Celestia's Bad Friends

        It was times like these, that Celestia asked herself “why do I drink”, because really, it doesn’t justify ANY of this! “Pony down! PONY DOWN!” A guard melodramatically screamed as he digitally began to dissolve out of the simulation.

        Sure, nopony died, but it didn’t change the fact that for the past SEVERAL days, Celestia and her little ponies had unwittingly subjected themselves to actually physically experiencing death. Repeatedly. All because she was sloshed and declared war on the leader of her bad friends.

        “I still need a drink….” Celestia grumbled as she sniped another Excalibur Specter before it could even attempt to damage her shields. She and Luna, along with occasionally Twilight (who came up to Canterlot TWICE just to ‘play’ in the Conclave). “At least this is somewhat cathartic on that damn nuisance.”

“RHINO PRIME!” Came a yell akin to what sounded like an amplified Royal Canterlot Voice… if said voice was meant to be heard from the reaches of space… three planets away…

        “Oh shit…” Valkyr said. “Rhino, you done fucked up.”

        “... Someone hide me. Please.” Rhino Prime said in the midst of his simulation with Luna, the only simulation that had been going on since the Conclave started almost 8 days ago. In his distraction, Luna got the upper hand on Rhino Prime and jammed her spear into Rhino Prime’s chest, ending the simulation. “HEY!”

        “HUZZAH! THE FUN HAS BEEN COMPLETED!” Luna declared, posing with her spear in the air, Trinity suddenly laying at her forelegs, draping over her left foreleg. “Come Trinity! We shall celebrate our victory with bedtime antics! Then shall we go again, fair Rhino Prime?”

        “Um, guys? The Simulation’s not working anymore.” Ex-Nyx said in slight panic from her station at a console near the wall. Someone had to direct the Specters after all, and she was the best suited considering the bulk of them were of her pre-genderbent frame.

        “RHINO PRIME! GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT HERE!” Came another yell. “ALL OF YOU OUT OF MY DOJO! NOW!”

        “IF YOU DON’T WANT TO DIE FOR REAL, RUN!” Valkyr screamed in panic as she bolted from the room at full speed, Rhino, the Loki Prime TWINS, and Ex-Nyx following her as fast as they could move. “WHY DID I HAVE TO CHANGE OUT OF MY NOVA PRIME FRAME TODAY?!”

        “What in Equestria is making THEM run that fast?” Celestia questioned, looking over at Rhino Prime, Luna, and the cowering Trinity.

        “It’s… It’s the warlord…” Rhino Prime said solemnly.

        “Warlord? But I thought you were the leader of the clan!” Celestia balked, thinking the whole Conclave was a farce now.

        “Vice-leader, co-leader, manager, or something. But no. The Warlord is the Founder, Funder, and has the sole right to accept or reject members to and from the clan. I’m just a fancy figurehead really.” Rhino Prime admitted, before a ridiculously gigantic bolt of lightning, REAL LIGHTNING~, launched him across the room like a helpless ragdoll.

        “Rhino Prime! You stand accused of glory-hounding, time-wasting, and neophyte hazing! How do you plead?!” A relatively average-statured and honestly, lithe, male warframe marched into the massive simulation chamber with a commanding aura, his black and golden motif making him seem like a living stormcloud. “Also, hey, Trinity, I got your message. Nice~.” The apparent Warlord gave her a thumbs up. “I’d tap dat.”

        “Boss! Not in front of my marefriend!” Trinity screeched indignantly, while Luna just smirked smugly and the rest of the ponies aside from Celestia all started filing out, figuring the commotion meant their fun and training was over.

        “V-volt Prime, sir!” Rhino Prime said, slowly pulling himself off the ground and saluting, jolting as a spark of electricity occasionally ran through him.

        “Don’t you sir me, you jackass! You started a war with a foreign power! WITHOUT TALKING TO ME FIRST!” Volt Prime yelled. “I had to interrupt my vacation on Earth’s HAWAII with your bullshit! Do you KNOW how hard it was to find such a great spot with the Grineer running around it everywhere?! The only reason it was abandoned was because the Grineer had already strip-mined the islands!”

