The Fumble

The meeting was quickly adjourned after the announcement, Spyglass jumping to his hooves and charging outside to the deck of the Iris. The whole Cutie Mark business could be taken care of later, and it was tossed to the farthest backwaters of the Captain’s mind after he saw what had made the announcement.

A massive battleship, at least twice the size of the Complete Vexation, with its weapons armed and trained on Spyglass’ fleet. The way his fleet was moving, the Tomcat was nestled nicely between the Captain’s own ship, but it did little to dissuade his fears with the sheer size of those cannons.

Especially the green ones sticking out of the top row, each barrel nearly as thick as the Iris’ mast.

“We repeat! Surrender the Mechanical Imposter and the Commander now, or we will open fire!” The booming voice echoed out from the battleship, quaking the air with the volume.

“Tch... ever hear of volume control, you savages?” Spyglass mumbled, rubbing his ear with a hoof as he wondered how to get through all this. Heavy guns, thick hull, and the Tomcat’s the only one that looks ready for a fight... bad formation on our part, as well. “This is bad...”

“What is?” Eye Lash leaned into Spyglass’ view, the captain barely flinching now as he kept his eye fixed on the enemy ship. “Captain, you must be more descriptive with your words. Not everyone can read your mind.”

“If you need me to clarify what I mean by ‘this is bad’, when the reason is clearly aiming at us...” Spyglass deadpanned down at Eye Lash, before gesturing to the battleship. “Seems they’re hunting for some lost property.”

“Lost property?” Eye Lash looked back to the battleship, raising an eyebrow as the Iris’ crew raced across the deck, all getting into cover positions with rifles and swords. The engines were still running, though it was hard to hear them over the roar of the enemy ship’s propellers.

All along the deck of the black, orange-striped battleship, was a full line of rifleponies, weapons trained on the Farsight Fleet. All of them were in uniforms fitting a proper national navy, caps resting on their heads to shield their eyes from the sun, polished weapons, and orange stripes on the shoulders of their coats. And standing amongst them, at the center of the lineup with her silver straight sword hovering at her side in a red aura, stood a prideful unicorn. Her orange coat stood out against the pink and orange of the setting sun, though her blood-red mane and powerful eyes were unmistakable. Eye Lash looked over her, and felt a pang in his heart, even from so far away.

“...Velvet?” He whispered, taking a step forward as his brow furrowed. The mare on the deck’s horn could just be seen below the lip of her admiralty cap, a heavy white coat draped over her shoulders with orange cloth pauldrons.

Her horn shined more brightly, and she shouted across the ships, her voice heard clearly all the way to the back of the Vexation. “Seeking to make this difficult for yourselves!? I command you to hand over my ship, and the imposter! Do as I say, and I won’t sink the lot of you!”

Eye’s eyes widened at the shout, getting a shiver down his spine which ended with a flick of his tail. The rest of the meeting crew rushed out to join Eye Lash and Spyglass, Velvet standing right next to him, staring on at the mare on the battleship. A few clicks came out of her head before she got a perplexed expression on her face, eye twitching a little. “...Impossible.”

Eye Lash looked over at her, then back to the mare on the ship, then back to her. He couldn’t even find it in himself to smile at the sudden promise of two Velvets to serve him. Only the hum of engines filled the air.

Eventually, Spyglass responded, stepping forward to the railing of his ship. He looked back to Velvet, raising an eyebrow at her and clearing his throat. “Miss Velvet, mind increasing the volume of my voice?”

She nodded quietly, eyes not leaving the orange mare on the battleship, and her horn started to glow, an aura surrounding Spyglass’ throat. As he spoke, his voice was amplified ten-fold. “We do not seek to make this difficult, merely to make this peaceful! I do request that the commander of this ship make their name known, though!”

The mare smiled, furrowing her brow as she shouldered her blade. “Admiral Cerise Velvet, pirate! Back from the dead after that faker landed on me!” She roared, teeth baring in her smile as she glared at her mechanical double on the Iris. “Now hand her over, and give me my ship back!”

Spyglass opened his mouth to respond, only for a powerful laugh to suddenly cut him off.

“And why would I, Equestria’s future ruler, ever consent to the demands of a buzzing gnat?” Eye grinned, still chuckling heartily.

Cerise frowned at the insult, eyes narrowing as she tilted her head to the side. “What did you call me?”

