddenly cut through their tête-à-tête with a worried rasp, “Hey, doc, is my leg supposed to bend like that?”
“Um….Nurse Redheart, would you give me a hoof here?” The doctor inquired. “One of Ms. Dash’ kneecaps seems to have come loose.”
“Yes, doctor.”
Wearing a wry grin Thunderlane quickly asked, “are you free this evening?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” She fluttered her eyes at him.
“What time do you get off?”
“Hopefully not long after my shift ends.” She watched his ears perk straight up. “Pick me up in an hour.” With a wink she went back to work.
Thunderlane watched his date for the evening walk across the room to her patient. There was definitely a swagger in her hips. He then turned to Rainbow Dash. “Hey, Dash! Looks like you’re in good hooves here. I gotta head home and take care of Rumble.”
The rainbow-maned pegasus gave a shaky nod of her head as Thunderlane walked to the door. “You do that. And enjoy dinner. Ow! Hey! I know my leg doesn’t bend that way! Watch it!”
“Oh, I’ll enjoy it. I think I’ll be eating out tonight.”
Glancing back as he walked through the door, he noticed Nurse Redheart looked rather flushed.
Author's Note
A little something to flex the mental muscles and see if I could actually come up with something had truly horrific jokes while still being entertaining to read. With luck I've succeeded.
Thanks for reading!
