Chapter 9 – A Hat in Time

I’d been living amongst them for 10 weeks now. Ever since my untimely death at the hands of my comrades I’d felt a sense of betrayal, but also a sense of excitement. I’d dreamt of coming to Equestria for years, only now it was a reality. Either that or I really was going mad. I felt as if the past few week, I’d been doing little but messing around in this new world.

I’d dreamt strange dreams, where sometimes I was a pony, sometimes I was a mare, and sometimes I was dancing around with curry or something like that. I didn’t really understand what was happening, but I suspected that nobody else really understood either.

The world I had known was gone, and this was my new home. Princess Twilight and her friends had made me comfortable in their new school. Citing me as the new head of security and arming me with a sword, or at least, a dirk to me, ponies being a little shorter than average humans, it was probably a short sword to them.

Still dressed in my new blue uniform made by the lovely Rarity, I patrolled the campus in contentment. Watching fillies, colts and… whatever yaks were, learning in a safe environment, made me smile genuinely. I hadn’t had any real friends in High School, I hadn’t really had any kind of friends at all in my life. Now that I had them, I was determined to keep them.

This fresh start, although strange, was a new beginning for me, not just for my friendship status, perhaps that cute yellow one might take interest in me? I’d thought of asking her out, for a quick cake or a dandelion sandwich, but I was still quite nervous. Even with my military training and confidence that I’d gained from it… well it hadn’t helped with Harry, or his comrades.

It made me sad to think there were humans out there that would hurt other humans just because of a show about cartoon horses… then again, I suppose it wasn’t really anything to do with a show. My Little Pony was a reality… Equestria did exist, all of them. Twilight, Luna, Rainbow Dash, the Scootaloo… the whole gang.

The hardest thing to eventually tell them would be that I’d clopped very hard to all of them in various sexual positions. Sometimes with whips, sometimes with bottles of certain fluids made by other characters who might have been Twilight’s brother. My internet History was a battlefield in itself, not one that I was proud of either. I’d lost many friends over the years to its shadowy dankness.

After ordering my seventh Princess Big Mac toy off of the interwebs, I decided to get some help… Some of my online friends helped to catalogue my millions of pieces of `art’ and keep them safe from the government. You never know when the net might come under attack? If I couldn’t clop to the archives, then I didn’t know what I’d do.

Rubbing one out now felt wrong… especially to the fillies. I mean, I don’t know, I was confused… Scootaloo… looked at me in certain ways, ya know? I know I was now in charge of Security but she… I don’t know, she was like a mini-Rainbow, just so cute and more than that, so…

I turned my head away, shaking it as I tried not to think about it. She was a filly! She couldn’t give any kind of consent and besides she was only in the school on Fridays, Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays. Oh, gods above it was true! I was in love with her! I was madly in love with her, more than any enormous clop collection, more than the number of chromosomes in a Donald Trump supporter, more than I loved my very self!

I was sweating, my hands shaking worse than anything ever. I wished I was a pony, because if I was, my tail could hide the growing thing between my legs. Damn humans and their ultra-revealing clothes… this really was High-School again!

Exiting the corridor I was patrolling to ‘hide’ my little soldier. I made my way to the playground and thought of Granny Smith to try and ease my suffering… it was working… until *she* came towards me.

She was with her little friends, Sweetie Belle and Applovochan… or whatever the Earther was… how adorable they all were, but she was the hottest… her small frame, her orange fur, her punkish mane and cute little useless wings… buck a duck, those really got me going good! Damnit I was going to reveal myself!

“So yeah, turns out I’m actually 16, the legal age of ponies in Equestria,” I heard her chuckle, producing a birth certificate from Hawaii that was definitely legit and legally binding. “So yeah, I was in a coma for 8 years and in actual fact my hormones stopped working when I was 8, so… yeah girls, I guess we can’t hang out anymore!”

She didn’t look sad as she pushed a ciggie into her mouth from her generic pack of death sticks. ‘She’s legal,’ I thought to myself as they passed me by, my eyes lighting up… my Capri sun straw standing firmly to attention as I now strode out, loud and proud and ready to shoot juice.

“Oh ScootalooooOoooo!” I called, waving at her camply and blinking my eyelashes in a way I knew she couldn’t resist. Pulling out a packet of M&M’s, I offered it to her, her friends shrugging and leaving as I licked my lips, already imagining our life together.

There would be two colts, and three fillies and they would be called in order Dave, Mystic Storm The Greater, Adara, Jezabel and AR-15, after the most popular gun in Amareica at the time. I would love our children… Not like in the way that I loved Scoots, even though legally she was no longer a child, and that had been decided by the courts.