        “I’m truly sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to-”

        “I DON’T CARE! YOU PULLED ME AWAY FROM SOME ACTUALLY CALM AND NOT BATTLE-CRAZED TENNO THAT MADE THAT PLACE THEIR HOME!” Volt Prime screamed at Rhino Prime. “THAT WAS THE ONLY TIME I WAS ABLE TO GET COMFORTABLE WITHOUT MY HELMET ON! YOU RUINED IT AND NOW I’M KICKING YOUR ASS!” Another bolt of lightning spouted from the ground, sending Rhino Prime ragdolling into the air, bouncing him off the ceiling and into the ground directly next to Celestia.

        “Volt Prime! This is not a way to treat your-”

        “SHUT IT MAGIC HORSE! You’re the one that made the declaration in the first place!” Volt Prime yelled. “If it weren’t for your shit, I’d still be back on Hawaii ogling some hot Embers who were wearing skimpy bikinis! You fucking bitch! Tenno rarely even get to relax THAT much! Seeing so much shiny, liquid-black skin exposed! You STOLE that treasure from me!”

        “Sir, it’s-”

        “FUCK YOU, RHINO PRIME!” Volt Prime yelled, causing yet ANOTHER bolt of lightning to send him flying into the ceiling and back down again. “You! Magical pony horse things. Get out of my Dojo. I’ve called off the Conclave for now. Just let me see what Rhino Prime has done to my Dojo. Also, I’ll be moving it into space. Because WE DON’T HAVE ATMOSPHERE CLEARANCE FROM LOTUS DAMN IT!” Volt Prime directed at Rhino Prime as he grabbed the groaning Tenno’s horn-like helmet appendage and began dragging him with disturbing ease. “She’s been on my ass about this for DAYS!”

        Trinity, Luna, and Celestia all watched the extremely loud and vulgar Warlord drag his Second out of the room, before looking to each other. “Uh...boss is a real nice guy, trust me. He just doesn’t… appreciate his free time being ruined.”

        “I can relate….” Celestia growled with a glare at Trinity.

---]=======/

        “I can’t believe what boss did to Rhino Prime.” Valkyr commented to Ex-Nyx.

        “I honestly feel Rhino Prime deserves worse. I mean, sure, we made Tia’s life rough, but Rhino Prime just had to push it.” Ex-Nyx nodded her head as she kicked her feet, both she and Valkyr were sitting on a random balcony of the castle, watching the Dojo start rising carefully into the sky, their wrecked Mantis aboard. “And now we don’t really have an excuse to be bugging her huh….?” Ex-Nyx asked sadly.

        “Nope.” Valkyr said. “Well, that was fun at least.”

        “NO! YOU CAN’T TAKE HER FROM ME!” Came the scream of the Lunar Princess.

        “She can’t stay! I’ve got nothing against her having a lover, but Lotus doesn’t want so many Tenno on this planet. Something about drawing too much attention.” Volt Prime explained in return as Valkyr and Ex-Nyx looked down at the commotion, seeing Luna and Trinity hugging each other possessively with Celestia worriedly looking on.

        “I’ll come with her, then!” Luna begged, getting Volt Prime to sigh and shake his head.

        “That’ll still draw a ton of attention to this planet. If a mystically powerful being like you got anywhere NEAR the Origin Systems, the Corpus and Grineer would find out fast.” Volt Prime said. “I’m sorry, but I don’t get a say in this, and neither do you.”

        “BUT BOSS!” Trinity whined. “Can’t I at least stay for a little longer?!”

        “I told you, I can’t let you stay any longer. Lotus is ordering us off planet until we can get all this shit organized, alright?” Volt Prime explained. “Maybe AFTER this shit is sorted out, you can come back.”

        “Hey now that’s not fair!” Ex-Nyx called out, landing suddenly between Volt Prime and Trinity. “It’s my fault all of this started! Just one or two Tenno won’t draw any attention, let her stay if she wants, just one Tenno won’t mean anything.” Ex-Nyx said, accidentally emphasizing her large chest, making Volt Prime back away slightly.