“You heard me! Honestly, it’s like you don’t even know the concept of respect! An admiral serves her Emperor, she doesn’t make demands of him. In fact, such an act should be punished!” Eye smiled, despite much of the crew on all three of Spyglass’ ships desperately wanting to punch him in the face so he didn’t make the situation worse. Their hate fueled his confidence.

Though, instead of the sudden barrage of cannon fire and screams of death everyone was expecting, Cerise merely laughed, shaking her head. “What? Future Emperor? You’re speaking to a mare who is far more qualified for the position!”

“Is that so? Perhaps you’d like to come over here and prove that?” Eye smiled as Cerise laughed again, her sword coming back around to her side.

“My day’s been going quite well, I suppose a little one on one would be a nice way to cap it off. I suggest everyone stays out of this, though, as my ship won’t be afraid to fire, even with me on your deck.” Cerise grinned as her horn shined brightly, and she vanished in a burst of light, reappearing in the center of of the Iris’ deck. Immediately, Spyglass and his crew turned to face her, rifles and pistols being raised against her.

Only for the crew to shuffle tighter behind cover as a hail of bullets ripped through the air, plinking off the railings and shooting over crates, the fifty gunners on the battleship swiftly reloading their weapons. Cerise simply sighed and held out her blade, turning to Eye Lash. “See? Just as I said, they won’t hesitate to fire.”

“That confident they won’t end up hitting you, hm?” Eye smiled back, waltzing over to the center of the deck himself. His magic kicked up, shoving away crates and detritus, clearing the battlefield for himself and his opponent. Eventually, the deck was clear, the crew quietly sorting the crates back into cover against the railing. Spyglass had since pushed himself into cover beside Periscope and Telescope, both of them armed as well, while Patch, Velvet, Vex and Jam had sorted themselves into cover near the bow. “My my, you day must be going nicely.”

“And once I kill you, take my ship back and destroy that imposter, my day will be so much better.” She grinned and brought her sword up, holding it towards Eye Lash.

“Is that so? A mighty Admiral like yourself must have so many interesting days... what makes this one so special?” Eye Lash smiled gently, checking over his hoof as his eyes remained focused on Cerise’s blade.

“Well, finally finding the fat mare who crippled me, for one.” Cerise frowned, a barrage of rifle fire suddenly ripping across Velvet’s cover, forcing the mech to duck down and lower her rifle. “It wouldn’t be a good idea to try and shoot me, clockpony. Don’t want to risk all your precious crewmates, do you?”

Velvet grit her teeth, rifle barrel still poking out of her the center of her hoof, and she looked over to Eye Lash. All he did was shrug and shake his head, gesturing for her to lower the weapon. “Worry not, my queen, this shan’t take long.”

“Queen? Oh, tell me you didn’t give that thing actual power on this ship!” Cerise grinned, raising her brow. “Seriously? A machine can only do what it’s told!”

“I disagree!” Eye smiled, waggling his brow. “Though, when given orders, she carries them out with stunning quality...” His smile widened as Cerise backed up a little, a troubled look falling over her before she shook her head and got back into a combat posture.

“Disgusting,” She hissed, narrowing her eyes as Eye grinned.

“Well, here’s something less disgusting then...”

Cerise’s eyes widened as she heard something click near her ear, immediately ducking down as the pistol went off, its bullet speeding through the space her head used to occupy. She backed up a few steps and brought her blade up. “What the?!”

“So close.” Eye sighed, shaking his head as he brought the pistol back over to his side, scratching his chin with his hoof lightly. “You know, if you stayed still, this would be far cleaner than it’s going to be.”

“Bastard!” She grit her teeth and lit her horn, letting off a powerful burst of light. Screams came from around the deck as the crew was blinded by the flash, Eye squinting his own eyes. He could just make out a silhouette moving through the blur, instincts kicking in as he moved. Cerise smirked as she brought her blade down, the edge striking through her opponent.

At least, it would have if she didn’t hit a piece of steel between her and Eye Lash. She blinked at the scattergun hovering in front of her, the side of the barrel having stopped her sword. “Admiral! Don’t you know it’s a bad idea to bring a sword to a gunfight?” Eye chuckled, stepping in under the guard and drawing back a hoof. “Allow me to demonstrate why!” He grunted and threw his hoof up, smashing it into Cerise’s chin.