Foals were everything in a relationship that wanted to last. I would make 5 beautiful bebes with her, literally she’d looked like a punched lasagne when I was done with her.

Some might have thought my words as crass, or vulgar. It should be known that men of high class like mares of high class, and high classy ponies and humans like to get down and dirty with the rest of the plebs. It wasn’t because we were on their level, it’s because we were above their level, and a reminder was needed from time to time so we didn’t lose our humanity… uh ponamity.

Scoots trotted up to me, her adorable little cheeks just waiting for a pinch. “Hey there Steven, or did you want me to call you your pony name? Um… Siege Fire? I noticed you waving at me and, well I know you think I’m a filly and you know, you are toats adorbz so I actually wanted to ask you out. Not as a mare, but as a filly, an underage filly who has definitely no birth certificate.

I blinked, and her cheeks puffed up, the filly… uh mare bursting into laughter as she accused “GOT YA! IT WAS JUST A PRANK BRO! I know you heard me before, I fooled you! I am really a mare, for realz, it’s legit I swearz. You can buck me left, right in the fridge, on the porch and anywhere else you’d like. I’ve felt the same way about you for 8 years Steven. I… I love you.”

I couldn’t believe it, I had to poke myself to make sure I was still alive and hadn’t gone to, well another level of heaven. Here I was, in front of a beautiful filly mare and she wanted me. This was not just a dream come true, this was a revolution.

I picked up her small, *very* small, incredibly tiny frame and hugged it tightly. “You’ve made me the happiest stallion in the world! I want you, now, right here! I don’t care if the foals see it, I want them to see it in fact, I want them to know how madly in love I am with you!”

Scoots was speechless but based on her prestigious art muse career in the brony community, that was the norm. She made an ‘0’ shape with her muzzle and her eyes lidded to half mast, unlike my little Nuclear Warhead which was primed and ready for launch. I just hoped it could shoot before North Korea caught wind, and before my genetic biological family history caught up with me.

Grabbing her roughly by the mane, she moaned like a diseased whale, breathing its last breath as it passed from this Earth, the last Leviathan… the end of days…

She needed me just as much as I needed her. Striding through the waves of foals, I reached the security room with her still in hand.

Slapping a pair of hoofcuffs onto her, I hung her forehooves from a railing, trailing my hands down that cute, sensual, seductive body. Dat flank was the prime cut of the beef, and it had infected me with Mad Cow disease ten times over.

“I’m so glad you’re legal, I can’t stress this enough, I’m so glad I cannot be arrested, for what I’m doing now, since its no longer a fantasy, but its ok cause you just look like a foal and your birth certificate and medical records prove that.”

She laughed, and exclaimed “Don’t be such a weeb, you know they can’t get you here, the thought police only patrol the normal furry sites, ponies are too weird even for them. Now are you going to keep your Cocker Spaniel down forever, or are you gonna take him for a walk around the block!? 😉”

She was as enthusiastic as I was terribly undersexed. Please I’m looking for a boyfriend-free-girl, please call me, you can reach via PMs anytime of the year, I don’t bite, I have a good sense of humour, I’m polite, I have a major in art…

Undoing my underclothes, I removed my chastity belt. This was what I was saving myself for, this was it… the final countdown.

I braced my hands over her chest, I positioned myself and with an adept push of the hips I screamed “WINNER WINNER, CHICKEN DINNER!” I tipped my fedora, the deed was done…

This concluded a tale, that was not made to get me arrested, please, do call… I’m so lonely ☹ I go to sleep thinking ‘will anyone even know if I passed away?’ I beg you, even if you came to kill me, I’d have more of a relationship than I’ve had in the past 5 years. I just can’t take it, I miss Frank… The world is all topsy-turvy now. Trump won, Bernie lost. Kim is making more sense than Theresa, and Putin is howling at my door looking for D.

It used to be Twilight learning not to be a total weeb, now it’s Twilight teaching Animay to the next gen, and they’re NOT ALL PONIES!

Please, get out whilst you still can. This community is ded.

Author's Note

Hope that you enjoyed this Chapter guys ^^ I know that it's been a bit longer than a week, but I think good material is worth the wait you know?

Like, Comment and Subscribe. Smash that like button and become a Logan Pauler or whatever, later haha!

P.S: Did you know that Nightmare Moon, was actually based off Laurn Faust's relationship with her Production Manager on Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends?

The more you know :/