        “Not my call. If it was, I’d ban Rhino Prime off the planet, and that’d be that.” Volt Prime stated. “Unfortunately, it’s Lotus’ call. She doesn’t want this planet coming under fire from the Grineer, at least not until we can draw attention away enough or weaken them enough...also, who the hell are you? I’d think I’d remember having a Nyx in the clan. Especially one with such...unusual choice in chassis.”

        “I...didn’t have a choice sir. It’s me. Excalibur. I drank a potion that-.”

        “PFFT! What?! That’s freakin’ hilarious! Dude!” Volt Prime laughed. “What’s it like being a chick? Have fun with it yet? HAH!”

        “...”

        “You totally did, didn’t you?” Volt Prime asked with a smirk.

“Oh hell yes she did~!” Valkyr called out, jumping down and making Ex-Nyx squeak as Valkyr grabbed her large breast plates as she hugged herself into Ex-Nyx’s back, pressing her pelvis into Ex-Nyx’s large butt. “I didn’t give her a choice.”

“V-Valkitty hands off!” Ex-Nyx complained, but didn’t move to remove her as Vold-Prime kept laughing. “Sh-shut up….”

“THAT IS FRIGGIN HILARIOUS!” Volt Prime exclaimed. “Oh dear Lotus, so frickin funny. You three, I know we have to leave, but I’m sending you three back as soon as possible, got that?”

“Yes, sir.” Both Valkyr and Ex-Nyx responded.

“Hear that Luna? I’m going, but I’ll be back soon, maybe a month if Lotus clears it, she’s a very understanding woman.” Trinity placated her marefriend, hugging and nuzzling her helmet’s smooth parts with Luna’s cheek.

“Very well, please, do not leave me too long. I become quite lonely.” Luna pleaded, kissing Trinity’s cheek. “Hopefully by then...you could call me Artemis.”

“Come on guys. We gotta go now.” Volt Prime said solemnly. “Lotus is seriously breathing down my neck about this, and I’d rather not piss her off.”

“Beam us up Scotti!” Ex-Nyx called as the Tenno all began glowing various colors.

“Call me that again and I’ll beam you to a derelict.” Loki warned over transmission.

They were gone before Celestia got to say goodbye, her mouth open and her expression desperate. Suddenly...she felt a tear go down her face. ‘W-wha...I didn’t even….’

---]=======/

        Three months passed on silently. Celestia went back to her norm, and actually got sleep. Discord went back to bugging ponies. Luna… Luna became quite silent and reserved. The castle had gone back to its normal functions, it was as if the Tenno had never showed up in the first place… Well, other than Luna’s behavior and her always trying to get into Celestia’s closet.

        She even succeeded at one point. She had transformed herself into a stallion and had slipped into Celestia’s room while she was in the middle of Day Court. When he opened the closet door, however, he was met with just a normal closet. He couldn’t believe it at first, then surmised that either Volt Prime closed it off, or someone else had.

        However, it was not Luna who felt the absence the worst.

        “Princess? Princess Celestia?” Celestia blinked, having drifted off on her throne, unknowingly having gone into a thousand-yard stare off into the air.

        “Hm? What is it My Little Pony?” Celestia asked the concerned-looking mare that had clearly come to her court to petition for something.

        “You looked...sad.”

        “...Perhaps I am.” Celestia admitted, knowing there was nothing wrong with showing vulnerability, especially with other heads of state besides her. “Take my words to heart dear. Never take what you have for granted, even if what you lost is supposed to return.” Celestia then heard out the mare, helped her as she was bound by her own laws to, and then thankfully realized that her Court’s allotted time had run it’s course. “Gentlecolts, I wish to be alone for now.”

        “Yes ma’am.” The guards dutifully stated, watching their melancholy diarch slowly and practically drag her hooves out of the throne room. “Ever since those two trouble makers left….”

        “She’s lost her spirit.” The other guard finished sadly, also missing the antics the two brought to the castle.

        Celestia ended up in her room, where she often drifted to, feeling forlorn at the sight of everything being in place, nothing broken, or ruffled, or slashed to pieces in a stupidly hilarious accident involving swords and caterpillars.