She stumbled back from the uppercut and grunted, shifting her sword as Eye tried to turn the scattergun towards her. Steel grinded against steel, sparks flying over Eye’s head as he slipped in towards her with a grin, drawing a hoof back and throwing forward with another punch. Cerise just managed to duck under the blow, quickly twisting around with a kick off the deck, sweeping Eye’s legs out from under him with a low kick. Eye grunted, rolling through the air as he reached out with his magic, pulling out another pistol and swinging it at Cerise, narrowly missing her horn with the swing as she ducked and leapt away from him, bringing her sword back to bear.

One of Spyglass’ crew went for a gun, only for another array of rifle fire to pierce the air and shred a chunk of his cover, forcing him back down behind the crates. Eye groaned and rolled back onto his hooves, facing Cerise as he rolled his eyes. “Stop trying to interfere, minion, this is my fight. I’m just beginning to have some fun, as well.”

“Hmph! Too early to call this a game, pirate.” Cerise grit her teeth lightly as her horn shined brighter, another layer adding to the aura. “But if you want it to be a game... how about we turn up the difficulty?”

“I welcome the challenge, Admiral.” Eye grinned, crouching down slightly. “And after I beat you, I’ll get you introduced to my harem. Perhaps you just need a little relaxation, hm? Tense work and all.”

Cerise just frowned at that, a third layer being added to her horn as she stood back up. “Harem? Hmph, you disgust me with such thoughts. I have no need for such a group.” She took a step forward, sword levelling in front of her with Eye’s throat. “Instead, I’ve a far better idea in mind for them...”

With a step forward, she suddenly launched towards, bursts of compressed mana going off below her hooves to push her forward, quickly crossing the twenty foot gap between her and Eye. A quick jump to the side just narrowly saved his neck from being introduced to a puncturing blade, and he rolled with the jump, drawing another gun and firing both at Cerise. The bullets plinked off the deck, the shots coming just after she launched up into the air with another burst of magic below her hooves, the Admiral bounding off the mast over to the bridge’s railing. Eye grit his teeth and ran for the stairs, Cerise shifting her position so she stood up above him, raining down with sword blows.

Each one slammed into the barrel of a pistol or struck the wood of the steps as Eye blocked and dodged, making his way up to the bridge. Just before the top of the steps, he ducked a stab and jumped up to the railing, snagging it with his forehooves, yanking upward just as Cerise stabbed again.

A pistol rushed up to Eye’s defense, the metal barrel shattering as the sword struck through it, though it slowed down enough to miss Eye’s rump, simply cutting into his tail. “Blimey! What would you use them for, sharpening your sword’s horrendous edge?!”

“No. Digging your grave,” Cerise said simply, slipping around in front of Eye and catching the sword’s hilt in her hoof. She ducked down and stabbed forward with it in a roar, aiming straight for his chest.

Eye grit his teeth, jumping back as quickly as he could, watching the Admiral’s straight sword coming closer and closer to his chest, the tip aimed directly for his heart. “Damn it...!” His magic triggered, horn stressing with the sudden flood of mana shooting into it, and he shut his eyes.

The sword never found purchase. Eye opened his eye slightly, finding himself on the bridge of the ship, though in a slightly different position. In front of him, Cerise stood, horrified, with her sword literally an inch away from her chest, stuck in a near-opaque aura of red. Ponies all around winced from the sudden bright blast of light, covering their eyes and groaning in pain. He blinked in confusion at this, but he cast aside his own confusion to take advantage of the scenario. Another pistol was drawn to the field by his magic, and he took aim, Cerise looking up at him with wide-eyed fear as he smiled, and pulled the trigger.

Just for the bullet to stop in mid-air, stuck inside a red aura. Cerise smiled as she turned her sword back around, gently tossing the bullet to the side as Eye blinked at her, backing up. “Thought you could kill me with that?”

“That was impressive...” Eye looked down at his gun, furrowing his brow before looking back up to Cerise. “Can I have a redo? I didn’t have enough gunpowder in this.”

“Sorry, pirate... no mulligans on this course.” Cerise grinned as she brought her sword to bear. “I am Admiral Cerise ‘Lightning’ Velvet, of the Soaring Wings fleet! My magic’s the fastest in Equestria, stopping everything from blades to bullets!”

“The nickname is well-deserved,” Eye mumbled, frowning as Cerise started following his pace, pushing the stallion back towards the railing, sword at the ready. Though I wonder if it’s just for her magic, and not for something else... He managed a smile at that thought, chuckling a little.

“Something funny, pirate?”

“Eye Lash to you, madam Admiral. And nothing... just thinking of other reasons why you’d have the nickname ‘Lightning’.” Eye grinned, waggling his brow. “The offer’s still open for you to join me and have a little fun... no reason to spill any blood.”

