Why Humans Shouldn't be Allowed in Equestria

Luna produced a pair of scrolls. On each was a declaration of citizenship for the holders (Non-transferrable once used, of course). I accepted them with what I hope was reverence. No use screwing this up so soon.

Really I'd prefer it this way anyway. I'm not a fighter. Even before I found out there were plenty of things that could kill me the old-fasioned way I was never really going to try to take over by force. I'm not going to go around wearing a skull on my head, telling would-be defenders they suck or something.

“Hey! He attacked me! What about that?” Rainbow Dash took a defensive stance.

“You attacked first, it was obvious self-defense.”

Luna hardened her gaze at me. “Is this true?”

“Twilight can answer that, she saw it all.” I angled my head towards the local alicorn of the two. Twilight calmly explained the situation, though she still didn't seem to see a problem with attacking a changeling.

Luna considered her story, and came up with a decision. “In light of the evidence, I believe that Nohbodi involved himself for the purposes of defense. As no notable injuries occurred in this altercation, I will rule that it was done with good intentions. However, as no changeling is a legitimate citizen of Equestria, you are to cease further examples of such physical advocacy.” The other ponies nodded in assent, apparently happy enough with the result. Rainbow Dash was annoyed until the last part.

I try to hide the massive shit-eating grin directed at Applejack and Rainbow as I hand the second scroll to Aranea. I unrolled mine and nodded at her to do the same. Turning to Luna “Your majesty, according to these scrolls and your royal mandate, Aranea is now an official citizen of Equestria.”

Every jaw hit the floor, including Aranea and Luna. There was a reason I got two of them. Seeing this was just a massive bonus. Luna recovered first, and positively glowed with that stern, stoic rage that only a monarch can pull off. “Nohbodi, do you have any idea what you have just done?”

“Yes, I do. I know the history. Aranea was cut off from the hive. She's her own person. For what it's worth, call me her guardian. I'll watch her – and as a citizen, protect her.”

The lunar diarch looked like she was charging her horn, but relented at the end. “As citizens of Equestria, you now have that right. However, you will be watched. If anything untoward leads to this 'Aranea' or yourself, you will be held accountable. Understood?”

“Understood, princess.” I said with a bow. Maybe I pushed my luck here. But Aranea was two things no one else here was. One, she could look human. Two, she needed me. “Watch all you want, except at certain times.” As the thought dawned on the others, blushes, downcast heads, or variations of disgust took over. Aranea seemed unaware of the implications of it.

Of course, part of it was because I was a lot like Aranea in the past. Too trusting the point of foolish. Been conned – a lot. Don't know if it was out of wanting to protect an innocent, or out of some desire to take what's mine after putting up with all the shit I have. Either way, she was mine now. She was learning about Equestrian culture. We agreed I would teach her about human culture. And anatomy.

Luna left with her bearing intact, as was expected. Applejack and Rainbow left, a bit dejected. Twilight tossed some bits me way, with a bit too much force I think. She was pissed. “Get a room for the night. You'll need to get a job soon.”

“Of course. Too boring not doing anything anyway.” Maybe I shouldn't have said that, and made some obeisance instead for it. Who knows how hard it'll be to get a job, with the princess everyone knows being mad at me. Not like I haven't been homeless before. Sure, it sucks. But I can do it. Apparently, Aranea has been for some time.

We went to a small hotel, hoping 'smaller' meant cheaper. We had enough for a pair of days and a bit of grocery shopping between us. Well, for me. Aranea didn't need regular food, though it's still enjoyable she said. The price was the same for less than a week, so we took it one day at a time. Hopefully we'd have a plan before the next, to save us the cost. It was basic fare, a bed, a small room, little bathroom off the side. Beats the hell out of a dungeon hay-pile for sure. She hadn't had a proper bed in even longer. Though a bit hungry, it wasn't enough for us to drop off to sleep.

We didn't wake until it was late in the morning. It was agreed that we'd go to her place in the Everfree for our studies. We stopped by the library and picked up some basic books on Equestrian history, culture, and a couple on local affairs. The forest itself – even the edge of it – looked like it bordered some horror flick. Gnarled trees, damp air, that kind of thing. “You sure this is safe?”

“Yes.” she happily noted. “The hydra and other creatures dangerous to us only reside farther into the swamp.”

“Works for me.” I leaned in and kissed her. Changelings apparently usually only know the direct rout, being mostly female. They can draw minor sustenance from this sort of thing, but only bothered on high-profile jobs. Her eyes widened at the sensation, and then closed. It was a sweet moment. I cared for her – I really did. Changelings can tell, you know. Fake love is like diet drink. It kind of has the flavor, but doesn't really do it. I may be taking advantage of the situation. I may be an asshole in a world where he can do almost anything he wants. But I was still human, and humans need some things sometimes. Unlike my world, this couldn't be a con – not for one that magic doesn't work on anyway. I was going to stake my claim here, and here was the first example.

“Do you want to learn about human anatomy now?” I asked.

“Yes, I do.”

“Then take off the dress.” She did and hung it over a tree branch nearby. Still physically blank in spots.

“I'm going to teach you all about it. Starting with a few parts you don't have yet, and what they do.”