        “Where did it all just… become this?” Celestia asked with tears in her eyes, wishing for her bad friends back, who had unknowingly or not, brought such a sense of adventure to her boring life.

        “Where did what become what, Sunbutt?” Came an eerily familiar voice from her bed.

        “EXCALIBUR!” Celestia gasped in excitement, seeing the rather large bump under her sheets. She pulled them aside with her magic, ecstatic that her Tenno friends might be back…

        Only to see Ex-Nyx lying on top of Valkyr in a rather provocative pose.

        “Sup, Nightlight.” Valkyr said casually.

        “...I would normally be angry...but I’m just too glad to see you.” Celestia admitted with a beaming smile. “Also still wearing your frames at least.” Celestia had the unusual and exotic experience of having seen two naked, genuinely naked Tenno in her bed before. It was more intriguing than anything, their bipedal bodies were oddly without much sharp form without the frames, but were still solid enough to interact with their surroundings on a much more ‘normal’ level, even if their amorphous bodies didn’t like to stay rigid in any sense..

        “That’s good, ‘cause I let them and this one come back.” Came the voice of Volt Prime from Celestia’s closet. He was holding Trinity by the back of her neck. “Go on now, Trin. You have a Princess to go make out with.” He let go of Trinity, who squealed in excitement as she ran off and out of the room. “Now, about all of us coming back…”

        “Wait… What?” Celestia asked. “B-but I thought only my friends were-.”

        “What? You thought only they would be allowed back? On this PARADISE of a planet?! Lotus is a very nice lady. This world is a garden world, untouched by war. You think she wouldn’t let all the peaceful Tenno come here rather than scrunch together on the Relays? Or in our big, cold, empty dojos?” Volt Prime asked. “My Tenno always like having a break. Hell, I’ve been thinking about trying to find this one douche that’s been after some of us and inviting him over to relax.”

        “Stalker has his reasons, but he seriously needs to chill the hell out.” Ex-Nyx commented as she got off of Valkyr and laid next to her in the bed. “Also, I couldn’t transfer frames at all, I’m literally stuck in this shape thanks to that potion, so ME coming back was at least a certainty, I just…”

        “You tried spreading the word. I killed it.” Volt Prime stated. “Speaking of that, I should tell you, I’ve set up solar rails around this planet for mass transit. We’ve got dominion right now, though I’m warning anyone who comes by that you’re still in charge, as well as the other world powers. Just thought I’d tell you first.”

        “W-wait, Valkyr has said something about Solar Rails, doesn’t that mean...?” Celestia asked apprehensively, both with worry and excitement.

        “You might get off-world imports? Yeah, it’s basically a glorified shipping lane.” Volt Prime explained. “In fact, I’ve got a guy who’s gonna come by later. He’s connected to this guy named Darvo. Just to let you know, this other guy? Doesn’t say much.”

        “Not to mention the Perrin Sequence, those guys are nice.” Valkyr commented. “They sell things like the Corpus, but they don’t bring violence with them everywhere, they’re cool.”

        “Good. Because as the Conclave has proven, My Little Ponies, and likely the other races, are defenseless right now as we are. As much as I hate to say it, I’d rather be ready if those monsters you keep mentioning show up here one day.” Celestia said sadly.

        “OH MY GOSH!” Trinity’s voice echoed through the castle. “YOU’RE SO HANDSOME!”

        “I KNOW!” Artemis, Luna’s new identity, replied in equal excitement, making everyone in the room chuckle.

        “Well, enough doom and gloom, can we have a FIESTA?!” Ex-Nyx asked excitedly, and suddenly, Pinkie Pie popped out of the Dojo wearing a sombrero.

        “TENGAMOS LA FIESTA!” At Pinkie’s declaration, everyone was suddenly in the great hall, a party of festival proportions in full swing already. Knowing better than to question it, everyone went with it.

        Celestia knew she was going to regret it, but she instantly began downing tequila shots in celebration. “Bless these Tenno! They drive me to drink!”