“Plenty of reason to, after that mechanical monstrosity splattered mine all over my ship’s deck...” Cerise spat to the side, gritting her teeth. “A whole year of medical treatment, fusing broken bones, sewing up my skin, forcing my body to sacrifice years in regeneration...” She snarled, eyes starting to shine from the sheer amount of mana coursing through her. “And I was getting somewhere then, too!”

“Getting along to the point, perhaps?” Eye raised his brow, finding his rump bumping up against the railing.

“Yeah. You want the point? Here!” Cerise roared and suddenly thrusted forward with her sword, Eye gritting his teeth and jumping to the side, pulling another gun out with his magic and taking aim. Cerise followed him with her eyes, white fire starting to leak out as she suddenly vanished from sight with a blinding flash, Eye yelping from the blast. He stumbled, hind hoof missing the step and sending him careening back down towards the deck, grunting with each crash of his body against the steps.

“Gah! Ow! Damn! Shit! Curse word!” He finally hit the deck with a slam, rolling and groaning as he tried to get back to his hooves, only to have his back slammed down by Cerise’s hooves in an axehandle.

“Stay down, you worthless pile of puke!” She stomped down again on Eye’s head, pinning him down as she prepared her blade. Her eyes were pure white, leaking energy as her horn thrummed with power, the sword twitching as the grip on it became tighter and tighter. “After I kill you and get my ship back, I’m dumping that imposter into the nearest bonfire I find.”

“Nnngh... p-perhaps before that, though, this year you spent seeking revenge... sounds rather interesting!” Eye grunted out, looking back up at Cerise. “Perhaps you’d regale me with a tale, hm? A last wish, as your rifleponies have all of my crewmates pinned down... no way for you to lose here.”

“Of course there isn’t. The moment we found you, you were dead. So, very well... let it be known that Admiral Cerise Velvet is not unkind.” She smiled and kept her sword at the ready, clearing her throat. “It was one year ago when all this began, just after I’d pillaged another bountiful ship...”

As Cerise went onto her monologue, another array of rifle fire slammed into Velvet’s cover as she started to move, forcing her back down next to Jam. She watched on, eyes wide as her head clicked away, trying to formulate a plan. Her eyes darted back towards the rifleponies on the battleship, then back to Cerise, before she let out a quiet breath. “Unit-Jam, your assistance is required.”

“Huh? W-With what?” Jam looked back at Velvet, then right back to Cerise, heart thumping faster in a panic.

“This Unit requires your body.” Velvet said simply, gesturing with her armed hoof just as Jam opened his mouth, ready to question what she just said.

He looked down at the hoof, zipping his lip and quietly nodding before looking back to her. He then looked to the rifleponies, then back to Velvet. “Distraction...?”

“Distraction... rifleponies fire in three ranks, so each one has the ability to reload.” Velvet looked back to the lineup of soldiers on the battleship, seeing twenty of them reloading their rifles while the other thirty kept theirs at the ready. “Requires timing, however.”

“Right... specifics?” Jam whispered, leaning in towards her. He blocked out the chatter going on between Eye Lash and Cerise, nodding to Velvet as he listened to her.

“How this is going to work is you are going to fire a bolt at the line of enemy rifleponies to disrupt their numbers, and one of their ranks will fire, then...”

“...And that is the plan. Understood?” Velvet raised her brow at Jam, the stallion wearily staring at her. He looked back to Eye Lash and Cerise, seeing that they were still talking, then checking over the deck and his crewmates.

Everyone had a tired look on their faces, starting to get sore from hiding in cover for so long, as interest in the ‘Eye Lash is going to die’ point of the duel had started to fade about seven minutes ago. Still, Jam nodded to Velvet, taking in a breath. “Vex, get off my back.”

“What?” Vex looked back to Jam, snapped out of her trance of listening to Cerise’s tale with an incredibly confused look on her face. “Why?”

Jam sighed as he reached back and picked Vex up, putting the filly down on the deck. “We’re about to do something insane.” With that, he took in another breath and lit his horn, then looked towards the mast.

The metal plate repairs were still there, as Spyglass’ crew couldn’t replace the entire mast in Trottingham. The polished surface reflected the Tomcat’s deck perfectly, bringing a smile to his face. Alright, let’s see if my trick shots are any good...

He lowered his head and took aim, sticking out his tongue lightly. With a flash, a bolt flew from his horn and slammed into the plating on the mast, bouncing off there and soaring off through the sky. It flew over the Tomcat, ponies watching it fly before it slammed promptly into the railing of Cerise’s battleship.

Where it promptly exploded.

The detonation shook the air, snapping Cerise right out of her story as her rifleponies scattered from the detonation, the rest of the ranks disrupted as they tried to recover from the condensed long-fuse explosive bolt. She’d just started to shout out her orders as Velvet shifted from beside Jam, and took aim with her silenced rifle.

She narrowed her eyes and levelled her leg with Cerise’s head, only for Jam to grab her and pull her down, a section of railing from the battleship flying in and slamming through the cover of crates. She fired as quickly as she could, and with a quiet thoonk, the bullet flew out, zipping through the air and straight into Cerise’s shoulder.

“Gah! Fuck!” Cerise screamed, grabbing her shoulder and quickly spinning around to Velvet, roaring. “Kill them!”

“Crap!” Jam shouted, preparing a shield spell as he rushed out from cover. The rifleponies all forced themselves back to the railing, bringing their rifles to bare, as the door to the Iris’ meeting room flew open, and a beast rushed out with a bound.

“Have at ya, you loud twat!” Leila screamed, Cerise turning to the new appearance just in time to see the kangaroo rear up, and kick with all the brutal force of a drunk woken up too early from her nap. With a mighty crunch, the unicorn flew away, right off the edge of the Iris, slammed into the railing of the Tomcat, and with a terrified scream, fell down towards the clouds below.

Everyone fell silent, the rifleponies all in shock of what just happened, Spyglass’ crew speechless from the sudden appearance. Even Eye Lash couldn’t find the words for what just happened as he slowly got back to his hooves, looking over at Leila.

The kangaroo simply looked around, scratching the back of her head as she raised an eyebrow. “...What’s with all the daft looks then? I got woken up, figured it was some rowdy arse dancin’ out ‘ere, kicked ‘em off towards the other ship.”

Spyglass gulped, blinked a few times as he recovered from the shock, then quickly jumped to his hooves and raced across the deck in a hurry. “Eye Lash, wake up and get across to the battleship! Velvet, Jam, Patch, go! Now!”

Without a moment to lose, Patch jumped to action, grabbing Jam and racing off towards Eye Lash, Velvet close behind him. Spyglass rushed in and grabbed Vex, taking off towards the Complete Vexation, filly in tow. “Captain, if I may-”

“Miss Vex, we need your ship’s weapons operational now. That battleship is as dangerous as they come now, especially with the Admiral falling to her doom!” His wings flapped in a fury as he streaked over to the deck of the Vexation, Vex struggling in his grip as he slammed into the deck and sprinted for the bridge of the door. The roaring of the enemy ship’s engines picked up as his crew, and the enemy’s, started to gather their wits.

Time was running out.

He kicked open the command tower’s door and ran up the stairs, racing for the bridge in a huff.

“I’m capable of moving under my own volition, you know” Vex grunted, shoving against Spyglass’ chest.

“This isn’t the time!” Spyglass shouted back, not missing a step. “If I drop you, I might trample you!”

“Tch...” Vex clicked her tongue in annoyance, just long enough for Spyglass to finish the climb and slide over to the bridge’s door. He threw it open and raced inside, running up to the command chair, gently placing Vex on it.

Spyglass raced for the consoles at the front of the ship, looking over them for only a moment before gritting his teeth at the perplexing machinery. He turned and shouted back to the filly on the command seat, Vex already at work. “Vex, get this ship’s weapons working and break formation with the other ships. Move back and up above the Iris and Tomcat, then open fire.”

Vex froze. “What did you just order me to do?”

“Fire on the enemy. If we’re lucky, we can catch them by surprise and knock them out of the sky before their reprisal.” Spyglass’s voice was level, but his sharp breathing betrayed his urgency. “Miss Vex, you have your orders. If we do not sink them, there is no telling what their response will be now that their Admiral is gone, and two of our ships are outgunned. Our only chance is to strike first while they are incapacitated.” He gestured to the arcane controls of the Vexation. “I would do it myself, but I can’t make heads or tails of these.”

Vex closed her eyes, her body shuddering. Spyglass looked down at her. “...Miss Vex, you have your orders.”

“I do.” Vex opened her eyes once again, placing a hoof on the silver control panel. With a few expert flicks, the sound of gears filled the entirety of the Vexation’s bridge. It was as if somewhere in the belly of the ship, several hundred massive clockwork contraptions had all come to life at once. “And I refuse.”